hyperion83 Posted June 9, 2015 Posted June 9, 2015 About five months into the relationship, 2-3 have been official. I am sure this has been brought up before many times in this forum, but I can't help but think that you may see something that I cannot. Her niece, who was living with her at the time, recently moved back south to her parents. They had been living together for some time and I am sure it was difficult on her. I am giving her the benefit of the doubt because this was a stressful time, but I am also giving it 2 weeks to a month for the relationship to turn around--without me saying anything--before I jump ship. The negatives are: Reduced texting: I am initiating more Sometimes she pulls away (quickly) when I touch her. Two nights this week we didn't have sex. Reduced sexting Don't cuddle when we sleep. Hasn't bought anything for me in quite a while I have made more than one mistake in this relationship and a lot of it stems from my jealousy and alcohol. I am sure these instances have something to do with her level of interest reduction, but not sure how much. The seemingly positives are: She has actually told me that she loves me She still plans the future She says great things about me publicly on FB, but has publicly argued with one of her friends why she hasn't updated her FB status Generally says a lot of nice, flattering things to me. Does a lot of nice things still Sometimes I get the feeling she is with me because I would be a great husband and treat her well, am good looking, yadda yadda. But, I don't get the hint she is in love with me...which is all I care about. I get the feeling that she has to force herself to say nice things to keep me around. I asked if she thought about not continuing last night, but she said no. I know I have changed and become very predictive and girly-man, but this girl is my world right now and I cannot focus on anything else. She is on my mind 24//7 and I know I am not on hers like that bc of the things I mentioned above....especially reduced texting and not inviting me over...I basically have to ask:( I am sorry I didn't have much of a story to tell, but I have been reading signs of lost interest on Google all day and aligning with so many, LS has become my last resort.
Redhead14 Posted June 9, 2015 Posted June 9, 2015 About five months into the relationship, 2-3 have been official. I am sure this has been brought up before many times in this forum, but I can't help but think that you may see something that I cannot. Her niece, who was living with her at the time, recently moved back south to her parents. They had been living together for some time and I am sure it was difficult on her. I am giving her the benefit of the doubt because this was a stressful time, but I am also giving it 2 weeks to a month for the relationship to turn around--without me saying anything--before I jump ship. The negatives are: Reduced texting: I am initiating more Sometimes she pulls away (quickly) when I touch her. Two nights this week we didn't have sex. Reduced sexting Don't cuddle when we sleep. Hasn't bought anything for me in quite a while I have made more than one mistake in this relationship and a lot of it stems from my jealousy and alcohol. I am sure these instances have something to do with her level of interest reduction, but not sure how much. The seemingly positives are: She has actually told me that she loves me She still plans the future She says great things about me publicly on FB, but has publicly argued with one of her friends why she hasn't updated her FB status Generally says a lot of nice, flattering things to me. Does a lot of nice things still Sometimes I get the feeling she is with me because I would be a great husband and treat her well, am good looking, yadda yadda. But, I don't get the hint she is in love with me...which is all I care about. I get the feeling that she has to force herself to say nice things to keep me around. I asked if she thought about not continuing last night, but she said no. I know I have changed and become very predictive and girly-man, but this girl is my world right now and I cannot focus on anything else. She is on my mind 24//7 and I know I am not on hers like that bc of the things I mentioned above....especially reduced texting and not inviting me over...I basically have to ask:( I am sorry I didn't have much of a story to tell, but I have been reading signs of lost interest on Google all day and aligning with so many, LS has become my last resort. Just mirror her for a bit. Don't do anymore initiating. If she is losing interest, let it be.
fitnessfan365 Posted June 9, 2015 Posted June 9, 2015 All the positives you listed seem to be pretty substantial and that she's invested. In regards to less sex, it's up to you to seduce her and initiate. Also, stressing over less texting and sexting seems silly IMO. If you're spending plenty of time in person, it makes sense you'll use the phone less to communicate. I actually prefer a woman that's a bit more independent and prefers to talk more in person. The phone should be used more for setting dates than anything else.
Gary S Posted June 9, 2015 Posted June 9, 2015 She's either loosing interest, or worse, never really had any interest and was just a great actress.... the problem with acting though, when it comes to relationships, there is no real payoff when you don't feel the love, so it may be quitting time for her. Let me ask you this - are you coming up short in any of these areas in the relationship - romance, trust, respect? Do you take her out on dates? Buy her things once in awhile? Say sweet things to her? It could be her fault, or it could be your fault, I need a lot more info. I would recommend you post the full, long relationship story - the devil is in the details.
Author hyperion83 Posted June 9, 2015 Author Posted June 9, 2015 Just mirror her for a bit. Don't do anymore initiating. If she is losing interest, let it be. I don't like the fact that I have to play games to hopefully turn this around. Yes, I have read that this works, but it isn't genuine.
J21 Posted June 9, 2015 Posted June 9, 2015 I know I have changed and become very predictive and girly-man, but this girl is my world right now and I cannot focus on anything else. She is on my mind 24//7 and I know I am not on hers like that bc of the things I mentioned above....especially reduced texting and not inviting me over...I basically have to ask:( I think you need to stop making this person the center of your world and think about her 24. It's great to care for her and relationship, but it's not a good thing to make this person your world.
Redhead14 Posted June 9, 2015 Posted June 9, 2015 I don't like the fact that I have to play games to hopefully turn this around. Yes, I have read that this works, but it isn't genuine. It is not about playing games. It's about managing your emotions and expectations so as to allow yourself to be able to accept what may come about and not forcing anything. You are simply balancing things between you.
Author hyperion83 Posted June 9, 2015 Author Posted June 9, 2015 She's either loosing interest, or worse, never really had any interest and was just a great actress.... the problem with acting though, when it comes to relationships, there is no real payoff when you don't feel the love, so it may be quitting time for her. Let me ask you this - are you coming up short in any of these areas in the relationship - romance, trust, respect? Do you take her out on dates? Buy her things once in awhile? Say sweet things to her? It could be her fault, or it could be your fault, I need a lot more info. I would recommend you post the full, long relationship story - the devil is in the details. It almost does seem like acting. Thinking about it now, acting leads to the story. P.S. I sent her non-argument flowers last week. I bought take out last night. I keep my trust issues hidden, and I show a huge amount of respect. On to the story I suppose
Author hyperion83 Posted June 9, 2015 Author Posted June 9, 2015 I think you need to stop making this person the center of your world and think about her 24. It's great to care for her and relationship, but it's not a good thing to make this person your world. How, exactly, is this accomplished? How can you stop thinking about someone?
Author hyperion83 Posted June 9, 2015 Author Posted June 9, 2015 All the positives you listed seem to be pretty substantial and that she's invested. In regards to less sex, it's up to you to seduce her and initiate. Also, stressing over less texting and sexting seems silly IMO. If you're spending plenty of time in person, it makes sense you'll use the phone less to communicate. I actually prefer a woman that's a bit more independent and prefers to talk more in person. The phone should be used more for setting dates than anything else. I wish this were true.
Redhead14 Posted June 9, 2015 Posted June 9, 2015 About five months into the relationship, 2-3 have been official. I am sure this has been brought up before many times in this forum, but I can't help but think that you may see something that I cannot. Her niece, who was living with her at the time, recently moved back south to her parents. They had been living together for some time and I am sure it was difficult on her. I am giving her the benefit of the doubt because this was a stressful time, but I am also giving it 2 weeks to a month for the relationship to turn around--without me saying anything--before I jump ship. The negatives are: Reduced texting: I am initiating more Sometimes she pulls away (quickly) when I touch her. Two nights this week we didn't have sex. Reduced sexting Don't cuddle when we sleep. Hasn't bought anything for me in quite a while I have made more than one mistake in this relationship and a lot of it stems from my jealousy and alcohol. I am sure these instances have something to do with her level of interest reduction, but not sure how much. The seemingly positives are: She has actually told me that she loves me She still plans the future She says great things about me publicly on FB, but has publicly argued with one of her friends why she hasn't updated her FB status Generally says a lot of nice, flattering things to me. Does a lot of nice things still Sometimes I get the feeling she is with me because I would be a great husband and treat her well, am good looking, yadda yadda. But, I don't get the hint she is in love with me...which is all I care about. I get the feeling that she has to force herself to say nice things to keep me around. I asked if she thought about not continuing last night, but she said no. I know I have changed and become very predictive and girly-man, but this girl is my world right now and I cannot focus on anything else. She is on my mind 24//7 and I know I am not on hers like that bc of the things I mentioned above....especially reduced texting and not inviting me over...I basically have to ask:( I am sorry I didn't have much of a story to tell, but I have been reading signs of lost interest on Google all day and aligning with so many, LS has become my last resort. Think about what else is going on in her life right now outside of the relationship. There has been stress she's dealing with. You've only noticed this this past week or so yes? Just give a little space, that's all. It's probably just a blip. Give it a little time to see if things go back to "normal".
Author hyperion83 Posted June 9, 2015 Author Posted June 9, 2015 Think about what else is going on in her life right now outside of the relationship. There has been stress she's dealing with. You've only noticed this this past week or so yes? Just give a little space, that's all. It's probably just a blip. Give it a little time to see if things go back to "normal". Also wishing this will be true:)
GemmaUK Posted June 9, 2015 Posted June 9, 2015 I have made more than one mistake in this relationship and a lot of it stems from my jealousy and alcohol. What happened exactly? These are both potentially pretty big problems.
losangelena Posted June 9, 2015 Posted June 9, 2015 I have some questions/thoughts about a few of these things. They're in *asterisks* Reduced texting: I am initiating more **What was the texting like in the beginning? Has she always been the one to initiate? What is wrong with you initiating?** Two nights this week we didn't have sex. **Again, what was it like before? It's not uncommon for the amount of sex to lessen after you've been together for a while. At the beginning, my BF and I would go at it three times a night; now it's like three times a week.** Don't cuddle when we sleep. **Again, this seems like a normal thing after the "newness" wears off. My BF and I used to be surgically attached in our sleep, however, it's sometimes hard to actually get a good night's sleep that way.** Hasn't bought anything for me in quite a while **Do you buy her things?** I have made more than one mistake in this relationship and a lot of it stems from my jealousy and alcohol. **What are some of those things?** Sometimes I get the feeling she is with me because I would be a great husband and treat her well, am good looking, yadda yadda. But, I don't get the hint she is in love with me...which is all I care about. **Do you love her? Have you expressed that to her?** I get the feeling that she has to force herself to say nice things to keep me around. **I highly doubt it. If she wants to be with you because you'd make a good husband, it makes sense that she would continue praising you genuinely.** I asked if she thought about not continuing last night, but she said no. **What was the context of this conversation?** I know I have changed and become very predictive and girly-man, but this girl is my world right now and I cannot focus on anything else. She is on my mind 24//7 **I hate to say this, but being on someone's mind 24/7 is not a healthy mentality. The sign of emotional health in a relationship is having the freedom to think about other things.** I know I am not on hers like that bc of the things I mentioned above.especially reduced texting and not inviting me over...I basically have to ask:( **Do you invite her over to your place? The way you're describing it makes it seem like you're waiting for her to do all the work. Is that an accurate picture?**
minime13 Posted June 9, 2015 Posted June 9, 2015 About five months into the relationship, 2-3 have been official. I am sure this has been brought up before many times in this forum, but I can't help but think that you may see something that I cannot. Her niece, who was living with her at the time, recently moved back south to her parents. They had been living together for some time and I am sure it was difficult on her. I am giving her the benefit of the doubt because this was a stressful time, but I am also giving it 2 weeks to a month for the relationship to turn around--without me saying anything--before I jump ship. The negatives are: Reduced texting: I am initiating more Sometimes she pulls away (quickly) when I touch her. Two nights this week we didn't have sex. Reduced sexting Don't cuddle when we sleep. Hasn't bought anything for me in quite a while I have made more than one mistake in this relationship and a lot of it stems from my jealousy and alcohol. I am sure these instances have something to do with her level of interest reduction, but not sure how much. The seemingly positives are: She has actually told me that she loves me She still plans the future She says great things about me publicly on FB, but has publicly argued with one of her friends why she hasn't updated her FB status Generally says a lot of nice, flattering things to me. Does a lot of nice things still Sometimes I get the feeling she is with me because I would be a great husband and treat her well, am good looking, yadda yadda. But, I don't get the hint she is in love with me...which is all I care about. I get the feeling that she has to force herself to say nice things to keep me around. I asked if she thought about not continuing last night, but she said no. I know I have changed and become very predictive and girly-man, but this girl is my world right now and I cannot focus on anything else. She is on my mind 24//7 and I know I am not on hers like that bc of the things I mentioned above....especially reduced texting and not inviting me over...I basically have to ask:( I am sorry I didn't have much of a story to tell, but I have been reading signs of lost interest on Google all day and aligning with so many, LS has become my last resort. The honeymoon phase has passed and now you guys are getting comfortable with each other and are starting the beginning of the actual, long term relationship phase. The feeling of new love is gone, and now you get to start really getting to know each other and deciding on whether or not this is a person you really want to be with. She's also living alone now, and is probably enjoying stretching her legs a little and feeling the comfort of having her own place back. If she wasn't particularly distressed or sad about her niece moving away, that is. If she was sad, then maybe she's just feeling a little depressed. I think it's a bit much to expect her to be "in love" with you at this point in the relationship - 5 months along, with 3 being official. You don't start actually falling in love (you don't even have the opportunity) until you move past the honeymoon phase and the newness of the relationship. When you get to really start learning who a person is, that's when this happens. So, just relax it a little yourself before making any decisions, but do not decide that you're going to just give it a few more months and call it quits like that. Discuss concerns before you get to that point. Your saying that makes me believe that you're the one that is losing interest, and not her. 1
Author hyperion83 Posted June 9, 2015 Author Posted June 9, 2015 (edited) STORY: I'll just start by saying we are in the same circle of friends and were acquaintances/friends before we started romantically. So, a group of us went camping back in January. The second night she showed up and nothing was out of the norm until later when she asked me to guide her through the woods to the bathroom...everyone was going to bed. On our way there at sections where we had to make a turn on the path she would kind of stop and look at me. I knew what that meant, but kept on going anyway. We almost arrived back at the campsite and I couldn't take it anymore so I kissed her and it was on. Thankfully, for better or worse, I have a "problem" when I drink too much, so sex didn't happen, but everything else did. She told a couple of individuals in the morning about it and then everything that happened was out in the open. She ended it with her ltr of five years before we hooked up...they had been on and off for about six months and I am moderately acquainted with the guy. There is another guy who I am actually friends with and he is very close with the most inner circle of our group. In the beginning, I had trouble with feeling like I would hurt the guy bc He REALLY likes her, probably borderline love. That was our first "issue". I tried to end it before it began just to save him and myself mainly bc I had never dated a friend before within my circle of friends, but she convinced me that it was ok. I wanted her anyway. This "issue" has been brought up since then, and the friend has been upset towards me and her, even after being talked to. I can't help feel that I was right in my original thoughts, but I have had hope that he would get used to it. Things were basically FWB for a couple of months #1 bc I she nor I wanted a relationship (her bc she just got out of one, and me bc I wanted to give her her single life and not feel like a rebound) #2 bc we did not know how everyone would feel about us. We would hang out on the weekend and text during the week; which I was against at first, but liked it so I continued to text. After the first couple of months I sent her a long text basically detailing if things go to complicated, someone should have the courage to end it. Fast forward a couple of weeks and I am lying in her bed and we are talking about being exclusive. I said "Will you be my GF, but don't answer me until you are sure". I said that bc I wanted the whole event to be romantic and not just another conversation. She said was upset I put it that way and said she would have said "yes". Issue #2....She wound up calling me her boyfriend in conversation one day and it has been exclusive ever since. Things were going great for the longest time until the next couple of blow ups. First, while we were at the bar I told her I didn't like texting her everyday because I wanted her to miss me (Ironic, yes?). She didn't like that at all, but I managed to recover. The next blow up has to do with my jealousy. I got really jealous one night and held it in. I avoided her so I could gather my thoughts, but she did not take the avoiding well. We ended up arguing in the car, her saying she just wants to go home. I recovered somehow on that too. Just an FYI she is VERY flirtatious...not exactly a good match to my died down jealous tendencies, but it is something I like about her...weird I know. In between the last jealousy issue (she never knew the source of that night of avoidance) and the next, things. were. ****ing. awesome. Her birthday party was the night of the second, far worse, argument. I got a whole bunch of people together to chip in to buy her a new phone...her old one was ****. The night was going great until the end. I had been drinking and noticed her flirting tendencies with one individual in particular which I thought she overly flirts with. I started noticing things that may or may not have been there. She goes to bed and I go in there with her and break up with her on the spot basically saying that we arent compatible. I immediately tried to recover, she said she loved my for the first time, but things, as you can expect, were not good. She said it scared her that she didn't cry when I did it. That scared me too. Once again, I recovered. Things have been pretty decent until the start of the original post. I hate to point out the negatives when there were soo many positives. Like awesome sex and unreal awesome things being said to each other. So I do not want to discount those, I just want you to know the rocky road it has been which may help in your thoughts. Should I expand more? Well, when I gave her flowers last week and after her birthday party she said some really awesome stuff on FB tagging me. Sometimes I feel like she wants to use me like a prize to tell everyone she got the guy no one has had and flaunt me, but when it is just me and her sometimes I feel like I am just another person. That. ****ing. Hurts to think Edited June 9, 2015 by hyperion83
Author hyperion83 Posted June 9, 2015 Author Posted June 9, 2015 I have some questions/thoughts about a few of these things. They're in *asterisks* Originally Posted by hyperion83 View Post Reduced texting: I am initiating more **What was the texting like in the beginning? Has she always been the one to initiate? What is wrong with you initiating?** She has initiated more than I in the past 60% 40% Two nights this week we didn't have sex. **Again, what was it like before? It's not uncommon for the amount of sex to lessen after you've been together for a while. At the beginning, my BF and I would go at it three times a night; now it's like three times a week.** Three time a night Don't cuddle when we sleep. **Again, this seems like a normal thing after the "newness" wears off. My BF and I used to be surgically attached in our sleep, however, it's sometimes hard to actually get a good night's sleep that way.** Hasn't bought anything for me in quite a while **Do you buy her things?** Sometimes I have made more than one mistake in this relationship and a lot of it stems from my jealousy and alcohol. **What are some of those things?** Listed above in story Sometimes I get the feeling she is with me because I would be a great husband and treat her well, am good looking, yadda yadda. But, I don't get the hint she is in love with me...which is all I care about. **Do you love her? Have you expressed that to her?** I told her I loved her first. We have said it to each other maybe a handful of times. I get the feeling that she has to force herself to say nice things to keep me around. **I highly doubt it. If she wants to be with you because you'd make a good husband, it makes sense that she would continue praising you genuinely.** I asked if she thought about not continuing last night, but she said no. **What was the context of this conversation?** Cant remember I know I have changed and become very predictive and girly-man, but this girl is my world right now and I cannot focus on anything else. She is on my mind 24//7 **I hate to say this, but being on someone's mind 24/7 is not a healthy mentality. The sign of emotional health in a relationship is having the freedom to think about other things.** I know I am not on hers like that bc of the things I mentioned above.especially reduced texting and not inviting me over...I basically have to ask **Do you invite her over to your place? The way you're describing it makes it seem like you're waiting for her to do all the work. Is that an accurate picture?** I have done most of the inviting
minime13 Posted June 9, 2015 Posted June 9, 2015 Things were going great for the longest time until the next couple of blow ups. First, while we were at the bar I told her I didn't like texting her everyday because I wanted her to miss me (Ironic, yes?). She didn't like that at all, but I managed to recover. The next blow up has to do with my jealousy. I got really jealous one night and held it in. I avoided her so I could gather my thoughts, but she did not take the avoiding well. We ended up arguing in the car, her saying she just wants to go home. I recovered somehow on that too. Just an FYI she is VERY flirtatious...not exactly a good match to my died down jealous tendencies, but it is something I like about her...weird I know. So you tell her not to text you as much, and now you're suspicious because she's doing exactly what you asked. Interesting. In between the last jealousy issue (she never knew the source of that night of avoidance) and the next, things. were. ****ing. awesome. Her birthday party was the night of the second, far worse, argument. I got a whole bunch of people together to chip in to buy her a new phone...her old one was ****. The night was going great until the end. I had been drinking and noticed her flirting tendencies with one individual in particular which I thought she overly flirts with. I started noticing things that may or may not have been there. She goes to bed and I go in there with her and break up with her on the spot basically saying that we arent compatible. I immediately tried to recover, she said she loved my for the first time, but things, as you can expect, were not good. She said it scared her that she didn't cry when I did it. That scared me too. Once again, I recovered. Things have been pretty decent until the start of the original post. I hate to point out the negatives when there were soo many positives. Like awesome sex and unreal awesome things being said to each other. So I do not want to discount those, I just want you to know the rocky road it has been which may help in your thoughts. Should I expand more? Well, when I gave her flowers last week and after her birthday party she said some really awesome stuff on FB tagging me. Sometimes I feel like she wants to use me like a prize to tell everyone she got the guy no one has had and flaunt me, but when it is just me and her sometimes I feel like I am just another person. That. ****ing. Hurts to think You get drunk, act like a jerk, break up with her on her birthday because of something you thought you saw when you were drunk, and then wonder what's wrong with her? Dude. That's just wrong. When did this happen, a week ago? That's why she's acting this way. Can you control your issues with drinking? Are you able to commit to this relationship and treat her with respect? If not, then you probably should break it off. I think she is wondering if her boyfriend is going to be borderline abusive when he drinks too much, and that probably scares her.
losangelena Posted June 9, 2015 Posted June 9, 2015 I don't think your story clarified much of anything to be quite honest. But judging how you've both conducted yourselves, and how wrapped up in this you are, that it doesn't sound like a healthy, sustainable relationship.
aloneinaz Posted June 9, 2015 Posted June 9, 2015 I think you're thinking about her 24/7 cause you may be onto something in regards to her backing off or out of the relationship. This is causing some panic or anxiety so you're brain is spinning on full right now. That's normal. You appeared to address it with her last night so don't bring it up again. Don't smother her nor keep rehashing this subject. As the others already mentioned, she could just be over stressed w/recent events in her life. In the meantime, just go about your relationship the same as you did before you've gotten concerned. Don't always be the first to initiate a text. Don't always be the instigator of sex. Within a week or two, if she's not back to what she was before, then you have a decision to make.
Author hyperion83 Posted June 9, 2015 Author Posted June 9, 2015 I have some questions/thoughts about a few of these things. They're in *asterisks* I don't think your story clarified much of anything to be quite honest. But judging how you've both conducted yourselves, and how wrapped up in this you are, that it doesn't sound like a healthy, sustainable relationship. What kind of clarification was needed?
Author hyperion83 Posted June 9, 2015 Author Posted June 9, 2015 I think you're thinking about her 24/7 cause you may be onto something in regards to her backing off or out of the relationship. . What do you mean by "cause you may be onto something". Seeing somethign that IS there in terms of her actions or ISN'T"
Author hyperion83 Posted June 9, 2015 Author Posted June 9, 2015 Thanks for your reply So you tell her not to text you as much, and now you're suspicious because she's doing exactly what you asked. Interesting. I never told her not to text me as much, I was the one who was doing that in the beginning when intentions were not known You get drunk, act like a jerk, break up with her on her birthday because of something you thought you saw when you were drunk, and then wonder what's wrong with her? Dude. That's just wrong. When did this happen, a week ago? That's why she's acting this way. Can you control your issues with drinking? Are you able to commit to this relationship and treat her with respect? If not, then you probably should break it off. I think she is wondering if her boyfriend is going to be borderline abusive when he drinks too much, and that probably scares her. This happened a little over three weeks ago. I have nor have ever been abusive in any manner. Just a history of caring too much
Gary S Posted June 10, 2015 Posted June 10, 2015 She ended it with her ltr of five years before we hooked up...they had been on and off for about six months and I am moderately acquainted with the guy. Things were basically FWB for a couple of months #1 bc I she nor I wanted a relationship (her bc she just got out of one, and me bc I wanted to give her her single life and not feel like a rebound) - Oh, there it is. She's on the rebound. It might take her at least a year to a year-and-a-half to get over her rebound period and be ready to love another - you two got together too quickly, only six months after her breakup. She never really fell for you. Sorry guy.
Author hyperion83 Posted June 10, 2015 Author Posted June 10, 2015 - Oh, there it is. She's on the rebound. It might take her at least a year to a year-and-a-half to get over her rebound period and be ready to love another - you two got together too quickly, only six months after her breakup. She never really fell for you. Sorry guy. Maybe I should have added that she was over it a year before they broke up. She has not only told me this, but friends have as well. She tried many times to end it with him, but took him back for whatever reason. I am positive that she was done with that relationship and ready for another...mostly
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