yxalitis Posted June 10, 2015 Posted June 10, 2015 (edited) Just want some insight into what happened last night with my ex. She has been acting all along as though she’s glad we broke up, and happier to have me out of her life, but her actions speak of a more complex reaction. All along she’s been saying “In a month or two we’ll see”, but I had a suspiscion tha this was just a bluff to get me to give up on her. I sent her a last-chance, “can we give this another go“ email, more to solidify where we were than in any real hope that she would agree…and she replied back that, no, in fact she’s not interested, let’s just move on with our lives. I replied back “OK, good to know, can I get the last of my stuff from your place soon” She said sure, no problems, but didn’t actually make a date. So last night I contacted her again to try and arrange to pick the last of my stuff up from her house. She replies back “I’m late back every day this week. If you can't wait Oh, give me your address, and I'll ship it” Now I know this is 9/10’s bull****, her daughter is 9, and in bed by 9:00 -10:00 at the latest… This is not the first time she has made up some bull**** why I can't get my stuff. No, no one has shacked up with her...seriously, if that's what you think, don't bother, she wouldn't do that to her daughter. Why is she avoiding this? I simply reply back “Whatever…” Boy, that set of a barrage of hostility…the texts that followed were angry and to be honest, I deleted them without really reading them. She then blocks my What’sApp, but tells me to SMS my address to her. I do so, but can’t help myself and add the line: “Please don’t contact me again” To be honest, I’d rather she had listened, as I still love her, and all this nonsense is just hurting us unnecessarily. Another barrage of hostile sms’s follow, again I just delete them. If she is over me, and all I wanted is to get my stuff, why did she react so badly…? Was my simple text of “Whatever” too passive aggressive? Edited June 10, 2015 by yxalitis
ravfour4 Posted June 10, 2015 Posted June 10, 2015 Hmm, I don't know man. Either you did something that really made her mad and she legitimately doesn't want to see you anymore and therefore got mad at you when you gave her some attitude when she suggested shipping your stuff. She may have a new love interest even though you denied that with anger. I think the "maybe in a few months" thing can be code for "let's see how it goes with this new guy" OR "I'd feel too bad to say it's over for good, so I'll just say this". She's mad about something and isn't your tiny texts, it's something else. Maybe she got mad at you after you didn't talk for a while, who knows my man. I wouldn't read into it too much.
Fleur de cactus Posted June 10, 2015 Posted June 10, 2015 She is doing this to give you a hard time. Also, she wants your address so monitor you.
Author yxalitis Posted June 10, 2015 Author Posted June 10, 2015 Hmm, I don't know man. Either you did something that really made her mad and she legitimately doesn't want to see you anymore and therefore got mad at you when you gave her some attitude when she suggested shipping your stuff. She may have a new love interest even though you denied that with anger. I think the "maybe in a few months" thing can be code for "let's see how it goes with this new guy" OR "I'd feel too bad to say it's over for good, so I'll just say this". She's mad about something and isn't your tiny texts, it's something else. Maybe she got mad at you after you didn't talk for a while, who knows my man. I wouldn't read into it too much. She is the one who insists on the "best friends" approach. So, no, it isn't that she doesn't want to see me... She still, 3 weeks later, hasn't put an ad up for the room (She'll move back into her daughters' room, and rent out "our" room to help pay the rent... She said it;s because she hasn't had a chance to clean it up...but, it's an empty room, once vacuum and it's done! I can assure you there is no "other man" her life is full to the brim working and doing a million things for her daughter, she has NO time to meet, date, etc. I've no idea...seriously!
Author yxalitis Posted June 10, 2015 Author Posted June 10, 2015 She is doing this to give you a hard time. Also, she wants your address so monitor you. Maybe...but why?
aloneinaz Posted June 10, 2015 Posted June 10, 2015 Just some thoughts here- Why would you not get your stuff back as soon as she ended it? Most people always get there stuff back the same day or the next day at the latest. Not many people would leave it there while she's dictating to "give it a month or two so I can SEE HOW I feel? Really?? Most would of told there GF to f-off if told that, got there stuff and left to never been heard from again. You then annoyed her by contacting her yet again if she'd take you back and you looked kind of like a desperate, door mat. Do you REALLY need whatever's over there or what it an excuse to reach out again? If it's only some stupid stuff, who cares. You really need to leave her alone because she clearly has NO interest in getting back with you. If she did, she'd TELL you that. Save some pride and self respect and move on to someone else.
Simon Phoenix Posted June 10, 2015 Posted June 10, 2015 Why didn't you just give her the address? She offered to send it to you, so give her the address and let her send it? She asked you a perfectly legitimate question that you not only didn't answer, but sent a passive-aggressive "whatever" to pick a fight. 3
minime13 Posted June 10, 2015 Posted June 10, 2015 If she is over me, and all I wanted is to get my stuff, why did she react so badly…? Was my simple text of “Whatever” too passive aggressive? She's trying to move on but you won't even give her the space to do that, dude. Seriously, please go re-read all of the posts you've made here about this relationship. You were constantly suffocating her in the relationship, from her point of view, and you've broken up and still won't leave her alone. She probably just snapped. You should have just given your address so she could mail your stuff back and be done with it. What was passive aggressive was your line "don't contact me again," considering you're the one that contacted her in the first place. Give her your address, and no more contact. 1
Author yxalitis Posted June 10, 2015 Author Posted June 10, 2015 Why didn't you just give her the address? She offered to send it to you, so give her the address and let her send it? She asked you a perfectly legitimate question that you not only didn't answer, but sent a passive-aggressive "whatever" to pick a fight. I did give her my address.
Author yxalitis Posted June 10, 2015 Author Posted June 10, 2015 She's trying to move on but you won't even give her the space to do that, dude. Seriously, please go re-read all of the posts you've made here about this relationship. You were constantly suffocating her in the relationship, from her point of view, and you've broken up and still won't leave her alone. She probably just snapped. You should have just given your address so she could mail your stuff back and be done with it. What was passive aggressive was your line "don't contact me again," considering you're the one that contacted her in the first place. Give her your address, and no more contact. She's the one who reached out to contact me. Just 3 days NC and she emailed, rang, and sms'ed me, all in the space of an hour. She is also the one who kept insisting on staying "best friends" and "We'll se after a month... 1
Simon Phoenix Posted June 10, 2015 Posted June 10, 2015 I did give her my address. That wasn't clear from what you wrote. That should have been the end of the conversation then. You went for the passive-aggressive dig and opened a can of worms.
GoBlue Posted June 10, 2015 Posted June 10, 2015 I am a person who is kind of tired of that whole phrase "passive aggressive" - I mean, what the heck does that mean? I have no idea why she got so upset but I don't think I would sit around and just let her decide when I could get my stuff back either. Have you considered asking her to put your belongings into a box, put it outside, and go grab it? You obviously cannot demand that she let you in her house but you can let her know that you expect a response. Maybe leaving off "passive aggressive" phrases in your communication would help as well. Good luck!
mystikmind2005 Posted June 10, 2015 Posted June 10, 2015 Women with kids and a very busy life usually have ample amounts of anger and frustration stored up, woe to any man who finds himself on the receiving end of that! 1
Author yxalitis Posted June 11, 2015 Author Posted June 11, 2015 I am a person who is kind of tired of that whole phrase "passive aggressive" - I mean, what the heck does that mean? I have no idea why she got so upset but I don't think I would sit around and just let her decide when I could get my stuff back either. Have you considered asking her to put your belongings into a box, put it outside, and go grab it? You obviously cannot demand that she let you in her house but you can let her know that you expect a response. Maybe leaving off "passive aggressive" phrases in your communication would help as well. Good luck! Actually, up to the explosion, she was constantly talking up our continued friendship, that "Of course I want to see you, why wouldn't i want to see a good friend" There was nothing along the lines of "Don't ever come to my house" or anything else of that nature...it was amiable and friendly up until I got grumpy because she was making excuses why i couldn't simply pop over and get my stuff, total time for her...2 minutes to open the door, and hand me my stuff. She indicated that she had already gathered it all together...
ExpatInItaly Posted June 11, 2015 Posted June 11, 2015 Sounds to me like there's a new guy in the picture. Not necessarily "shacked up" but on her radar at least. For whatever reason, she is done. It doesn't matter what she wanted in the past (ie to remain friends) because she no longer feels that way. Good that you gave her your address. If your stuff doesn't arrive soon, arrange for her to put it in a box, and for a friend or family member to pick it up. I wouldn't advise that you go there yourself as she clearly doesn't want you there.
candie13 Posted June 11, 2015 Posted June 11, 2015 OP, break ups are messy. Even messier if the 2 people care of eachother. I think you have nothing to feel bad about. Really. Bless you, you've told her you care about her, you've asked for another chance, that is great ! Really. You know where you stand. I think she does not. From "best friends" to "in a month or two" she has a hard time to let you go, also rationally she says she doesn't want to be with you. By reaching out to her again, you've showed that there is harmony between what you want and what you do. Fantastic, that is soooo important. And you know what? You've also received your answer. As for the fight... it's not because she said no to you that she feels nothing. She is conflicted. I know she is the dumper, but it is hard for her as well. Now, it's not fair on you. Wanna know something? Fighting is good. Fighting is great. Because it shows that there is emotion, it shows she's having a hard time to let you go as well, irrelevant of who leaves whom. Now... just distance yourself from this situation. I think you were fair. I think you fought for what you believed in. You couldn't have done better. You've given her your address, now take some distance and let time run its course. She needs to put her money where her mouth is. And you need to give her the time to act according to her own wishes. Stop all contact. If it's meant to be, you two will end up together. Just... please, do not accept anymore breadcrumbs. You can start thinking about hanging out after 4 months of full NC earliest. stay strong and do not beat yourself up. You are a beautiful person. You will find someone who appreciates you, but you need to appreciate yourself first ! 1
Author yxalitis Posted June 11, 2015 Author Posted June 11, 2015 OP, break ups are messy. Even messier if the 2 people care of eachother. I think you have nothing to feel bad about. Really. Bless you, you've told her you care about her, you've asked for another chance, that is great ! Really. You know where you stand. I think she does not. From "best friends" to "in a month or two" she has a hard time to let you go, also rationally she says she doesn't want to be with you. By reaching out to her again, you've showed that there is harmony between what you want and what you do. Fantastic, that is soooo important. And you know what? You've also received your answer. As for the fight... it's not because she said no to you that she feels nothing. She is conflicted. I know she is the dumper, but it is hard for her as well. Now, it's not fair on you. Wanna know something? Fighting is good. Fighting is great. Because it shows that there is emotion, it shows she's having a hard time to let you go as well, irrelevant of who leaves whom. Now... just distance yourself from this situation. I think you were fair. I think you fought for what you believed in. You couldn't have done better. You've given her your address, now take some distance and let time run its course. She needs to put her money where her mouth is. And you need to give her the time to act according to her own wishes. Stop all contact. If it's meant to be, you two will end up together. Just... please, do not accept anymore breadcrumbs. You can start thinking about hanging out after 4 months of full NC earliest. stay strong and do not beat yourself up. You are a beautiful person. You will find someone who appreciates you, but you need to appreciate yourself first ! Thank you....someone who obviously actually read my story...not skimmed it, or assumed too much. Yes, I still love her...I think she is very conflicted about the break up, but stubborn as mule with a degree from Oxford in Stubborness. For example, last night she called because the internet wasn't working, yes, of course, that means nothing... But after we chatted amiably...she sent me this: Not sure if you're interested to read my horoscope and you will find it happen to us Aquarius Sign - Aquarius Astrology Information - Zodiac-Signs-Astrology.com Was a very interesting read..as was mine: Cancer Zodiac Sign - Information On Cancer Astrology - Zodiac-Signs-Astrology.com And I will basically stop now, move on...as you say, if it happens, it will, if not, oh well... Life goes on
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