daniel106 Posted June 10, 2015 Posted June 10, 2015 So here's the story, i've dated the girl for 7 months after she was out of a 3 years relationship with an older guy (redflag) so i kept it slow for the first 2-3 months (not made it official etc, she was just a chick on the side i was banging) but after that things escalated pretty fast and it got serious. All this time her super clingy ex was contacting her (tons of calls etc.) that she would not answer and he was also contacting her friends, family etc. basically the very clingy beta type. I just ignored this. Now out of the blue she did not return my calls for 1 night and when i asked where she was she said we need to talk. So i met her and figured out she was trying to dump me so i said under this circumstances i'm glad that we're getting along so fine and we agree on this, laughed and left. Did not contact her since. She was trying to give me alot of BS that she can't be in a relationship right now cos of her mom and the ex whos friend with her family is still somehow in her life but she swears this is not about another man (yeah right). Long story short, after 1 week i bumped into them by accident at a party. I played it cool said hi and did my thing around there ignoring them. I've also gone NC since and she is NC too, all she keeps doing is posting places we've been together etc on instagram or chat profile pictures. Now my question is, if we got along so great, no fights, great connection etc, i'm not some clingy guy, and she always acted like she loathed her ex for his way of being why on earth would she go back to him? I obviously like her and hope to bang her again or smth. in the future, how should i play this? keep going NC? We will meet occasionally like 1 time a month at different events because we have a lot of common friends and connections. This is pretty weird because i'm much better looking than the guy she got back to, and he is very jealous, suffocating clingy type, i'm not that kind of man at all, not even after we broke up.
AIJ Posted June 10, 2015 Posted June 10, 2015 NC. Wait it out but don't hold your breath or put your life on hold for this girl.
Author daniel106 Posted June 10, 2015 Author Posted June 10, 2015 NC. Wait it out but don't hold your breath or put your life on hold for this girl. Yes i figured out best thing to do is move on with my life. But it's frustrating she going back to a man that seems worse in all aspects and not knowing why she did it.
NopeNah Posted June 10, 2015 Posted June 10, 2015 Yes i figured out best thing to do is move on with my life. But it's frustrating she going back to a man that seems worse in all aspects and not knowing why she did it. Why? Because freewill. They/we cheat,have affairs,lie,break hearts and get heart broken..Human nature.
AIJ Posted June 10, 2015 Posted June 10, 2015 Yes i figured out best thing to do is move on with my life. But it's frustrating she going back to a man that seems worse in all aspects and not knowing why she did it. You'll never get the answers so don't bother beating yourself up about it. She made her choice, just let her get on with it and live your life
DexterLS Posted June 10, 2015 Posted June 10, 2015 Yes i figured out best thing to do is move on with my life. But it's frustrating she going back to a man that seems worse in all aspects and not knowing why she did it. That's what she told you. I agree with AIJ, I don't think she is coming back. NC and time to heal yourself. You will meet other girls obviously. Good luck!
Author daniel106 Posted June 10, 2015 Author Posted June 10, 2015 You'll never get the answers so don't bother beating yourself up about it. She made her choice, just let her get on with it and live your life I'm beating myself up about it because i want to be better in all aspects and i don't want to have this happen again. And obviously, it's also a matter of heartbreak and broken ego. Why would she go for the guy that seems worse in all aspects, which she acted like she was disgusted with? Doesn't make any sense, usually it's the other way around.
NopeNah Posted June 10, 2015 Posted June 10, 2015 I'm beating myself up about it because i want to be better in all aspects and i don't want to have this happen again. And obviously, it's also a matter of heartbreak and broken ego. Why would she go for the guy that seems worse in all aspects, which she acted like she was disgusted with? Doesn't make any sense, usually it's the other way around. What she said to you about her ex were not her true feelings,obviously. She used you,in a sense, to get him back. Edit: Don't become the "beta" that you called him earlier. 1
Author daniel106 Posted June 10, 2015 Author Posted June 10, 2015 What she said to you about her ex were not her true feelings,obviously. She used you,in a sense, to get him back. How could she have used me to get him back if she's the one that dumped him back then ?
NopeNah Posted June 10, 2015 Posted June 10, 2015 How could she have used me to get him back if she's the one that dumped him back then ? Who's she with? 1
Author daniel106 Posted June 10, 2015 Author Posted June 10, 2015 Who's she with? Him not me, good point. Still annoying as F***
NopeNah Posted June 10, 2015 Posted June 10, 2015 Him not me, good point. Still annoying as F*** Not trying to be rude or anything. Just stating the facts. A lot of chick's that hop into a rebound, do so with the mindset that the ex "will change for them"..Most ex's don't and odds are she'll hit you up again when it goes back to where she left him. Then....rinse and repeat..This girl is a "branch swinger"..How long was she out of her relationship when you met her? Are you sure she wasn't still with him when you met her? 2
Author daniel106 Posted June 10, 2015 Author Posted June 10, 2015 Not trying to be rude or anything. Just stating the facts. A lot of chick's that hop into a rebound, do so with the mindset that the ex "will change for them"..Most ex's don't and odds are she'll hit you up again when it goes back to where she left him. Then....rinse and repeat..This girl is a "branch swinger"..How long was she out of her relationship when you met her? Are you sure she wasn't still with him when you met her? She was not still with him back then but i'm starting to get pretty sure if i cold analyze her behavior now that she probably hooked up with him about 1,5 months before she got to dump me, and i think that if i wouldn't have confronted her when i did about where she was she would have stringed me along even more.
aloneinaz Posted June 10, 2015 Posted June 10, 2015 This site is littered with hundreds of threads just like this. SSOO many guys/gals break up from a LTR and rebound w/someone else so they don't have to suffer being alone and cope/deal with the pain. Then, time away from the other person makes them miss them and they go back to them w/usually catastrophic results. At the end of the day, it appears you were a rebound to a "tree swinger" (never heard that before but it's an appropriate expression). Pick yourself up, dust yourself off and don't contact her again.
ZiggyZoo Posted June 10, 2015 Posted June 10, 2015 Praying4Daylight nailed it, she was lying about her true feelings for him. She's obviously not going to tell you that she still had feelings for him, and was just using him to pass the time, is she? No, she's going to talk him down, while waiting to see if he comes back around or not. You were just a Plan B, but you sound like you already knew that. The red flags you should have paid attention to were the fact that she had been so recently out of a relationship, the fact that she even mentioned him at all (well, a little is ok, too much=something's still there) and the fact that she didn't stop him from remaining a part of her life. She had some serious issues with setting boundaries, if she let him keep calling her and her family. It had nothing to do with him being a clingy beta male, whatever that means. It had everything to do with her allowing that inappropriate behavior to continue like she did.
Author daniel106 Posted June 10, 2015 Author Posted June 10, 2015 Praying4Daylight nailed it, she was lying about her true feelings for him. She's obviously not going to tell you that she still had feelings for him, and was just using him to pass the time, is she? No, she's going to talk him down, while waiting to see if he comes back around or not. You were just a Plan B, but you sound like you already knew that. The red flags you should have paid attention to were the fact that she had been so recently out of a relationship, the fact that she even mentioned him at all (well, a little is ok, too much=something's still there) and the fact that she didn't stop him from remaining a part of her life. She had some serious issues with setting boundaries, if she let him keep calling her and her family. It had nothing to do with him being a clingy beta male, whatever that means. It had everything to do with her allowing that inappropriate behavior to continue like she did. I did and i kept her like a side-chick for few months after i saw everything was going smoothly i escalated things. It was impossible not to mention him cos the guy was calling her like 20 times a day coming to her workplace stalking and what not,even after months. Told her that hes gonna kill himself because of her and what not. She acted disgusted with all this but couldn't cut him off completely because the guy had some business with her family. I played it cool all along, i still am but as you can imagine this s*** gets to you.
DexterLS Posted June 10, 2015 Posted June 10, 2015 Praying4Daylight was spot on. To be honest, It did cross my mind that she might still have been with him when she met you. In my case, I'm the other guy. My ex cheated and dumped me for someone else and she is in a relationship with the new guy. Of course, I did all the wrong things: begged, cried on the phone etc to try and win her back. At one point, her new boyfriend picked up the phone and told me things that I wished I never heard. My ex spoke so much **** about me with this new guy. So many lies. Now I gave up.
NopeNah Posted June 10, 2015 Posted June 10, 2015 Praying4Daylight was spot on. To be honest, It did cross my mind that she might still have been with him when she met you. In my case, I'm the other guy. My ex cheated and dumped me for someone else and she is in a relationship with the new guy. Of course, I did all the wrong things: begged, cried on the phone etc to try and win her back. At one point, her new boyfriend picked up the phone and told me things that I wished I never heard. My ex spoke so much **** about me with this new guy. So many lies. Now I gave up. I'll be truthful and say that I've been the ex that she went back to with a few women (including the one that brought me here),minus the begging and constant calls,ect.. I get on my way pretty quickly,but they ALWAYS come back,or try to..I've never been in the opposite position(rebound)..never. I take a good 6 months-a year before I fully commit. I've been around and through the ringer enough. I don't go too far down the rabbit hole,anymore, without knowing where it leads. Chalk this up as a learning experience, OP. Looks,confidence and money aren't everything.. I have them all(IMO) and I'm single by choice now. "Soooo much more room for activity's" 1
Author daniel106 Posted June 10, 2015 Author Posted June 10, 2015 (edited) I'll be truthful and say that I've been the ex that she went back to with a few women (including the one that brought me here),minus the begging and constant calls,ect.. I get on my way pretty quickly,but they ALWAYS come back,or try to..I've never been in the opposite position(rebound)..never. I take a good 6 months-a year before I fully commit. I've been around and through the ringer enough. I don't go too far down the rabbit hole,anymore, without knowing where it leads. Chalk this up as a learning experience, OP. Looks,confidence and money aren't everything.. I have them all(IMO) and I'm single by choice now. "Soooo much more room for activity's" I was in that position myself Praying4Daylight and not all came back. But most of them did. I was never the rebound either until now when i thought i know better..but i got stiffed and my ego took a punch. That's why i was curious if they ever go back to the rebound as they do if you're the main guy. Don't wish this to anybody! Edited June 10, 2015 by daniel106 adding a phrase
ZiggyZoo Posted June 10, 2015 Posted June 10, 2015 I did and i kept her like a side-chick for few months after i saw everything was going smoothly i escalated things. It was impossible not to mention him cos the guy was calling her like 20 times a day coming to her workplace stalking and what not,even after months. Told her that hes gonna kill himself because of her and what not. She acted disgusted with all this but couldn't cut him off completely because the guy had some business with her family. I played it cool all along, i still am but as you can imagine this s*** gets to you. Damn, and she went back to him? Niiice...I would never have put up with that much BS. That's ridiculous, and I would hope my family would back me up in cutting him off too. Geez. Well, I know you've heard it before, but this is a situation that you are better off out of, man. 1
mystikmind2005 Posted June 10, 2015 Posted June 10, 2015 If that is the way the other guy behaves, then you know it cannot last between them. Don't wait around tho, but whenever your not serious with someone else, may as well check in every now and then and start of only casual and stay that way twice as long - 6 months just to be sure.
aloneinaz Posted June 10, 2015 Posted June 10, 2015 You need to file 13 this girl from your brain, my man. Why ask if the rebounder ever comes back? Would you actually consider taking this person back? Oh hell no is your answer, right?!?! She's back w/this clingy, needy, smothering guy. Clearly, it won't last and don't be that door mat guy that takes her back (if she comes back). Her crocodile tears will be simply BS. You'll just be another fill in until she finds someone who really rocks her world. I'd never be anyone's fall back or plan B. There's FAR too many targets or opportunity out there that would love to have you in their life. Don't lose sight of that. 2
Author daniel106 Posted June 15, 2015 Author Posted June 15, 2015 You need to file 13 this girl from your brain, my man. Why ask if the rebounder ever comes back? Would you actually consider taking this person back? Oh hell no is your answer, right?!?! She's back w/this clingy, needy, smothering guy. Clearly, it won't last and don't be that door mat guy that takes her back (if she comes back). Her crocodile tears will be simply BS. You'll just be another fill in until she finds someone who really rocks her world. I'd never be anyone's fall back or plan B. There's FAR too many targets or opportunity out there that would love to have you in their life. Don't lose sight of that. Well I met her accidentally at a party and guess what i ended up banging her at her place and left. I know that's no good but the booze got the best of me.
ravfour4 Posted June 15, 2015 Posted June 15, 2015 Women bash their ex's all the time just like she's probably bashing you to him right now. It doesn't mean the ex was all bad, hell she stayed with him for 3 years. Maybe he has qualities that she finds more important than looks and acting tough. Maybe she'll be back and she's just trying to give it a second chance. Don't beat yourself up over it, you did the right thing by cutting it off cleanly, don't worry about what about him "is better", you both have positive qualities and you'll find someone who appreciates yours more than she did.
Sameold Posted June 15, 2015 Posted June 15, 2015 If a girl is constantly moaning etc about their ex they are most likely not over them. Being over someone is essentially being nonchalent, not caring... at least in a day to day form when you are not seeing them. Sounds as though this is one to put on the NC list and to leave well alone. Look for girls with lessle man baggage.
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