thekarmacist Posted June 11, 2015 Posted June 11, 2015 and i'm that person. you can love someone wholeheartedly and still have to walk away. he's depressed, won't take meds, won't see a therapist. he takes his anger out on me. it's always my fault. he's impossible. he's never wrong. he is verbally abusive at times. he gaslights. i love him, but i can't live with that, seven years or none. it's funny; despite walking away after his latest cruel bs fest, i feel like i've been left (i'm sure others here can relate). i don't struggle with any desire to contact him. i do struggle with his silence, which is his refusal to admit he needs help, to admit he needs to make some changes. 31 days is an awfully long time for two people who have been in each other's lives for so long, but that's the way it goes. that's the way it's going. that's why it's gone. the heartache's hangover is one of a vague disgust at wasted time and misplaced love. 3
DexterLS Posted June 11, 2015 Posted June 11, 2015 It's out of your hands. If he is not willing to seek help, there's nothing you can do. You did the right thing by breaking up. The amount of time you spent together means nothing at this point. Stick with NC to start healing yourself. All the best!
joseb Posted June 11, 2015 Posted June 11, 2015 You did the right thing by the sounds of it. It's hard though, even knowing that. Stick with NC, it's the best thing for him and you.
Ariess10 Posted June 11, 2015 Posted June 11, 2015 I'm in the same boat, I had to walk away hardest thing I ever had to do.. But I did it and I'm proud even knowing I'd feel like this 1
spiritofjosh Posted June 11, 2015 Posted June 11, 2015 I agree you made the right decision. If he won't get help then he needs to learn the hard way that he can't use someone else as a mental crutch and take you down with him. Maybe one day if he decides to get help something could work but until then you should be taking care of you as he should be really trying to take care of himself.
aloneinaz Posted June 11, 2015 Posted June 11, 2015 It was clearly the correct decision. I'm surprised you lasted that long in that kind of relationship. I think we all have ended relationships for various reasons. I honestly don't think we miss the person afterwards or weeks/months later. If we haven't met anyone new yet, then we simply miss the companionship that the relationship brought. Every relationship I've ended, I never looked back nor had any thoughts of reconciliation. I think we know it's the correct decision.
erklat Posted June 11, 2015 Posted June 11, 2015 This is special situation. Most people here were blindsided. I walked away couple of times too. But it was because I was an asspole. So are most dumpers. Some situations are justified but mainly it's plain ol' gigs.
Zapbasket Posted June 11, 2015 Posted June 11, 2015 and i'm that person. you can love someone wholeheartedly and still have to walk away. he's depressed, won't take meds, won't see a therapist. he takes his anger out on me. it's always my fault. he's impossible. he's never wrong. he is verbally abusive at times. he gaslights. i love him, but i can't live with that, seven years or none. it's funny; despite walking away after his latest cruel bs fest, i feel like i've been left (i'm sure others here can relate). i don't struggle with any desire to contact him. i do struggle with his silence, which is his refusal to admit he needs help, to admit he needs to make some changes. 31 days is an awfully long time for two people who have been in each other's lives for so long, but that's the way it goes. that's the way it's going. that's why it's gone. the heartache's hangover is one of a vague disgust at wasted time and misplaced love. I can relate to every bit of this post. Except: I didn't have the courage to walk when I knew I should. I loved him and I couldn't bring myself to walk away, but if I had, it would have been much better for me in the long run, and probably better for him, too. Because I got stuck in a dynamic of trying to help him, and he only resented me for it. It has been a terribly painful lesson in walking when someone doesn't hold up their end of the relationship, because none of us can or should do the work for two. I admire very much that you had the courage to leave--that's no small feat. Sorry you're hurting. I also relate to that feeling of "heartache's hangover," the sense of time wasted and me failing adequately to advocate for myself and what I want out of life. A year and a half later, that's been the hardest part for me to overcome. I feel like I really let myself down. The only way I can see to getting "better" is to keep doing the work to become "better"--meaning, learning how to recognize sooner when I should walk from a situation. I did neither myself nor him any favors by staying, and that's a sad fact to face. You'd like to think that in your so-called "selflessness," at least you benefited another person meaningfully. In my situation, I suspect my ex only remembers me as someone who constantly wanted from him what he could not, would not give.
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