Neomas Posted June 10, 2015 Posted June 10, 2015 I'm dating a girl who is amazing, she's fun, we have tons in common, and things seemed to be going well till about two weeks ago. We started dating about one week after she ended it with her last boyfriend of about two years. We jumped in a little fast. But, there seemed to be a connection that was unmistakable. Well, I could tell something was off so I asked her about it, she tells me "she still has feelings for him". I understand that, how could she not? I told her that I'm willing to help in any way I could. This is where things get a little muddled. She is a little sneaky, and I'm a little broken from past relationships, been cheated on, lied to, tooled around. So I pay attention to things, times, locations, things that normally wouldn't be a big deal to most guys but are to me. She said that she didn't mind me keeping tabs on her at first, but now she says she doesn't want me too and that it's making her feel smothered and less connected to me. Some info I should share, I am ten years older than her, she's 18, I'm 28. I know what most of you are going to say, but please, let me know what you think. Thanks!
ExpatInItaly Posted June 10, 2015 Posted June 10, 2015 What in the heck are you thinking? She isn't ready. What exactly are you offering to "help" her with? You are being a total doormat here, OP. She was barely single when she started going out with you and she's now told you she's still into him. Run. You cannot expect this to get better by keeping tabs on her. She doesn't want that and if you have to monitor where someone is and try to twist them into a relationship, it isn't the right person. And yes, I'm going to say something about the age difference. You two are (or should be) in very different life phases. She's just now entering adulthood and is very likely going to want to go out and have fun, date around, study. The idea of settling down is probably not forefront in her mind right now. You are nearly 30. What is it you're hoping to find here?
Author Neomas Posted June 10, 2015 Author Posted June 10, 2015 Thank you for your reply Italy, the reason I'm not running is because I still feel something between us, and she does too, it's just not as strong as in the first couple months. I know she loves me. And she knows that I have those trust issues that make me feel like I have to keep tabs. We understand that both of us have problems and are willing to work on them. As far as being a doormat, I'm okay with that if it's what she needs right now. She isn't interested in getting back with her ex, she just has some strong feelings toward him. As far as the age thing goes, I'm not a normal 29 year old, I travel and enjoy life, I gave up the conventional life a few years ago. Age is just a number that shouldn't dictate who can be with who (as long as it's legal). especially if there is love in each others hearts.
fitnessfan365 Posted June 10, 2015 Posted June 10, 2015 An almost 30 year old dating an 18 year old is a bit of a stretch. She hasn't had time yet to fully develop mentally, find out what she wants in life, etc.. Plus, she just got out of a two year relationship right before starting up with you. Definitely not an ideal situation to say the least.
Author Neomas Posted June 10, 2015 Author Posted June 10, 2015 An almost 30 year old dating an 18 year old is a bit of a stretch. She hasn't had time yet to fully develop mentally, find out what she wants in life, etc.. Plus, she just got out of a two year relationship right before starting up with you. Definitely not an ideal situation to say the least. Lol, I know it isn't "ideal", I'm trying to figure out what I need to do and how to fix the real problems here. Thank you for your reply though.
fitnessfan365 Posted June 10, 2015 Posted June 10, 2015 Lol, I know it isn't "ideal", I'm trying to figure out what I need to do and how to fix the real problems here. Thank you for your reply though. The point I was trying to make is that you should just end it and move on to a woman closer to your age that isn't treating you like a rebound. 1
Author Neomas Posted June 10, 2015 Author Posted June 10, 2015 The point I was trying to make is that you should just end it and move on to a woman closer to your age that isn't treating you like a rebound. Oh, okay. Thank you for clarifying. I've been thinking along those same lines.
aloneinaz Posted June 11, 2015 Posted June 11, 2015 Dude.. right now you should be reaching for the eject handle and punch out of that "relationship".. Clearly, you know that relationship isn't going anywhere nor will it. She's WWWAAYYY to young. Find someone closer to your age that ready for a LT, committed relationship. You're only setting yourself up for further pain and aggravation.
Author Neomas Posted June 11, 2015 Author Posted June 11, 2015 Does anyone else have any advice or experience they can share?
spiderowl Posted June 11, 2015 Posted June 11, 2015 She still has feelings for her ex and she 'jumped' into a relationship with you. At this point in time, she probably feels very lonely and abandoned and you are someone she can relate to, who cares about her, and who will be loving towards her. It would be a big mistake to assume that she feels like you. This could be a rebound relationship, but the big red flag is her telling you she still has feelings for her ex. I know it's probably too late but try not to get too involved with her emotionally. You are likely to be heading for a train wreck. The age difference alone means she's not likely to be at the same life stage as you. You are probably seeking more security in a relationship, something more settled. She is reeling from a break up and is so young she probably doesn't even know what she wants out of life yet, let alone a serious relationship with someone older. Relationships with age gaps can work, and many do, but I wouldn't hold out much hope here. I suspect you are already hooked, but be prepared for the 'not ready for a relationship' speech and her spending less time with you once she's rediscovered a circle of friends and her confidence is returning. Think about what you really want and if this girl is ready for it (not just sex!). I think you'll find the truth there.
Author Neomas Posted June 12, 2015 Author Posted June 12, 2015 Thank you so much for your insightful advice spiderowl.
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