dub4502 Posted June 9, 2015 Posted June 9, 2015 So I posted a few weeks back in the dating section about my girl loosing interest. Well things have not gotten better...actually worse if anything. She barely responds to texts or calls and if she does she is very quiet. I decided it wasn't fair to me anymore so decided to have the talk with her. Basically I told her I can't do this anymore, as it's not fair to me to be 100% in, and you not knowing what you want...essentially she was having her cake and eating it to. So I said I assume you feel the same as you did, and not sure what you want so i'll give you all the time you need without me to figure it out. Then I got a little thrown off....she was crying and sad, then she cooled off. So I decided to take a shot and make a move for some break up sex...she went right along with it. So i'm getting my things to go home and she starts telling me she hopes this isn't good bye forever. A movie preview came on TV and shes like we're supposed to go see that, maybe that can be a first date all over?!?! I didn't say anything, i told her i'd drop her things off when she wasn't there, and she got mad saying why when i'm not here, why can't you see me anymore? Why do you guys think she would say anything about another first date or not getting to see me? I mean i was acting needy and insecure the past few weeks, as I didn't know what to think about the situation. But I feel like I got my respect back by pulling the trigger and she is second guessing her actions of pushing me to breakup...Any insight would be great....always good responses on here! Thanks in advance
ravfour4 Posted June 9, 2015 Posted June 9, 2015 She probably loved having you on the side as a friend while she got to pursue the rest of the world. When you pulled the trigger, she got scared and quickly reacted by trying to pull you back. My guess is that in a few days she'll be back to her old self. If you think otherwise, take things very slow with her and pay attention to her actions, not her words. If she slips back to confusion, get rid of her, but by that point you may have had some new great memories together and you won't want to.
Author dub4502 Posted June 9, 2015 Author Posted June 9, 2015 She probably loved having you on the side as a friend while she got to pursue the rest of the world. When you pulled the trigger, she got scared and quickly reacted by trying to pull you back. My guess is that in a few days she'll be back to her old self. If you think otherwise, take things very slow with her and pay attention to her actions, not her words. If she slips back to confusion, get rid of her, but by that point you may have had some new great memories together and you won't want to. That's how I was feeling, so I said either you get all or none of me and if you're not sure , give me a call sometime....maybe i'll still be feeling it. But for now I can't stick around...It's tough going from contacting someone everyday to nothing... Though on a sidenote she did send a few snapchats my way today...I know I should take that with a grain of salt... as she probably doesn't like the cold turkey no contact either...
ravfour4 Posted June 9, 2015 Posted June 9, 2015 It sucks going from seeing them everyday to nothing. I dated my ex for 4 years and lived with her for 3, I sacrificed a lot to be with her, then she left when I needed her most to an older married fool. She came back after a few weeks of NC, we hung out every single day for 3 weeks, she'd talk about a future and kids. Then she went back to him and now we're not talking again. It was devastating at first, but it's helpful to have space. If she really wants you, she'll be back and she's going to test the waters to see if you'll respond. If you need to, reiterate that you only will talk to her once she knows what she wants. 1
forumman83 Posted June 9, 2015 Posted June 9, 2015 (edited) listen bro, I did the exact same thing only I (as the guy) was the one that was stringing along the girl. I was starting to lose interest in her so I had a "talk" with her. Then she got really upset and kind of begged a little bit. Made me lose interest even more. Then she disappeared on me. It made me sad once I realized she was gone. I started reminiscing. Then a few weeks later, I called her up and asked her for coffee. She happily agreed. But what was strange was that as soon as she agreed happily to go to coffee with me, I kind of lost interest again. My point here is that she likes you but she doesn't think you're "the one." You are obviously doing something to make her lose interest. You're probably too into her, too attached, too in love, not a challenge anymore. So what should you do? Back off completely. 100% no contact. If she contacts you, be friendly and short. She chases you or she gets nothing. In the meantime you must fix your attachment to her or you will only trigger the same feelings of losing interest. Cheers. Edited June 9, 2015 by forumman83 3
wizer Posted June 9, 2015 Posted June 9, 2015 The posts on this thread perfectly illustrate that what we don't have we find more attractive. Needy, clingy is out, and detached, distant and mysterious is in. The other perfectly illustrated point on this thread by most of those same examples is that when we're done with a person, just because we may miss them if they drop off the radar, and we think we want them back, most of the time we really don't, and any reconciliation is short lasting. When it's over.. it's over.
minime13 Posted June 9, 2015 Posted June 9, 2015 My advice would be not to send her any more mixed signals if you are, in fact, ready to break up and move on. She's not the one sending them here; you are by breaking up with her and then "taking advantage" of the situation and having sex with her as she's processing the break up. How did you expect her to act? You broke up for a reason, so let it be and move on. No more mixed signals.
Author dub4502 Posted June 9, 2015 Author Posted June 9, 2015 My advice would be not to send her any more mixed signals if you are, in fact, ready to break up and move on. She's not the one sending them here; you are by breaking up with her and then "taking advantage" of the situation and having sex with her as she's processing the break up. How did you expect her to act? You broke up for a reason, so let it be and move on. No more mixed signals. I appreciate the advice, no I did not want to break up with her, I truly want to be with her. But really felt as though I couldn't take the hot and cold anymore, get anymore emotionally invested, treat her great while I got no affection in return, and in the end have her break it off anyways, I had to put myself first in this relationship for once. For the past three weeks she has played hot and cold with me...invite me over hang out have a great time....the next day cold no response to text or calls...the next day normal talking to her and her kids on the phone...rinse and repeat. That said, I did not expect her to act on my advances and did not expect her to say maybe we can go on another first date.....
minime13 Posted June 9, 2015 Posted June 9, 2015 That said, I did not expect her to act on my advances and did not expect her to say maybe we can go on another first date..... I'm not, really. This is the single mother of 2 kids, right? AND she was also taking care of her niece? She was overwhelmed. You're asking for her to be 100% in, and she really can't be. It sounded like (you haven't given a lot of her input and responses, so it's impossible to really tell anything) she was giving what she could. If it's not enough for you, it's not enough. However, she isn't the one sending mixed signals. Don't toy with a single mother like that, please.
Author dub4502 Posted June 9, 2015 Author Posted June 9, 2015 I'm not, really. This is the single mother of 2 kids, right? AND she was also taking care of her niece? She was overwhelmed. You're asking for her to be 100% in, and she really can't be. It sounded like (you haven't given a lot of her input and responses, so it's impossible to really tell anything) she was giving what she could. If it's not enough for you, it's not enough. However, she isn't the one sending mixed signals. Don't toy with a single mother like that, please. No, there was no niece involved. If you knew the whole story you would know she is not giving what she could...I don't mean give me 100% of your time...I understand shes a single mother and has priorities over me. But when it goes from telling me how lucky she is to have me, spending time together 3-4 nights a week, and talking on the phone nights we weren't together, to basically no contact from her in a week or two, something isn't right. Please don't claim i'm toying with her, as I want nothing but the best for her, and was nothing but good to her...part of the reason it was so hard to break up with her(I didn't want to). If I get the chance I will continue to be nothing but good to her. I wanted to do everything for her, help anyway I could because I knew how valuable her time is.
JewelD Posted June 9, 2015 Posted June 9, 2015 Reminds me of my ex. He was a jerk and broke up with me all the time. The one time I broke up with him, he lost it and begged and wanted to start over with a clean slate, etc etc etc. Then, like a fool, I gave him another chance. He went back to his old ways within a few weeks and after a couple of months, he dumped me. It's really about power. Narcissistic people don't want to be left, even if they don't actually want to be with you. In their mind, they have to be the one to end it. I do think it's possible to make her want you more by chasing you, but someone once told me that real love is natural. When you find the one, you won't have to play games with them to get them to want you. You won't have to do anything but be yourself and be honest. 1
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