Bobbi7 Posted June 9, 2015 Posted June 9, 2015 I've been exchanging messages with this guy in OLD. He sugguested to meet at an happy hour that he won and he's the event host, I did some research and he's in a meetup group, I found out that a bunch of people are going. I'm like wth? Aren't first meetings suppose to be one on one, not group settings? I was thinking more like getting drinks with him only. I take it he's not looking for a date?
Author Bobbi7 Posted June 9, 2015 Author Posted June 9, 2015 Really? So, I wouldn't be his "date" for this happy hour?
Author Bobbi7 Posted June 9, 2015 Author Posted June 9, 2015 Well, he didn't tell me that he's the event host and that he's on meetup, I recognized him because I'm also in the same group, but he doesn't know. I never been to any of the meetup groups, occasionally I browse events and he usually hosts events. I don't know? Why wouldn't he want to meet in a more intimate way???
Lansing Posted June 9, 2015 Posted June 9, 2015 Like other poster said, he is trying to get people out there maybe? Just tell him that you would rather meet in a different setting and leave the ball in his court. Likely you won't hear again from him. How did he "win" the happy hour event. Seems like he is lying to start if he is the event organizer.
PegNosePete Posted June 9, 2015 Posted June 9, 2015 Why wouldn't he want to meet in a more intimate way??? If he did, then he would.
Author Bobbi7 Posted June 9, 2015 Author Posted June 9, 2015 Why would his intent be not to date? Does he just decide to go OLD to meet drinking buddies?
GorillaTheater Posted June 9, 2015 Posted June 9, 2015 I'm just throwing this out there, but it might be possible that since you haven't met, he thought you might be more comfortable in a group setting. But who knows. 3
Redhead14 Posted June 9, 2015 Posted June 9, 2015 (edited) I've been exchanging messages with this guy in OLD. He sugguested to meet at an happy hour that he won and he's the event host, I did some research and he's in a meetup group, I found out that a bunch of people are going. I'm like wth? Aren't first meetings suppose to be one on one, not group settings? I was thinking more like getting drinks with him only. I take it he's not looking for a date? From OLD, the first time you meet, is simply a meet up, not a date. A first meet should be coffee and or drinks just to make sure they are who they say they are, look like their pictures and to find out what their dating goals are in general. I don't think it's bad idea for a group thing. You'll meet and talk I'm sure. He doesn't know if he wants to focus on you yet and you don't know you want to focus on him yet. In addition, you may "find" someone you might be interested in there as well. If he doesn't spend at least a little time with you, then you just had a night out at a nice group event. So be it. And, if he did spend a little time with you and likes you enough, he may say let's go to another place afterwards, who knows. Let it play out. This is an "opportunity". Don't limit your opportunities so fast. Edited June 9, 2015 by Redhead14 3
PegNosePete Posted June 9, 2015 Posted June 9, 2015 Why would his intent be not to date? Does he just decide to go OLD to meet drinking buddies? No, he goes on OLD to encourage chicks to his sausage-fest meetup events. Otherwise all the guys who he promised there would be loads of chicks, would be disappointed, and not pay the entry price next time. He's running a business and trying to use you as a free asset.
Author Bobbi7 Posted June 9, 2015 Author Posted June 9, 2015 From OLD, the first time you meet, is simply a meet up, not a date. A first meet should be coffee and or drinks just to make sure they are who they say they are, look like their pictures and to find out what their dating goals are in general. I don't think it's bad idea for a group thing. You'll meet and talk I'm sure. He doesn't know if he wants to focus on you yet and you don't know you want to focus on him yet. In addition, you may "find" someone you might be interested in there as well. If he doesn't spend at least a little time with you, then you just had a night out at a nice group event. So be it. And, if he did spend a little time with you and likes you enough, he may say let's go to another place afterwards, who knows. Let it play out. This is an "opportunity". Don't limit your opportunities so fast. I see your point. I remember inviting this guy to a live show on OLD. It was a fun night.
Author Bobbi7 Posted June 9, 2015 Author Posted June 9, 2015 He should at least focus his attention on me...obviously there are a lot of girls that go to these happy hours that will go up to him and chat, so who's to say he will even stay by my side??? Clearly he won't be rude to his guests if he's the host. I just don't see why he wouldn't suggest grabbing a drink for 1 hour during the weekday.
Redhead14 Posted June 9, 2015 Posted June 9, 2015 He should at least focus his attention on me...obviously there are a lot of girls that go to these happy hours that will go up to him and chat, so who's to say he will even stay by my side??? Clearly he won't be rude to his guests if he's the host. I just don't see why he wouldn't suggest grabbing a drink for 1 hour during the weekday. It really doesn't matter why, Bobbi. It's just his thought process. If you're more comfortable with that, it's OK if you suggest it at this point. He's taken the first initiative to set something up, so there's nothing wrong with offering an alternate. It's almost better not to potentially waste an hour or more going somewhere to meet and find you don't really like him as opposed to meeting him and having something else for the rest of the evening. And, the flip side of this could be that he asked you somewhere private and then you'd be questioning why he's trying to get you alone And, like I said, he doesn't have to stay by your side the whole time. It's not a date. As long as he spends at least an hour or so total talking to you, you're both just at an event. Of course, he could be an Amway or other pryamid scam rep
Gary S Posted June 9, 2015 Posted June 9, 2015 Group dates are bad news. It's hard to gauge their attraction level.
mammasita Posted June 9, 2015 Posted June 9, 2015 Stop making it so difficult and overthinking. TELL HIM you'd rather meet for drinks one on one and be done. If he doesn't like that....then move on. 2
Author Bobbi7 Posted June 10, 2015 Author Posted June 10, 2015 Ok, since he asked me if I was doing anything next weekend and suggested the happy hour, I told him I didn't know what my plans were. He replied that I should let him know and that we can find a time to meet sometime. I decided to keep it causal just like he was keeping it causal.
Author Bobbi7 Posted June 10, 2015 Author Posted June 10, 2015 Well, it looks like he doesn't want to meet one on one, because he said, "We'll find another way to meet." What does that mean?
Redhead14 Posted June 10, 2015 Posted June 10, 2015 Well, it looks like he doesn't want to meet one on one, because he said, "We'll find another way to meet." What does that mean? You're going to have to wait for him to show you what he means. He knows you'd rather meet one on one, so if he's interested enough, he'll make that happen. If not, so be it. 1
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted June 10, 2015 Posted June 10, 2015 You're going to have to wait for him to show you what he means. He knows you'd rather meet one on one, so if he's interested enough, he'll make that happen. If not, so be it. This. If you told him you want to meet one on one OP and he says he'll have to "find another way" it sounds very non-committal to any sort of plans. Just ignore him and move on... If he's interested he'll make it happen (a proper date). 1
Author Bobbi7 Posted June 10, 2015 Author Posted June 10, 2015 This. If you told him you want to meet one on one OP and he says he'll have to "find another way" it sounds very non-committal to any sort of plans. Just ignore him and move on... If he's interested he'll make it happen (a proper date). I didn't tell him directly that I wanted to meet one on one. I told him that I didn't know what my plans were on the 19th, since that's the day of the happy hour. And when I told him that he said that he was just letting me know..Also, he didn't mention anything about meeting up next Saturday or Sunday.
Lansing Posted June 10, 2015 Posted June 10, 2015 Actually, I am not getting the opinion that he is being cautious and he just isn't sure if you are "interested" and doesn't want to put himself out there too much. By you saying "I don't know my plans" it sounds like you were waiting for something better to come up. If you said "I would rather meet for a coffee one day" I am sure he would have set a time/date. He might just be hesitant, maybe lacking confidence in your interest level.
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted June 10, 2015 Posted June 10, 2015 I didn't tell him directly that I wanted to meet one on one. I told him that I didn't know what my plans were on the 19th, since that's the day of the happy hour. And when I told him that he said that he was just letting me know..Also, he didn't mention anything about meeting up next Saturday or Sunday. If you expect him to be straightforward, you need to be straightforward. Tell him that you prefer meeting one on one and saving group dates for later. If you're going to skirt around the issue and play games, don't be mad when things blow up.
Author Bobbi7 Posted June 10, 2015 Author Posted June 10, 2015 If you expect him to be straightforward, you need to be straightforward. Tell him that you prefer meeting one on one and saving group dates for later. If you're going to skirt around the issue and play games, don't be mad when things blow up. Ok, well I don't like these happy hours group dates because I'm shy and I don't know what know what kind of people I'll be dealing with. If he decides to chat with other girls, I'm going to be by myself. Until then, I'm more comfortable with one on one first. If I told him that I'm shy, then he might get turned-off..
fred123 Posted June 10, 2015 Posted June 10, 2015 Girls bring their friends sometimes to dates and people here support them for it and rationalise it. But when a guy does it its bad....? 2
Recommended Posts