Eternal Sunshine Posted June 10, 2015 Posted June 10, 2015 I am just curious if this happens and candie's post gave me this idea lol. I don't mean men that want you to buy them stuff and pay for them (well not immediately anyway). But men that will act more into you and consider you as a serious long term prospect because you earn a lot and own property. I know that you don't have to tell a man your salary but it's usually obvious if you are well off. Like the job you have, the suburb you live in, the car, the clothes, where your parents live etc - even if you are not super flashy it can be easy to tell...and it may be tempting to have an easier lifestyle if they stick with you than if they have to do all or most of the earning. I also seem to slip up and mention a problem I have with tenants for example and then men figure out I have investment property...There have been a few men that seemed to take a lot of interest in that aspect of my life...and then they would stay stuff like "You know, I really respect who you are as a person" WTF Maybe I am just paranoid.
GorillaTheater Posted June 10, 2015 Posted June 10, 2015 Sure. I imagine it happens with some frequency. You know, the guy who's basically a bum and wants to tap into somebody else's resources so he can have things a bit easier. If something happens to my marriage, don't think that I wouldn't give some thought to being a Kept Man.
Shining One Posted June 10, 2015 Posted June 10, 2015 Yes, they exist. It's not as common as gold-digging women, but you'll find some here and there. There are a lot of men who find established women appealing. She has her own money, therefore she does not need/expect my money.
toscaroscura Posted June 10, 2015 Posted June 10, 2015 I actually know two men like this. One is on his third marriage. His wife is a lovely woman. She is in the medical field, owns her own really beautiful home, runs marathons. He is a struggling photographer who is constantly looking to cheat on her. He complains about her not sleeping with him and her spoiled adult children, but he will never leave her because without her, he would be broke and homeless. The other has a long term GF. He constantly cheats on her too, and complains about how boring and terrible she is to anyone who listens. But she basically supports them while he works part-time. He crashes at her place all the time because she lived closer to his job. He does have his "own place", but it's owned by his father so he doesn't really have to pay to stay there. He gripes about his GF wanting him to contribute to food/bills while he crashes there 5 days a week.
PegNosePete Posted June 10, 2015 Posted June 10, 2015 Of course. It's one more reason why I believe people are better matched when their earnings are in the same ball park. 1
Popsicle Posted June 10, 2015 Posted June 10, 2015 People tend to think if you care at all about a potential mates financial position then you are a gold digger. So yes male ones do exist
elaine567 Posted June 10, 2015 Posted June 10, 2015 He doesn't need to be a bum. to be a gold digger I worked with an older guy who told me when he was at university, he realised pretty quickly he wanted money, lots of it, so he deliberately targeted the heiress in his year. They got married and he did very well in his career, he was not without talent nor earning potential, but her money catapulted him into a different strata of society. Last I heard, they retired to a very affluent area of the country. 1
Versacehottie Posted June 10, 2015 Posted June 10, 2015 Sure there are. However, showing interest and being impressed by your business savvy doesn't necessarily mean the guy is a gold digger--that could be true interest!! But yes I know some. Sometimes it's subtle, ie guy is a "writer" or something like that so no one but his wife or gf knows he's not bringing in any money though rest of us are guessing so. Sometimes it's blatant. I've seen both. Same as with the majority of woman golddiggers there's usually some flashiness and materialism once they've landed their big fish.
Gary S Posted June 10, 2015 Posted June 10, 2015 How many rental properties ya got sista?! I don't date women with less than 5!
PogoStick Posted June 10, 2015 Posted June 10, 2015 Anecdotes aside, you're being paranoid. A guy can respect that you are being investment savvy, responsible with your money, and successful. That doesn't mean he wants to leech on you. A man could just be happy to feel you're not going to leech on him. Plus guys tend to be into real estate, investing, fixing things (home maintenance) and renovations. It's just as likely you're connecting with him on a subject for which he has a natural affinity. 1
Toodaloo Posted June 10, 2015 Posted June 10, 2015 Of course. It's one more reason why I believe people are better matched when their earnings are in the same ball park. I disagree with this statement. I can see the sense behind it but I disagree with it. As long as each are contributing to the overall benefit of the partnership then neither can be free loading...
lollipopspot Posted June 10, 2015 Posted June 10, 2015 I don't understand your question. Why wouldn't there be "gold digging" guys? Any personality trait or quality you can find in one gender you'll find in the other. 5
Ninjainpajamas Posted June 10, 2015 Posted June 10, 2015 Yeaaah...I'm not too sure how common this is, because in reality most guys have a hard time dating"up", and it's usually the woman looking to gain or find her equal monetarily speaking. She tends to be more concerned about these things, men just kind of fall into it. Intellectual and successful women usually want mental stimulation, they can settle for the sex or passion here and there but ultimately typically want someone on their level mentally...bum type of men therefore are not typically the way to go for them...not that many don't, but it's not like it is for a woman, where a pretty face and a nice body and the world is your oyster...the guy has got to have some tact, some skill, something a bit above crap for brains, where a woman could be a complete idiot but looks stunning (at least to the guys standards) and she just wants attention, money and to be pampered because she feels she "deserves" a certain lifestyle...I don't see that happening with men, it might be really convenient but men will often trade looks for money at the end of the day...hence why it's obvious why a lot of these guys would cheat, to have the best of both worlds. Men might take advantage of these things when they come across them, if they are lucky enough...but women will make an entire life out of it, children and all...men are just typically lazy and exploit a situation when they see it...but it's usually a temporary thing, they can't stomach it forever like a woman can.
BlueIris Posted June 10, 2015 Posted June 10, 2015 Absolutely. They used to be called fortune hunters whereas the women were called gold diggers. They're pretty common where I live. Pretty charming guys, but I guess that's the schtick. Be wise rather than paranoid.
lollipopspot Posted June 10, 2015 Posted June 10, 2015 Intellectual and successful women usually want mental stimulation, they can settle for the sex or passion here and there but ultimately typically want someone on their level mentally...bum type of men therefore are not typically the way to go for them... When you say "bum" I think you almost mean a homeless person. However, there are clever and charming musicians, artists, waiters, and other lower paid men, and even men who could or do earn more but don't want to work that hard.
RedRobin Posted June 10, 2015 Posted June 10, 2015 Yes, absolutely. I know or have met plenty of men who would love to not have to work, and have no problems going after the lifestyle they wish by hooking up with the right woman. The guy I'm dating right now... I'm starting to think he might be one of these. I don't pay for his stuff now... just mine. But I def get the sense he'd prefer it if I ponied up for some toys and trips. Which I won't do. He pays for himself, or he's not going. I think this especially happens to men of a certain age, who know that they aren't going to get rich doing whatever they do... and so the only way to get nice trips, a bigger house, etc, is to latch onto a woman. A lot of them probably would try to cheat too. Same as a gold digging woman who doesn't love the man she's with.
Lansing Posted June 10, 2015 Posted June 10, 2015 If a girl I was dating had investment properties I would find that a turn on and "respect" her more... but, not because I am hurting for money... As a guy, I am cautious about women wanting to date me for my money so it would be nice to see a girl who is responsible with her finances and invests it wisely. Having said that, yeah, of course there are leaches out there of both sexes.
O'Malley Posted June 10, 2015 Posted June 10, 2015 The guys usually get called moochers or users, not gold diggers. Semantics and all. I don't always think it's poorer people either. There are men and women who do well enough but are comfortable with the idea of using a partner's wealth or celebrity to gain leverage and have better opportunities for themselves. It's not always strictly about money.
GemmaUK Posted June 10, 2015 Posted June 10, 2015 I think this especially happens to men of a certain age, who know that they aren't going to get rich doing whatever they do... and so the only way to get nice trips, a bigger house, etc, is to latch onto a woman. I agree. Yes they do exist and I have met a fair few. The last OLD site I was on had a bit where you state that your housing situation. I changed mine from 'own' to 'rent' at one point to see if there was a difference in first mails. It was the only thing I changed on my profile and the difference in first mails was pretty shocking. It went down from around 80 per day to about 25. Most who mailed me had that they rented with room mates or lived with their parents. It was pretty rare to find anyone who owned a property or even rented alone who was in my age group. Chatting to a few of these guys also confirmed that their living situation was indeed correct.
No Limit Posted June 10, 2015 Posted June 10, 2015 Yes, there are plenty. Once read the postings of a guy who was dating an escort - he was unemployed and lazying around at their apartment all day and going on vacations with her while she went off to her job every once in a while and was paid a few hundred $ per night. Must say that this guy did a smart job - she loves him because he accepts her AND her job and is therfore unlikely to ever give that up, and he's living in a penthouse not having to work at all.
carhill Posted June 10, 2015 Posted June 10, 2015 Are there gold digging men out there? Oh, yeah, we used to call the male version 'confidence man' or 'con man' and they'd often prey on older widows or divorcees. IMO, there's really no need to mention anything specific about your financial life until you're preparing a pre-nup and/or performing advance planning for getting married. Such matters are on a need to know basis and, frankly, the man doesn't need to know. He might want to know, sure. IME, I knew zippo about the women I dated, perhaps a tiny bit more about those I had LTR's with and the only one who got to baring her financial soul was my exW when we decided to get married. While getting to know a woman it's easy to suss out their financial habits without knowing specifics, to the extent that such is of interest. For con men, sure it's definitely of interest. They don't like drilling dry holes.
lollipopspot Posted June 10, 2015 Posted June 10, 2015 IMO, there's really no need to mention anything specific about your financial life until you're preparing a pre-nup and/or performing advance planning for getting married. Such matters are on a need to know basis and, frankly, the man doesn't need to know. He might want to know, sure. IME, I knew zippo about the women I dated, perhaps a tiny bit more about those I had LTR's with and the only one who got to baring her financial soul was my exW when we decided to get married. While getting to know a woman it's easy to suss out their financial habits without knowing specifics, to the extent that such is of interest. For con men, sure it's definitely of interest. They don't like drilling dry holes. Any tips on how to keep your financial situation private without coming off as secretive? When it relates to what you do everyday it's difficult, because you want to share things about your life. This has been a challenge for me.
carhill Posted June 10, 2015 Posted June 10, 2015 Learned this from "Dear Abby" - 'Why do you want to know?', then discuss their 'whys'. It's a great way to change the subject and shine the light on the person seeking out the information. 1
Ruby Slippers Posted June 10, 2015 Posted June 10, 2015 Absolutely! We all know deep down what we're looking for, and the smallest details are clues in the search. Men who want a more dependent woman they can control are generally repelled by a woman with financial strength and independence, and men who want to exploit a woman's assets are drawn to it. Users are master manipulators and experts at extracting resources from people. But no one can use you unless you let them. 1
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