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I just have no self control...


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Posted
Originally posted by UCFKevin

Buddy boy, it will continue to bug the crap out of you, and it won't go away any time soon, and she's not gonna do anything to change it. The only way to think of it is you contact her and she doesn't say anything back, there is no love left. She's not who she used to be.

 

I can't imagine her being that cold-hearted but you could be right.

 

But DO NOT DO A THING FOR HER BIRTHDAY. Holy lord! No!

 

I know, I know. I went to bed last night with this on my mind. She hasn't done anything to deserve my time or my appreciation. Not in the least.

  • Author
Posted
Originally posted by XNemesisX

Crap. I almost felt like these answers were to me and it hurt me just reading this!

 

Confused,

 

I know how bad it hurts you. Trust me, I know. My ex won't reply to my email and actually the last thing he did was tell me to call on a specific date before he moved to go back to ohio so that we could have dinner before he left. Well, when I called on this specific date his phone was already disconnected. i think he did that on purpose.

 

What a jerk he is!

 

Your ex is a different person now. Not only does she not have enough courtesy to say thanks for your advice you gave her, but she doesn't make the slightest bit of time for you to give you answers. Guess what? She doesn't give a damn. It took me a long time to accept this about my ex. It hurts, I know.

 

This is setting in, every day. I don't understand how she can just be that cold hearted all the sudden. I mean, I KNOW she's emailing other people, she can't take 2 seconds to thank me for my help/advice? Grrrr.

 

You know that people make time for what they choose to make time for. School is not an excuse. I got this from my ex. Even though I am the one who was working and going to school full time at the time of our break up, he used studying for the LSAT as being the reason that he couldn't find time to talk to me about things. It's horsesh*t.

 

I know it's an excuse. I do know she's studying hard (her grades are not enough to get her into UC Davis and it's not looking good for her at ANY of the Colleges she wants to go to and I bet she thinks it's my fault for wanting to spend time with her) but that's still no excuse. She can make time if she wants.

 

Loneliness hasn't quite hit her yet. I am not revengeful, but I do hope she gets a taste of her own medicine.

 

DO NOT GIVE HER ANY BDAY PRESENTS NOT EVEN A CARD!

 

Ugh, she doesn't deserve this, don't you see? I know you still care about her, but she doesn't give a rat's a** about you so you know what? SCREW THAT!

 

I will personally smack you if you do that. :mad:

 

I probably need it. I know she doesn't deserve it. I know. I agonized over this all night.

 

Right after my ex and I broke up I spent all day looking for this awesome Christmas present. Not only did he refuse to see me, but he actually told me to give that present to somebody else. He didn't even try to be nice about it.

 

This sucks.

 

What a jerk!

 

But please, Confused, have some pride and don't make a doormat out of yourself or make yourself seem needy. Don't even wish her a happy birthday. She can't even say a simple thanks to you for something then you know what? F*ck that.

 

I know, I know. I have a flegling business that is doing very well and I can't even focus on it. I could be raking in some SERIOUS, SERIOUS cash and all I can think about is how half of me is missing.

 

I quit drinking when I became a Christian but boy...I could use a good druken stupor....

 

My ex's birthday is April 29th and guess what? He's not getting SH*T from me, not even an email saying happy birthday. If I was to do that after all the crap he did to me, then I would be the biggest idiot to ever walk the face of the planet.

 

Don't be an idiot, Confused!

 

Dammit..alphamale really needs to get on this thread.

 

I understand. Totally. I appreciate the advice too. At this point, I am not saying another word to her. If she emails me, I won't reply right away. I'll wait days.

 

Or maybe not give her the courtesy of a reply at all....

  • Author
Posted
Originally posted by alphamale

:laugh: you funny XY32

 

i have already given COC tons of advice. he can use it as he sees fit.

 

i just hope COC does not de-throne JOEL as the self-loathing king of LS :p

 

Hey! Now that's not very nice. I read some of his stuff. I am NOT that bad!

 

Have you ever been in love, alpha? I mean "head over heals, stupid drunk in love???"

Posted

XNemesisX, that advice you gave is SO bang on. Perfectly put.

 

Your EX is a different person now, not really the same person you fell inlove with. The sooner you see that you are not number one priority in her life, the sooner you can heal your heart. I'm sure it hurts and will for abit yet. You're still grieving the hole she left in your life and it's like you lost a limb, a part of your body. It's only natural to want to reach out and try to shove it back in there!

 

Do one day at a time...Once more time passes by your heart will just naturally detach more and more. NC has to happen though, the more you reach out to her, the more she's going to push you away. It sucks but do it for you babycakes!

 

Hang in there!

Posted
Originally posted by ConfusedInOC

Have you ever been in love, alpha? I mean "head over heals, stupid drunk in love???"

Yes sir I have....as a matter of fact I still am. I've been in self imposed total NC for 5 months, since last thanxgiving.

 

She just sent me another email this morning and I'm about to break down and reply. But even alphamale is human. I miss her tremendously and she is not good for me but I find it hard to stay away. This has been going on for 4 f***ing years COC.

Posted
Yes sir I have....as a matter of fact I still am. I've been in self imposed total NC for 5 months, since last thanxgiving.

 

She just sent me another email this morning and I'm about to break down and reply. But even alphamale is human. I miss her tremendously and she is not good for me but I find it hard to stay away. This has been going on for 4 f***ing years COC.

 

You may hate me for saying this but DO IT DO IT DO IT Alpha. If you BOTH can see how much you're supposed to be in eachother's lives and just accept that, then maybe this time it will be different? I know the situation, but maybe this time she's WANTING to be with you forever. Take the chance. You can yell at me later if it doesn't pan out. Just wanna see our Alpha happy...Cuz you do deserve that babe. :)

Posted
Originally posted by whichwayisup

You may hate me for saying this but DO IT DO IT DO IT Alpha. If you BOTH can see how much you're supposed to be in eachother's lives and just accept that, then maybe this time it will be different? I know the situation, but maybe this time she's WANTING to be with you forever. Take the chance. You can yell at me later if it doesn't pan out. Just wanna see our Alpha happy...Cuz you do deserve that babe. :)

ok WWIU. we are getting together on mon may 9th for dinner cause her parents are in town til then. i that good enuf 4 u? the insanity will start all over again. i must be a glutton for punishment...but then why am i so happy?

Posted

awww :love: Alpha - good luck

  • Author
Posted
Originally posted by alphamale

Yes sir I have....as a matter of fact I still am. I've been in self imposed total NC for 5 months, since last thanxgiving.

 

She just sent me another email this morning and I'm about to break down and reply. But even alphamale is human. I miss her tremendously and she is not good for me but I find it hard to stay away. This has been going on for 4 f***ing years COC.

 

Ouch. Well that sucks.

 

Not sure why it didn't work but in my case, NC would have to be for me. I dount for even one second that NC would mean a thing to her. She probably wouldn't care and reall doesn't deserve my time.

 

I showered her with love and affection. I was attentive. I tried to surprise her often. I took her out to eat a lot. I spoiled her.

 

I asked for very little in return...and I got it....

 

She can't tell me why. "It just doesn't feel right..." is all she will say.

 

I have a feeling that it will feel right to her in couple years and when she looks back on me and our time, she will regret her decision.

 

And hopefully by then I am with my REAL companion.

  • Author
Posted

Alright, Alpha, now I am intrigued. Let us know what happens.

 

What was the circumstance with your breakup?

Posted
i must be a glutton for punishment...but then why am i so happy?

 

OK hunnybunny...You're completely inlove with her...

Your heart is gonna be pounding and you're gonna be feeling all that good stuff...

Hopefully you'll make out with her...

The eye contact will make your stomach flip...

You know this is the right thing to do, just as she feels it too...

Once you BOTH decide okay let's do this thing again for real, and STICK to it...That is another reason why you're smiling ear to ear.

 

How's that in a nutshell dear?

 

You can hold out until May 9th! Semi-hard on, big smile and all! :p

Posted

Yeah looks like I'm a little late on this one, popular thread I guess.

 

For the "closure" folks: You have to make your OWN closure. As a dumpee you will almost never get it any other way. I finally got tired of asking for it, I guess that was my closure.

 

Oh yeah, and my (well okay, HER) divorce was finalized on Tuesday....ugh. There's a little more closure for me, I guess. :rolleyes:

Posted
Originally posted by ConfusedInOC

What was the circumstance with your breakup?

last thanxgiving i wanted sex and she would not give it up so i walked out the door, said "i'm sick of this bullshyt". there were other issues too. that was like our 7th breakup over 3.5 yrs. did not talk to or see her for 5 months. during that time she emailed me a few times and i never responded. i did respond today, however.

 

 

Originally posted by whichwayisup

OK hunnybunny...You're completely inlove with her...

yep, she's the best AND the worst thing that ever happened to me. and i'm not lying here.

  • Author
Posted
Originally posted by alphamale

last thanxgiving i wanted sex and she would not give it up so i walked out the door, said "i'm sick of this bullshyt". there were other issues too. that was like our 7th breakup over 3.5 yrs. did not talk to or see her for 5 months. during that time she emailed me a few times and i never responded. i did respond today, however.

 

Wish mine was that simple.

 

 

Of course, last Thanksgiving when she did her usual waffling, I walked. Didn't talk to her for a week and she of course emailed me.

 

Now this time, I am the dumpee. It's funny, when I dump her, she all the sudden wants me.

 

I think NC will work to heal me faster. But, the way I treated her, I know that she'll miss me.

 

I was never mean to her. I loved, cared, respected, and treated her very, very well.

 

I've heard women never forget the men that treat them well. I hope that's true.

Posted

Hmm...that depends on what kind of person she is. Some people take things for granted. I hope she looks back on how she treated you and feels regret..only time will tell.

 

Alpha that sounds really sweet! :love:

 

I like your approach of not responding to her emails and stuff..see that was my biggest problem. I was always trying to contact my ex even though i knew it was stupid. I pay for it now. :(

 

Well, anyway I don't care at all about him now. In fact, if he was ever to try to contact me I would NEVER respond and I do mean that literally. Once someone screws me over, I have a really hard time forgiving or even wanting to see or speak to that person again. I would go as far as to say that at this point I really hate my ex. Well, not even that. I really don't even care (I think that's a pretty good improvement from the way I was a few months ago). I still feel that empty void that you do, COC, but I know he is not the one to fill it. I would never be able to forgive him even if he saw that he made a mistake or treated me bad. And maybe this will sound bad, but I'm finding myself care less and less each day if I even find anybody to fill that. I think I might be scarred from my ex. It will be hard for me to even get real feelings for someone I think...

 

When it comes to exes I think this is the best rule of thumb: Treat them as they treat you.

 

Otherwise, you will end up feeling even worse in the end. Once the courtesy is gone, NEVER show any to them.

 

Keep us updated on your woman, Alpha! ;)

Posted
yep, she's the best AND the worst thing that ever happened to me. and i'm not lying here.

 

My previous guy before my H was like that. I loved him and hated him ALL at the same time. I know exactly what you're saying.

 

I've heard women never forget the men that treat them well. I hope that's true.

 

That is true. It's the one's in between that are abit of this and abit of that are the ones who may not stand out in memory.

Posted
Originally posted by ConfusedInOC

I've heard women never forget the men that treat them well.

read the sentence above very very carefully COC.

 

the operative words are "never forget". which implies that the man who treated them well is no longer around.

 

there is nothing wrong with treating women well, COC. and you should. but you also need to treat them not-to-well also.

 

and the man who can keep a woman around for the long term knows exactly when to treat them well and when not to.

  • Author
Posted
Originally posted by XNemesisX

Hmm...that depends on what kind of person she is. Some people take things for granted. I hope she looks back on how she treated you and feels regret..only time will tell.

 

Her mom is a doll. She loves me and thinks her daughter will come around, but I agree. Only time will tell. *edit* - Just got an email from her mom. She finally told her that we're broken up and her mom just told her "We'll miss him..."

 

Well, anyway I don't care at all about him now. In fact, if he was ever to try to contact me I would NEVER respond and I do mean that literally. Once someone screws me over, I have a really hard time forgiving or even wanting to see or speak to that person again. I would go as far as to say that at this point I really hate my ex. Well, not even that. I really don't even care (I think that's a pretty good improvement from the way I was a few months ago). I still feel that empty void that you do, COC, but I know he is not the one to fill it. I would never be able to forgive him even if he saw that he made a mistake or treated me bad. And maybe this will sound bad, but I'm finding myself care less and less each day if I even find anybody to fill that. I think I might be scarred from my ex. It will be hard for me to even get real feelings for someone I think...

 

If I could only find a way to stop caring out her I would feel a lot better and be able to walk away. But how to you stop caring about someone you loved so deeply and was a big part of your life?

 

When it comes to exes I think this is the best rule of thumb: Treat them as they treat you.

 

Otherwise, you will end up feeling even worse in the end. Once the courtesy is gone, NEVER show any to them.

 

It's hard for me to do that but I understand the reasoning.

Posted
If I could only find a way to stop caring out her I would feel a lot better and be able to walk away. But how to you stop caring about someone you loved so deeply and was a big part of your life?

 

After so much crap, you will eventually find yourself replacing these grand memories of them with disgust. I guess you still care, but you certainly won't want the person back. I think I'm in a really bad mood today, but right now my ex can get run over by a train for all I care. He treated me so awful, that I will never be able to look back on him with any other feeling than absolute disgust.

 

Maybe your ex hasn't treated you as terrible as my ex treated me though...

 

Over time and with more and more of her ignoring you and putting you down at the very bottom of her priority list you will get fed up with it and want to tell her just where she can go.

Posted

Oh and by the way, it took me 6 months to get to the point that I'm at now. I finally woke up.

Posted
Originally posted by XNemesisX

Oh and by the way, it took me 6 months to get to the point that I'm at now. I finally woke up.

you're good looking XY32 :laugh:

  • Author
Posted
Originally posted by XNemesisX

Oh and by the way, it took me 6 months to get to the point that I'm at now. I finally woke up.

 

I wish I could force myself to not care right now. I would do ANYTHING to not care.

 

ANYTHING!

Posted

Well thank you Alpha :love:

Posted
I wish I could force myself to not care right now. I would do ANYTHING to not care.

 

ANYTHING!

 

How long has it been since your breakup and how long were you together? Trust me, you will get there. I'm sure it would be harder if she was still treating you reasonably but take my word for it, if she keeps ignoring you eventually you will NOT care. It's just a matter of time...

 

Oh..and you can't force it. It just has to take its natural course... :o

Posted
Originally posted by ConfusedInOC

I wish I could force myself to not care right now. I would do ANYTHING to not care.

 

ANYTHING!

just sedate yourself with booze. that's what I do. :p

 

BTW...could you please, for god's sake, change your avatar pic. Every time I look at it I get so sad and depressed :(

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