Redhead14 Posted June 11, 2015 Posted June 11, 2015 When we went from OKC to email, we also exchanged phone numbers. We texted a couple times and out of the blue he called me.I was unavailable and too nervous to call back but I did text back. He never called again. You know, he COULD have a girl in every port. Who knows. Yeah, guys who contact you from quite a distance and travel a lot anyway, don't care that a woman is far away. It's an ideal situation for him really. It's more "convenient" for them. Not only that, they usually prefer to go to her, especially if he has a wife and family in their home city/state/country . . . He wouldn't want to risk being seen with someone.
gaius Posted June 12, 2015 Posted June 12, 2015 Gaius- love hearing happy stories like that! And I may have messed up. I didn't read your advice until after I sent him an email. He had email me a funny website. I replied with another funny thing I found and said, "hey I've been researching places to ___. You should come here and do it with me!" Too forward? He might think it's a flirty joke and not take you seriously, but if he did then yeah. I think it would be a turnoff. =/ But you never know, there are rare cases of guys who actually like to get bossed around. I guess you'll find out soon enough.
clia Posted June 12, 2015 Posted June 12, 2015 He travels a lot to different countries, but can't travel eight hours to see you in the course of a year? Has never even broached getting together and meeting in a serious manner? In my opinion, he's not interested in meeting you. If he was, he would've done something about it by now. God knows he's probably got a million frequent flier miles, which would make it quite easy to come meet you for a night or weekend. I agree with the other poster -- he's a penpal and is using you to pass the time. 2
Fleur de cactus Posted June 12, 2015 Posted June 12, 2015 Maybe you said it and I missed it but how do you know for sure he is really who you think he is? Did you do facetime? besides pictures? Are you sure he is the person he tells you to be? Something is fishy there, please forget about him and move on. Dont share to much information with him, he will know or your life and you are not even sure who he is. You are lucky he did not ask you to send him money or other things. Please keep dating.
Author abby_tx Posted June 12, 2015 Author Posted June 12, 2015 He might think it's a flirty joke and not take you seriously, but if he did then yeah. I think it would be a turnoff. =/ But you never know, there are rare cases of guys who actually like to get bossed around. I guess you'll find out soon enough. How is that a turnoff? Are all guys really so weak they can't handle a girl inviting them to their hometown?
Author abby_tx Posted June 12, 2015 Author Posted June 12, 2015 UPDATE: He said, "Yeah, I'll go ____ with you!" Is he joking? I don't know. I replied that we should and gave some minor details. Depending on his next email I'll know how serious he is. And yeah, we've never facetimed. He left a vm so I know he is a man rather than a robot, but don't know much else. I trust him, mainly because he hasn't demanded anything of me. If he was a 'catfish' then this would be the least rewarding internet relationship ever. Although to the person who said emailing me might just be a time-waster, I could def. see that.
PogoStick Posted June 12, 2015 Posted June 12, 2015 I consider over 1 hour is too far to be serious about a relationship.
mortensorchid Posted June 12, 2015 Posted June 12, 2015 There are a few things at work here, and here are the facts... 1) Meeting him - I don't think there is anything wrong with wanting to meet him after all this time. You have nothing to loose by saying to him "I am going to be in your town on (date), would you like to hang out?" If he say no, that's your answer. If he says yes, wonderful. 2) LDR - LDRs are rough things if and when it happens to you and they rarely work out. Why? First, if you are not seeing each other at least once a month you will do a lot of fantasizing. Second, if and when you are together, you are in this great race to have a lot of fun then hit the sack, and that ends up ultimately feeding the fantasy even further. Third, if one party is constantly initiating contact or traveling to see one and the other is not, there is something wrong. Also, remember that this person COULD by lying to you about things. He could be lying about his job, his travels, his feelings, etc. And it's easy for him to get away with these lies because you are far apart geographically and because he has the online wall between you and him. Remember, you are only going by what he is telling you about things in general and you may be living in a fool's paradise. 3) Meeting him - If you were doing OLD in any shape/form, if one party has not offered to at least exchange phone numbers by a certain point, which should be within the first 5-7 emails (no matter the geography limits), they never will. I assume you do not have this man's phone number. He is treating OLD like a video game or just with a pen pal rather than looking for you to be his gf (even a one night stand). Quite honestly, at this point, if you are going to make the offer (which YOU will do, not him because he passed that point a while ago), get ready for the fact that you will be rejected, which 90% of me says will happen. If he says yes, wonderful. But chances are you will never meet up with him again after that. Harsh? It may be, yes, but facts are facts. 1
torturedartist Posted June 12, 2015 Posted June 12, 2015 So almost a year ago, I started messaging a guy from OKC who lives about an 8 hour drive away. If you've seen any of my posts, you know that my love life has been non-existent. There's just no one who floats my boat these days. This guy is handsome, charming, funny, and I admire the way he lives his life so much. He owns his own business and can work remotely, so he spends a lot of time traveling to different countries, etc. I'm 32. He's 37. We kind of go through phases where we email back and forth a lot and then go a few weeks without talking. Our conversations aren't sexual. We talk about what countries we want to visit, our ideal place to live, dreams or we joke around. Our dream destination happens to be the same country so at one point we were talking about our trip "together" but it never actually turned into anything serious. I assume he was just playing along and thought I was too. So anyway. I am wondering if this is something I should pursue. If i knew he liked me, I would drive the 8 hours alone to see him. I thought of the ole white lie of 'Oh hey, I'm actually doing ____ in your town, so maybe we could meet up while I'm there?" but the truth is I would only be going there for him so if he couldn't even meet up, I'd be heartbroken. I realize this sounds completely pathetic. Should I just drop it? During our breaks of not talking I think, "Okay, let him go. You have a crush on someone you haven't met." and I am able to forget him but then that day I DO see an email from him come in, my heart flutters. So when this OLD guy, who's five years OLDER than you gives you any attention, your heart flutters. And what should you do? First I have to ask, what's it like when your heart flutters? Does it feel good, like the kind of high you get from exercising a really LONG time, like 20 minutes? Or is more like the feeling you get after you've eaten too many chimichangas, and you go the medicine cabinet and take 5 tums, even though it says on the bottle that you're only supposed to take 4? I only ask because my heart has never fluttered before. But I will say that it fluttering is a good thing, you should pursue him. Tell him that in spite of the fact that he's really OLD you like him, and that you'd like to travel around the world with him. If your heart fluttering is a bad thing, I suggest that you block his email address and keep a bottle of tums nearby so that whenever he does something to make your heart flutter, you can quickly put an end to it.
Author abby_tx Posted June 17, 2015 Author Posted June 17, 2015 I have an update. A week ago I asked him to go kayaking with me (asking him progressed naturally as we were discussing summer activities and this was something we both wanted to do). He replied, "I'll go." So I email back with a 'rough' plan and I haven't heard from him since. That was almost 7 days ago. In a way this sorta fits our communication because he'll go a few days without emailing. His day to send multiple emails is usually Thursday for whatever reason. But the fact that I asked a question that he left hanging is sorta annoying. We're in a time where communication is at our fingertips almost constantly. Even if he does say yes, I'd be sorta nervous about making 'set in stone' plans with him if he goes a week MIA. We'll see what if he says if he ever writes back or address my plan. I'm sorta disappointed. It does make me wonder if he could possibly be married or something. Maybe he isn't quite what I thought he was or maybe I'm not worth meeting. He's handsome and successful. Maybe I'm just not a big enough catch for him to make it worth his time. Dating at 32 is the absolute worst. I just want something to work for once.
Author abby_tx Posted June 17, 2015 Author Posted June 17, 2015 Torturedartist- OLD means online dating not old in age.
SoleMate Posted June 17, 2015 Posted June 17, 2015 He sounds like a married, but timid, player. Using you for a fantasy but too gutless to meet up. The "international travel" story sounds like an alibi cleverly prepared in advance in case you ever get too demanding on his time. I don't see any kind of future here, it's just all too tenuous and sketchy. I'm sorry!
Author abby_tx Posted June 18, 2015 Author Posted June 18, 2015 He sounds like a married, but timid, player. Using you for a fantasy but too gutless to meet up. The "international travel" story sounds like an alibi cleverly prepared in advance in case you ever get too demanding on his time. I don't see any kind of future here, it's just all too tenuous and sketchy. I'm sorry! Well, I do read his blog with travel photos so I know he HAS traveled to some pretty incredibly places. Don't know if he uses a real name though and he doesn't update it often or talk about anything personal. But still, you're right. Something is sketchy.
Perrier Posted June 18, 2015 Posted June 18, 2015 OP you are wasting your time, sorry. You have waited one year to decipher how you think he feels or whether you should visit him or not etc etc. The gaps in your communications are telling. He hardly jumped on your request to visit him did he? Stop deceiving yourself. As another poster said he has long passed the time he would have taken this further. Move on.
Author abby_tx Posted June 23, 2015 Author Posted June 23, 2015 Well, you were right. So he finally writes me almost two weeks later and instead of reply to my email where I tried to make plans to meet up, he sends a new email that asks "so did you do ____ yet?" (The activity I wanted to do with him) and then attaches some graphics he wants me to fix. He knows I'm a designer. This is the first time he's asked for free help though.
Author abby_tx Posted June 23, 2015 Author Posted June 23, 2015 I think I will just ignore his email and him. Though I'd love to send him a nasty email.
Author abby_tx Posted June 23, 2015 Author Posted June 23, 2015 Is this too mean of a reply to send: "No, I was supposed to do it with you but instead you chose to ignore my question for two weeks instead of having the balls to say no."
Redhead14 Posted June 23, 2015 Posted June 23, 2015 Is this too mean of a reply to send: "No, I was supposed to do it with you but instead you chose to ignore my question for two weeks instead of having the balls to say no." Dating successfully means being able to exit/walk away from a dating scenario that isn't working with as little animosity as possible, with dignity and respect even if they were'nt respecting you and your time. The best "revenge" in that case is to turn it back on them and be respectful, not stooping to their level. Each time you leave a 'bad' scenario, carrying any animosity makes is a little more difficult to fully focus on new dating partners because you're thinking all the "what if's", what if he does what that guy did, etc. Try to just leave it there and give each new potential dating scenario a better chance. I would either not bother to respond or simply say, "no thank you, I've made other plans and will be moving on".
Author abby_tx Posted June 23, 2015 Author Posted June 23, 2015 Dating successfully means being able to exit/walk away from a dating scenario that isn't working with as little animosity as possible, with dignity and respect even if they were'nt respecting you and your time. The best "revenge" in that case is to turn it back on them and be respectful, not stooping to their level. Each time you leave a 'bad' scenario, carrying any animosity makes is a little more difficult to fully focus on new dating partners because you're thinking all the "what if's", what if he does what that guy did, etc. Try to just leave it there and give each new potential dating scenario a better chance. I would either not bother to respond or simply say, "no thank you, I've made other plans and will be moving on". You're right. I've gone the polite route in the past and I think I will continue even if I feel like getting sassy with him.
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