dazednconfused48 Posted June 10, 2015 Posted June 10, 2015 Started dating a guy I work with whom I became really good friends with over a year ago. We just clicked and for months prior to dating would go out as friends for lunch or after work. Finally he asked me out and honestly it was though we knew each other forever. We talked about everything and he expressed how much he cared and how he saw me in his future with his two children. He has full custody of one and shared custody of the other. Almost as soon as we started dating, his daughter (one he doesn't have full custody of) was starting to exhibit clingy behavior, mind you I hadn't met her nor did she know about me and her father). The daughter wanted to start spending more time with Dad where previously she hadn't. Mind you she is 8 and her mother recently remarried. The ex discussed the daughters behaviors and they decided to get her into counseling. My boyfriend at the time really was struggling with all this as he was now having his daughter every other weekend and she lives 2.5 hours from him and the ex is always saying she has no money to split the driving. At one point he said he cared about me a lot but was struggling with time so we decided to cut back from seeing each other every weekend to every other weekend. I met his son as they were at my house Easter which I knew was a big step as he had expressed that he wouldn't introduce anyone to his kids unless he felt the relationship was going somewhere. We had a good day Easter and I was happy. He texted me daily, always sweet notes of how much he cared and missed me. And I truly care for this man tremendously. However, there was so much with his daughter and it was becoming harder for him to find time as he was spending time every other weekend (11 hour drive round trip) to see his daughter and trying to find a new place to live. I finally said to him that I cared about him a lot but I would give him the time he needed as he was overwhelmed and stressed. I told him I didn't want to add anymore stress to his live. We are still good friends and he has told me that he cares for me a lot and meant every word he has ever said. This was 7 weeks ago, I miss him a lot. I never believed in love at first site but I do believe in the "Click" and we click, we get each other. I am hopeful that we will find ourselves together again. Any advise would be appreciated
ZiggyZoo Posted June 10, 2015 Posted June 10, 2015 Did HE ask for time apart, or did you just kind of end it? I just wonder why you're not together, if you both want to be. I'd think that having someone to lean on would be a good thing for him, especially since you understand the complications he's facing right now.
aloneinaz Posted June 10, 2015 Posted June 10, 2015 It would appear that something else held him back to make YOU more of a priority in his life. I get the kid dynamic but many couples are able to navigate thru those waters w/out disrupting the relationship. I agree with Ziggy in that most guys would absolutely want to lean on their partner to help them cope and deal with that. If he did the opposite, it could have been an indicator that maybe he simply wasn't feeling in that relationship.
StalwartMind Posted June 11, 2015 Posted June 11, 2015 He could be scared I guess, more than like it's a combination of things, so difficult to completely assess. I'm not going to tell you about dating someone from work as I'm sure you know how many people feel about that. Truthfully though if you are both responsible adults, even in situations like this, then you can handle it with respect which does seem to be the case too. People handle situations quite differently and I do feel a natural instinct for many is to have doubts and possibly feel stress, if they really want something to work but there are factors that prevent or delay that. I'd always encourage someone in your position to be supportive and do like you have, because forcing or putting someone under pressure typically doesn't yield the results you desire. There are many ways to show support and caring and unless a person specifically request something, then they are all ways that can potentially be of great use to the person in need. If some space is what is required in this relationship, then that is what must happen so you eventually can proceed to the next step, whatever that may be. I would take it as a good sign he still comes by everyday to talk. I believe you get further with anything in life if you are capable of showing some understanding, even if the situation is not ideal or what you truly desire. The best of wishes to the both of you, take one day at a time and regardless of what will happen, I do think it's vital to trust in others, even if it can be difficult to do so and especially because life offer us no guarantees.
erklat Posted June 12, 2015 Posted June 12, 2015 Try talking to him that you don't ask any more commitment than what you already have. Even though ! I can't imagine situation where something would stahp me from having a relationship with someone if I really wanted to.
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