Overthinking? 2nd Date Jitters?

[star801]

Met up with a girl from online for a coffee date (her suggestion) this past weekend. Chatted and connected over coffee for an hour, then she suggested we go on a walk. Ended up walking through San Fran for another 2 hours. Throughout our walk, we talked, held hands, checked out some public art exhibits/stores, and joked around.

 

At the end of the date, she suggested that we meet up again, so I said sure, perhaps this week, and she said yes - perhaps over drinks after work. We then hugged and made out on the side of a crowded street before she had to go visit her dad (see below).

 

I reached out to her the following day saying yesterday was fun, and she agreed and followed up with how my bday was 10 days away. On the back of that, I then asked her how Thursday night after work was for her, and she said that this week was crazy and that maybe we should do it next week. We exchanged a few texts after that, but then the conversation died (last contact was on Tuesday).

 

I'm a bit confused at this point since I'm skeptical of girls actually going through with another date unless 1.) It's a definite yes or 2.) They suggest a day/days when they reschedule. In this case, all of the signs seemed very positive up until Tuesday, which makes everything seem nebulous and that I'm afraid I'm getting the fade. Granted, she's under a lot of stress these days since she shared with me (b/c midway through coffee she said "she thought I seemed like a good and understanding guy") that her dad was recovering from a severe illness (mom's out of the picture), and that she has to take care of one of her grandparents at home.

 

I wanted to get an outside perspective on if she's still interested or if somehow things have changed/I'm messing this up. Leading up to the date we would exchange small paragraph-sized messages, but after the date things have seemed to fade (textually).

 

Am I overthinking things? She does have a lot on her plate right now. I'm just torn because while she is my type, there's enough about her personality that I find refreshing for a change. It seemed that we connected on so many different levels and had an assortment of uncanny random similarities that I owe it to myself to see if this is worth pursuing, but I don't want to be burned b/c I'm missing some angle/element. Not sure if this adds anything, but usually my judgment on other dates is a bit clouded from drinks/endorphin (rock climbing kind of dates), but this was a relatively "tame" date, and it left me a bit more balanced when I reflected upon the entire date - ended up feeling a stronger connection than the other dates.

 

Am I overthinking things? Should I try again next week? How much time should I give before reconnecting (I feel like usually the momentum carries itself through). Thoughts?

[doeblin]

Three-strikes rule with flakes: flake once: yeah, could be reasonable... flake twice: hmm is it reasonable? whatever, maybe ... flake #3: ON TO THE NEXT ONE

 

You are overthinking it.

Nonchalance is key.

 

Be cool.

[Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646]

Lol if they flake twice im done. Three strikes is if you're desperate.

[aloneinaz]

Agree with playing it cool. You reached out to her last. Wait for her to check in with you next. If she doesn't then there ya go. I wouldn't text her again, personally, especially after not suggesting another time for the 2nd date. If she does text or call, play it cool and simply text for a bit. If she doesn't bring up rescheduling that 2nd date, then pin her down and ask one final time. If she doesn't commit.. She goes into the file 13 bin.

 

 

Any other gals on the line? Try to have 2-3 potentials you are trying out as well. I found that helped me to not over think situations like this cause lord knows I did when I only had one girl on the hook.

[doeblin]

Lol if they flake twice im done. Three strikes is if you're desperate.

 

I was presuming he was really into this one. He even bothered to create a topic! And of course, supposing that the explanation for the second flake sounds plausible.

 

Obviously, if you have 2-3 other ladies you have chemistry with to date this worrying doesn't even happen. So multidating is a better strategy in general.

[Redhead14]

Met up with a girl from online for a coffee date (her suggestion) this past weekend. Chatted and connected over coffee for an hour, then she suggested we go on a walk. Ended up walking through San Fran for another 2 hours. Throughout our walk, we talked, held hands, checked out some public art exhibits/stores, and joked around.

 

At the end of the date, she suggested that we meet up again, so I said sure, perhaps this week, and she said yes - perhaps over drinks after work. We then hugged and made out on the side of a crowded street before she had to go visit her dad (see below).

 

I reached out to her the following day saying yesterday was fun, and she agreed and followed up with how my bday was 10 days away. On the back of that, I then asked her how Thursday night after work was for her, and she said that this week was crazy and that maybe we should do it next week. We exchanged a few texts after that, but then the conversation died (last contact was on Tuesday).

 

I'm a bit confused at this point since I'm skeptical of girls actually going through with another date unless 1.) It's a definite yes or 2.) They suggest a day/days when they reschedule. In this case, all of the signs seemed very positive up until Tuesday, which makes everything seem nebulous and that I'm afraid I'm getting the fade. Granted, she's under a lot of stress these days since she shared with me (b/c midway through coffee she said "she thought I seemed like a good and understanding guy") that her dad was recovering from a severe illness (mom's out of the picture), and that she has to take care of one of her grandparents at home.

 

I wanted to get an outside perspective on if she's still interested or if somehow things have changed/I'm messing this up. Leading up to the date we would exchange small paragraph-sized messages, but after the date things have seemed to fade (textually).

 

Am I overthinking things? She does have a lot on her plate right now. I'm just torn because while she is my type, there's enough about her personality that I find refreshing for a change. It seemed that we connected on so many different levels and had an assortment of uncanny random similarities that I owe it to myself to see if this is worth pursuing, but I don't want to be burned b/c I'm missing some angle/element. Not sure if this adds anything, but usually my judgment on other dates is a bit clouded from drinks/endorphin (rock climbing kind of dates), but this was a relatively "tame" date, and it left me a bit more balanced when I reflected upon the entire date - ended up feeling a stronger connection than the other dates.

 

Am I overthinking things? Should I try again next week? How much time should I give before reconnecting (I feel like usually the momentum carries itself through). Thoughts?

 

You've only had one date . . . you don't know anything about her yet, even in terms of what her texting style is or whether she likes to text or anything. She's basically initiated two dates and shown interest in you in more significant ways. Don't put the emphasis on such a little thing. And since she's done most of the initiating, it would be wise for you to do some as well.

 

Call her in a couple of days, find out how things are going for her with the stressful things she's dealing with and nail down specifics for the week she's suggested and go from there.

[mandymor]

Met up with a girl from online for a coffee date (her suggestion) this past weekend. Chatted and connected over coffee for an hour, then she suggested we go on a walk. Ended up walking through San Fran for another 2 hours. Throughout our walk, we talked, held hands, checked out some public art exhibits/stores, and joked around.

 

At the end of the date, she suggested that we meet up again, so I said sure, perhaps this week, and she said yes - perhaps over drinks after work. We then hugged and made out on the side of a crowded street before she had to go visit her dad (see below).

 

I reached out to her the following day saying yesterday was fun, and she agreed and followed up with how my bday was 10 days away. On the back of that, I then asked her how Thursday night after work was for her, and she said that this week was crazy and that maybe we should do it next week. We exchanged a few texts after that, but then the conversation died (last contact was on Tuesday).

 

Granted, she's under a lot of stress these days since she shared with me (b/c midway through coffee she said "she thought I seemed like a good and understanding guy") that her dad was recovering from a severe illness (mom's out of the picture), and that she has to take care of one of her grandparents at home.

 

 

 

It's sounds like this girl is really into you, especially since you've only had one date. I wouldn't worry about the whole texting thing, people take that too much to heart. She sounds like she is preoccupied (understandably) with what's going on with her dad and also having to take care of her grandparents. And if she has a job she's very busy. You can always shoot her another text on how you're looking forward to next week. If she responds, then move forward and call her next week to set it up.

[Redhead14]

Met up with a girl from online for a coffee date (her suggestion) this past weekend. Chatted and connected over coffee for an hour, then she suggested we go on a walk. Ended up walking through San Fran for another 2 hours. Throughout our walk, we talked, held hands, checked out some public art exhibits/stores, and joked around.

 

At the end of the date, she suggested that we meet up again, so I said sure, perhaps this week, and she said yes - perhaps over drinks after work. We then hugged and made out on the side of a crowded street before she had to go visit her dad (see below).

 

I reached out to her the following day saying yesterday was fun, and she agreed and followed up with how my bday was 10 days away. On the back of that, I then asked her how Thursday night after work was for her, and she said that this week was crazy and that maybe we should do it next week. We exchanged a few texts after that, but then the conversation died (last contact was on Tuesday).

 

I'm a bit confused at this point since I'm skeptical of girls actually going through with another date unless 1.) It's a definite yes or 2.) They suggest a day/days when they reschedule. In this case, all of the signs seemed very positive up until Tuesday, which makes everything seem nebulous and that I'm afraid I'm getting the fade. Granted, she's under a lot of stress these days since she shared with me (b/c midway through coffee she said "she thought I seemed like a good and understanding guy") that her dad was recovering from a severe illness (mom's out of the picture), and that she has to take care of one of her grandparents at home.

 

I wanted to get an outside perspective on if she's still interested or if somehow things have changed/I'm messing this up. Leading up to the date we would exchange small paragraph-sized messages, but after the date things have seemed to fade (textually).

 

Am I overthinking things? She does have a lot on her plate right now. I'm just torn because while she is my type, there's enough about her personality that I find refreshing for a change. It seemed that we connected on so many different levels and had an assortment of uncanny random similarities that I owe it to myself to see if this is worth pursuing, but I don't want to be burned b/c I'm missing some angle/element. Not sure if this adds anything, but usually my judgment on other dates is a bit clouded from drinks/endorphin (rock climbing kind of dates), but this was a relatively "tame" date, and it left me a bit more balanced when I reflected upon the entire date - ended up feeling a stronger connection than the other dates.

 

Am I overthinking things? Should I try again next week? How much time should I give before reconnecting (I feel like usually the momentum carries itself through). Thoughts?

 

How much time should I give before reconnecting -- You don't want to wait to long. You don't want to RECONNECT, you want to keep the connection active. If you allow too much time between dates too, the next one will feel like a first date again and some of the awkwardness is there again, although with this one, it doesn't sound like there was much awkwardness though

[Gary S]

 

I'm a bit confused at this point since I'm skeptical of girls actually going through with another date unless 1.) It's a definite yes or 2.) They suggest a day/days when they reschedule. In this case, all of the signs seemed very positive up until Tuesday, which makes everything seem nebulous and that I'm afraid I'm getting the fade.

 

 

- Perhaps you should be the one giving advice here, you are exactly right.

 

If you call for a date and don't have one when you hang up, she's not that interested. Time to move on - there are plenty of fish in the sea.

[star801]

Just got back into the dating scene a month ago.

 

Took some time off for the GRE (life was a dark black hole for awhile, but got the score I want!).

 

Gone on a few dates, still seeing 1 of them casually (let's call her "B") and obviously pursuing others as they come up. Chemistry hasn't been as strong as the initial post girl ("A"), but hey things develop overtime so that's why I'm still figuring things out with girl B.

[katiegrl]

 

I reached out to her the following day saying yesterday was fun, and she agreed and followed up with how my bday was 10 days away. On the back of that, I then asked her how Thursday night after work was for her, and she said that this week was crazy and that maybe we should do it next week. We exchanged a few texts after that, but then the conversation died (last contact was on Tuesday).

 

 

 

Maybe you should do it next week, followed by no suggestion for a day she is available, followed by she is not responding to your texts = she's not interested.

 

 

Sorry.

 

 

ETA: Had she said, how about next week? Or even, "maybe next week"? (with a question mark at the end)....that would have been YOUR cue to suggest another day next week and see if she is available.

 

 

But she didn't do that...she gave a definitive "maybe next week," which sounds like a blow off.

 

 

So, imo I don't think she is interested. But wait for her to call... I could be wrong.

Edited June 12, 2015 by katiegrl

[star801]

Her exact wording was: "I'm terribly sorry, I can't this week!!! Totally crazy. Maybe sometime next week?"

 

I've got a bunch of work calls with people abroad that are still being scheduled, so I told her that I'll have an idea of my availability for next week later this week (so tomorrow). We then talked about something else before the conversation fizzled.

[katiegrl]

Her exact wording was: "I'm terribly sorry, I can't this week!!! Totally crazy. Maybe sometime next week?"

 

I've got a bunch of work calls with people abroad that are still being scheduled, so I told her that I'll have an idea of my availability for next week later this week (so tomorrow). We then talked about something else before the conversation fizzled.

 

 

Okay that sounds much better!!

 

 

Tomorrow, when you know your schedule, pick a day, shoot her a text and ask if she can make it then... and if so, schedule it!

 

 

Sounds good...

[star801]

Haha... a question mark changes the meaning that much?

[katiegrl]

Haha... a question mark changes the meaning that much?

 

Haha....yeah it kinda does. A question mark at the end is essentially asking YOU if next week is good for YOU....which suggests she wants to see you again.

 

 

Without the question mark, like you ask a girl out and she says "yeah sure maybe next week," with no question mark....well, it just sounds like she's blowing you off.

 

 

I mean...imagine it both ways and you'll see what I mean.

Edited June 12, 2015 by katiegrl

[star801]

I "got" it the second I hit post! Doh!

[Methodical]

You are probably overthinking it. She was the one who suggested a second date, and if she is truly busy this week, she may not have time to sit around and exchange chit-chatty texts, especially after only one date.