TheDarkestBeforeDawn Posted June 9, 2015 Posted June 9, 2015 Hey all .. I will make this as short and sweet as possible .. I thank whomever in advance for offering advice/tips on this situation This girl reached out to me about 2 months ago via Facebook. We went to the same high school. We flirted back and forth for about 2 weeks then we started going out on dates and hanging out a lot. She's a real nice, sincere girl who wears her heart on her sleeve and wouldn't hurt a fly honestly. We would hang out daily almost, text a ton every day and she would constantly be happy and call me after work if she was having a bad day. So, now, 2 months have gone by and it was her birthday this past weekend. I took her out Saturday night for a nice dinner and then we got drinks afterwards. Everything went well and later that night we texted before bed and she was saying that I'm so amazing and it was an unreal night and that she couldn't wait to move into her new place and hang out and sleep together. NOW, here comes the twister!, the VERY NEXT day (Sunday) I texted her and asked her how her day was going so far with the family. She never responded. She has the "read receipt" on her messages and it showed she read. I waited a few hours, then called. She never picked up. Today, I tried calling her again and she never picked up. Later on tonight I texted her asking why she just went cold turkey and I still have not received an answer. Oh, and she clearly took her "read receipts" off as well is clearly ignoring me because shes posting on facebook and uploading stuff I'm honestly just shocked at this complete turn around. Does anybody have anybody advice on this situation? Haha wow, I'm just more in awe at what the hell could've happened??? Thank you!!!!
toscaroscura Posted June 9, 2015 Posted June 9, 2015 How old are you now? And during those 2 months, were you actually dating, or just hanging out as friends or in some sort of nebulous non-romantic zone?
Author TheDarkestBeforeDawn Posted June 9, 2015 Author Posted June 9, 2015 How old are you now? And during those 2 months, were you actually dating, or just hanging out as friends or in some sort of nebulous non-romantic zone? Hey Tosca, thanks for the reply. I'm 29, she's 26. We weren't officially boyfriend and girlfriend. But, she would text me in the morning, a lot. Call me in the morning if i had to be up early .. She would call me if she was having a bad day. We would hang out easily 3 times a week. We both work so schedules obviously aren't the greatest. Also, we were romantic as in making out and stuff like that, but she was really trying to wait to be officially before doing "it." I'm just kinda lost at how this completely turned around so fast
Halcyon Posted June 9, 2015 Posted June 9, 2015 May I ask why you aren't official after two months? Have you had that kind of discussion at all? To be honest you seemed kind of needy blowing up her phone after she didn't reply initially. Neediness is very unattractive, if someone doesn't reply to me I don't go on hounding them I just go do my own thing. They will reply if they care.
Author TheDarkestBeforeDawn Posted June 9, 2015 Author Posted June 9, 2015 May I ask why you aren't official after two months? Have you had that kind of discussion at all? To be honest you seemed kind of needy blowing up her phone after she didn't reply initially. Neediness is very unattractive, if someone doesn't reply to me I don't go on hounding them I just go do my own thing. They will reply if they care. Halcyon, i appreciate the reply. We aren't official and that topic of conversation wasn't brought up at all yet. We are both busy and I guess it would have transpired eventually. It was very apparent she was ignoring me after her read receipt showed she read the text, then she didn't respond for hours. I called that night to see what was going on and she never responded. I gave it till the next day, called her and she never responded again. Then sent that text asking why she went cold turkey all a sudden. I don't see that as being too needy? We would text constantly ALL the time, so i knew something was up when she was being distant like that
toscaroscura Posted June 9, 2015 Posted June 9, 2015 It sounds kind of like you two had a plausibly-deniable "friends" thing going on. Maybe you two weren't on the same page as to where this was going. You want more and she thinks you're just good friends? Maybe she liked the flirting/banter/attention but once it got real she backed out? 1
Author TheDarkestBeforeDawn Posted June 9, 2015 Author Posted June 9, 2015 It sounds kind of like you two had a plausibly-deniable "friends" thing going on. Maybe you two weren't on the same page as to where this was going. You want more and she thinks you're just good friends? Maybe she liked the flirting/banter/attention but once it got real she backed out? Tosca, I'll be honest. She was really into it, and the whole hanging out thing. She's moving into a new apartment next month, and constantly told me how excited she is for us to hang out there. She also would talk to me personally and tell me she's never been able to open up to other guys like me (she told me some pretty personal stuff). On top of that, she would love to talk before she went to bed. That's why I'm so confused as to how this just flipped out of no where.
toscaroscura Posted June 9, 2015 Posted June 9, 2015 Tosca, I'll be honest. She was really into it, and the whole hanging out thing. She's moving into a new apartment next month, and constantly told me how excited she is for us to hang out there. She also would talk to me personally and tell me she's never been able to open up to other guys like me (she told me some pretty personal stuff). On top of that, she would love to talk before she went to bed. That's why I'm so confused as to how this just flipped out of no where. Perhaps you're jumping the gun. I myself will be moving in July and it's a very busy time!! Maybe sit on this and give her space. Let her come to you and when she does, talk about it. 1
Author TheDarkestBeforeDawn Posted June 9, 2015 Author Posted June 9, 2015 Perhaps you're jumping the gun. I myself will be moving in July and it's a very busy time!! Maybe sit on this and give her space. Let her come to you and when she does, talk about it. Tosca, I definitely agree with you on that, it is a busy time. She wanted me to help her move too. But, when her text shows she read my text message to her and then I see she deliberately turn off her read receipt after I tried reaching out her again, clearly something is up. Also, this is why I hate social media. Because, I see she is clearly posting stuff all day and not responding to me. I'm flabbergasted at this point, she was nothing like this at all barely 3 days ago. It just completely turned around. She texted me the night i took her out for her bday dinner this past saturday night "thank you for tonight, it was amazing, i can't wait to move into my apartment and we can cuddle together." Haha, i mean, that's why i'm so confused.
O'Malley Posted June 9, 2015 Posted June 9, 2015 I think that she enjoyed the attention that you've provided her, but that she never considered you a serious romantic prospect. After two months, her interest should have been clear, consistent and things would have progressed beyond late night texts and vague promises of a future. It's possible that she's no longer as invested in the situation, and she might have met someone she is interested in. She knows how to contact you. If she does get in touch, you can tell her that you want to date her and if she uses the 'just friends' or 'not ready to date/too busy to date' excuse, that's your cue to distance yourself from her or be platonic friends only. 1
Halcyon Posted June 9, 2015 Posted June 9, 2015 Halcyon, i appreciate the reply. We aren't official and that topic of conversation wasn't brought up at all yet. We are both busy and I guess it would have transpired eventually. It was very apparent she was ignoring me after her read receipt showed she read the text, then she didn't respond for hours. I called that night to see what was going on and she never responded. I gave it till the next day, called her and she never responded again. Then sent that text asking why she went cold turkey all a sudden. I don't see that as being too needy? We would text constantly ALL the time, so i knew something was up when she was being distant like that Yes I do think you were being needy or at least from my point of view. Then again I'm a very independent person. Look at this way you sent 4 attempts at communication a text, a phone call, another phone call, a passive aggressive text with no response in a 24 hour period. That is very unbalanced in terms of communication. Personally I would have just sent one text and then gone of with my day to day if she cared she would get back to me eventually. Rather than going into meltdown about read receipts. I guess I'm different than most in regards of establishing where things are heading I don't like games and I don't like things being vague so once it's established we like each other and half spent some time together I will bring up the conversation about exclusivity. Ambiguous relationships status' are not much fun especially if you are not on the same page. You just need to sit back now and see if she comes around no more texting or calling. This reminds me of one of my friends where he had a girl that enjoyed his company and attention he poured on her but had no intention of ever having a relationship with him. She never brought the subject up with him (and he was too afraid to ask) so she could tell her friends they are just friends, even all the while they were fooling around.
Author TheDarkestBeforeDawn Posted June 9, 2015 Author Posted June 9, 2015 I think that she enjoyed the attention that you've provided her, but that she never considered you a serious romantic prospect. After two months, her interest should have been clear, consistent and things would have progressed beyond late night texts and vague promises of a future. It's possible that she's no longer as invested in the situation, and she might have met someone she is interested in. She knows how to contact you. If she does get in touch, you can tell her that you want to date her and if she uses the 'just friends' or 'not ready to date/too busy to date' excuse, that's your cue to distance yourself from her or be platonic friends only. O'Malley, I appreciate the response .. That's the thing, she was consistent constantly about talking and hanging out and saying I was always making her happy and after every time we hung out, she would text me saying I make her very happy. If she is no longer invested, I think she could have at least told me, I never disrespected her or anything .. Always listened to her when she was having a bad day (she would call me a lot to vent). Yeah, that's true. I definitely will distance my self now, i attempted to find out why she is doing this is she clearly doesn't care/doesn't want to tell me. Nothing else i can do. You're right.
Author TheDarkestBeforeDawn Posted June 9, 2015 Author Posted June 9, 2015 After 2 months of hanging out she ghosts? My guess is there is another guy in the picture. Enigma, thanks for response. Yeah, completely just ghosts. It's crazy! I am shocked. We talked literally every day for hours, and hung out a ton. Let alone all the texts she would send me about saying goodnight and how happy I make her. That's why I'm just shocked and not sure what's going on. Hence, reaching out for advice on here. I just can't believe there's another guy because we either were hanging out or she was working or with her sisters. But, maybe there is? I'm not sure at all...
Author TheDarkestBeforeDawn Posted June 9, 2015 Author Posted June 9, 2015 Yes I do think you were being needy or at least from my point of view. Then again I'm a very independent person. Look at this way you sent 4 attempts at communication a text, a phone call, another phone call, a passive aggressive text with no response in a 24 hour period. Yeah, i mean, it's just because we would talk SO much every day. I knew something was up. A couple texts and phone calls i didn't think would be over the top honestly. That is very unbalanced in terms of communication. Personally I would have just sent one text and then gone of with my day to day if she cared she would get back to me eventually. Rather than going into meltdown about read receipts. Yeah, if we didn't hang out and talk so much, i probably would have. But, we both communicated daily and hung out a lot. So, it feels more like we were getting close. Not melting down, just being a realist in that she clearly out of no where ignores me. I guess I'm different than most in regards of establishing where things are heading I don't like games and I don't like things being vague so once it's established we like each other and half spent some time together I will bring up the conversation about exclusivity. Ambiguous relationships status' are not much fun especially if you are not on the same page. I hate games, and this is why I hate them. Clearly, this is a game now. Just be honest with me and tell me what's up. That's how i feel and clearly that ain't happening. They aren't fun and now I'm not sure what this is. She just went cold turkey haha. You just need to sit back now and see if she comes around no more texting or calling. This reminds me of one of my friends where he had a girl that enjoyed his company and attention he poured on her but had no intention of ever having a relationship with him. She never brought the subject up with him (and he was too afraid to ask) so she could tell her friends they are just friends, even all the while they were fooling around. Yeah, trust me I agree with you. I'm gonna chill now. I tried my best to find out what was wrong and she wants NOTHING to do with it. It just sucks to see her use social media and everything on her phone and clearly ignore me now. Just crazy how this situation turned out.
joseb Posted June 9, 2015 Posted June 9, 2015 It sounds kind of like you two had a plausibly-deniable "friends" thing going on. Maybe you two weren't on the same page as to where this was going. You want more and she thinks you're just good friends? Maybe she liked the flirting/banter/attention but once it got real she backed out? Yeah I think it's that you got friend zoned, and either she met a guy, or else just realised you wanted more and pulled away. For now, I'd back off, leave her be. If she wants to talk to you she will. If she does, you need to either accept that she is a (flaky) friend, and be content with that, or else escalate it so that you ask her out properly. 1
fred123 Posted June 9, 2015 Posted June 9, 2015 Saying she is too busy at the moment cos she is moving out is BS. I had that done too me. Clearly she had time to spend with you last 2 months even though she was busy moving out anyways.
Lois_Griffin Posted June 9, 2015 Posted June 9, 2015 Her behavior is disgusting. It's disrespectful, nasty, and uncalled for. So what if she 'friend zoned' you? So WHAT? That doesn't justify her suddenly turning on you - out of the blue - and completely shutting you out like you're Public Enemy Number #1 or something. I think she's despicable for treating you like that. Something tells me she either found out something or heard something that day she was with her family and started ignoring you. I have no idea what it could be, but it must be something pretty heinous at least in her mind. The fact that she's not even decent enough to TALK to you about it gives you a real good idea of how much character she lacks. Jesus. She's acting like a 15 year old drama queen instead of a supposed adult.
Author TheDarkestBeforeDawn Posted June 9, 2015 Author Posted June 9, 2015 Yeah I think it's that you got friend zoned, and either she met a guy, or else just realised you wanted more and pulled away. For now, I'd back off, leave her be. If she wants to talk to you she will. If she does, you need to either accept that she is a (flaky) friend, and be content with that, or else escalate it so that you ask her out properly. Joseb, thanks for response. Yeah it seems to be that way .. She was into the pushing and getting serious thing that's why it just seemed so weird. Yeah definitely, I'll see if she ever says something back.
Author TheDarkestBeforeDawn Posted June 9, 2015 Author Posted June 9, 2015 Her behavior is disgusting. It's disrespectful, nasty, and uncalled for. So what if she 'friend zoned' you? So WHAT? That doesn't justify her suddenly turning on you - out of the blue - and completely shutting you out like you're Public Enemy Number #1 or something. I think she's despicable for treating you like that. Something tells me she either found out something or heard something that day she was with her family and started ignoring you. I have no idea what it could be, but it must be something pretty heinous at least in her mind. The fact that she's not even decent enough to TALK to you about it gives you a real good idea of how much character she lacks. Jesus. She's acting like a 15 year old drama queen instead of a supposed adult. Lois, thanks for response! So, she actually did reach back out to me. She said that apparently "she felt disrespected and she was disappointed in how i acted the night we went out to dinner." Mind you, she messaged me that night after she went home and said "thank you soo much for an amazing night, you're awesome. I can't wait to move in to my new place and we can cuddle together." So, how does that make sense? She also said, "I just don't think we are on the same page as each other and you have a lot going on and I feel our outlooks are way different." Can you explain that complete turnaround??? Haha wow, I'm bewildered right now.
Gary S Posted June 9, 2015 Posted June 9, 2015 (edited) It's interesting that she dropped you at the two month mark - two months is the point they should be in love with you, if ever - obviously she's not, time to move on and find a new girl to date. It's not a solid relationship until it's solid after two months. Edited June 9, 2015 by Gary S
Author TheDarkestBeforeDawn Posted June 9, 2015 Author Posted June 9, 2015 It's interesting that she dropped you at the two month mark - two months is the point they should be in love with you, if ever - obviously she's not, time to move on and find a new girl to date. It's not a solid relationship until it's solid after two months. Gary, thanks for response. I can't agree more .. She was very into it too. Not sure if you saw my above response to what Lois said. But she reached back out to me. She really completely turned around out of no where.
Gary S Posted June 9, 2015 Posted June 9, 2015 Some people can be academy award winning actors/actresses. Look at the bright side, at least you found out in two months, not two years. Now you can move on and find a better one. Always see the sunny side to life.
Author TheDarkestBeforeDawn Posted June 9, 2015 Author Posted June 9, 2015 Some people can be academy award winning actors/actresses. Look at the bright side, at least you found out in two months, not two years. Now you can move on and find a better one. Always see the sunny side to life. Haha yeah that's very, very true. Optimism is key. Won't really dwell on this, I'm just more shocked and in awe at how crazy of a turnaround this became out of nowhere.
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