Author forest97 Posted June 10, 2015 Author Posted June 10, 2015 Bro, I understand that you're hurting and it's normal, I feel exactly the same way, but listen to the advice everybody here is giving you... Read my story to take your mind off things, you can see how my emotional rollercoaster has been going over the last few weeks: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/530753-much-appreciated Delete her from all social networks, even if you don't stalk her now, you will run the risk of giving into the urge and hurting yourself. The only reason you're keeping her is for some sort of 'hope' that she's still somehow in your life, it's false. If you don't want to delete the pictures, do what I did, put them in a box and put them away where you won't look at them until the future (if you even care) or give them to a friend who will hold them for you. The messages? They are the past, delete them, empty words, it will hurt in the beginning, but will aid your healing and feel like a weight has been lifted off your shoulders. Moving on takes time, you will have ups and downs. The last 3 days have been $HIT for me, today a LITTLE better, take it day by day, don't focus too far in the future, focus on getting through TODAY. Get out for some fresh air, spend more time with family/friends that you neglected during your relationship, release endorphins by working out, listen to uplifting music, have a little cry, just power through buddy. I know you feel like your world is ending, but you're so young, you'll be fine I've read your story and i hope you are better from the slipped discs! It just feels like crap to be honest, everything was going so well and just out of the blue i get the "we need to talk" line. What does she mean when she says she still loves me and cares about you? I know we aren't together but i do miss her so so much, all the way down to when we just cuddled you know... I will keep the pictures, although she deleted all of them on her social media accounts almost 2-3 weeks after, but my profile picture was of us and it took me 2 weeks to change it, i just couldn't do it. Thanks for your help mate!
Author forest97 Posted June 10, 2015 Author Posted June 10, 2015 yep every woman has the next guy on speed dial and OP I bet you all ready met her new BF . Does this mean she was planning it a while, or that she didn't love me etc?
NopeNah Posted June 10, 2015 Posted June 10, 2015 Does this mean she was planning it a while, or that she didn't love me etc? The old "I love and care about you,but I'm NOT IN love with you" = "Don't think I'm a bad person." Maybe she's not a bad person,but the reality of your situation is...she's gone. The sooner you accept this for what it truly is,the better off you'll be. She did not just come to her conclusion to break up with you on an "over night/outta the blue" moment. She's been detaching from you before your very eyes. You either A) Didn't notice her "hints" and thought everything was fine. or B) She has been talking to someone else and has already moved on. Whether it's A or B has no meaning at this point..it's over. Work out as much as possible,make and save as much $$$ as possible,spend time with friends and family,buy some new clothes,travel and most important...Live your life for you and to the fullest! You only have one to live and she is/was not the center of it.
NopeNah Posted June 10, 2015 Posted June 10, 2015 And...YES delete her from all social media. If her account is public and you feel you'll be "weak" at some point to look at it..DON"T LOOK! I just glanced at some of your other threads about this chick. Bro, She did you a favor! You didn't trust her(with good reason) and who wants to deal with that at any age,especially at your age? Time for a beach trip with the boy's for you!
Author forest97 Posted June 10, 2015 Author Posted June 10, 2015 And...YES delete her from all social media. If her account is public and you feel you'll be "weak" at some point to look at it..DON"T LOOK! I just glanced at some of your other threads about this chick. Bro, She did you a favor! You didn't trust her(with good reason) and who wants to deal with that at any age,especially at your age? Time for a beach trip with the boy's for you! Do you agree that i had a reason to not trust her? Because i tried to ignore it to be honest, but it was hard not too! Thinking positive, she treated me like a second option, i don't see why i still love he so much still haha! Well next month we are going on a boys holiday so should be good! Anything else i should be doing to help myself?
NopeNah Posted June 10, 2015 Posted June 10, 2015 Do you agree that i had a reason to not trust her? Because i tried to ignore it to be honest, but it was hard not too! Thinking positive, she treated me like a second option, i don't see why i still love he so much still haha! Well next month we are going on a boys holiday so should be good! Anything else i should be doing to help myself? Uhhhh...yeah I agree you should not have trusted her(at least from what you've posted). You're both young and life will have a lot in store for both..Up's,down's,side way's(while drinking )..Enjoy All it has to offer. As far as helping yourself? Do exactly that! Help yourself! You said you were to clingy with her..Be clingy with yourself for a while. All the attention and focus you had aimed at keeping this going with her,flip it around and focus all that energy on yourself.
Author forest97 Posted June 10, 2015 Author Posted June 10, 2015 Uhhhh...yeah I agree you should not have trusted her(at least from what you've posted). You're both young and life will have a lot in store for both..Up's,down's,side way's(while drinking )..Enjoy All it has to offer. As far as helping yourself? Do exactly that! Help yourself! You said you were to clingy with her..Be clingy with yourself for a while. All the attention and focus you had aimed at keeping this going with her,flip it around and focus all that energy on yourself. Well i've got my whole life ahead of me to be honest, i'm only 18 aha! As much as it hurts now, and it will take a while i think because really did mean a lot to me! I've gone clubbing every weekend, just to have a laugh with my mates, and i've enjoyed that to be fair! Haha i always put all my effort into her, not getting myself something because i wanted to treat her, suppose its time to treat myself for once!
NopeNah Posted June 10, 2015 Posted June 10, 2015 Well i've got my whole life ahead of me to be honest, i'm only 18 aha! As much as it hurts now, and it will take a while i think because really did mean a lot to me! I've gone clubbing every weekend, just to have a laugh with my mates, and i've enjoyed that to be fair! Haha i always put all my effort into her, not getting myself something because i wanted to treat her, suppose its time to treat myself for once! It's amazing how much time and money we invest in dating someone. When you're single it's all about you..
Author forest97 Posted June 10, 2015 Author Posted June 10, 2015 It's amazing how much time and money we invest in dating someone. When you're single it's all about you.. It's true what they say, love does crazy things to you, but it is one of the best feelings to be honest! I don't regret the relationship as it was good, but it hurts to think she gave up easily and went straight to sending this guy pictures and meeting up etc... People say forget about her, but its not that easy, i mean they also say get rid of everything, she bought me clothes to clubbing with (weekend before she broke up with me) the birthday cards, the photos i don't want to get rid of all this stuff, should i?
NopeNah Posted June 10, 2015 Posted June 10, 2015 It's true what they say, love does crazy things to you, but it is one of the best feelings to be honest! I don't regret the relationship as it was good, but it hurts to think she gave up easily and went straight to sending this guy pictures and meeting up etc... People say forget about her, but its not that easy, i mean they also say get rid of everything, she bought me clothes to clubbing with (weekend before she broke up with me) the birthday cards, the photos i don't want to get rid of all this stuff, should i? I'd keep the clothes and toss the rest. Might put a couple of my favorite pics somewhere out of site(for nostalgia purpose,not to stare at on a daily basis or ever look at again). Trust me on the social media crap though..block and don't look...ever! Be sure mutual friends know you do not want to hear what she's doing and with whom. You do not "care" if she's deathly ill,she's already "dead" to you. Her choice to leave you,so don't waste any time on someone who doesn't want you to. 1
sowhynot Posted June 10, 2015 Posted June 10, 2015 Might put a couple of my favorite pics somewhere out of site I came across some pics of a girl I fancied like rotten at school a while back. First thing that came through my mind was 'You pervert - she looks about 15'. Which of course, she was at the time - same age I was !
organizedchaos Posted June 10, 2015 Posted June 10, 2015 It's hard to do this though, it's like i don't stalk her, or anything of that kind, but are you suggesting that i delete her off all my social media accounts? Uh, yes! WTF do you want to stay connected to someone like that and be painfully reminded of her??? In your case, you should be blocking her.
NopeNah Posted June 10, 2015 Posted June 10, 2015 (edited) I came across some pics of a girl I fancied like rotten at school a while back. First thing that came through my mind was 'You pervert - she looks about 15'. Which of course, she was at the time - same age I was ! Exactly! at that point it's nothing but a "medal/trophy"(No offense to anyone), it...or they are part of who you come to be at some point. Either good or bad...They happened at some point in your life. You remember and grow from each failure(hopefully) throughout life..That's why, I think, mistakes are made in all facets of life...to learn from. *** Trick is to listen to/learn from others who have made the same mistakes,before you make them*** Took me 20 years to figure that last part out. :-) Edited June 10, 2015 by Praying4Daylight
Author forest97 Posted June 11, 2015 Author Posted June 11, 2015 Everyone, I've had nothing to do today, so I sat here thinking, you know what I don't need her, I mean don't get me wrong I enjoyed every second (other than the break up obviously) and I really did love her and i guess there is something there still, I'm not sure how to describe it, but I think i may have moved on, it may sound bad but I don't really care what she's up to or whoever she may be seeing. And even if she did cheat by sending that guy messages and pictures (which I've seen) i still can't hate her, i mean we were best friends before and everything was great when we were together and she really did mean a lot to me. She broke the NC rule yesterday to congratulate me on getting the highest grades on my course, so I replied to her and said thanks i said well done as she did the same on hers. Had a little small talk, then left it at that. I am really not sure if i want to be friends right now, maybe i need a few more weeks, she said she wanted to. One problem that we may have is we are going to the same university in September, so we are more than likely to see each other on a daily basis (which was more than we ever did during our relationship because of college) so how should I deal with this, should we become friends before then? Thanks everyone for your advice, hey things are looking up a bit more, even though i do miss everything and miss everything, but it will eventually all get better with time i guess
Yummm Posted June 11, 2015 Posted June 11, 2015 Hey bro, you're probably feeling a little 'high' right now from contacting her, but the low will comes soon, it wasn't a great idea to get chatting to her so soon. I hardly believe that you're already over her, especially after the last few days of you posting. Just know that you will have ups and downs, today you feel positive but tomorrow you may not, be prepared for it and stay strong buddy.
Author forest97 Posted June 11, 2015 Author Posted June 11, 2015 Hey bro, you're probably feeling a little 'high' right now from contacting her, but the low will comes soon, it wasn't a great idea to get chatting to her so soon. I hardly believe that you're already over her, especially after the last few days of you posting. Just know that you will have ups and downs, today you feel positive but tomorrow you may not, be prepared for it and stay strong buddy. She contacted me so I had a brief chat with her over text, I really don't see a future with her right now though, I mean i'm confused but i do feel a little better. If in the next few weeks or so if she has a new boyfriend (maybe this guy who she was doing things with) then i won't know how to react, i will be very annoyed at least. Any advice for us going to the same university though? (By the way before we started to talk we both already wanted to go to this place.)
Yummm Posted June 11, 2015 Posted June 11, 2015 You just have to try heal as fast as you can then. You can't avoid her forever. I see my ex almost daily, we work 2 minutes from eachother and 'coincidentally' bump into eachother (either she drives past me or walks past me), even though I always try to avoid her timings and it hurts like hell. But they are moving on and living life and so must we. Can't hide forever buddy
Author forest97 Posted June 11, 2015 Author Posted June 11, 2015 You just have to try heal as fast as you can then. You can't avoid her forever. I see my ex almost daily, we work 2 minutes from eachother and 'coincidentally' bump into eachother (either she drives past me or walks past me), even though I always try to avoid her timings and it hurts like hell. But they are moving on and living life and so must we. Can't hide forever buddy Ahh bet that is real awkward, what do you do when she walks by for example? I've sort of hidden all her posts on Facebook now, so in theory i shouldn't see anything (I thought deleting her was a bit pathetic) but i still see posts from our mutual friends how hang with her (girls by the way, i knew them before we met) and its their photos at a club last night and one of them is a guy with her (can't see his face) i know we aren't together any more but it seems people post these things, i am not over her, not fully haha! It just hurts to see someone who i once was always with and i'll be honest, we were many of each others firsts so :/ She wasn't even tagged in the picture, it was our friends
ZiggyZoo Posted June 11, 2015 Posted June 11, 2015 You are doing NC all wrong. And if there was ever a candidate for it, it's you. You are so flipping fixated on getting everyone's opinion on whether or not she cheated on you...you need to take time away from her and all the mess of a relationship you just left and focus on getting YOU better. She didn't break NC by texting you, YOU broke it by 1)being available and 2)responding. Block her. It's not "pathetic", it's the only way to turn your thoughts away from what she's doing, or what she did and work on yourself. Because her actions don't matter. She is no longer a part of your life, and the pathetic thing is to pore over pictures of her on social media and try to read some meaning into them. Block her, delete her, ignore her. You think this is going to prevent her from returning, right? Well, that ship has already sailed, so don't worry about it.
Author forest97 Posted June 11, 2015 Author Posted June 11, 2015 You are doing NC all wrong. And if there was ever a candidate for it, it's you. You are so flipping fixated on getting everyone's opinion on whether or not she cheated on you...you need to take time away from her and all the mess of a relationship you just left and focus on getting YOU better. She didn't break NC by texting you, YOU broke it by 1)being available and 2)responding. Block her. It's not "pathetic", it's the only way to turn your thoughts away from what she's doing, or what she did and work on yourself. Because her actions don't matter. She is no longer a part of your life, and the pathetic thing is to pore over pictures of her on social media and try to read some meaning into them. Block her, delete her, ignore her. You think this is going to prevent her from returning, right? Well, that ship has already sailed, so don't worry about it. I am not fixated on getting peoples opinions on if she cheated or not, i mean it hurts that she did but when i go to university in September where i will see her virtually everyday, how do i act? Like do i speak to her if i see her, which i undoubtedly will? Also I don't want her to return, i was just saying its crazy how quick things change and that I'll hold my hands up and admit i do miss the way things used to be, but that I need to move on from her for my own benefit, i really do understand that!
NopeNah Posted June 11, 2015 Posted June 11, 2015 I am not fixated on getting peoples opinions on if she cheated or not, i mean it hurts that she did but when i go to university in September where i will see her virtually everyday, how do i act? Like do i speak to her if i see her, which i undoubtedly will? Also I don't want her to return, i was just saying its crazy how quick things change and that I'll hold my hands up and admit i do miss the way things used to be, but that I need to move on from her for my own benefit, i really do understand that! If you want to move on delete her and her friends.. F*** how it looks to them. You're still young and will realize, with time, that the only person's opinion of you should be yourself, family,friends and your employer...You need to be in self preservation mode and protecting yourself from seeing these pics.
Author forest97 Posted June 12, 2015 Author Posted June 12, 2015 It feels that you get one good day, then the next couple are bad, will it be like this all the way through. Like I keep dreaming crazy things which she is in, which doesn't help, but when we were together she'd either be there led next to me, cuddling me or i would have a good morning text on my phone (or i would send her one) then I jut get upset. Now i know this will never happen again, but i can't stop thinking about it, and i can't stop dreaming about her aha. Also you get little things during the day like if people say her name (not always about her) it hurts a little. An example which is horrible is my little brother, who is 4 absolutely loved my ex and she did everything with him, all the way down to the small stuff like tickling him or letting him brush her hair. She was great with him too. I have not said we have broken up. This morning he said to me "when is (ex girlfriends name) coming round again" I did not know what to say but this really got to me, as he loves her so much. What is a nice way to tell him that we've broken up? I thought he would've forgotten by now but he hasn't. Yesterday I was fine, but today I'm the complete opposite, so I am not over her yet, but i hope with time i will be
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