sarah419 Posted April 27, 2005 Posted April 27, 2005 I really hope someone has some advice on this because I have no idea what to do. I have been dating the same guy for almost four years. I am 22 and he is 26. We have a really great relationship in so many ways. We are so compatible and so supportive of eachother. I could never love someone as much as I love him. The problem is this, he still lives at home and so do I. I am in school right now and hoping to get a place relatively soon. He on the other hand wants to stay where he is. He has a ton of money in the bank and says he wants to just skip the apartment and buy a house with me when the time comes. His family is accustomed to letting the kids live there as long as it takes. One of his sisters moved out when she was 29!! My family on the other hand is all about getting out into the real world and becoming an adult. This issue has caused considerable tension in our relationship. My parenst are contantly badgering me , telling me that if he loved me he would get a place with me and that he is a loser with no incentive in life. Bobbby is an extremely hard worker. He works an average of 45-50 hours a week. He has never called in sick over the 9 years he has worked. I defend him to my parents but at this point they strongly dislike him and think I am a fool.Needless to say this is putting a strain on my realtionship with them. Sometimes I do feel like a fool. He has been at the same so-so paying job for a very long time. It is not really a job where you can move up. I have tried suggesting school to him but he seems to become offended. When I bring up moving into an aprtment he says he refuses to clean out his bank account for my parents (he knows what they think of him). When I try to hint that I sort want to get a place he seems to let it pass. I don't think he is ready for that but I am. I know that if we got a place right now he wuld be paying for it. I find that totally unfair. However I wish he had SOME future plans for himself and for us. I guess the bottom line is I am ready to move out and he is not. The way his parents are God knows when he will be. Is it selfish of me to be disapointed in this and somewhat ashamed? I just feel he is selling himself short in a lot of ways and that we have been togethr long enough and love eachother enough to move to a new level in our relationship. I want us to at least make some plans for that. Any advice on how I can handle this or what I can say to him so he understands and does not get defensive. I can't imagine not being with him but this is making life miserable. Thank you so so much!
Merin Posted April 27, 2005 Posted April 27, 2005 Well first of all.. I guess I can't understand why your parents think it should be your BF's responsibility to get an apartment essentially for YOU.. is it they are tired of being financially responsible for you and are hoping to pawn this off onto him? Regardless if your BF has decided to attend school or not I guess in some ways again I wonder why it is your parents think this should be thier or your decision to make for him? IMO it seems that while you care about him (your BF) that the bottomline is your parents and possibly you as well don't really feel your BF is good enough for YOU
Skullcrusher Posted April 27, 2005 Posted April 27, 2005 This is how I see things, and if they don't fit it - I think of them less. Age before 25 - You can still live at home and not have work. That's fine with me. If over 25 but under 27 - You can stay at home but you must work at least part-time. If you work full time, get the hell out. If over 27 and under 30 - You should be out of the parents home and working. I judge this for girls and guys. But society seems to accept girls being able to stay home. No. Btw, when I mean I think of them less - it means they have to put an extra effort such as paying for my dinner or entertainment expenses. People who stay at home even though they are capable of moving out have issues that I do not want. But if they make it up by maintaining a state of independence, fine. Those who work full time while staying home after the age of 27 is weak minded.
CurlyIam Posted April 27, 2005 Posted April 27, 2005 That's a classic. You can't make him do anything, girl. I for one have been there. YOu cannot ask him to change. He must want to change. I suggest you do the next normal thing, which is getting a place of your own. Share an appartmen with your friends or on your own, but if you're reay to move out, do it. Although your parents are right, they have no right in running your bf's life. The two of you aren't married and even if you were, they still would have no right to. Do your thing, live your life the way you WANT. If he can't keep up with you, well, that's his problem. Good luck to you, Curly
curiousnycgirl Posted April 28, 2005 Posted April 28, 2005 Once again I am missing something here. Sounds to me like this guy does have a plan - it just does not correspond with yours or what your parents think he should do. If I am reading your post correctly he has been socking away his money to be able to buy a house, instead of essentially flushing money down the toilet renting. Sounds to me like you guys are just not at the same place, and perhaps not going in the same direction. AND as usual, I agree with Merin - you don't think he's good enough for you.
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