My GF of 3 years cheated on me and dumped me, she has contacted me in twos weeks.

June 10, 2015

I have been dating a wonderful girl for the past 3 years whom I love dearly. More than anything she is my best friend and I really enjoy having her in my life. The past 6months have been difficult and there has been increased stress on the relationship. We have fought more but I still want to be with her and do not accept breaking up as an option.

A few months ago my GF has started seeing a therapist and has begun using medication. She deals with many issues, borderline personality disorder, eating and body image issues, and has been raped/abused in the past. I think I have done a pretty good job dealing with her issues and always let her know I am accepting of her flaws. I am not perfect and when we get in arguments she uses her problems as a crutch and makes it seem like I am intentionally trying to make her feel bad. She has been telling me she is trying to get better and I am a trigger and am not good for her recovery. I tell her I can help you recover together and that I am always there for her.

My girlfriend has been asking for space more and more for the last month and she has been doing everything in her power to NOT spend time with me. She has been very distant. I went out to a bar with my buddy on college graduation night and end up dancing with a girl and she found out and was upset. The thing is I called her to come out and she didn’t answer. I probably called her 10 time because I started to think “where exactly is she?”.She shows up later that night and doesn’t even make an excuse for why she didn’t pick up (later she said she was asleep). One of her friends tells her I was dancing on another girl and she is pissed at me.The next day was mother’s day so I go over to her house cooked dinner for her mom and her (my gf has a 6yrold) and I tried to deny what happened with the girl. She barely talked to me and continued to ask for space. I tried to invite to all sorts of things where we can spend time together but she didn't try to make any time for me and told me space means don't call her. I didn’t know where we stood as a couple anymore and the next weekend I flirted with one of her friends and it got back to her. Again i denied what happend and told her it was really my buddy that was talking to her and flirting with her which is true but we both were.

Anyhow, she said we were done. I tried to call her and plead my case but she didn't answer. Then I got desperate and called 20 times late in the night and to talk to her, she told me it is over and there is nothing I can do. I beg her to not to leave but she doesn’t change her mind. I know she was mad about the flirting/dancing but I doubt that this was it. The next day I really, really try to win her over and tell her how much she means to me, that I love her, and I really share my whole soul to her. She doesn't care and tells me it’s done. She says if we are meant to be we will. She evens says a week later things might be different, but then she says you don't want me I’m no good for you. I tell her I don’t care I love you and always will and then she flat out says in her text "I slept with one person one time in our relationship, sorry" I tell her to never call me again. Later that night she texted "sorry for everything"

It has been two weeks since she told me and I have heard anything from her. I unfriended her on Facebook and Instagram but I know that she has updated her profiles with all the things she has been doing and she looks very happy. She has been going out, and my friend’s and I ran into her at the bar. I went the other way when I saw her, she didn’t see me. She was with other dudes and was drunk. My buddy talked to her and she told she wants me to sleep with other girls. They said she seemed almost scared that I was going to confront her at the bar, but I just wanted to leave when I saw her there. She has been reaching out to guys I know and seems ready to start dating.I fear she has already slept with many men and wants to sleep with many more. Our sex life was healthy and she is satisfied but she has so many issues I feel like she needs new attention from other men to validate her.

It is two weeks today and I thought by now she would reach out and apologize or ask how I was doing. We were so close and loved each other but no response from her is really driving me up the roof. I am so hurt by her cheating on me but more than anything the fact that we aren’t friends anymore and can’t talk is killing me. It is so painful right now and I wonder if she is hurting as much as me.

I wanted to ask her to marry me later this year and she knows that, she doesn’t care. I told her I even have the ring and it didn’t change her mind. She told me she is scared about the relationship getting more serious and I told her so am I but we can do it together. She used to bother me that I was ddint ask her to amrry her sooner and now that I’m ready and its getting real she isn’t. I just graduated college and got good job menaing we can move in together with her son. She said she feels like we are moving in different directions but I don’t really see that at all. Our lives have taken an upgrade and I thought she would be happier

She has wronged me and broke my heart, but still want her back because how much I love her. It is wrong and everyone is saying it will happen again if she knows I will take her back, but I can’t help that I love her and want her so badly. She is my first and only gf and the only woman I love. We are really compatible until very recently. What bothers me the most is that she doesn’t seem to care about how much I’m hurting. I can barely get thru the day. What should I do? Do you think she will contact me eventually? Should I contact her, it has been 14 days. Should I take her back?

In my mind I wish she was just making the cheating thing up to get me to leave and give her the space she asked for, but my friend asked her and she said it was true she did cheat. I’m starting to believe even though its hard. I feel like even if she didn’t cheat she is willing to have more sex now. She used to fear that I needed to “sow my oats” because she is the only girl I’ve been with, but I feel like she going thru a phase like that right now. I was her 9th partner. 2nd serious relationship more than just ****ing and one night stands.

Im lost man, I really am.

June 10, 2015

There was lying, fooling around, along with not respecting boundaries (you) and outright infidelty (her). This isn't a healthy relationship. The best thing to do is go NC, step back and really look at it.

June 10, 2015

My girlfriend of 6 years cheated AND dumped me for someone else. It's the toughest thing I have had to go through.

I understand how you feel, but you need to try your hardest and let this go. There's nothing you can do. She is not coming back unless she decides too. No matter what you do, it will not change anything.

Just go No Contact and start healing today. That's the only thing you can and need to do.

All the best buddy!

June 10, 2015

You 'love her dearly, but won't give her space when she tells you she needs it, won't leave her alone when she doesn't want to talk to you, won't accept it when she tells you it's over, and you dance and flirt with other girls and lie about it.

She had sex with somebody else.

What would have to happen to make you understand that it IS over?

June 10, 2015

I know i messed up by dancing and flirting but this was really due to her being so distant and not wanting anything to do with me. I felt like i needed to do some drastic to get her attention because she was already moved on and ok without me.

I admit, i was wrong for the way i went about it. But her cheating on me is on a whole another level of betrayal. I'm not sure when she cheated on me, why, or with whom she cheated with. All i know is she said "I cheated once time with one person and that when i realized how ****ed up everything is"

I tried to give her space but I had a hard time giving it to her fully. I told her I'm ok with her taking a break and spending more time away from me, and she can do whatever she wants but i still wanted to be her friend and see her occasionally. I also told her the only way she can have space means no sex with anyone else, because i always told her there is no way I can accept her back after that. It just isn't the same, she isn't my special girl anymore, or its hard to think of her in that way. I told her I would wait however long too and I would see anyone even though she always said I can have sex with other girls. She always told me I need to explore whats out there but i told i love her and i already found it.

None of this went as planned and now i feel like a fool. She was my soul mate and I feel like we the right amount of perfect for each other, we compliment each other. But she saying she cheated and I cant accept it. I plan to go a long time without contacting her and I am up to 14 days but I dont know how long i can go. I pray everyday she calls and apologizes and admits she was wrong, but she doesnt seem to care. Im not sure if shes hurt by any of this.

She real into karma and thinks of herself a s a hippie. She identifies herself as an "empath" but i told her before breakup shes full of **** because what she is doing to me is tearing me apart.

.....i love her. and i probably always will. I just wish she would realized how much I cared about her and how much she meant to me.

June 10, 2015

She always told me I need to explore whats out there but i told i love her and i already found it..

I see this as a huge I'm NOT that into you "flag".. Any girl that wants to be in an exclusive relationship with a guy is NOT going to say this.

June 10, 2015

If your buddy or pal came to you and told you what you just wrote on this board, you'd have to say to him "DUDE, REALLY!?!?"

You're doing absolutely everything wrong in regards to managing getting dumped. You didn't listen to her request for space, you absolutely smothered her in an obsessive way and pushed her further away from you. I'm not trying to be mean but provide you with some tough love my man.

Leave her alone! She's made a decision, you're pleas for another chance are only irritating her further. You need to step back from this read a lot on this site and start healing from the relationship ending. You're not going to change her mind.

Also, you indicated that she's a Borderline Personality Disorder sufferer? Have you ever read anything online about dating someone with this disorder? Having dated one myself, I can tell you that you may feel relieved that she's out of your life. It's a total rollercoaster ride from hell or at least it was for me. Do yourself a favor and read up on the subject.

In the mean time, you're a young guy. Go sow your oats. You've already lied to her about dancing w/other girls so you have the interest. I'd never recommend ANYONE getting too serious about their first love, sex partner, etc.. You both need to experience other people.

June 10, 2015

I know i messed up by dancing and flirting but this was really due to her being so distant and not wanting anything to do with me. I felt like i needed to do some drastic to get her attention because she was already moved on and ok without me.

I admit, i was wrong for the way i went about it. But her cheating on me is on a whole another level of betrayal. I'm not sure when she cheated on me, why, or with whom she cheated with. All i know is she said "I cheated once time with one person and that when i realized how ****ed up everything is"

I tried to give her space but I had a hard time giving it to her fully. I told her I'm ok with her taking a break and spending more time away from me, and she can do whatever she wants but i still wanted to be her friend and see her occasionally. I also told her the only way she can have space means no sex with anyone else, because i always told her there is no way I can accept her back after that. It just isn't the same, she isn't my special girl anymore, or its hard to think of her in that way. I told her I would wait however long too and I would see anyone even though she always said I can have sex with other girls. She always told me I need to explore whats out there but i told i love her and i already found it.

None of this went as planned and now i feel like a fool. She was my soul mate and I feel like we the right amount of perfect for each other, we compliment each other. But she saying she cheated and I cant accept it. I plan to go a long time without contacting her and I am up to 14 days but I dont know how long i can go. I pray everyday she calls and apologizes and admits she was wrong, but she doesnt seem to care. Im not sure if shes hurt by any of this.

She real into karma and thinks of herself a s a hippie. She identifies herself as an "empath" but i told her before breakup shes full of **** because what she is doing to me is tearing me apart.

....i love her. and i probably always will. I just wish she would realized how much I cared about her and how much she meant to me.

This screams of co-dependency, with, astonishingly, you being the worse culprit.

Please be advised:

There is no such thing as a soul-mate.

If she really was yours she would be with you, and this wouldn't be happening.

You need to disengage, and understand that your happiness does NOT depend on you having her in your life, because it is not up to someone else to make you happy, fulfil you, complete you or make you whole.

You really need to address this mindset, because she is a totally messed-up individual and she has dragged you down with her....

Edited June 10, 2015 by TaraMaiden2

June 10, 2015

because she is a totally messed-up individual and she has dragged you down with her....

This is so often the case after dating a BPD sufferer.

OP- let's hope she can find some meds or an effective therapy treatment to help her with her issues so the next BF of hers doesn't go thru the same hell.

June 10, 2015

This is so often the case after dating a BPD sufferer.

OP- let's hope she can find some meds or an effective therapy treatment to help her with her issues so the next BF of hers doesn't go thru the same hell.

I don't think they intend it, but people like that live in the centre of a zone of chaos that travels with them.

Meds and/or therapy, just as you say.

June 11, 2015

My buddy talked to her and she told she wants me to sleep with other girls. They said she seemed almost scared that I was going to confront her at the bar, but I just wanted to leave when I saw her there. She has been reaching out to guys I know and seems ready to start dating.I fear she has already slept with many men and wants to sleep with many more.

She showed her hand right there and dimed herself out.

Funny use of words right there. Out of all the words she could have possibly used, she wants you to have SEX with other girls. She could have said, "He needs to see other girls" or "He needs to date other girls". But she used a word that was VERY specific. Why? Because she's having a lot of sex with a lot of guys.

If she was head over heels in love with you, she wouldn't say that at all. Girls are EXTREMELY possessive of the things they cherish. So, what girl would tell someone they love with all of their heart to be intimate with someone else? It doesn't happen (unless you're swingers).

So, why did she say that you need to have sex with other girls? To ease her own guilt. She feels guilty that she's sleeping around and if she heard that you were getting some too, she would be able to ease that guilt. I mean, she even told you that "she's no good for you". Why the self deprecation? GUILT! She feels guilty!

So, if she wants to turn into the town Ho, that's her business. You need to focus on the only thing you have control over and that's YOU! Start making positive changes to your life. Make life an adventure. Get new hobbies and stick to NC. BLOCK HER ON ALL OF SOCIAL MEDIA!!! Heal and move on.

Unfortunately, I have a feeling she's going to reach out to you after a while. See, sex is fun and exciting. But, in the grand scheme of things, is only a small part (important part, but small part) of relationships. If all she's doing is spreading her legs for all of these guys, they're going to take it, but they're only going to view her as an easy piece of ass. And that's all they're going to want from her. She's going to start to get lonely for other aspects of relationships. Listening to her when she has a problem. Cuddling on the couch and watching a movie together. Going out to dinner and having deep and thought provoking conversations. To laugh together at something stupid. Or even something as simple as walking down the street hand in hand. She may turn to you to provide that emotional need that she may be craving. So, she'll have a big selection of guys to chose from to meet her physical needs and she'll have you to provide her emotional needs. DON'T BE THAT GUY! NC is going to be really important to you!

June 11, 2015

I don't think they intend it, but people like that live in the centre of a zone of chaos that travels with them.

Meds and/or therapy, just as you say.

I totally agree in that they just can't help it. Using the word chaos is sssoo accurate as well.

My last GF, I'm 100% confident that she's an undiagnosed BPD. She demonstrated 90% of the traits. I've read many sites about BPD after we ended cause a therapist said she had no doubts that she suffered from it. After reading those sites, I was like OMG.. This so explains all her behavior. I'm not going crazy, it was her!!

The number one thing about BPD women is when they are nice, they are so seductive, sensual, sexual, complimentary, loving and make you feel so good. That keeps us stuck with them thru the 90% of the horror they put us thru. We hope to ride out the latest storm to get back to the nice version of them..

Breaking free from them is extremely hard but so rewarding after we get through it. Of course we'll probably always miss the sex with them..

June 11, 2015

I totally agree in that they just can't help it. Using the word chaos is sssoo accurate as well.

My last GF, I'm 100% confident that she's an undiagnosed BPD. She demonstrated 90% of the traits. I've read many sites about BPD after we ended cause a therapist said she had no doubts that she suffered from it. After reading those sites, I was like OMG.. This so explains all her behavior. I'm not going crazy, it was her!!

The number one thing about BPD women is when they are nice, they are so seductive, sensual, sexual, complimentary, loving and make you feel so good. That keeps us stuck with them thru the 90% of the horror they put us thru. We hope to ride out the latest storm to get back to the nice version of them..

Breaking free from them is extremely hard but so rewarding after we get through it. Of course we'll probably always miss the sex with them..

My ex is bpd. She was one of the sweetest most loving people ive ever known. But she would wake up in these horribly bad moods. And after b/u she is the ice queen from ****. No balance.

June 11, 2015

You never listened to her, so maybe she did sleep with someone because she felt that you had no respect for her in the relationship, therefore she didn't respect the relationship anymore.

It was kind of painful reading all of that. A woman with so many issues, seeing a therapist, and begging her boyfriend to give her space that she needs to deal with her issues. Telling her boyfriend that he was a trigger and she needed to be away from him to progress in her treatment. He boyfriend ignoring each and every single thing she says, and then intensifying his pursuance of her.

These are some things you need to look at. She asked for space - why was your answer to turn around and smother her? She told you that you were not helping her progress in her treatment - why did you insist that you could? It was like you felt you knew better than her about her own life and needs.

The relationship is over, and I think you should concentrate on moving on. I also think you need to look at the actions you took, as explained in this thread, and figure out why you felt it to be okay to do exactly the opposite of the things she asked for.

Also - for future reference - if a person is going through counseling or therapy for any disorders, it's probably a good idea for you to look into some counseling on how to be with a person with these disorders if you want to help. Simply wanting to help and be there for them, without knowing how to help and be there for them, is not only useless, but can be damaging to their therapy. There's a reason why people go through counseling and therapy for these issues - it's because not everyone is equipped to properly help manage these disorders.

June 12, 2015

Minime13, your post was a poster child for blame shifting. Her decision to cheat was her decision to cheat in response to whatever inclination she felt at the time. It was not the OP's fault.

It's not society's responsibility to cater to those in therapy etc. Failures to coexist in relationships are just that for whatever individual reason. I think it's shameful to attack this guy who clearly needs help to detach from an insane experience that has left him in a position void of objectivity. We all come to Loveshack because we want to be better.

OP, BPD sufferers are bombs waiting to go off and they will feed you a million lies to spare themselves shame as they struggle with it on a level that is difficult for someone without the disorder to comprehend.

June 12, 2015

I have an ex that is BPD as well.

I think the first thing to do is to try and remember who you are, because that will have been lost at this point. Just think about what SHE is actually doing for just a second..Are these the actions of a NORMAL person? She has probably broken you down to accept her conditions.

She may be having sex now with other guys. If you try and break it off with her it might trigger her fear of abandonment, and she will come back again. But it won't work because then she will feel the other extreme which is engulfment, She will feel smothered by a "real" relationship and then go and push you away again. Push and pull, push and pull..You will go through lots of that if you stay and it does not work out.

June 15, 2015

You hit the hammer on the nail with your description smartdude^^^^

That describes her and my relationship with herfor the past year.

Its almost been 3 weeks of since the breakup. I feel amazing compared to how i felt last week. Its like night and day, I could hardly get out of bed last week. But I have been keeping busy, exercising, spending time with family and friends and having a good time.

I haven't had any contact with her since she told me she cheated on me with one person/one time, where I basically told her to f**k off. She has contacted twice now with very short text messages, like "Hii". I don't know what her intentions are by contacting me but it must hurt her too not be able to speak to each other.

She hasn't contacted me with any indication of wanting to get back together just little text to get me to talk to her. What do you guys thinks she wants?

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My GF of 3 years cheated on me and dumped me, she has contacted me in twos weeks.

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