maysj18 Posted June 10, 2015 Posted June 10, 2015 I've been seeing someone for the last 2-3 weeks. We've kept in pretty constant contact since we reconnected (we were friends in middle school/high school) and have had some moderately serious talks about beliefs, morals, etc. Well, we briefly touched on abortion in general one night and he mentioned he's pro-life (but to what extent, I don't know). I have a copper IUD that works by preventing implantation, not fertilization. Now, to some, that's an "abortion". I have no idea how rigid he is when it comes to that, but it may be super important to him and to find out later on might upset him a lot. We haven't slept together yet due to monthly maintenance (), but we both want to so it's just a matter of time. Of course we'll use condoms at first, but the risk is still there. It seems like a ridiculous conversation to have, but I brought it up to some friends and they were mixed on it so I figured I should come here. Let me know your thoughts. Thank you! Oh, we're 26.
Redhead14 Posted June 10, 2015 Posted June 10, 2015 I've been seeing someone for the last 2-3 weeks. We've kept in pretty constant contact since we reconnected (we were friends in middle school/high school) and have had some moderately serious talks about beliefs, morals, etc. Well, we briefly touched on abortion in general one night and he mentioned he's pro-life (but to what extent, I don't know). I have a copper IUD that works by preventing implantation, not fertilization. Now, to some, that's an "abortion". I have no idea how rigid he is when it comes to that, but it may be super important to him and to find out later on might upset him a lot. We haven't slept together yet due to monthly maintenance (), but we both want to so it's just a matter of time. Of course we'll use condoms at first, but the risk is still there. It seems like a ridiculous conversation to have, but I brought it up to some friends and they were mixed on it so I figured I should come here. Let me know your thoughts. Thank you! Oh, we're 26. If you are planning to be intimate, you might as well have all the cards on the table before it happens. If you even think he may have an issue with an IUD being akin to abortion, and you don't discuss it with him, you may be opening a can of worms and opening yourself and him to emotional investment that could have been averted. If you're going to be intimate, birth control is something you both need to be on the same page about. If he's smart, he'll ask you if you're on birth control anyway even if using a condom. AT some point, you may decide to be intimate without a condom if you're farther into the relationship.
fitnessfan365 Posted June 10, 2015 Posted June 10, 2015 Story for you. Even though my cousin and his GF are engaged and have been together for years, she refuses to go on birth control. So they still have to use condoms are after all these years. But guess what. She just gave birth to their daughter a few months ago. This is exactly why I won't sleep with a woman unless she is on birth control regardless of condoms. 2
Author maysj18 Posted June 10, 2015 Author Posted June 10, 2015 If you are planning to be intimate, you might as well have all the cards on the table before it happens. If you even think he may have an issue with an IUD being akin to abortion, and you don't discuss it with him, you may be opening a can of worms and opening yourself and him to emotional investment that could have been averted. If you're going to be intimate, birth control is something you both need to be on the same page about. If he's smart, he'll ask you if you're on birth control anyway even if using a condom. AT some point, you may decide to be intimate without a condom if you're farther into the relationship. Agreed. We've had the BC talk of course, but with him not being medically inclined I'm sure he doesn't know how they work vs the pill or anything else. I just want to know if I should explain how the copper IUD differs from the rest in controlling "accidents".
Redhead14 Posted June 10, 2015 Posted June 10, 2015 Agreed. We've had the BC talk of course, but with him not being medically inclined I'm sure he doesn't know how they work vs the pill or anything else. I just want to know if I should explain that this type of birth control works differently than the rest and how it controls "accidents". Of course, you should give all the details, the pros the cons, and how it works. Full disclosure. That way he can't come back to you and say you left out something that he may have wanted to know or that you tried to witthold information from him. Honesty and transparency are the foundation of a good relationship always.
GemmaUK Posted June 10, 2015 Posted June 10, 2015 If for some reason your IUD failed what would you do? S'ok I am not trying to bait you here. The reason I ask is that I was seeing a guy and on the pill, I wasn't happy about going condom free and he asked why. I was 43 at the time (he was 42), had had a tummy upset and was not confident my pill would work. He asked what I would do if I got pregnant and I replied that at our ages and that we hadn't been together long (3 months at this point) I would abort if that happened. He went ballistic. His main point was that it wasn't my choice to make and that it should be his as he was Christian and pro-life. He was massively controlling in other ways and abusive though. You need to discuss this if you are to become intimate. It's very important. 5
d0nnivain Posted June 10, 2015 Posted June 10, 2015 If you think he's going to have an issue, talk to him. But before you talk to him, think this through for yourself. Are you willing to go on a different method of BC if he doesn't approve of the one you are on and what are the medical / health risks to you if you do? If you are not willing to change what happens if he objects to your chosen method?
Author maysj18 Posted June 10, 2015 Author Posted June 10, 2015 If you think he's going to have an issue, talk to him. But before you talk to him, think this through for yourself. Are you willing to go on a different method of BC if he doesn't approve of the one you are on and what are the medical / health risks to you if you do? If you are not willing to change what happens if he objects to your chosen method? Well, there are no other options. I can't be on any hormonal birth control due to a daily medication I take. If he was that upset about it, we wouldn't work. At all. It's only been a couple of weeks anyways, so it'd be a non-issue for me. I couldn't live with someone that conservative anyways. 1
Clarence_Boddicker Posted June 10, 2015 Posted June 10, 2015 It's your body, do what you want with it. The only thing that would be wrong is intentionally getting pregnant without a guy's consent ie tricking him into thinking you're on BC. Not sure about the copper IUD. Is he Catholic? If he's strictly religious, why is he planning to have sex before marriage? 1
Keenly Posted June 10, 2015 Posted June 10, 2015 Story for you. Even though my cousin and his GF are engaged and have been together for years, she refuses to go on birth control. So they still have to use condoms are after all these years. But guess what. She just gave birth to their daughter a few months ago. This is exactly why I won't sleep with a woman unless she is on birth control regardless of condoms. Let me give you a piece of advice, man to man. If a woman tells you she is on birth control, wear a condom anywaY. Signed, a father. 2
O'Malley Posted June 10, 2015 Posted June 10, 2015 I think it's beneficial to have compatible beliefs about birth control and unplanned pregnancies and to get that information hashed out before you get invested. If you're both comfortable enough to have sex, there shouldn't be too much discomfort with bringing up your IUD and exactly how it works. Your health comes first, so do what you need to safeguard it. Just my take, I'd be leery of someone with a pro-life stance (you can be personally against abortion but support individual choice). 1
fitnessfan365 Posted June 10, 2015 Posted June 10, 2015 Let me give you a piece of advice, man to man. If a woman tells you she is on birth control, wear a condom anywaY. Signed, a father. Haha.. Couldn't agree more. But what I was saying is that I won't sleep with a woman unless there is condoms AND birth control.
lollipopspot Posted June 10, 2015 Posted June 10, 2015 Haha.. Couldn't agree more. But what I was saying is that I won't sleep with a woman unless there is condoms AND birth control. Some women can't or don't want to mess with their hormones like that. I think that condoms and spermicide are effective, and you can control those. 2
No_Go Posted June 10, 2015 Posted June 10, 2015 I think you should just tell him that you have a non-hormonal IUD because you can't be on hormonal birth control for medical reasons. You don't need to go into the mechanism of work of the IUD, and he'll probably never ask. And btw, regarding the mechanism of action - the copper T decreases the probability of fertilization by changing the cervical mucus, prevent the movements of the epithelium in the fallopian tubes etc. The effect on implantation is also possible, but it is not the main one (and it occurs mainly in the case that the IUD is inserted as an emergency contraception, after unprotected sex). I've been seeing someone for the last 2-3 weeks. We've kept in pretty constant contact since we reconnected (we were friends in middle school/high school) and have had some moderately serious talks about beliefs, morals, etc. Well, we briefly touched on abortion in general one night and he mentioned he's pro-life (but to what extent, I don't know). I have a copper IUD that works by preventing implantation, not fertilization. Now, to some, that's an "abortion". I have no idea how rigid he is when it comes to that, but it may be super important to him and to find out later on might upset him a lot. We haven't slept together yet due to monthly maintenance (), but we both want to so it's just a matter of time. Of course we'll use condoms at first, but the risk is still there. It seems like a ridiculous conversation to have, but I brought it up to some friends and they were mixed on it so I figured I should come here. Let me know your thoughts. Thank you! Oh, we're 26.
misspond Posted June 10, 2015 Posted June 10, 2015 No matter how pro-birth a man is it's still the woman's job to make sure she doesn't get pregnant (if she doesn't want to) because growing a life, giving birth and then bringing up a human being are proper full-time jobs, but the man has responsibility too. Both adults in a sexual relationship should take responsibility, but as the person who can potentially carry a child you need to be comfortable with the method you use. He can use condoms and spermicide.
acrosstheuniverse Posted June 10, 2015 Posted June 10, 2015 The IUD doesn't seem the issue here, it's a method of contraception not an abortion. What is an issue is that given you already know how strongly he feels about abortion, you need to be on the same page BEFORE sleeping together. It just takes once to get pregnant, even on birth control. It's so important to agree on what would happen if you DO get pregnant before you have sex. So, are you willing if you get caught out to have a baby? Could you respect his wishes and never have abortion as an option on the table? Before my last relationship I was very 'if I got pregnant I'd abort' and my partner was on the same page. Before this one, I realised that at this later time in my life with a career (27 vs 18), I don't think I could have an abortion if we got caught out. I wanted to make sure whoever I was with knew that, so they could then make an informed choice whether to have sex with me or not. We haven't got caught out (I never have as I've always been careful) but it can happen. And it really sucks for the guy who basically has no input into what happens from that point onward, other than to be expected to say 'I support you whatever you choose' even if he has a strong feeling either way.
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