I've messed up my life so young - 25 year old woman stuck in affair [update]

[lucy_in_disguise]

Youre very defensive about the comments youve gotten. I dont think anyone is judging you or wishing your relationship ill but you did start off on shady footing and people will have their opinions about that. Your relationship may be above the statistical fold and the usual issues may not apply but the fact is many cheaters go on to cheat again and no matter how you spin it your current SO was not so innocent in this situation either. Your ex sounds like a nasty person and I dont think anyone is saying you should have stayed with him but his behaivior doesnt justify yours- or your SO's either. Congrats on starting fresh- on your own- but theres no need to attack posters offering their point of view.

[LilyAdore]

You should correct folks when they have your information wrong. I thank you for doing that. I did not read your first thread.

 

Let me ask you this.....What do you want them to discuss about your life?

 

Do you want advice? Do you just want to tell us what is happening....but you don't really want any input from us?

 

Do you want everyone to tell you...you are doing a great job?

 

Do you really expect that folks here will not tell you the truth in how they feel about your situation?

 

Cheating has played a big part in your young life so far....this is the INFIDELITY forum. That is what is going to be discussed. If you do not want it to be discussed any further....if you do not want people to tell you what to do....if you do not want others opinions.....then ask the moderator to lock your thread.

 

William combined your threads together....with a warning....that the first thread was borderline trouble....and to proceed with caution. This means....much confrontation...and he will lock it and ban folks.

 

I don't want to see folks get into trouble.

 

I do want people to discuss this and for advice and info, however most of the replies are telling me to do something that's irrelevant to my situation or that isn't true or I've already addressed

 

Stupid me thought maybe this would be interesting for people in a similar situation rather than people who just want to tell a cheater who already knows they were wrong that they were wrong over and over

 

Considering the responses I got back in June I really don't think I'm being overly defensive. It's just frustrating that people keep saying the same things over and over than aren't even relevant. I was hoping to talk to people in similar situations, as this is the infidelity board. I kinda thought people would expect me to be discussing infidelity on such a board and thus now be so quick to attack me?

[Mrs. John Adams]

I am not sure there is anything to say.

 

You have made your decisions. You are moving forward with your plan. You are deliriously happy. You get your dog in April. Life is good.

[LilyAdore]

Youre very defensive about the comments youve gotten. I dont think anyone is judging you or wishing your relationship ill but you did start off on shady footing and people will have their opinions about that. Your relationship may be above the statistical fold and the usual issues may not apply but the fact is many cheaters go on to cheat again and no matter how you spin it your current SO was not so innocent in this situation either. Your ex sounds like a nasty person and I dont think anyone is saying you should have stayed with him but his behaivior doesnt justify yours- or your SO's either. Congrats on starting fresh- on your own- but theres no need to attack posters offering their point of view.

 

Sorry but if someone says to me like fact 'he'll cheating on you cos he cheated with you' then obviously I'm going to reply defending myself and pointing out how utterly ridiculous this is. Stupid phrases mean nothing - sorry to everyone who is sad cos they were cheated on but you have no right to tell me like it a fact and you know anything about my SO that he will cheat on me

 

Other than that one post I haven't crtisicised anyone at all, just had to correct all the posts that I was hoping were going to be useful or a talking point but I can't even address because they're full of incorrect info or things I've clearly addressed already. Which is disappointing because I did actually want to talk about life now, based on reality, which I really don't think is too much to ask, but in correcting people I'm told I'm too defensive so struggling to move forward either way.

[turnera]

Lol this is hilarious. You say either me or him will definitely cheat like its fact. Why on earth is it a fact that he'll cheat on me because he cheated with me? What nonsense. I know for I fact I won't. I'm as sure that he won't as anyone else can be of someone else - sure but not positive. He's never cheated in his life and treats me like a queen.

What happens when he stops treating you like a queen? What happens when you stop treating HIM like a king? Most cheaters cheat - and justify it - when their needs aren't being met. In other words, when the other stops treating them like a queen or king. It's part of the mentality to be ABLE to cheat - I'm not getting what I want, so I'll go out and get more.

 

You're fooling yourself to think he won't go there again.

 

And nope, no hating here. I'm not bitter. I'm not on a vendetta. Just trying to get people to be honest with themselves so they make better choices. You came here for advice but you aren't open to hearing it.

 

To understand what you're feeling, read up on PEA chemicals. Where life is good and your partner has no warts. Until the chemicals fade and the warts show up.

Edited February 22, 2016 by turnera

[TX-SC]

Lol this is hilarious. You say either me or him will definitely cheat like its fact. Why on earth is it a fact that he'll cheat on me because he cheated with me? What nonsense. I know for I fact I won't. I'm as sure that he won't as anyone else can be of someone else - sure but not positive. He's never cheated in his life and treats me like a queen. And if he cheats? I will know it's not right and leave. Don't take whatever anger issues you have towards cheaters out on me thanks. My case wasn't out of boredom.

 

Fact: People who cheat have a much greater likelihood of cheating again. Read the literature and the studies.

 

Fact: His cheating with you is cheating. He knew you were with someone else and yet had an affair with you. That shows a blatant disrespect for your previous relationship. You even note that the abuse didn't start until AFTER you cheated.

 

Add these together and what you have is a VERY good chance that your relationship will likely fail, probably due to cheating. But,as with anything, there is always a chance that it will not. So, no, I can't say that with certainty.

 

No anger issues here. I've been married for 20 years with no cheating by either party. But, it does appear you are quite defensive to me and others. I think you KNOW that a relationship founded in an affair is doomed to fail. Best of luck though.

[66Charger]

Most here are not making personal attacks, they are making statistical statements. Generally speaking, cheating comes from a lack of boundaries. You and your SO (and your X) showed no boundaries or respect for a relationship or yourself. If this is not addressed, then what makes you think that it wont happen again. Your SO felt it was ok to bed another who was taken. Could he do it again? Maybe, maybe not. Did he address this thru IC? You should not take offense because some are warning you about the statistical probability of this occurring. But whats more important , is that your indiscretions could have cost you your life. You were that close to being a statistic. The other thread ask if posters know anyone who was involved in cheating and murder.

 

But for a few seconds, many could have said Lilyadore.

 

The update seemed clean, almost rugswept, thats why i used the word dirty and if you found that offensive, i apologize. At the end of the day, many only wish happiness, learning and safety. If you are comfortable that you and your OM/SO boundaries are firmly in place then perhaps you will beat the odds and live happily ever after.

 

At minimum, take care of yourself and try not to put yourself in a really bad position.

[sandylee1]

Sorry but if someone says to me like fact 'he'll cheating on you cos he cheated with you' then obviously I'm going to reply defending myself and pointing out how utterly ridiculous this is. Stupid phrases mean nothing - sorry to everyone who is sad cos they were cheated on but you have no right to tell me like it a fact and you know anything about my SO that he will cheat on me

 

Other than that one post I haven't crtisicised anyone at all, just had to correct all the posts that I was hoping were going to be useful or a talking point but I can't even address because they're full of incorrect info or things I've clearly addressed already. Which is disappointing because I did actually want to talk about life now, based on reality, which I really don't think is too much to ask, but in correcting people I'm told I'm too defensive so struggling to move forward either way.

 

Lily

 

Well done for changing your life and doing a new job /career. I remember your story and thanks for the update. I'm sorry people are giving you a hard time..but glad you're in a happy relationship now.

 

Don't interact with a man who tries to choke you. Never mind the dog...just cut ties with the hypocrite. He could cheat..but wasn't okay with the same being done to him.

 

When you initially said you didn't have much of a sex life with your BF. .. I thought he may well be cheating.

 

You're well rid of him. Good luck and welcome to London. Hope your used to the underground now.

 

Take care of yourself