My girlfriend dumps me for her ex.. need moving on

[nzguy1982]

Hi all,

 

I have been with my girlfriend for 2 years. When we are together we are really good and have heaps of fun,laughs and just really get along like no other girl i have been with, even though we have at 13 year age difference. However, we have had our share of fights and arguments. Mainly it has been about her ex, as while we were together he was always calling and messaging her to get her back throughout the 2 years we have been together. I never knew if she was starting the contact or not as she would always deny it.

She told me he cheated on her numerous times and treated her badly not letting her do the things she wants to do. I treated her very well, looking after her doing things for her any time she asked. She lived an hour away and has no car so i would always pick her up and drop her home all the time. I always showered her with love. I wouldn't say I was perfect and know I did things that annoyed her.

Anyway about a month ago she ended things between us without giving a real reason why. I was confused and heart broken. But within that month we had been talking like we were broken up and seeing each other once a week mainly on weekends and sleeping together like we would do if we were together.

Anyway about 2 weekends ago she went to go see her ex who works in another town. When she go back she didn't want to speak to me or see me and changed her number. However, last weekend i managed to convince her to hangout and we did the whole weekend and everything was good like on sunday i was meant to drop her home in the morning but she asked me to watch her play sport then asked to go to the pools and dinner after that and asked to stay at mine again that night and we slept together.she asked and wanted to do all of that. it wasn't me suggesting it.

So a couple days later on Tuesday she tells me she isn't going to speak to me for a few days and needed space. Then i see the next day shes posting pictures of her and her ex from the weekend she spent with him. When i called her and asked what that was about she got angry and hung up on me and i haven't spoken to her since.

I'm a bit of a mess now. like i can't stop looking at her page and finding out what shes doing. I don't know how to cope because i have a lot of love for this girl even though she has treated me like **** a lot of the time. i don't know what to do with myself.. i don't really have friends i can talk to about this and hang with becasue they are all married with kids and families of their own. I don't talk to my family at all about relationships because we have never been like that. All I have done this past week is go to work and go home and sleep because i can't function and think about her all the time. There isn't a minute that goes by where i'm not thinking about her.

 

Everyone is telling me to forget about her but its hard.. how can i let someone go who i know treats me badly but I just cant do it. How do i get through this??

Edited June 11, 2015 by nzguy1982

[aloneinaz]

Wow.. she's a real beauty.. Holy cow. Why would you agree to let her go see her ex if you two were in a committed relationship? Just curious about that.

 

 

It sounds like the classic case of the gal missing the guy that treated her like ****. It's amazing, the psychology behind people missing others that cheated on them, took them for granted and $hit on them all the time like you're doing, missing her. They view them as a challenge and want to get them under their power/control. A nice guy who lavishes them w/love, bends over backwards and is at her beck and call, bores her.

 

 

What do you need to do to move forward? Spend a lot of time here. Read many threads. Read the NC rules.

 

 

What you should do right now? BLOCK her on all social media. You don't need to see that as it will only hurt you and prevent healing. You need to vanish from this lovely girls life. Have no contact with her.

 

 

The other thing you MUST do.. DON'T contact her again. It will make you look needy, desperate, and pathetic.. Keep your self pride and ignore her and move on. She clearly wasn't in love w/you or she wouldn't be going back to her ex. As soon as you accept it's over, the sooner you'll start to heal and move on.

[nzguy1982]

Wow.. she's a real beauty.. Holy cow. Why would you agree to let her go see her ex if you two were in a committed relationship? Just curious about that.

 

 

It sounds like the classic case of the gal missing the guy that treated her like ****. It's amazing, the psychology behind people missing others that cheated on them, took them for granted and $hit on them all the time like you're doing, missing her. They view them as a challenge and want to get them under their power/control. A nice guy who lavishes them w/love, bends over backwards and is at her beck and call, bores her.

 

 

What do you need to do to move forward? Spend a lot of time here. Read many threads. Read the NC rules.

 

 

What you should do right now? BLOCK her on all social media. You don't need to see that as it will only hurt you and prevent healing. You need to vanish from this lovely girls life. Have no contact with her.

 

 

The other thing you MUST do.. DON'T contact her again. It will make you look needy, desperate, and pathetic.. Keep your self pride and ignore her and move on. She clearly wasn't in love w/you or she wouldn't be going back to her ex. As soon as you accept it's over, the sooner you'll start to heal and move on.

 

I didn't let her go and didn't know she was seeing him until she was down there and told me. Plus she had broken up with me a month before but we were still talking an stuff but were together together if you know what I mean.

 

I'm trying this NC thing its been a couple days and not going all that well. I did try and contact her and I do feel like you say needy and desperate. As soon as I did it I regretted it but the damage was done. But i won't be doing that again.

[aloneinaz]

 

I'm trying this NC thing its been a couple days and not going all that well. I did try and contact her and I do feel like you say needy and desperate. As soon as I did it I regretted it but the damage was done. But i won't be doing that again.

 

Trust me, I've been where you are and I know how much it hurts and sucks. Trust me and others here when we say you need to separate yourself from this ex. What would you tell a pal of yours who's GF did to him what this ex did to you?

 

 

When the shock subsides, you will recognize that you're much better off w/out this person in your life. It will just take time and absolute NC from your part.

 

 

Again, spend some time on the site and read the NC rules. When my ex ended us, I went STRICT NC and absolutely vanished from her life. She didn't hear anything from me and was blocked on everything. It was instrumental in helping me recover and move onto a much better GF that I'm with today.

[nzguy1982]

Trust me, I've been where you are and I know how much it hurts and sucks. Trust me and others here when we say you need to separate yourself from this ex. What would you tell a pal of yours who's GF did to him what this ex did to you?

 

 

When the shock subsides, you will recognize that you're much better off w/out this person in your life. It will just take time and absolute NC from your part.

 

 

Again, spend some time on the site and read the NC rules. When my ex ended us, I went STRICT NC and absolutely vanished from her life. She didn't hear anything from me and was blocked on everything. It was instrumental in helping me recover and move onto a much better GF that I'm with today.

 

Thank you. I am really going to try hard with this NC and see if I can last a week. its weekends where i am weak and contact her to hang but I know I should be doing that. I just want to fast forward time.

[ravfour4]

If a gf is texting her ex all the time, it's not good, obviously, unless somehow they truly managed to be platonic friends, which is only likely if he also moved on. I think looking back you probably could have predicted this. You'll find a better girlfriend next who is 100% over her ex and ready to give you her all.

 

I wonder if my ex's new guy is hating that I'm still texting her occasionally? Probably lol.

[nzguy1982]

Thanks. Yeah I guess you are right. Though at the beginning of the relationship I believed it was all him trying to win her back and she showed me the messages but as our relationship progressed he was still around.

 

So how come your still messaging your ex? is that working? like is she replying?

 

I'm on this NC and its been two days. But I've cheated and checked out her instagram which is public. I don't know why I do it to myself, but when I think of her I get the urge to see her or look her up. I don't know how to stop this cycle

[ZiggyZoo]

She definitely had some issues with setting and maintaining boundaries, if she kept in contact with her ex, knowing he wanted to get back together. That is also extremely disrespectful to you and your relationship. Big red flag there. It sounds like she kept him around as her Plan B, and like an idiot, he fell for it.

 

If you don't want to end up the same way, texting and calling someone who's in a relationship with someone else, you have to start NC ASAP. How do you maintain it? There's no secret weapon or trick, you just suck it up and use all the discipline you can. This means no looking at social media, either, and blocking your number so she can't call or text. Because she's already proven that she's willing and able to keep you dangling, just like with him. You deserve better than that.

 

ETA: Check out ravfour4's posts, to see what could be in store for you if you maintain contact. It's not pretty, and it's not fun. His ex is back and forth all over the place with him (no offense ravfour4, you know I love ya, but this guy could learn a lot from your situation)

Edited June 12, 2015 by ZiggyZoo

[nzguy1982]

Thanks you ZiggyZoo.

 

That was good advise and what I'm on here for.

 

I will try hard to do as you say.

 

I will also look into ravfour4's post

[ravfour4]

haha Ziggy, no problem, I was going to say the same thing.

 

I've read some stories where the ex-bf moves on, meets other women, redefines himself, but still talks to the ex-gf because none of the other girls match up. If/when that happens, if the ex-gf continually replies, it seems like they either maintain an awesome platonic relationship (rare) or they end up getting back together. You don't keep talking to your ex if you're in a super happy relationship. I forgot ALL about my ex-ex when I met my ex because she gave me everything my ex-ex gave me and much much more. And while my situation clearly didn't end well, my ex that kept talking me to "attempted" to come back as well.

Edited June 12, 2015 by ravfour4