My boyfriend struggles so much financially, and I'm just so worried about our future

[MiaMckenz]

My boyfriend struggles so much financially, and I'm just so worried about our future together...?

 

First, I just want to note that I love my boyfriend dearly and he makes me better, but I’m frustrated with our relationship financially. I’m turning 26 in a couple of months while he will be turning 27. I make an average salary, but I know how to manage my money really good and I’m saving monthly because my goal is to buy my own home by the end of next year, which I would love to include my boyfriend in (we agreed to only buy a home together if we’re engaged by that time). We talk about our future together all the time and there’s no doubt in my mind that he wants to marry me, but his financial situation is not good AT ALL, and I know its very frustrating for him but for me also. He doesn’t make much money at all and he doesn’t know how to manage his money well at all; all of his money goes to bills and he usually has under $100 to for spending money each time he gets paid, which means that he has no money saved.

Update: He’s been in his current positon for the past year and half, and he doesn’t like it nor does he make good money at all. He’s waiting for another position to open up at his job that he’s interested in, but here are a few issues: (1) it doesn’t look like this position will be available anytime soon, (2) the pay isn’t good either for this position ($42K).

My boyfriend is so frustrated financially and he’s hoping that their will be some type of break though for him in the near future, and so am I but I still can’t help to be frustrated. This situation is all I think about sometimes, and I don’t want to be annoying bringing this subject up all the time.

In terms of dates and going out, I’m the one who pays for stuff 85% of the time. Even in terms of vacations, I’ve paid for everything. I know that he hates that I do this, but we won’t do anything if I didn’t because he can’t really pay for much. We can’t even go out on a simple date tomorrow to get some drinks and watch the NBA Finals game because he has absolutely no money at all, and 80% of my money this week went into my savings account.

I’m just so frustrated and I know that money should determine a relationship, but I can’t help to think about how I’m preparing for my future right now and how my future will be with this financial situation.

I’ve tried to encourage him to find a job elsewhere, but he likes the benefits of working with the County. Any suggestions? Should I encourage him more?

[d0nnivain]

$42k is nothing to sneeze at. If he can't pay his bills & have more than $100 left at the end of the month something is wrong. You can't mix your finances with his until you straighten this out.

 

 

Will he let you see everything? Can you go through all his income & expenses to determine where the holes are? Will he work with you to come up with a new budget? If he won't, I don't see much of a future for you two.

 

 

You can & should go ahead & buy a house yourself. Whether he lives there is up to you but do not put him on any documents. If you later get married you can change that if appropriate but not now. Frankly if his life is as much of a mess as you think he couldn't qualify for a mortgage anyway & might disqualify you if you add him.

[acrosstheuniverse]

I'm confused, he's earning a good wage. In my country converted to our currency that's above the national average and absolutely a living wage. People could support themselves comfortably on that, have enough for rent and bills and to run a cheap car and go on holiday and save. Many people survive on half of that.

 

If he only has $100 left a month after his expenses then something is seriously wrong, either he is paying off enormous debts, he has a gambling or drugs problem or he's spending hundreds of dollars on crap every single month.

 

In your position if you guys are getting serious you really need for him to be showing you his finances so you can try and educate him on managing his money better. If he was earning min wage I can understand you paying for most things but on $42k he's sponging off you or lying about what he has left over.

[PegNosePete]

One of my friends is exactly the same. He earns about the same as your BF, seems to live quite modestly, but is constantly broke. He can't even do cheap things like cinema trips until after his payday. Then a week later he is broke again. Luckily he is a friend; if my partner were like that then I think I would have smacked my head against a brick wall by now. If you're really intending to marry this guy, then presumably you've been together long enough to share financial information like income, outgoings, bills, etc. There are 2 ways he can improve his finances:

 

1) Increase his income. It seems his potential is rather limited in his current job. Could he get a job elsewhere? Some people genuinely just can't make above a certain amount. But $42k is decent.

 

2) Decrease outgoings. Does he genuinely have no ways to reduce his outgoings? Is it really all necessary bills, or does he waste it on unused gym memberships, extravagant TV packages, high phone bills, nights out drinking with buddies...? Does he have high interest credit cards or loans; if so then a refinance might sort him out. There's plenty of advice on the internet about reducing debt. If all his bills are genuinely bills then could he reduce them: moving to a cheaper flat, getting a better utility company, a more efficient car?

 

As for buying a house together. Make sure you both put in 50% of the deposit and pay 50% of the mortgage. Otherwise, if you split up (whether married or not), you may find that he is entitled to 50% of the value even though he contributed very little or nothing. This is such a minefield. If you're paying everything then put only your name on everything. And if his name goes on it, he should be paying equally. Although if you are married it mgiht not matter who paid what or whose name it's in - you may find that you get screwed anyway. Most people don't think about this stuff until it's too late, and learn the hard way!

[adamastor]

Being concerned about a SO financial stability is a legit concern. At least he has a job rather than just sitting home living off you. Maybe his problem lies in his bad money management skills, he needs to cut in some spending to be able to free more disposable cash. Also $42k is a lot more money than what most people make in US, maybe also you should be understanding of his financial difficulties.

[toscaroscura]

Geez I earn less than that and I live all on my own, no assistance from anyone or anything.

 

I agree with the other poster who says make sure you see everything. Does he have debt he is hiding from you or something?

[crosswordfiend]

I'm reading that the position he wants to move up into pays 42K meaning that he currently makes less than that.