Sam23 Posted June 11, 2015 Share Posted June 11, 2015 I've been working with this guy for a couple months now, and I've suspected for some time now that he may have a crush on me. It started with us catching each other staring from a distance to us occasionally chatting on the company IM. All the while, we were avoiding each other in person like two teenagers. After months of this, he finally approached me and we had instant chemistry. Immediately, our interactions in the halls went from shy and awkward to fun and flirty. He was still not asking me out, so I decided to take some initiative. I didn't ask him out, but in conversation he told me about his GF. I was obviously disappointed because there's definitely interest from my end and I respect their relationship. However, what's the deal with the past couple months from his end? Does he like me, but can't act on it because he's not single? Am I an ego stroke? Did I somehow misread everything? Link to post Share on other sites
La.Primavera Posted June 11, 2015 Share Posted June 11, 2015 He didn't intend on taking it further which is why he let you know he has a girlfriend. Lots of people enjoy attention from the opposite sex, even when they are in a relationship. I think you got the wrong idea but at least you found out the truth sooner rather than later. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sam23 Posted June 11, 2015 Author Share Posted June 11, 2015 He didn't intend on taking it further which is why he let you know he has a girlfriend. Lots of people enjoy attention from the opposite sex, even when they are in a relationship. I think you got the wrong idea but at least you found out the truth sooner rather than later. Yea, I know that he let me know he had a GF to tell me he doesn't want to take it further. I'm a little embarrassed. I was sure he was into me. I guess not. :/ Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted June 11, 2015 Share Posted June 11, 2015 Chances are he was/is indeed into you if that's what you were picking up. Attraction by nature (imo) isn't limited to a single person at a time. The limiting factor is usually our social conventions that prohibit dallying with more than one person. My guess is he's conflicted, but not conflicted enough to betray his GF. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
HansonGirl Posted June 12, 2015 Share Posted June 12, 2015 I've been working with this guy for a couple months now, and I've suspected for some time now that he may have a crush on me. It started with us catching each other staring from a distance to us occasionally chatting on the company IM. All the while, we were avoiding each other in person like two teenagers. After months of this, he finally approached me and we had instant chemistry. Immediately, our interactions in the halls went from shy and awkward to fun and flirty. He was still not asking me out, so I decided to take some initiative. I didn't ask him out, but in conversation he told me about his GF. I was obviously disappointed because there's definitely interest from my end and I respect their relationship. However, what's the deal with the past couple months from his end? Does he like me, but can't act on it because he's not single? Am I an ego stroke? Did I somehow misread everything? I agree with "Jen" - he's attracted but he's unavailable so it's irrelevant. Link to post Share on other sites
Methodical Posted June 12, 2015 Share Posted June 12, 2015 Agreed. He's attracted but moral compass trumps. Link to post Share on other sites
loverboy69 Posted June 12, 2015 Share Posted June 12, 2015 I've been working with this guy for a couple months now, and I've suspected for some time now that he may have a crush on me. It started with us catching each other staring from a distance to us occasionally chatting on the company IM. All the while, we were avoiding each other in person like two teenagers. After months of this, he finally approached me and we had instant chemistry. Immediately, our interactions in the halls went from shy and awkward to fun and flirty. He was still not asking me out, so I decided to take some initiative. I didn't ask him out, but in conversation he told me about his GF. I was obviously disappointed because there's definitely interest from my end and I respect their relationship. However, what's the deal with the past couple months from his end? Does he like me, but can't act on it because he's not single? Am I an ego stroke? Did I somehow misread everything? Some people think that being hot & cold is game playing. I don't. I think it's a normal human reaction to feelings of internal conflict. He likes you but knows he's already committed. With attraction comes insecurity and uncertainty. When either of those two traits rear their heads it causes one or both parties to play the ignoring game. I know I've been there too. He's likely been down this road before with others and knows when the line is about to be crossed. He drops the GF bomb just in time to diffuse the situation. He's not avoiding you as much as he's avoiding the awkwardness he feels around you. I have respect for men who know their limits. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sam23 Posted June 12, 2015 Author Share Posted June 12, 2015 (edited) Some people think that being hot & cold is game playing. I don't. I think it's a normal human reaction to feelings of internal conflict. He likes you but knows he's already committed. With attraction comes insecurity and uncertainty. When either of those two traits rear their heads it causes one or both parties to play the ignoring game. I know I've been there too. He's likely been down this road before with others and knows when the line is about to be crossed. He drops the GF bomb just in time to diffuse the situation. He's not avoiding you as much as he's avoiding the awkwardness he feels around you. I have respect for men who know their limits. I respect him for that and I'm glad he told me and didn't proceed to try to lead me on. So what do I do now? Be his friend? Stop talking to him? I definitely will not be making any advancements and making it clear I'm not a home wrecker or side chick if he makes one on his end. However, I'm really drawn to him for some reason - there's just something about him and I wish I could get to know him more. He seems like he'd be a good friend. Its so hard to meet people that you're attracted to and that you feel you have good chemistry with that it sucks when this happens. Edited June 12, 2015 by Sam23 Link to post Share on other sites
loverboy69 Posted June 13, 2015 Share Posted June 13, 2015 I respect him for that and I'm glad he told me and didn't proceed to try to lead me on. So what do I do now? Be his friend? Stop talking to him? I definitely will not be making any advancements and making it clear I'm not a home wrecker or side chick if he makes one on his end. However, I'm really drawn to him for some reason - there's just something about him and I wish I could get to know him more. He seems like he'd be a good friend. Its so hard to meet people that you're attracted to and that you feel you have good chemistry with that it sucks when this happens. Keep some distance but try not to be weird about it. It's awkward on your side. That's why the saying: "You can't just be friends," was invented. It's really hard to be buddies with someone you have romantic feelings for. It sucks and will just hurt you more if that's the route your pursue. Remember you can't control your feelings only your actions. You're not a bad person for feeling the way you do about him. You can't help it. I'm not going to go tell you to find some new hobby to distract yourself. That's so cliche. Usually the only way to make yourself better is with time. Either the crush on your end will fade or you'll find another guy and suddenly forget this one even existed. Easier said than done? Yes but I've been there many times. Believe me when the crush is gone you'll have no issue being his friend just like anyone else. Link to post Share on other sites
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