Aurora_227 Posted June 9, 2015 Posted June 9, 2015 (edited) Hello, all! I was hoping you could possibly help me. About a month-and-a-half ago, my ex-boyfriend broke up with me. I was his first girlfriend (we dated for over a year) but I had dated before (we are both 22). He was bawling when he broke up with me and told me that it was the last thing he wanted to do, which I believe. He felt like there was just something missing/the spark was missing. He wanted us to continue being friends and even talked about hanging out when he moved to my area (he is now living in my city). Since then there has been some correspondence, with contact being initiated by each of us 50/50. I finally had to tell him that I needed time to heal and that I just wasn't ready to resume a friendship. He said to contact him if, and when, I was ready. So here is my dilemma...I know our relationship wasn't perfect and neither was he. He was stubborn, loud, opinionated, a bit socially awkward, somewhat controlling (falls under the opinionated), seemed to be scared of serious commitment (although his family believed in settling down at an older age), and immature. However, he was also very intelligent, loved to travel and go do things with me, compassionate, positive, extremely supportive, a hard worker and held an excellent job, and my best friend. Despite the negative traits I mentioned before, he was, and is, a very good person. What I'm scared of is never finding someone who can top him - someone as supportive, hard-working, and compassionate as him. While he says he didn't see a future with me, I know he did truly love me. Part of me also hopes one day he regrets his decision, although I do want him to be happy, even if it's not with me. I'm just sad right now and I miss my best friend. I'm also scared of being friends with him...but I posted about that another time and I think that if that is going to happen, it only will in time. So please...can anyone help me take him off the pedestal? He was just by far the best boyfriend I have ever had (no offense to the other exes, they were great too). He just topped it, although I know our relationship wasn't perfect. Thank you! Edited June 9, 2015 by Aurora_227
FistOfTheNorthStar Posted June 9, 2015 Posted June 9, 2015 I kind of understand what you mean. My first week of NC was a disaster because she was on the pedestal for me. She was understanding, picked herself up from being homeless, compassionate, loved animals and nature, all around caring person. I just never really looked at the negatives for her. She was extremely sexual, she spoke of all of her past partners, how she loved being taken control of, how she could have just gone to a rich older man to pay for her things and raised her child on her own, I was not a big fan of her work because it bothered me but it was how she made money. Her family was just all over the place when it comes to dysfunction, but they all accepted me. I got along with everyone and her child put me on a pedestal as well. I do enjoy getting attention and she did it so perfectly and gracefully. I thought I will never find anyone like her and well... It's true. I won't find someone who has all of her negative aspects but I will find someone who will give me that love and even better. Life goes on my friend, and this is just another stepping stone. You will find someone better as fate would have it. -F 1
Yummm Posted June 9, 2015 Posted June 9, 2015 Ahh... I am in exactly the same boat as i'm sure you've seen me around so I can't really give you advice, but what I can tell you is what I keep saying to myself everyday - Our ex's really aren't the perfect people we fell in love with. They were able to make the decision that their life will go on without us, aswell as the fact that they are comfortable with us finding other lovers to fill their place. Would we have ever done that to them? No. We accepted their flaws and imperfections, we loved them and we are real. These sort of people 'live in the moment' and expect love to be a fairy tale, we don't need them. We had great memories that will distort over time, we should learn from them, grow from them and be more mature on our approach to our next soul whom we want to share our life with. Have faith! 1
DexterLS Posted June 10, 2015 Posted June 10, 2015 What makes you think someone better won't come along? Your mind is probably just playing tricks with you right now. Go No Contact, heal yourself and you will find somebody that will love you for who you are. All the best. 1
jen1447 Posted June 10, 2015 Posted June 10, 2015 Hello, all! I was hoping you could possibly help me. About a month-and-a-half ago, my ex-boyfriend broke up with me. I was his first girlfriend (we dated for over a year) but I had dated before (we are both 22). He was bawling when he broke up with me and told me that it was the last thing he wanted to do, which I believe. He felt like there was just something missing/the spark was missing. He wanted us to continue being friends and even talked about hanging out when he moved to my area (he is now living in my city). Since then there has been some correspondence, with contact being initiated by each of us 50/50. I finally had to tell him that I needed time to heal and that I just wasn't ready to resume a friendship. He said to contact him if, and when, I was ready. So here is my dilemma...I know our relationship wasn't perfect and neither was he. He was stubborn, loud, opinionated, a bit socially awkward, somewhat controlling (falls under the opinionated), seemed to be scared of serious commitment (although his family believed in settling down at an older age), and immature. However, he was also very intelligent, loved to travel and go do things with me, compassionate, positive, extremely supportive, a hard worker and held an excellent job, and my best friend. Despite the negative traits I mentioned before, he was, and is, a very good person. What I'm scared of is never finding someone who can top him - someone as supportive, hard-working, and compassionate as him. While he says he didn't see a future with me, I know he did truly love me. Part of me also hopes one day he regrets his decision, although I do want him to be happy, even if it's not with me. I'm just sad right now and I miss my best friend. I'm also scared of being friends with him...but I posted about that another time and I think that if that is going to happen, it only will in time. So please...can anyone help me take him off the pedestal? He was just by far the best boyfriend I have ever had (no offense to the other exes, they were great too). He just topped it, although I know our relationship wasn't perfect. Thank you! It'll happen with time hon, always does. You can't talk yourself into disliking someone you like, but time will make you care less about them. 2
Author Aurora_227 Posted June 10, 2015 Author Posted June 10, 2015 Thank you, all of you! I appreciate it. I definitely hope that the feelings do fade because I don't want to constantly be comparing any future relationships to that of this one (I know that will still happen to some extent because that's normal). I just don't want it to keep me from an even better relationship if there is one out there.
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