ConfusedInOC Posted April 27, 2005 Share Posted April 27, 2005 Dang it. I emailed her today..... Well, she asked for my advice on Friday and I gave it to her and she never even as much replied back "thanks." So today I was like "Did you get my answer and did it help?!" Why on EARTH did I do that?! Link to post Share on other sites
UCFKevin Posted April 27, 2005 Share Posted April 27, 2005 Because you're human and you followed your emoitions. I don't consider it a sign of weakness at all, man. It's not necessarily the best course to take perhaps, but to hell with it. Link to post Share on other sites
CurlyIam Posted April 27, 2005 Share Posted April 27, 2005 Who cares as long as you'renever gonna real, write or send her anymore emails???? Do you understand what NC is, CIOC? IT's even easier to put inplace if you stop thinking about her... it's still fresh, but you gotta start somewhere! Link to post Share on other sites
UCFKevin Posted April 27, 2005 Share Posted April 27, 2005 Ah yes. Because it's always very simple to immediately and easily just STOP thinking about someone you care deeply about. No contact can blow me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ConfusedInOC Posted April 27, 2005 Author Share Posted April 27, 2005 Because you're human and you followed your emoitions. I don't consider it a sign of weakness at all, man. It's not necessarily the best course to take perhaps, but to hell with it. Ah yes. Because it's always very simple to immediately and easily just STOP thinking about someone you care deeply about. No contact can blow me. Heh, man tell me how you really feel. I know! There's a big void in my life with her name on it. Who cares as long as you're never gonna real, write or send her anymore emails???? Do you understand what NC is, CIOC? IT's even easier to put inplace if you stop thinking about her... it's still fresh, but you gotta start somewhere! I can't stop thinking about her. The more I try and think about something else, the more I think about her. And the bugs the CRAP out of me to answer her question and she not reply with a simple THANKS. Link to post Share on other sites
CurlyIam Posted April 27, 2005 Share Posted April 27, 2005 Did you get closure, CIOC? If you did, yu may realise that she got over you. you're not in her life now. You're a friend... maybe. Some people aren't nice to their friends. Basically she's doing it because she can. NC is a good idea because it helps you face the fact that IT'S OVER. The sooner you get that, the better. It's normal to hurt, to wonder, to think... Don't be complacent in this situation, don't throw any pitty party and try to get over her. She won't even take the time to say "thanks". Maybe she knows better. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ConfusedInOC Posted April 27, 2005 Author Share Posted April 27, 2005 Originally posted by CurlyIam Did you get closure, CIOC? If you did, yu may realise that she got over you. you're not in her life now. You're a friend... maybe. Some people aren't nice to their friends. Basically she's doing it because she can. No, no closure. And not having it is killing me. NC is a good idea because it helps you face the fact that IT'S OVER. The sooner you get that, the better. It's normal to hurt, to wonder, to think... Don't be complacent in this situation, don't throw any pitty party and try to get over her. She won't even take the time to say "thanks". Maybe she knows better. She's studying and I think she's afraid to answer me because she thinks I'll want to start probing and asking her questions and I don't think mentally she can handle it right now. I think her plate is full with school (at least I know she's filling my gap with school) and to get into it with me would just get her upset. I just want a truthful answer. If she thinks I am a wonderful man and she loves me, why did we end up like this?! Link to post Share on other sites
CurlyIam Posted April 27, 2005 Share Posted April 27, 2005 You're no saint, CIOC. IF you need a closure, you must have your closure. I'm sure her exams/studies can take a 2 hour break. Grab the bull by the horns and do it. If you don't fight for your peace of mind, you won't get it, my friend. It's pure torture to live like that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ConfusedInOC Posted April 27, 2005 Author Share Posted April 27, 2005 Originally posted by CurlyIam You're no saint, CIOC. IF you need a closure, you must have your closure. I'm sure her exams/studies can take a 2 hour break. Grab the bull by the horns and do it. If you don't fight for your peace of mind, you won't get it, my friend. It's pure torture to live like that. Well, then how do I handle this? Her birthday is in a few weeks. Should I show up with her stuff (as I said I would) and give her a card and a gift and see if she'll talk? At this point, NC isn't making sense as I need, nay HAVE to have closure before I can pull up the stakes and move on. Once I have my closure I can go to NC and move on to the next chapter of my life. I was going to buy her a digital camera for her birthday. I promised her months ago but things have changed since then....dramatically. Link to post Share on other sites
CurlyIam Posted April 28, 2005 Share Posted April 28, 2005 Aaaaa ... NO!!! Hell NO! you are NOT doing that! What you are doing is calling her and demanding her answers that are not easy to give. Confronting her. Jeez, do you have a single straight brother? the girl dumps you, doesn't reply to your email, doesn't give you no reason for dumping you and you want to buy her a digital camera??? Alpha, where are you??? That is not how you get closure. She's treating you badly. She may be a nice person, you may be a great person, but what she's doing is VERY WRONG for you. This is NOT normal behaviour. Do you understand what I mean? Link to post Share on other sites
Author ConfusedInOC Posted April 28, 2005 Author Share Posted April 28, 2005 Originally posted by CurlyIam Aaaaa ... NO!!! Hell NO! you are NOT doing that! I want to though. I promised her that months ago. If I don't, I'll be a liar won't I? What you are doing is calling her and demanding her answers that are not easy to give. She won't right now, I can tell you that. She has her focus on school. If I ask now, I'll get the same answer: "It doesn't feel right..." That's not an acceptable answer but I don't know that hassling her for the answer now will give me the answer. It might just tick her off. Confronting her. Jeez, do you have a single straight brother? the girl dumps you, doesn't reply to your email, doesn't give you no reason for dumping you and you want to buy her a digital camera??? Well we're not fighting. It wasn't an angry break up. Just lots of questions. The camera was something I promised months ago... Alpha, where are you??? Probably listening to Lykis! HAHA That is not how you get closure. She's treating you badly. She may be a nice person, you may be a great person, but what she's doing is VERY WRONG for you. This is NOT normal behaviour. Do you understand what I mean? I do, I do. I just have a hard time being mean to her. Remember, I still love her dearly and miss her companionship. Link to post Share on other sites
Fallen_Angel Posted April 28, 2005 Share Posted April 28, 2005 Originally posted by UCFKevin Ah yes. Because it's always very simple to immediately and easily just STOP thinking about someone you care deeply about. No contact can blow me. Wow. That was so succinct, and insightful...well, guess you have your signature for a reason! It takes a very strong person to completely implement NC. Love doesn't go away overnight...or over a few weeks...gosh this sucks. Ok, as for the birthday thing, repeat after me: NO PRESENTS! Do you know I almost went online to try and see if I could find Tom Petty/Black Crowes tickets for my ex, as they are two of his FAVORITE musicians/bands?! Why would I do such a thing?!?! HE made the decision to end things, therefore HE has relinquished the benefits of dating me, like a kick-@$$ birthday present, among others... Your ex has done the same. Just send her a card, if you feel obligated to do so. That's my plan and I'm sticking to it. Link to post Share on other sites
purple21 Posted April 28, 2005 Share Posted April 28, 2005 I agree with Fallen Angel - a card is enough if you really need to do something - I don't think she will be expecting the camera at this point. Wow from reading a bunch of your posts it sounds like you fell hard - and it is still pretty fresh - plus not getting closure - yeah I think I would go crazy Yeah that aside - NC will probably get you over her the quickest but it isn't easy - I was able to do it once but it was after a few months of being broken up when I was at a point where I believed myself it was the best thing to do. I don't think studying or whatever is a good excuse for her not contacting you back and you probably know that. If she wants to work things out she would find the time to contact you. At this point you have to try your best to not think of her all the time - it's hard I know - and try to do NC - yeah you may slip from time to time - if you can't do NC then make contact simple and eventually you will realize it's not worth the effort. It doesn't feel like it now but as time passes it will get easier and the feelings will be less intense - that I do know. How much time - not sure - just take care of yourself and try your best to keep her out of your head. It will get better. Link to post Share on other sites
johan Posted April 28, 2005 Share Posted April 28, 2005 Screw closure. Don't expect it from her. Don't give her that kind of power over you. What she has to say could send you spinning into deeper depths. You are the one who needs to provide your own closure. What would you tell your best friend to do? I'd tell mine to let her go live her life and don't worry about it. You're going to be fine. Link to post Share on other sites
BrotherAaron Posted April 28, 2005 Share Posted April 28, 2005 It's my ex's birthday today. I took back the present I got her and bought myself a video game, and some dinner. It was very good dinner, and the video game looks very fun. Forget her birthday. You're wasting your time on your ex. She's not your GF, stop giving her your affection. You should never be friends with an ex. You don't want to be her friend, you want to be her lover. Don't settle, don't compromise, and don't confuse what you want with what she wants. Oh, and NC is what you find yourself wanting to do when you don't give a s*** about your ex anymore. Until then, it helps some people just to fake it. Calling her is a complete waste of your time, and a waste of hers. She decided to move on with her life, and now it's your turn. Being there for here, and, at best, she'll get used to it. At worst, she'll be threatened by it and hurt you on purpose to get rid of you. Link to post Share on other sites
faux Posted April 28, 2005 Share Posted April 28, 2005 ConfusedInOC: Make all of the mistakes you want to. In time, you will learn from these mistakes, and you will understand why they are mistakes. You could take advice from strangers, but I understand that you most likely will not. In my life, I had to make many mistakes, often repeating them before I began to understand that the things I did were wrong for me. One must learn on his own. I believe that I came out of horrible situations OK, through trial and error; I believe that you will, too. I can offer you much advice, as I have been through similar situations. I don't know if you will take that advice, though. I have had dear friends of mine advise me on many issues, and although I appreciated their input, I never listened to them. I did what I wanted, and in time I learned. I hope you will do the same, so I decide not to offer you any advice. CurlyIAm: I apologize if I offend you in any way, but your face is rather comforting to look at. The photographs I have seen of you reflect a tranquility unrivaled. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ConfusedInOC Posted April 28, 2005 Author Share Posted April 28, 2005 Originally posted by Fallen_Angel Wow. That was so succinct, and insightful...well, guess you have your signature for a reason! It takes a very strong person to completely implement NC. Love doesn't go away overnight...or over a few weeks...gosh this sucks. Uber strong, I agree. Like I said, I've got a big hole where my best friend and companion used to be. Ok, as for the birthday thing, repeat after me: NO PRESENTS! Do you know I almost went online to try and see if I could find Tom Petty/Black Crowes tickets for my ex, as they are two of his FAVORITE musicians/bands?! Why would I do such a thing?!?! HE made the decision to end things, therefore HE has relinquished the benefits of dating me, like a kick-@$$ birthday present, among others... Your ex has done the same. Just send her a card, if you feel obligated to do so. That's my plan and I'm sticking to it. I agree that she doesn't deserve it. Heck, she might not even care for all I know. I understand the concept. She dumped me, why should I reward her? Link to post Share on other sites
Author ConfusedInOC Posted April 28, 2005 Author Share Posted April 28, 2005 Originally posted by purple21 I agree with Fallen Angel - a card is enough if you really need to do something - I don't think she will be expecting the camera at this point. Wow from reading a bunch of your posts it sounds like you fell hard - and it is still pretty fresh - plus not getting closure - yeah I think I would go crazy Yeah that aside - NC will probably get you over her the quickest but it isn't easy - I was able to do it once but it was after a few months of being broken up when I was at a point where I believed myself it was the best thing to do. I don't think studying or whatever is a good excuse for her not contacting you back and you probably know that. If she wants to work things out she would find the time to contact you. At this point you have to try your best to not think of her all the time - it's hard I know - and try to do NC - yeah you may slip from time to time - if you can't do NC then make contact simple and eventually you will realize it's not worth the effort. It doesn't feel like it now but as time passes it will get easier and the feelings will be less intense - that I do know. How much time - not sure - just take care of yourself and try your best to keep her out of your head. It will get better. I know she's blowing me off and doesn't want to deal with any aspect of the relationship we once had. I am sure of that. And no, she doesn't even deserve a card. I know NC is the way to go, but it's tearing me apart from the inside out.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author ConfusedInOC Posted April 28, 2005 Author Share Posted April 28, 2005 Originally posted by faux ConfusedInOC: Make all of the mistakes you want to. In time, you will learn from these mistakes, and you will understand why they are mistakes. You could take advice from strangers, but I understand that you most likely will not. In my life, I had to make many mistakes, often repeating them before I began to understand that the things I did were wrong for me. One must learn on his own. I believe that I came out of horrible situations OK, through trial and error; I believe that you will, too. I wish I didn't. I hope I will listen and I keep telling myself that NC is the way to go. But like I said, it's killing me from the inside out. When her Birthday comes and goes, if I don't don't anything, I constantly think "What will hurt worse: Me not being there for her birthday or her not caring?" Both of those thoughts are killing me. I can offer you much advice, as I have been through similar situations. I don't know if you will take that advice, though. I have had dear friends of mine advise me on many issues, and although I appreciated their input, I never listened to them. I did what I wanted, and in time I learned. I hope you will do the same, so I decide not to offer you any advice. Your advice might be the advice that helps me make it through NC though, so while you dont' see a value, and even if I don't take it, someone else might that reads this thread later. Link to post Share on other sites
UCFKevin Posted April 28, 2005 Share Posted April 28, 2005 Buddy boy, it will continue to bug the crap out of you, and it won't go away any time soon, and she's not gonna do anything to change it. The only way to think of it is you contact her and she doesn't say anything back, there is no love left. She's not who she used to be. But DO NOT DO A THING FOR HER BIRTHDAY. Holy lord! No! Link to post Share on other sites
XNemesisX Posted April 28, 2005 Share Posted April 28, 2005 Crap. I almost felt like these answers were to me and it hurt me just reading this! Confused, I know how bad it hurts you. Trust me, I know. My ex won't reply to my email and actually the last thing he did was tell me to call on a specific date before he moved to go back to ohio so that we could have dinner before he left. Well, when I called on this specific date his phone was already disconnected. i think he did that on purpose. Your ex is a different person now. Not only does she not have enough courtesy to say thanks for your advice you gave her, but she doesn't make the slightest bit of time for you to give you answers. Guess what? She doesn't give a damn. It took me a long time to accept this about my ex. It hurts, I know. You know that people make time for what they choose to make time for. School is not an excuse. I got this from my ex. Even though I am the one who was working and going to school full time at the time of our break up, he used studying for the LSAT as being the reason that he couldn't find time to talk to me about things. It's horsesh*t. DO NOT GIVE HER ANY BDAY PRESENTS NOT EVEN A CARD! Ugh, she doesn't deserve this, don't you see? I know you still care about her, but she doesn't give a rat's a** about you so you know what? SCREW THAT! I will personally smack you if you do that. Right after my ex and I broke up I spent all day looking for this awesome Christmas present. Not only did he refuse to see me, but he actually told me to give that present to somebody else. He didn't even try to be nice about it. This sucks. But please, Confused, have some pride and don't make a doormat out of yourself or make yourself seem needy. Don't even wish her a happy birthday. She can't even say a simple thanks to you for something then you know what? F*ck that. My ex's birthday is April 29th and guess what? He's not getting SH*T from me, not even an email saying happy birthday. If I was to do that after all the crap he did to me, then I would be the biggest idiot to ever walk the face of the planet. Don't be an idiot, Confused! Dammit..alphamale really needs to get on this thread. Link to post Share on other sites
CurlyIam Posted April 28, 2005 Share Posted April 28, 2005 Took the words from my mouth, sista! Link to post Share on other sites
sweetadeline Posted April 28, 2005 Share Posted April 28, 2005 Originally posted by johan Screw closure. Don't expect it from her. What she has to say could send you spinning into deeper depths. You are the one who needs to provide your own closure. I really, really understand that desire for closure--been there. But as Johan said, you won't get it from her. She may not even know exactly what compelled her actions; if she does, she might not be fully honest with you; if she is, it might make your recovery even more difficult. Besides, I think that "closure" is as much about the desire to say everything you want to say to the other person as it is about the craving to learn why h/she broke things off--which you'll never really know. So if you want to be heard, write her a long letter. DON'T SEND IT--your ex won't respond the way you hope she will. (Trust me; I've made that mistake too.) Write it so that you can satisfy your own desire to set the record straight. And don't send her anything for her birthday. Imagine how you'll feel if you do and you get no response from her. Protect yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
simon_uk Posted April 28, 2005 Share Posted April 28, 2005 I wrote a long letter for my own closure and I DID send it. Two days later I get a love song on my answer machine at 4AM!!!! The next day I send her a birthday card. No response, no thanks for the card NOTHING! Two days later I ring her up to try reconcile, guess what? She said she shouldn't have sent the song, she doesnt want me its over!!!!!! Four hours later I get a text saying, "shame it took you two days to react" Ex's are ****ed up individuals dude! If I had my chance again I wouldnt even send her a card!!!! I know from a previous relationship that breaking NC all the time screws things big time, thats why with this one I gave her all the time in the world. I am still met with hostility even though we eneded on good terms!!!!! I dont hink my ex knows what she wants and I reckon she still loves me but thinks I am hurting her for some reason!!!! Been reading about Borderline Personality Disorder and it really upsets me because she seems to have most of the traits!!!!!! Love?????? Pahhhhhh! Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted April 28, 2005 Share Posted April 28, 2005 Originally posted by XNemesisX Dammit..alphamale really needs to get on this thread. you funny XY32 i have already given COC tons of advice. he can use it as he sees fit. i just hope COC does not de-throne JOEL as the self-loathing king of LS Link to post Share on other sites
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