Author Jimmyjackson Posted June 11, 2015 Author Posted June 11, 2015 Why do you feel like a bad person for engaging in casual sex? Guess what? Whether you regret it or not, it's part of your history. A future GF can only accept it or not. If she won't accept it, then she's not the right one for you. Try not to fret over it too much. Most people are not overly judgmental about it. I'm not sure really? I guess I would think less of a girl who has done it, as bad as that sounds. So by me doing it I feel as if I'm being a hypocrite? I'm really old fashioned when it comes to sex.
Gloria25 Posted June 11, 2015 Posted June 11, 2015 (edited) There is a difference between casual sex and promiscuity. Casual sex should be about some kind of selectivity. In other words, a man or a woman can and is entitled to becoming sexual with someone if they are really attracted to the person on some level even if it's say on a first date and/or becomes an ONS. If the date was good and you at least enjoyed it, fine. But, if you didn't enjoy the date or didn't really like the person, but you decide to have sex, that takes it out of the casual sex category and makes it more about promiscuity. If you've having "casual sex" with every single person you date, it's indiscriminate and promiscuous. I'm not sure really? I guess I would think less of a girl who has done it, as bad as that sounds. So by me doing it I feel as if I'm being a hypocrite? I'm really old fashioned when it comes to sex. A girl who done what? Casual sex? Promiscuity? Do you even care to find out "why" she engaged in the behavior? Also, why is/was it ok for you to do and not a woman? Did you feel the same way when about the woman(en) you had casual sex with? In other words, women who engage in casual sex are good when you're horny, right? Edited June 11, 2015 by Gloria25
preraph Posted June 12, 2015 Posted June 12, 2015 Honestly, as far as trust issues, I'd trust a guy who "got it out of his system" when he was young over a guy who married his first girlfriend and is forever haunted by wondering what he missed. Of course, there's exceptions to it, such as those who seem not to be able to ever get it out of their system because they have something wrong that they need the constant validation. But you should be able to see that coming if you know someone well. 1
Gloria25 Posted June 12, 2015 Posted June 12, 2015 Honestly, as far as trust issues, I'd trust a guy who "got it out of his system" when he was young over a guy who married his first girlfriend and is forever haunted by wondering what he missed. Of course, there's exceptions to it, such as those who seem not to be able to ever get it out of their system because they have something wrong that they need the constant validation. But you should be able to see that coming if you know someone well. Well, I don't like the "get it out of your system" mentality some people have. I think it's ridiculous to do something to "sow your wild oats"....pleeze. When I was/am having sex, I'm not doing it to prove a point, see if I still "got it", live while I'm young, just to seeeee...I'm doing it cuz of the pleasure/experience - like food. Yes, we all gotta eat, but if I'm having a certain meal and/or going to a particular establishment, I want it for the "food"...not to be able to say "oh, I been there". So, I'd be weary of someone who had that mentality...cuz even "if" they "got it out of their system" at some point in their lives, I could see them repeating the same immature/senseless mentality over again (ie the "mid-life crises" nonsense). I mean, yeah, there are some things you wanna do before wrinkles, saggy boobs, and responsibilities of life (ie kids, marriage), but again to do things just to "get it out of your system", is something that concerns me.
alphamale Posted June 12, 2015 Posted June 12, 2015 some women have this nasty habit of becoming emotionally attached after casual sex, this happens to men too but not as much. i've encountered women that start planning your life together after a ONS
ColdandLonelyinAK Posted June 12, 2015 Posted June 12, 2015 Back before my most recent relationship, I went through a "phase" where I had a few one night stands. I think everyone does it at least once. It was my wild phase. After being in a relationship with my ex, I thought I'd go back to doing it, but I have no desire to. The opportunity was there this last weekend, but it just didn't feel right. I think I wasn't respecting myself as much as I could when I did it before, but this breakup has shown me what I deserve and I just have no interest in engaging that lifestyle anymore. I'm ready for something more serious. It doesn't bother me if a man did it, as long as he was safe. I also encourage men not to "slut shame" their girlfriends/wives for doing it in the past. My ex did that quite a bit and it created a wedge in our relationship. He brought it up whenever we fought. 1
Author Jimmyjackson Posted June 12, 2015 Author Posted June 12, 2015 Back before my most recent relationship, I went through a "phase" where I had a few one night stands. I think everyone does it at least once. It was my wild phase. After being in a relationship with my ex, I thought I'd go back to doing it, but I have no desire to. The opportunity was there this last weekend, but it just didn't feel right. I think I wasn't respecting myself as much as I could when I did it before, but this breakup has shown me what I deserve and I just have no interest in engaging that lifestyle anymore. I'm ready for something more serious. It doesn't bother me if a man did it, as long as he was safe. I also encourage men not to "slut shame" their girlfriends/wives for doing it in the past. My ex did that quite a bit and it created a wedge in our relationship. He brought it up whenever we fought. Yeah, i feel that's why I did it because I got dumped so just thought **** it. I don't want to anymore though, I want something meaningful. Yeah, surely everyone has casual sex at some point? whether it be a one night stand or with a friend or something.
d0nnivain Posted June 12, 2015 Posted June 12, 2015 Yeah, surely everyone has casual sex at some point? whether it be a one night stand or with a friend or something. I suppose it does seem that way but I know more people who have never done the casual sex thing then I know people who have experimented. Granted I'm older than many on this board but I don't think you can say "everyone" has done it. 1
smackie9 Posted June 12, 2015 Posted June 12, 2015 some women have this nasty habit of becoming emotionally attached after casual sex, this happens to men too but not as much. i've encountered women that start planning your life together after a ONS I've had the same thing happen to me with a few guys...showing up with flowers the next day and expecting that we were already in a relationship or something. My picker was off I guess. Felt bad having to turn them away. Oh well.
sunshine2 Posted June 12, 2015 Posted June 12, 2015 I am not a fan of casual sex. I've have had many men not contact me after letting them know that on OLD. I've done it and felt empty as well after. It feels good at the time, but not so great after. Out of all the things listed on IF you do casual sex, this one is most important to me: -Not lead someone on just to get laid. If you suspect they want more even though they aren't saying it, move on so they don't get too attached. I had a 4 month "relationship" with a man I thought was interested in more then casual sex, and led me on the whole time. Just be honest, thats all Im saying. It would of spared me the heartache.
alphamale Posted June 12, 2015 Posted June 12, 2015 I've had the same thing happen to me with a few guys...showing up with flowers the next day and expecting that we were already in a relationship or something. My picker was off I guess. Felt bad having to turn them away. Oh well. that's about right smackie9
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