Satu Posted June 10, 2015 Posted June 10, 2015 From my journal: To be loved, be loving. To find peace, be peaceful. To have friends, be friendly. To be understood, be understanding. To be treated kindly, be kind. To be cared about, be caring. To be forgiven, be forgiving. Love those who are given to you to love.
autumnnight Posted June 10, 2015 Posted June 10, 2015 This may sound sad to say, but I think only in the last couple of years or so have I been at the place that anyone could love me for who I actually am. In my young adulthood I was the clone of the person my parents thought was acceptable inside the lines of what they allowed. Then for most of my marriage I was scrambling to figure out exactly what the perfect autumn needed to be to be good enough to be loved. Then I didn't really care about myself or love so long as SOMEONE noticed I was alive. Now I know who I am, I like who I am, I'll be damned if some freakazoid is going to dictate who I am. I fully believe that I am valuable enough to be loved for who I am; therefore, I will not settle for less....or give less to them. I have 2 friends who actually know me and love me without trying to remold, threaten, or shame me. I value them immensely. 3
Giggle Posted June 10, 2015 Posted June 10, 2015 I have that now. He truly sees me. Now to find somebody like that that I can /have/. Pfft I used to feel like that though. Shaving my head did awesome things for me liking who I was.
No Limit Posted June 10, 2015 Posted June 10, 2015 In a world where people put their pets under surgery to make them look better to be able to "love" them - no, I don't believe in love. I believe in attraction and long term settling should two people prove compatible enough. Unlike others that doesn't depress me or anything; I'm very content with my social and private life as it is now.
understand50 Posted June 10, 2015 Posted June 10, 2015 Have you ever thought deep inside that you would never find someone that would ever truly love you for who you are? I do not have an example, as I have been together with someone for 40 years. Having stated that, I have relatives that have not and probably will not, find Mr or Miss right. My wife and I are both blessed with large families, so I have encouraged my kids to keep in touch and have relationships with their single aunts and uncles. I hope both side get something out of it. For kids it is good to have several roll models, and for the aunts and uncles, lets them help "warp" the next generation. Not what you may want, but everyone deserves to have someone that will truly miss them when they are gone, and there is a place to turn to when things get bad. As Dr. Watson stated in the "Hound of the Baskerville" "No man (or woman) is truly lost, as long as there is one woman (or man) to weep for them." 2604
misspond Posted June 10, 2015 Posted June 10, 2015 This may sound sad to say, but I think only in the last couple of years or so have I been at the place that anyone could love me for who I actually am. Now I know who I am, I like who I am, I'll be damned if some freakazoid is going to dictate who I am. I fully believe that I am valuable enough to be loved for who I am; therefore, I will not settle for less....or give less to them. Youth is wasted on the young It really is important to love oneself, and to not attribute your worth to the way that someone else responds to you. Personally I'd love to have someone to care about in the romantic/sexy definition and they're going to have to be pretty well sorted out themselves for that to happen. 2
Author Otter2569 Posted June 13, 2015 Author Posted June 13, 2015 "No, and I wonder why you would say this. Haven't women loved you before? I thought you used to be married." Several women have loved me but I have never really, fully, completely loved them or ever felt I could ever really be myself. In a strange way I never really felt they were good enough or worth hanging my ass out there much beyond normal superficial stuff. strange but true
Author Otter2569 Posted June 13, 2015 Author Posted June 13, 2015 I have always loved, respected and known who I am. Honestly I settled during marriage and never will again. I am a vibrant, fun, loving, kind, open person with a variety of interests and wont let anyone pull me down or hold me back...I need someone to run with, not be held back. My current GF is the only one i ever felt was as good or better than me. We are best friends, partners in crime and love openly and wildly...its the best!
mandymor Posted June 13, 2015 Posted June 13, 2015 Have you ever thought deep inside that you would never find someone that would ever truly love you for who you are? I never really felt like that, especially since I've found the man of my dreams. But even when I was doing the whole dating scene, I always tried to stay positive even though I had to travel some really rough roads to get to where I'm at today. Sometimes you have to climb through a lot of people before you find your one true love.
Author Otter2569 Posted June 13, 2015 Author Posted June 13, 2015 Mandy you are so right! I have always considered myself lucky (friends, family, house, kids, healthy, looks, job, travel etc). In my heart I know and believe I am a good person. Many of the women I dated wanted to get married or have a future together. While it was fun or they were nice (or crazy) I knew it wasn't right for me. I was perfectly fine with the idea of being alone. After being married I swore I would never settle again.
Robert Z Posted June 13, 2015 Posted June 13, 2015 "No, and I wonder why you would say this. Haven't women loved you before? I thought you used to be married." Several women have loved me but I have never really, fully, completely loved them or ever felt I could ever really be myself. In a strange way I never really felt they were good enough or worth hanging my ass out there much beyond normal superficial stuff. strange but true So you don't think they really loved you because you didn't really love them? It sounds like you have things a little backwards. Maybe they did love the real you. It sounds to me like you have never truly loved someone else.
Author Otter2569 Posted June 14, 2015 Author Posted June 14, 2015 Robert, you are correct I never truly loved anyone. Also in the back of my head I have always doubted that I would ever meet anyone that would truly love me in return. As if the perfect woman for me did not exist. I never let it slow me down. Sometimes I have settled and it always proved a bad idea. Most times I pull the plug and walk away. Im sure I am not the only one who has been there / thought like this
autumnnight Posted June 15, 2015 Posted June 15, 2015 Robert, you are correct I never truly loved anyone. Also in the back of my head I have always doubted that I would ever meet anyone that would truly love me in return. As if the perfect woman for me did not exist. I never let it slow me down. Sometimes I have settled and it always proved a bad idea. Most times I pull the plug and walk away. Im sure I am not the only one who has been there / thought like this You're not the only one. I loved someone mutually when I was in my young 20's. For various reasons that should not have been reasons it ended. I did love my husband, very very much. I was in love with him. I looked forward to the future. I also had some fears, and it turned out I was right about almost all of them. That is on me. He loved me inasmuch as he was able to love a woman like a woman. But, yes, both of us probably settled in some respects. And I didn't really feel loved....for most of the years I was married. I figured I was just "too much" to love, so I tried to be less. Then when I decided to end the marriage, the pendulum swung waaaay over. Kind of like a dog who has been in a tiny pen runs around crazy when you let him out. That didn't work either, because I didn't find love. I found lust that wanted me immediately and cast me aside almost as quickly. Right now, today, I think I finally get it. It isn't all mutual, platonic, settled in respect and choice. And it isn't passion and feelings. The last person I love, I really really loved without filters, so to speak. I got hurt, but I do NOT regret it. I learned it can be done
thefooloftheyear Posted June 15, 2015 Posted June 15, 2015 In a world where people put their pets under surgery to make them look better to be able to "love" them - no, I don't believe in love. I believe in attraction and long term settling should two people prove compatible enough. Unlike others that doesn't depress me or anything; I'm very content with my social and private life as it is now. You are a very rare breed, especially for a woman..It will serve you well...When the expectations are so enormous, then a let-down is almost inevitable.. Good for you.. TFY
autumnnight Posted June 15, 2015 Posted June 15, 2015 I've been let down. I also spent 2 decades in the land of "settling," aka crushing loneliness inside a relationship. I'll take the letdown any day. I don't consider some who WANTS me to love them an unrealistic expectation.
thefooloftheyear Posted June 15, 2015 Posted June 15, 2015 I've been let down. I also spent 2 decades in the land of "settling," aka crushing loneliness inside a relationship. I'll take the letdown any day. I don't consider some who WANTS me to love them an unrealistic expectation. I didn't quote you and wasn't referring to your situation... I'm sure you did what was truly in your best interests and with all of good intentions...I can only speak of my own personal experiences and the people I know...Far too many people (mostly women, IME) only see relationships as an all or nothing scenario...And that their partner, who might have been mostly a good person, somehow didn't "complete" them or "sweep them off their feet into the sunset"...or some other storybook romance novel garbage... They forgot that the person was no more than a stranger....or a "face in the crowd" so to speak...before they ever met..They could have "loved" a hundred different people before they met, so then what really is love to them anyway?? Do storybook romances/relationships exist? I think so...But its very rare If one goes into it with those expectations, then yes, the likelihood of a let down is usually going to be very high.. TFY 1
autumnnight Posted June 15, 2015 Posted June 15, 2015 I didn't quote you and wasn't referring to your situation... I'm sure you did what was truly in your best interests and with all of good intentions...I can only speak of my own personal experiences and the people I know...Far too many people (mostly women, IME) only see relationships as an all or nothing scenario...And that their partner, who might have been mostly a good person, somehow didn't "complete" them or "sweep them off their feet into the sunset"...or some other storybook romance novel garbage... They forgot that the person was no more than a stranger....or a "face in the crowd" so to speak...before they ever met..They could have "loved" a hundred different people before they met, so then what really is love to them anyway?? Do storybook romances/relationships exist? I think so...But its very rare If one goes into it with those expectations, then yes, the likelihood of a let down is usually going to be very high.. TFY I do not believe in storybook romances, and I actually agree with this. Those "Instant intensity" relationships where someone is "swept away" almost never last. Because they are built pretty much solely on chemicals. Now, IF they go beyond the chemicals, they MIGHT last. But I think it will be in spite of the rush rather than because of it. Don't get me wrong, I like the rush. But I think the best relationships start with that "smaller" connection and spark, and then the spark grows through time and knowledge and honesty. The instant roaring fires burn hot, but they burn out. I think one of the most important things that we have to remember is this: it is not fair to expect any one person be be your "world." To expect your well-being to depend on one individual. That is why relationship approaches that are centered around being a hermit with your partner are so unhealthy. No one person can take on being another person's everything. You have to be content in yourself. 1
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