phillymoose Posted June 8, 2015 Posted June 8, 2015 A few days into breakup, gf threatened to have sex with others. The next day she went on a date - kissed, held hands, passed out drunk in his bed, woke to find him naked, but claims no sex. Then I shamed her, cussed her out and belittled her. Should she forgive me?
Keenly Posted June 8, 2015 Posted June 8, 2015 This woman is not your girlfriend. Time to move on dude. It can only be one of two things. She doesn't respect you enough to not go out on a date with somE one else, OR she thinks she has the freedom to mess with your emotions and get away with it. Either way, that's a no go zone. 5
pteromom Posted June 8, 2015 Posted June 8, 2015 No, she should block you and go NC. I am reading this correctly - that you are broken up? If so, she doesn't need to be concerned about what you think of her dating anyway. 3
Satu Posted June 8, 2015 Posted June 8, 2015 It doesn't matter whether she forgives you or not. The relationship is dead as a Dodo. No contact. *No direct contact in either direction. No sending or receiving of messages. No replies. Block any means she might use to contact you. *No indirect contact through third parties. *De-friend or delete from all social media. *No monitoring of her on social media. *No 'little birds' feeding you news. *Tell people that you don't want to know anything about what she is doing or saying. 2
Author phillymoose Posted June 8, 2015 Author Posted June 8, 2015 No, she should block you and go NC. I am reading this correctly - that you are broken up? If so, she doesn't need to be concerned about what you think of her dating anyway. We were broken up for a few days, but in contact nearly every day, still in love with one another. She threatened to see somebody else, did so the next day, and then told me about it. She then said all it was, was a few hours date at the beach. Came back to me, had sex with me, then revealed the rest of the details.
Satu Posted June 8, 2015 Posted June 8, 2015 We were broken up for a few days, but in contact nearly every day, *still in love with one another. She threatened to see somebody else, did so the next day, and then told me about it. She then said all it was, was a few hours date at the beach. Came back to me, had sex with me, then revealed the rest of the details. *No. You're not still in love with each other. You're entangled. If you were in love, you wouldn't be cutting slices off each other with your emotional violence swords. You can't do that to someone you love. 3
deadelvis Posted June 8, 2015 Posted June 8, 2015 Anyone who doesn't at least wait a few weeks after a breakup to start dating, or worse to sleep with someone else has some screws loose. Then sleeping with you afterwards? She did that to get over the guilt of sleeping with him (who knows is she ****ed him, she probably did) because somehow in her mind that makes her not feel so bad about rushing into the arms of a new guy. She's really messing with your heart. I don't think I would forgive her. Not that it's ok to slut-shame anyone, but after what she pulled I can understand how it's pretty hard not to say hurtful things. I would say she's the one who owes you an apology, but your better off to just move on.
d0nnivain Posted June 8, 2015 Posted June 8, 2015 You have yet to express remorse so no you should not be forgiven for shaming her & cussing at her. She hasn't expressed remorse for what she did either. Getting back together is a bad idea. You claim to love each other but your behavior toward each other is unhealthy. You both need time to grow up away from one another. 3
Author phillymoose Posted June 8, 2015 Author Posted June 8, 2015 You have yet to express remorse so no you should not be forgiven for shaming her & cussing at her. She hasn't expressed remorse for what she did either. Getting back together is a bad idea. You claim to love each other but your behavior toward each other is unhealthy. You both need time to grow up away from one another. Yes I did apologize the same weekend via a long email. A couple emails actually, and some texts. No response from her at all, other than one text saying she wishes not to talk or see me again.
d0nnivain Posted June 8, 2015 Posted June 8, 2015 OK you apologized. My main point remains: You need to stay apart. Your relationship was unhealthy & getting back together will only repeat a bad cycle. 2
Author phillymoose Posted June 8, 2015 Author Posted June 8, 2015 OK you apologized. My main point remains: You need to stay apart. Your relationship was unhealthy & getting back together will only repeat a bad cycle. I understand your view. Do you think she owes me an apology as well? If she truly loved me, shouldn't she show some remorse?
deadelvis Posted June 8, 2015 Posted June 8, 2015 I understand your view. Do you think she owes me an apology as well? If she truly loved me, shouldn't she show some remorse? On a scale of 1-10, yelling and cussing at her is about a 5. Her behavior was about a 7.5. ****ing your dad would be a 10.
d0nnivain Posted June 8, 2015 Posted June 8, 2015 Yes I think she owes you an apology but you are not doing to get it. She's not mature enough to give you one. If she was mature she would not have been threatening you with other men, she would not have passed out drunk in another guy's bed, she wouldn't have rubbed your nose in & she wouldn't have been calling you every day while you were broken up. Don't hold your breath waiting for her to grow up or for this relationship to be healthy. 3
deadelvis Posted June 8, 2015 Posted June 8, 2015 A few days into breakup, gf threatened to have sex with others. The next day she went on a date - kissed, held hands, passed out drunk in his bed, woke to find him naked, but claims no sex. Then I shamed her, cussed her out and belittled her. Should she forgive me? Btw. I'd bet money she didn't just pass out in his bed drunk and wake up to find him naked. "Oh I was so drunk... I can't remember what happened" is a pretty classic excuse. She didn't want to tell you the "real truth" because she knew the relationship was probably over and she thought she would tell you the abridged version and see how you reacted.
Author phillymoose Posted June 8, 2015 Author Posted June 8, 2015 Yes I think she owes you an apology but you are not doing to get it. She's not mature enough to give you one. If she was mature she would not have been threatening you with other men, she would not have passed out drunk in another guy's bed, she wouldn't have rubbed your nose in & she wouldn't have been calling you every day while you were broken up. Don't hold your breath waiting for her to grow up or for this relationship to be healthy. Alright. She didn't call everyday. But either one of us would initiate calls, text, email etc almost daily, it was only 1 week. Still both expressed love and missing one another during that week up until her threat.
deadelvis Posted June 8, 2015 Posted June 8, 2015 And doing that right after the break up is the "crazy-bitch" way of getting closure to the relationship when she can't walk away on her own.
Author phillymoose Posted June 8, 2015 Author Posted June 8, 2015 Btw. I'd bet money she didn't just pass out in his bed drunk and wake up to find him naked. "Oh I was so drunk... I can't remember what happened" is a pretty classic excuse. She didn't want to tell you the "real truth" because she knew the relationship was probably over and she thought she would tell you the abridged version and see how you reacted. She had a bruise on the inside of her thigh when I was with her again. At that time she showed me a picture of her drunk sitting in the child seat of a WalMart shopping cart from 4 days prior, apparently that's where the bruise was from. She is 30, sad I know.
La.Primavera Posted June 8, 2015 Posted June 8, 2015 A few days into breakup, gf threatened to have sex with others. The next day she went on a date - kissed, held hands, passed out drunk in his bed, woke to find him naked, but claims no sex. Then I shamed her, cussed her out and belittled her. Should she forgive me? No, forgiveness is a choice. She doesn't have to do anything. Do you think she owes me an apology as well? No, despite the fact you are still communicating she is single and can see whoever she likes, just like you can. That is what it means when you break up. You are both free to see other people now. It sounds like you are having a hard time accepting that it is over. I think it would be easier for you to cope if you stopped talking to her. It is messing with both of your heads which is why you are both saying and doing such hurtful things. 2
Satu Posted June 8, 2015 Posted June 8, 2015 Before one professes love, its important to know what love is. There are many valid definitions of love, but this is one of the important ones: "Love is total commitment to the wellbeing of a person." Primum non nocere. First, do no harm.
Author phillymoose Posted June 8, 2015 Author Posted June 8, 2015 No, despite the fact you are still communicating she is single and can see whoever she likes, just like you can. That is what it means when you break up. You are both free to see other people now. She invited me over that Friday night to make love and try to work things out. I was not able to make it on short notice. She then Said, "When you have a woman di*k whipped, do not keep her waiting, as there are plenty of other men ready and willing". She then called and said, "I can text a bunch of guys from my phone who will come satisfy my vagina". The next day she called an old friend with benefits and went to his bed to watch a movie drunk, passed out, and woke to him naked. She revealed this to me after coming back to me and having sex with me.
PrettyEmily77 Posted June 9, 2015 Posted June 9, 2015 She invited me over that Friday night to make love and try to work things out. I was not able to make it on short notice. She then Said, "When you have a woman di*k whipped, do not keep her waiting, as there are plenty of other men ready and willing". She then called and said, "I can text a bunch of guys from my phone who will come satisfy my vagina". The next day she called an old friend with benefits and went to his bed to watch a movie drunk, passed out, and woke to him naked. She revealed this to me after coming back to me and having sex with me. Best to let this one go IMO, even if she forgives you and/or apologises; that doesn't really seem much like love to me... 1
Author phillymoose Posted June 9, 2015 Author Posted June 9, 2015 (edited) Best to let this one go IMO, even if she forgives you and/or apologises; that doesn't really seem much like love to me... I know, logic and reasoning tell me that. I understand sometimes that things are left out by the original posters in order for his/her "point" to be made, but this poster here (me) was an angel and I never hurt or put that "girl" down until after all was said and done when she did this to me. Events are exactly and even worse than what I've only written. I'm a 34 year old man and I feel like a love sick puppy though Its awful! Edited June 9, 2015 by phillymoose
La.Primavera Posted June 9, 2015 Posted June 9, 2015 She invited me over that Friday night to make love and try to work things out. I understand that but you were not back together so you were and still are single. Sex on it's own doesn't change that fact. I know it is a complicated situation but you don't owe each other anything anymore. You need some distance from her so you can think more clearly. You need to take care of yourself. 2
Author phillymoose Posted June 9, 2015 Author Posted June 9, 2015 You need some distance from her so you can think more clearly. You need to take care of yourself. I'll agree with that.
Author phillymoose Posted June 9, 2015 Author Posted June 9, 2015 And doing that right after the break up is the "crazy-bitch" way of getting closure to the relationship when she can't walk away on her own. Do you think she took the cowards way out and said, "hell I'll just do this because its unforgivable" to make her mind up for her? Before she revealed all the details, she was saying she was confused, and that she thought of me while on the date.
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