hunk Posted June 9, 2015 Posted June 9, 2015 I'm pretty new to online dating - i've been abusing tinder relentlessly with very mixed results and have also started up an OkC profile just to widen my dating prospects. Thought i'd ask some general questions/complain about some stuff I'll get matches and responses on both sites, initiate conversation (interesting, thought out/witty etc) and we'll have a good, spaced out conversation flowing for around 10-15 messages, building up to me asking to meet up. Mid-convo she will just stop responding. Sometimes even after i've responded to a specific question SHE has asked. This is happening way too much and I just don't understand. I matched with a girl on OkC (the first profile i've actually been properly interested in) and we got along really well, 88% match, weirdly similar interests/outlooks. I told her (after a back an forth exchange going for like 2 days, about 15 messages all up) "hey, next week - let's do drinks!" and she completely blows it off, saying she can't because it's her friend's bday (the WHOLE week...? Really?) and doesn't suggest an alternative. For me this is a rejection, i'm not interested in having a pen-pal online relationship and I just let the conversation die. It's happening so much, I can't understand it. Girls will just stop mid-conversation, or turn down a meeting, or stop responding when I ask for a number. It's disheartening. Is there some sort of OLD protocol I should be following? How do men genuinely have success with this stuff? I'm an interesting, funny and physically attractive guy - if that means anything.
Author hunk Posted June 9, 2015 Author Posted June 9, 2015 Jesus christ the second I hit "post" on this the OkC girl messages me saying "heeeyyy" (hadn't spoken in 4 days). Seeing as though I'm not interested in just chatting online with her and want to meet up, what do I say?
fitnessfan365 Posted June 9, 2015 Posted June 9, 2015 Don't even bother with her man. I mean do you really want to meet up with a woman that's an obvious flake who took four days to respond with "hey"? The main piece of advice I have is don't exchange that many emails before going for a number. Exchange 2-3 a piece tops. Half the time, I ask for a number in my opening email that I send, and I've gotten surprisingly good results doing that.
Author hunk Posted June 9, 2015 Author Posted June 9, 2015 Thanks bro. I actually ignored her message before she sent this one, so I feel like she's either just seeing if i'm still interested in her but doesn't wanna take it anywhere or she's shy or something. It's annoying cos she's cool but I'm not interested in just casually chatting to her. Should I ask again?
joseb Posted June 9, 2015 Posted June 9, 2015 Yeah 15 messages in 2 days is quite a bit. Keep it to a handful and then escalate to meet up/number whatever. I'd try the "hey" girl once more, suggesting a meeting, if she flakes again ditch her.
PegNosePete Posted June 9, 2015 Posted June 9, 2015 What kind of messages are you sending? Good quality, interesting questions, or "hey whats up" type tosh? My usual modus operandi was to ask for number after 4-5 solid messages, then give her a call that evening, and ask to meet up at the weekend or a weeknight after work. I had good success with that, better than 50% response-to-meeting conversion ratio. 1
kendahke Posted June 9, 2015 Posted June 9, 2015 (edited) Jesus christ the second I hit "post" on this the OkC girl messages me saying "heeeyyy" (hadn't spoken in 4 days). Seeing as though I'm not interested in just chatting online with her and want to meet up, what do I say? tell her which day you want to take her out. if she hems and haws, block her in that instant and keep it moving. you've invested more than enough into this to set up a first meeting. I believe that the sooner you meet, the better. Either she is on there to eff around or she's a catfish. You should probably make clear in your profile that you aren't interested in a protracted pen pal exchange. Edited June 9, 2015 by kendahke
dyna85 Posted June 9, 2015 Posted June 9, 2015 (edited) I am so guilty of this and feel bad. Ugh. I've done this several times lately because I didn't feel hooked enough to continue with the conversation. In one case, the guy wrote this lengthy summary of his job, and I just couldn't respond. In other cases, I just didn't feel the connection, or the guy was so bland and/or asking basic questions, or just wasn't deep enough for my taste. For me, I have to feel some sort of connection to want to continue, or I feel I'm just wasting my time. If the guy is not intriguing me, I can't continue.... and I drop off without explanation. I figure, we haven't met yet, and we've only exchanged a few msgs, so I don't think there's much harm in it. So yes, this may be happening for similar reasons. I'm very selective, which results in fewer, but more meaningful connections/dates, which is my preference, over meeting a bunch of dudes who semi interest me or don't interest me at all from their messages. I feel like 'what's the point?' if the guy and I aren't clicking through the messages segment. Will say though, I have thought about an alternate approach...like meeting guys even if their messages aren't the greatest. However, something is stopping me from doing so and I feel like I can't bring myself to do it. Anyway, just take this as one random woman's perspective. YMMV. As will all things, finding that 'click' is not easy. Approach a hundred women, and the 'click' will only occur with a small percentage, so don't feel too discouraged. It's a numbers game in some respects. Just gotta keep plugging away and never give up, ever. Edited June 9, 2015 by dyna85
dyna85 Posted June 9, 2015 Posted June 9, 2015 Also, just wanted to mention that there are times I will go back and message someone again after dropping off, but soon after, I notice I become bored/disinterested as I did initially, so it just reaffirms my decision to have dropped off in the first place. I guess sometimes a woman just needs to double check, so she gives it another try, thinking maybe 'this time will be different.' That is not to say that if someone drops off and returns that it can't amount to something though. It can. There is no set template for these things. It's like if an ex returns to someone with whom they broke up, in some cases it works out and in others, it doesn't.
Popsicle Posted June 9, 2015 Posted June 9, 2015 I'm pretty new to online dating - i've been abusing tinder relentlessly with very mixed results and have also started up an OkC profile just to widen my dating prospects. Thought i'd ask some general questions/complain about some stuff I'll get matches and responses on both sites, initiate conversation (interesting, thought out/witty etc) and we'll have a good, spaced out conversation flowing for around 10-15 messages, building up to me asking to meet up. Mid-convo she will just stop responding. Sometimes even after i've responded to a specific question SHE has asked. This is happening way too much and I just don't understand. I matched with a girl on OkC (the first profile i've actually been properly interested in) and we got along really well, 88% match, weirdly similar interests/outlooks. I told her (after a back an forth exchange going for like 2 days, about 15 messages all up) "hey, next week - let's do drinks!" and she completely blows it off, saying she can't because it's her friend's bday (the WHOLE week...? Really?) and doesn't suggest an alternative. For me this is a rejection, i'm not interested in having a pen-pal online relationship and I just let the conversation die. It's happening so much, I can't understand it. Girls will just stop mid-conversation, or turn down a meeting, or stop responding when I ask for a number. It's disheartening. Is there some sort of OLD protocol I should be following? How do men genuinely have success with this stuff? I'm an interesting, funny and physically attractive guy - if that means anything. It's all so contrived and goal oriented with OLD. Those women are looking for an emotional connection to make them want to meet up.
Gary S Posted June 9, 2015 Posted June 9, 2015 Ask for her number on day two. If she does not give it to you, delete/block, and talk to other girls. It's the search for a needle in a haystack - most people are going to flake early. That's okay, you are only looking for one in the end.
oberkeat Posted June 9, 2015 Posted June 9, 2015 I think you should ditch OLD altogether. It's a waste of time, at least in my experience. I did it for two years and got only a handful of [bad] dates with women who were frankly below average. I also messaged a hundred women who didn't respond back. The whole thing is a joke.
empresario Posted June 9, 2015 Posted June 9, 2015 Don't even bother with her man. I mean do you really want to meet up with a woman that's an obvious flake who took four days to respond with "hey"? The main piece of advice I have is don't exchange that many emails before going for a number. Exchange 2-3 a piece tops. Half the time, I ask for a number in my opening email that I send, and I've gotten surprisingly good results doing that. This. I have a 100% success rate getting numbers. After the first/second response, I always use the same line: "Hey, I am terrible at responding on this, would you mind if we spoke on Kik or by text?" The next message is always a phone number. Always.
empresario Posted June 9, 2015 Posted June 9, 2015 I will add: once you start texting, eventually the texts will wane and become infrequent. The second that happens ask her out. Sometimes it's within 10 texts, sometimes it's 2 days. I noticed that once they stop responding as often they've decided they like you and are wanting that next step. I always ask for date 1 at that point, and again, 100% success rate. If they are talking to you for any amount of time obviously they are interested. Then again, I am articulate and witty. I grow on women like a flesh eating bacteria the more they talk to me. In a good way, of course.
empresario Posted June 9, 2015 Posted June 9, 2015 I think you should ditch OLD altogether. It's a waste of time, at least in my experience. I did it for two years and got only a handful of [bad] dates with women who were frankly below average. I also messaged a hundred women who didn't respond back. The whole thing is a joke. Sounds like a content problem, TBH. I would say my response rate is 20% or so...and I am VERY selective on whom I message. I would say every time I reactivate my OLD account I message 10 women and get 2-3 dates out of it... The only ones that respond are those that like good grammar and intelligence. It seems to be my niche. And it won't shock you to learn that most guys ignore such principals and act like animals. Like the internet is some excuse to be a douchebag.
fitnessfan365 Posted June 9, 2015 Posted June 9, 2015 This. I have a 100% success rate getting numbers. After the first/second response, I always use the same line: "Hey, I am terrible at responding on this, would you mind if we spoke on Kik or by text?" The next message is always a phone number. Always. The problem with this though, is that you're exchanging one type of chatting for another. Texting/Kik isn't meeting in person. Also, it encourages women to blown up your phone all the time just to chat. When I ask for a number, I am direct about what I want. I tell her straight out that she is way too attractive to be a pen pal with and that I'd like her number to call and make plans to meet in person.
Keenly Posted June 9, 2015 Posted June 9, 2015 You want some advice? Close your account and leave it behin. Waste of time and energy. 1
empresario Posted June 9, 2015 Posted June 9, 2015 The problem with this though, is that you're exchanging one type of chatting for another. Texting/Kik isn't meeting in person. Also, it encourages women to blown up your phone all the time just to chat. When I ask for a number, I am direct about what I want. I tell her straight out that she is way too attractive to be a pen pal with and that I'd like her number to call and make plans to meet in person. If it's not broken, don't fix it! We all have our methods. Success is success. Getting responses during OLD is more of a science than an art.
oberkeat Posted June 9, 2015 Posted June 9, 2015 Another reason OLD doesn't work, particularly for men, is that the high male to female ratio on those sites creates a kid in the candy store effect for women. There's so many men competing for their attention online, that a woman spends all of five seconds with one guy's profile before she flutters off to another dude who grabs her attention. The average guy just gets lost in the malestrom (pun intended).
aloneinaz Posted June 9, 2015 Posted June 9, 2015 I agree with the others in that get a phone number after maybe 15 minutes of back and forth emailing on the site if you like what she's say, her humor or interests, whatever.. Then text her and if that convo goes good, call her and ask her out. Both guys and girls bitch about running into people who only appear to want to be pin pals.. Screw that. People that are serious about meeting others won't pull the BS. I need to note that I'd NEVER meet a gal before a phone conversation with them. Even if the texting and emailing was good. I had so many conversations where I was shocked at how bad their attitudes were, negativity, flakiness, angry, zero personality, etc.. on phone calls. I was so glad I incorporated this into my OLD rules. I had two calls that within 5 minutes, I made up an excuse and said I have to call you right back, which I never did...
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