Write to the ex? Something has come up that i cant talk to anyone else about

[lostandlonely]

I really feel the need to write to my ex. In part this is because i've found out something that i literally cant talk to anyone else about without breaking a promise i made to her, and yet i really feel the need to tell someone. So she seems like the solution. I dont even mind her not replying, i just really need to get it off my chest.

 

Problem is that last time i wrote to her (a couple of months ago) she wrote back telling me never to contact her ever again, and that we'll never be friends. I suppose the reason im considering writing to her despite this is because i know that things cant get any worse between us, so i dont see the harm in writing again.

 

I know that all conventional logic would suggest that i shouldnt write to her, but im finding it so hard to resist. The worst she can do is write back telling me to go away again, which im prepared for. And as far as im aware writing her a polite letter isnt seen as harassement, so im not doing anything wrong legally.

 

I dont see this as some way of reopening contact with her (although if im honest i'd be so happy if it did), but i feel like i need to ask her permision before i talk to anyone else about this as i dont want to betray her confidence/break the promise i made to her. I know that I probably shouldnt care about promises made to my ex, but the fact is that i do and i cant help it.

 

So is it ok to write to the ex in this situation? Any advice is gladly received.

[westernxer]

I dont see this as some way of reopening contact with her (although if im honest i'd be so happy if it did)

 

Yes you do. (You just said so.)

 

By the way, what promise are you referring to?

 

This had better be good.

[lostandlonely]

Originally posted by westernxer

Yes you do. (You just said so.)

 

By the way, what promise are you referring to?

 

This had better be good.

 

ok firstly the point i was trying to make is that im not considering this because i want to get in touch with her, obviously it could lead to that and i would be happy if it did, but thats not my motivation.

 

Secondly the promise:

 

This is sort of awkward to talk about, but i suppose its not like anyone on here knows who me or my ex are, and she doesnt use the net often, so i really dont see her reading this...

 

Essentially, i have found out that i cant have sex till im circumcised (my foreskin is too tight). Now the awkwardness comes from the fact that everyone who know's me and my ex thinks that we were having sex. We went out for 4 and a half years and my ex wasnt shy about talking about our sex life. However all that was lies, my ex also had some sort of medical issue that meant that sex was too painful for her. Hence, why i've only just found out that i cant have sex (after a very awkward one night stand). The problem comes from the fact that im going to need to be picked up from the operation by someone, which means i'll have to tell them what its about, and furthermore explain about my ex. I considered saying that my ex was waiting till we got married, but my ex was very vocal about how she didnt believe in marriage so thats not going to convince anyone. Essentially either my ex needs to pick me up (very unlikely) or i need to tell someone the full story, which i dont want to do without at least asking her permission.

 

Oh and i told the one night stand girl that my ex didnt believe in sex before marriage, but she doesnt know my ex, so that was ok.

[westernxer]

It's your life and she's your ex... why does it matter if someone finds out why you were in surgery?

 

Is this some sort of life-and-death pact forged between the two of you? You make it sound like an occult ritual never to be uttered outside the walls of your heart... all because of this little piece of skin that's wrapped too tightly around your shaft.

 

She's your ex. Have your buddy pick you up, and make sure he shuts his mouth if it embarrasses you.

[CurlyIam]

It's a pretext. You want her to knwo that you had a medical condition that prevented you to have sex. And that's normal. I know no man who wouldn't want to settle that with his ex if that were the case.

 

As far as the web of lies she created, that's her problem. You can deal with it as you please, but I say don't sweat it. My suggestion: if you can't help yourself and you "must" tell her, write a 2 lines email saying what's new in your life and saying that you're sorry you're breaking NC.

 

Keep it smooth. As for your friends... I know you can handle it!

[BrotherAaron]

The promise means nothing. Besides, it's not like you actually have to tell them what it's about. They don't have to help you with it. Just pick you up.

 

Tell them it's personal... or it has to do with your lower abdomen... or inner thigh... whatever.

 

It sounds to me like you feel the need to contact her.

[HoldOn]

Take a cab.

[Craig]

lostandlonely, your operation is no ones business and you don't need to write to your ex to give you a ride. That would just be a cheesy way of trying to re-establish contact with her.

 

Regarding getting a ride you could do what HoldOn said and get a cab. If there are no cabs in your area and you need a ride from a buddy you don't have to tell them anything if you don't want to or you could lie and say that your d!ck has had a growth spurt in the last 6 months and you needed to get your foreskin removed because it was putting too much pressure on your massive member.

 

Or you could just tell your buddies the truth about you and leave your ex out of it.

 

Getting circumcised is no big deal (even if it might seem that way to you) and do not contact your ex.

[lostandlonely]

Ok, thanks for the advice.

 

Firstly, im not fussed about the fact that i need to be circumcised. Im mean hell yeah its quite literally a pain that i'd rather didnt happen, but hey its not a permament problem.

 

However, i am bothered about telling my mates because the immeadiate question is going to be why is this only being sorted out now? They all know how long i was with the ex, and like i say she was very vocal about our supposed sex life. Its not like it was a short term relationship, i was with her for four and a half years (from 16 to 21) they all think that we were sleeping together. Hell its not even the fact that im still technically a virgin that bothers me, just that i promised her i would never tell anyone about her problem. The fact is that if i tell my mates about this then they're going to turn round and ask 'but werent you sleeping with your ex?' I have a real problem with telling anyone about this, because if it ever got back to her that i did it would really hurt her and i dont want that to happen.

 

I also cant just get a cab, i know this because when my ex went in for the opperation that she had to try and deal with her problem they demanded that she be picked up by someone, i've been told that same applies to me.

 

Thanks though to the person who suggested telling a mate that its something else in a similar area, that should work and i hadnt thought of it.

 

Finally, i didnt want to use this as a way of getting my ex to contact me. I just feel very strongly about not breaking this promise to her, so strongly that i felt the need to break no contact to ask her permission. I've had plenty of other excuses for getting in touch with her, i havent used them because i dont want to break no contact. It was just that in this case it seemed to me to be either break no contact or break the promise. I felt that breaking no contact was easier than breaking the promise that i made to her. I still care deeply for this girl, this isnt about what's best for me moving on, but what is going to hurt her least, thanks for pointing out a way thats best for us both.

[vickimonster]

I agree with everyone else, you should just ask someone else to pick you up if they ask you why you have to go to the hospital say it is private. Any kind of friend will simply respect that.

 

I think writing to your ex about it is a really bad idea!

[CurlyIam]

Your friends don't know that couldn't have sex because you weren't circumscized. There are a LOT of uncircumscized men having plenty of sex out here.

 

Just tell your friends you're doing it in order to be cleaner or something. See? No need to contact no ex.

[lostandlonely]

Originally posted by CurlyIam

Your friends don't know that couldn't have sex because you weren't circumscized. There are a LOT of uncircumscized men having plenty of sex out here.

 

Just tell your friends you're doing it in order to be cleaner or something. See? No need to contact no ex.

 

I know that lots of uncircumcised men have sex (im from the uk so its the norm round here). I was just concerned about explaining to whoever picks me up why i was having it done. really dont think cleanliness is going to convince anyone, from what i hear doctors will only do the op if its a neccessity. they even discourage men converting to judasim from going through with it.

 

But like i said above its no longer an issue, im just going to tell them that i needed something else done in a similar area. For instance had a malignant mole removed.

[BrotherAaron]

Perfect. A malignant mole. I was going to suggest that you claim to be having your third testicle removed.