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Posted

I have no idea what to do anymore. My boyfriend and I used to be such a happy couple until he left to return home over a month ago. I was never one for long distance and i knew I wouldn't be able to handle it but I thought to give it a try. The first day he was back we had a fight and he wouldn't talk to me for that whole weekend and then it just spiraled from there. He blamed me for ruining his hangout with friends, all cause he texted me and I said one harmless thing. We broke up for a few days but then got back together and that was when my depression came in. I always had depressive tendencies and I am a recovering self-harmer and it didn't take long before the self harm began because of all the pressure from the issue. Coward, I know. I would wait for him to talk to me, to notice me and when he didn't the depression sunk in and my life just stopped, things I loved I couldn't love and sleep and eating were no longer a priority and even school wasn't. The night I self harmed badly, that I thought I cut too deep and was scared, I called him but he was with his friends and I hung up, thinking I would be bothering him again.He just texted me and when I kept apologizing he stopped answering and I was left on my own and crying and scared. Worst part was the he promised me he would be there no matter what, no matter who he was with. He wasn't there when I needed him and that was not the first time, but it was the final straw for me.Now, he wants me to give him love and care and the attention he never gave me and I don't know what to do anymore. Stay or walk? Both scare me. I'm afraid to stay because I know I will be the same way and I know he will break the promise he made, he has done it before. I'm afraid to walk because I'm going to miss the ability to share stuff with someone and I'm scared I won't find someone who will really love me and care me about me. I want to be happy, but I do not how I will be happy :/

Posted

If you're having to ask that question, you probably already know the answer..

Posted

Walk away. If he wasnt there for you then, he sure as hell won't be there for anything else. I'm saying this with all honesty. Self harm, just isn't worth it. You can find someone that will love you and keep you from hurting yourself. That's what love is about, someone to walk you through the pain, hold your hand and help you heal then further hurt yourself.

Posted

You need to let this go.

 

Concentrate on improving yourself. Clearly you have much to work on before jumping into another relationship.

 

You will find someone, as unlikely as it might seem right now, you will! Go No Contact asap.

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