bambiprincipessa Posted June 10, 2015 Posted June 10, 2015 Me and my ex got together a few months ago after being best friends for about 6 months. Anyway, he was literally the perfect boyfriend to start then he started being extremely verbally abusive. Calling me all sorts of names, in a very short space of time. Obviously us being close before hand I told hi some of the things I had gone through, he started using these things against me e.g. how many guys I had slept with and things, I never understood why this was relevant. Anyway, I cut my sim card so I couldn't talk to him. When I got a new one I was inundated with text messages apologising etc. Then he starts again, calling me a s***g and a w***e. I then left again and it went round and round. My family despise him because he was calling me these names, even though I am an adult they still disapprove. He started saying things to me like 'if you don't clear my name with your family ill tell your family what a little w***e you are'.. I didn't. His actions show enough. Anyway, yesterday we met up.. (I changed my number because he threatened to beat me up then 'apologised'.), He was being so good I was so happy then he starts again. Its so messed up, he looks on his friends phone to see when ive been on whatsapp, then he asks who I talk to, I had a tumblr account and he used to stalk that everyday and constantly ask if I even fancy him, I was like its just a blog...... then when I got home, he was sending me disgusting emails and saying that im a w***e. I told him not to contact me, he sent another abusive email. This morning I phoned him, he had a job interview today so I wanted to wish him good luck. I deleted my tumblr anyway I hate that he stalks me like that.. anyway, I was on the phone to him and he goes to me 'I have fallen out of love with you, I still appreciate you as a person, I love your personality but im not in love with you. Im going to move on and find a girl who actually finds me attractive (wtf?!!!!). Don't forget, you are replaceable, I will replace you in one second I just need to go out and ill forget about you in 2 minutes' , I told him to f off and got off the phone. He hasn't contacted me. The thing is, Im not too bothered about us not being together, but Im scared. Im scared because he creeps me out that he googles me etc. I don't have social media and that was the only thing I had (my tumblr page), now that's gone because I couldn't deal with the abuse. Now im scared that hes watching me, my whatsapp, my everything. I don't know what to do? Please help Im 100% going to do NC. I just don't know. I feel sad. I have no friends, nothing. He was my only friend. well 'friend'. Sorry about it being so long..
TaraMaiden2 Posted June 10, 2015 Posted June 10, 2015 I'm being serious when I say change your name by deed poll.... Possibly? Just block him but if he communicates with you, keep every text, message, email or whatever, then present them as evidence of unsocial behaviour and get a restraining order, preventing him from contacting you or being within a certain distance of you....
Author bambiprincipessa Posted June 10, 2015 Author Posted June 10, 2015 I'm being serious when I say change your name by deed poll.... Possibly? Just block him but if he communicates with you, keep every text, message, email or whatever, then present them as evidence of unsocial behaviour and get a restraining order, preventing him from contacting you or being within a certain distance of you.... Yes I will do this. Thank you x 1
goldway90 Posted June 10, 2015 Posted June 10, 2015 I know you feel like you love him but trust me you don't, the nature of abuse makes it really difficult to main strong boundaries and move on in healthy way because the abuse knows your weakness and vulnerabilities so he exploits them in a way that suck the abused in the endless circle of pain. You are a strong person to break it off and trying to get your life back in track even though you're still struggling but remember that's okay. One thing may really help you understand and cope is reading about Trauma Bonding or Stockholm Syndrome. NC is essential to heal and if you can afford therapy that would be great because you need to learn how to set some healthy boundaries in your future relationships.Stay strong you're going to make it 1
Clarence_Boddicker Posted June 10, 2015 Posted June 10, 2015 Unless he's psycho, he'll probably leave you alone once he figures out that he can't affect you anymore. 1
pteromom Posted June 10, 2015 Posted June 10, 2015 Block his number, block his email, block his social media so you can't see what is going on in his life. Do not engage him at all, in any way. If he starts finding ways past your NC like showing up at your house or work, please ask him to leave. When you do this, do it in a way that gives HIM the power - that way, he won't feel threatened and feel a need to retaliate. Tell him that being done with him is very hard for you and it hurts to see him, and that is why you are blocking him. Ask him if he will please give you space to heal and grieve the loss of your relationship. Even if none of that is true at all, it feeds his narcissism. He won't feel the need to beat you down if you come across like you are already at your lowest. I realize this turns it into a game, but you have to play the game with people like this.
pteromom Posted June 10, 2015 Posted June 10, 2015 I just don't know. I feel sad. I have no friends, nothing. He was my only friend. well 'friend'. You don't need a friend like this! You can make friends. Just start going out and hanging out at places where there is something to watch so you don't have to force yourself to interact with people when it isn't comfortable. Sports bar, karaoke, coffee house, book readings. Places where you may find natural ways to talk to people and make connections.
jen1447 Posted June 10, 2015 Posted June 10, 2015 Block his number, block his email, block his social media so you can't see what is going on in his life. Do not engage him at all, in any way. If he starts finding ways past your NC like showing up at your house or work, please ask him to leave. When you do this, do it in a way that gives HIM the power - that way, he won't feel threatened and feel a need to retaliate. Tell him that being done with him is very hard for you and it hurts to see him, and that is why you are blocking him. Ask him if he will please give you space to heal and grieve the loss of your relationship. Even if none of that is true at all, it feeds his narcissism. He won't feel the need to beat you down if you come across like you are already at your lowest. I realize this turns it into a game, but you have to play the game with people like this. ^ There are differing schools of thought on that, but I'd be content to go with that suggestion for now, at least initially.
kdgsupermom Posted June 10, 2015 Posted June 10, 2015 I am sorry you are going through this. You sound like a nice person so I don't think making new friends will be a problem. You deserve a healthy relationship. Maybe it would help to get guidance from a professional. It doesn't sound like any fun living in fear. Please don't try to handle the situation alone. kdgsupermom
Torii Posted June 10, 2015 Posted June 10, 2015 Get the help you need to get away from this man. There are services that help women that are dealing with abusive behavior from spouses. Search in your area for them. I know you're scared - you're feeling vulnerable after all his said and used against you. This feeling and behavior in a relationship is not normal and shouldn't be tolerated any further from you. Love doesn't cause harm, no matter what the circumstance. You need to be safe, you need to have support around you so you're able to know you're protected and in a very safe environment - away from this man. I don't care what he tells you, you shouldn't put up with it. You don't deserve abuse; nobody does.
Author bambiprincipessa Posted June 10, 2015 Author Posted June 10, 2015 I know you feel like you love him but trust me you don't, the nature of abuse makes it really difficult to main strong boundaries and move on in healthy way because the abuse knows your weakness and vulnerabilities so he exploits them in a way that suck the abused in the endless circle of pain. You are a strong person to break it off and trying to get your life back in track even though you're still struggling but remember that's okay. One thing may really help you understand and cope is reading about Trauma Bonding or Stockholm Syndrome. NC is essential to heal and if you can afford therapy that would be great because you need to learn how to set some healthy boundaries in your future relationships.Stay strong you're going to make it Yeah. I don't feel like I love him anymore. I just want him to leave me alone, I have never been controlled like this tbh. I guess its because I have no friends that I feel so lonely that I go back.. but im going to be strong enough now
Author bambiprincipessa Posted June 10, 2015 Author Posted June 10, 2015 Block his number, block his email, block his social media so you can't see what is going on in his life. Do not engage him at all, in any way. If he starts finding ways past your NC like showing up at your house or work, please ask him to leave. When you do this, do it in a way that gives HIM the power - that way, he won't feel threatened and feel a need to retaliate. Tell him that being done with him is very hard for you and it hurts to see him, and that is why you are blocking him. Ask him if he will please give you space to heal and grieve the loss of your relationship. Even if none of that is true at all, it feeds his narcissism. He won't feel the need to beat you down if you come across like you are already at your lowest. I realize this turns it into a game, but you have to play the game with people like this. Thank you for your response, this has helped me. I have blocked his number, email, everything. . He cant contact me yaaay. Thank you for the advice aswell
Author bambiprincipessa Posted June 10, 2015 Author Posted June 10, 2015 You don't need a friend like this! You can make friends. Just start going out and hanging out at places where there is something to watch so you don't have to force yourself to interact with people when it isn't comfortable. Sports bar, karaoke, coffee house, book readings. Places where you may find natural ways to talk to people and make connections. Thank you for your response, its just hard right now. I have my exams going on, so can be lonely being home all the time revising lool
Author bambiprincipessa Posted June 10, 2015 Author Posted June 10, 2015 I am sorry you are going through this. You sound like a nice person so I don't think making new friends will be a problem. You deserve a healthy relationship. Maybe it would help to get guidance from a professional. It doesn't sound like any fun living in fear. Please don't try to handle the situation alone. kdgsupermom Thank you xxx
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