The sad state to which humans have 'evolved' to...

June 9, 2015

Humans have free will. Unlike what some social engineers try to claim, every human with a fully intact mind, makes choices. Sure a lot of them are done impulsively & irrationally, but they are still conscious choices. The problem is not urges, but people's responses to them. Society has some blame in this game. What you permit you promote. Cheating is one of the most horrible things a person can do to someone that has invested their emotions, time & trust into, yet is dismissed as that's just life. I believe that cheaters of both sexes should be publicly shunned for the rest of their lives. I also believe that prostitution should be fully legal. Single people should not be kinda forced by a bogus society, that both glorifies & stigmatizes sex, to play some stupid "game" to have sex, if they don't want to or can't. I could go on, but probably shouldn't.

Personally, I have the same values as you do when it comes to casual sex.

June 9, 2015

You and me baby ain't nothing but mammals so let's do it like they do on the discovery channel!

Have you actually seen how they do it on the Discovery Channel? No thanks. Animal sex is typically unpleasant, especially for the female, and lasts about four seconds.

When someone argues that sex is disgusting and people who enjoy it are like animals, my response is: No. We are not like animals. We are humans, one of the only three creatures on Earth known to have sex for pleasure (and I'd say we're in good company with the bonobos and dolphins). Sex for pleasure is one of the things that separates us from the lower animals.

June 9, 2015

Have you actually seen how they do it on the Discovery Channel? No thanks. Animal sex is typically unpleasant, especially for the female, and lasts about four seconds.

When someone argues that sex is disgusting and people who enjoy it are like animals, my response is: No. We are not like animals. We are humans, one of the only three creatures on Earth known to have sex for pleasure (and I'd say we're in good company with the bonobos and dolphins). Sex for pleasure is one of the things that separates us from the lower animals.

Have you heard the song & watched the video?

I love your screen name & avi. One of the best movies ever.

June 9, 2015

You and me baby ain't nothing but mammals so let's do it like they do on the discovery channel!

Frankly, we could use the the voice overs on discover channel and it would be equally accurate for humans.

My fav was the cheetah that follwed a female around for 7 hours. Cheetahs need to eat often, so he was risking his and her life by being a four legged stalker. Finally, she gave in and they had sex for 5 min. This is true for humans,too, a lot of work for 5 min of sex.

June 9, 2015

Yeah, I realize some people have higher libidos than others do, Jen. But seriously, do you really believe that a person can't control their own sexual urges? After all, we aren't animals...we're human beings! Even though we each have that primal biological instinct to "reproduce", aren't there ever moments in time that a person is consciously able to sexually control themselves?? If not, that's pretty damn scary.

.

I have to say I am finding it really REALLY difficult. I have a very high sex drive. I am constantly running out of batteries...

I have had sex twice in the past (oh buggar is it really that long now!!!!) 2 years, both I thought were going to be a more "regular" thing... Sadly not...

Like you the thought of ONS leaves me cold. It does absolutely nothing for me at all.

I pity the poor man that I end up with... His testicles are going to be raw!!!

June 9, 2015

Have you actually seen how they do it on the Discovery Channel? No thanks. Animal sex is typically unpleasant, especially for the female, and lasts about four seconds.

When someone argues that sex is disgusting and people who enjoy it are like animals, my response is: No. We are not like animals. We are humans, one of the only three creatures on Earth known to have sex for pleasure (and I'd say we're in good company with the bonobos and dolphins). Sex for pleasure is one of the things that separates us from the lower animals.

I don't know if it's unpleasant, but a lot of female animals look like they could do without just as easy. The guy is going to town, having the time of his life.

Umm you do know that primates often get into knock down drag em outs over fights, and male dolphins have been known to gang rape female dolphins. That's not good company.

June 9, 2015

I saw a discovery channel video on monkeys (bonobos specifically I guess) mating. Hilarious ....looked just like a porno. I thought the male was even gonna do the hand-behind-the-head move.

June 9, 2015

Actually, it is the sentiments like the ones expressed in the OP that cause people to stay in miserable sexless marriages forever, grow depressed, and feel like freaks for wanting to actually touch their partner.

Yeah, I will control my animal urges.

And I hope a man who doesn't care about sex will control his selfishness and not try to be with me.

You don't think sex is important? Don't date or marry someone who does.

June 9, 2015

Have you heard the song & watched the video?

Heard the song, sure. It's a fun little tune, but the libretto is a tad coarse and not my style.

Video... I'm too old for that newfangled stuff the kids are watching these days.

I love your screen name & avi. One of the best movies ever.

And with the ratio of 10 FEEEMales to each MALE, they would breed prodigiously, yes!

June 9, 2015

I don't know if it's unpleasant, but a lot of female animals look like they could do without just as easy. The guy is going to town, having the time of his life.

Umm you do know that primates often get into knock down drag em outs over fights, and male dolphins have been known to gang rape female dolphins. That's not good company.

It's often unpleasant for females specifically because there tends to be a lot of rape. But depending on the species, even consensual sex really is unpleasant for one gender or the other. Many male mammals (cats, for instance) have barbed penises that shred the female's vagina so that no other male can inseminate her. Meanwhile, female spiders cannibalize their male mates during or after sex.

Yes, primates in general (humans included, probably) are generally *******s, but bonobos use sex instead of fists to solve social problems and hardly ever fight. And dolphins do have sex with anything that moves, including humans, and frequently don't bother to ask first, it's true. I was thinking more "intelligence" when I said good company. Sometimes dolphins can get aggressive with each other, but actual forced dolphin-on-dolphin sex has never been observed, unlike in primates and avians. And it's unlclear whether dolphins who appear to be attempting to have sex with people are really attempting sex or just masturbating against them. Although I think you could probably fill volumes of philosophy trying to define consent and mens rea vis a vis animal rape.

Edited June 9, 2015 by Buck Turgidson

June 9, 2015

Lol Im glad im not a cat. Maybe not bonobos, but other primates (other than us) fight over sex.

Its true, guys in the animal kingdom oftem dobt ask. I guess consent is implied. I remember seeing tjis female dog get into a male dogs yard. He was chained up so he could only chase her so much. Whenever he got close enough, hed try to mount her. Human equivalent could be going to a guys house or otherwise alone with him and he assumes youre down for sex. See, animals and humans are the similar.

Same for horses. If a mare wonders into a stallions territory, he just assumes shes down. Shes grazing and she just hops on. Lol Most anything that applues to assateague ponies applies to people.

June 9, 2015

Have you actually seen how they do it on the Discovery Channel? No thanks. Animal sex is typically unpleasant, especially for the female, and lasts about four seconds.

When someone argues that sex is disgusting and people who enjoy it are like animals, my response is: No. We are not like animals. We are humans, one of the only three creatures on Earth known to have sex for pleasure (and I'd say we're in good company with the bonobos and dolphins). Sex for pleasure is one of the things that separates us from the lower animals.

Good to know you have a sense of humor. *sarcasm*

June 9, 2015

I don't speak for Bopz but I'm pretty sure she is a very sexual woman. I don't know that she's changing her tune here, she's just ....more thoughtful than many people, let's put it that way.

Thanks Jen. You're right on both accounts.

Just by pure randomness another thread I looked at was one where you posed a question "can mind blowing sex blind someone of their partners faults". So I may change my reply above but mainly just curious as in that post you clearly seem to be active sexually and (no offense intended) seem to be fantastic at it based of your ex's description you listed. I'm just trying to understand the drastic change of view on sexual importance of a relationship and in society. Again i apologize if this comes off rude, that is not my intention. Just curious as to how you came to your stance on the matter.

No offense taken, Qboro. I've always felt this way about the topic at hand. I notice that every few years it gets worse and worse with certain types of people. I'm not talking about people who are single but who date others in order to get to know their personality (in addition to being physically attracted to them) for the purposes of seeking a relationship with them...and I'm not talking about people who are in committed relationships and are faithful; in those cases, sexual urges don't have to be controlled because they want it only with each other, not with other people! I'm mostly speaking of people who are single and who only go out on dates to "get laid" as "much as possible".

I'm talking about people who are married and - because they choose not to control their sexual urges - they end up cheating on their spouse or habitually using pornography. And studies and research have shown that either or both of those 'choices' end up ruining marriages, their childrens' lives and the innocent spouse's life...and for what? Because the other person couldn't be mature enough, possess enough integrity and decency and be conscious enough to control their own sexual urges? That, to me, is a pitiful and pathetic excuse for people to ruin other peoples' lives. And, contrary to what some people believe, no - we are NOT animals. We are human beings. We have superior intelligence above primates and other mammals. We each have the conscious ability to control how we react to a sexual urge when it comes on full force. We have choices we can make. And when those choices negatively affect other people, then they're making the WRONG choices out of selfishness and the immature desire to attain instant gratification, no matter the cost. This is MY opinion, and you don't have to agree with it.

I have to say I am finding it really REALLY difficult. I have a very high sex drive. I am constantly running out of batteries...

I have had sex twice in the past (oh buggar is it really that long now!!!!) 2 years, both I thought were going to be a more "regular" thing... Sadly not...

Like you the thought of ONS leaves me cold. It does absolutely nothing for me at all.

I pity the poor man that I end up with... His testicles are going to be raw!!!

But see, this is how I feel also. Even though my libido is on the high end of the scale, I can control myself - just like you can! I have absolutely ZERO desire to engage in ONS, FWBs or casual sex...YUK. I need to feel an emotional connection with a guy before I'd want to go anywhere near him sexually; and I only want to share sexual intimacy with a guy that I'm in a relationship with. Um, if/when that ever happens again, my God...I almost feel sorry for whoever it ends up being lol. Your future guy is gonna end up with 'raw testicles' and my future guy is gonna end up with a worn-out tongue and penis hahahaa

When a person's daily thoughts aren't consumed with getting and having sex and they're NOT using other people to have sex and when uncontrolled sexual urges hurt no one and instead enhance the intimacy between two people, then I'm on board with that. It's when people who choose not to control their sexual urges and makes their whole entire life about getting their next orgasm and their choices end up hurting people and contributing to society's moral decay is when I have a problem with it.

.

June 9, 2015

Humans have free will. Unlike what some social engineers try to claim, every human with a fully intact mind, makes choices. Sure a lot of them are done impulsively & irrationally, but they are still conscious choices. The problem is not urges, but people's responses to them. Society has some blame in this game. What you permit you promote. Cheating is one of the most horrible things a person can do to someone that has invested their emotions, time & trust into, yet is dismissed as that's just life. I believe that cheaters of both sexes should be publicly shunned for the rest of their lives. I also believe that prostitution should be fully legal. Single people should not be kinda forced by a bogus society, that both glorifies & stigmatizes sex, to play some stupid "game" to have sex, if they don't want to or can't. I could go on, but probably shouldn't.

Personally, I have the same values as you do when it comes to casual sex.

Thanks for this post, Clarence. The points you've made are spot on (which I've highlighted for emphasis), and it's especially good to read this coming from a guy. It almost gives me hope that I might meet a guy like you in the future who has this mindset and realizes what harm the wrong conscious choices a person makes can cause to other people.

.

June 9, 2015

My man lives far away from me at the moment and sometimes I feel I will lose my mind wanting him. The thought of relieving myself with someone else never crosses my mind because it really isn't sex I want, I want to have sex with him.

So yeah, lots of self control but it isn't difficult to not have sex with other people, just difficult to not be able to always have him.

June 9, 2015

There's an underlying assumption here that FWB's, casual sex or ONS's aren't a mutual thing. It's not one person using the other. It's just sharing sex with someone else. Sex doesn't take something away from either person, unless it's not consentual, but that's not called sex, it's called rape.

June 9, 2015

There's an underlying assumption here that FWB's, casual sex or ONS's aren't a mutual thing. It's not one person using the other. It's just sharing sex with someone else. Sex doesn't take something away from either person, unless it's not consentual, but that's not called sex, it's called rape.

I truly believe some people have more to gain from it than others... Lets be real, some guys just need a woman to masturbate on. I would call that 'using.' Many guys arent picky about sex partners, even if they are unattractive. Theres a good chance that the man will o and feel good with just about any woman who isnt too unattractive.

Me personally wouldnt go through a lot of trouble to have 10 min of sex with some random guy. Many guys wouldnt mind putting in the effort to have that 10min sex. Random sex must feel really really really really good to the average male mammal for them to put in so much effort for so little.

June 9, 2015

It has been my experience that the best looking women are not always the best in bed. In fact, many of them get by on their looks so much that they don't develop much talent at anything, let alone sex. Many of the more average looking (and if we are being honest, below average too!) women try harder.

Women have vibrators and they seem to be cool with that. I don't know any guys that would rather sit home with a sex toy instead of having sex with a real person.

There is something cool about having sex with someone you don't know. Sex is such an intimate act. I feel like I learn so much about a person through sex. It's a wildly unique experience.

I was thinking more along the lines of being plain indiscriminate. Ive met a lot of guys who really dont care what a woman looks like. If theyre horny enough, almost every woman turns into Angelina Jolie.

Maybe if Realdolls become cheap enough more men will be cool with sex dolls? Lol Honestly, I never learned anything about someones personality through sex that I couldnt learn through convo. I had a guy try to claim I was *insert personality trait here* bc I didnt like whatever sex act, and he was totally off the mark.

As far as vibes, t hat arguably goes back to men getting more from sex. If he has sex, theres a very high chance he will like it and orgasm regardless of the woman generally speaking. A woman risks pregnancy, stds, getting hurt, etc. Thats a lot of risk relative to the bennies of banging random guys. A lot of guys dont seem to fear catching an std.

I guess one would have to define intimate. Some people think kissing and hugging are mire intimate t h an wham bam sex.

June 10, 2015

I'm not sure its so much gender as it is attitude about sex and its importance/lack of importance in general. Most people I know who have a high need for physical intimacy and deem sex as important will say pretty much everything enigma said about learning about people when you have sex, etc. Because sex is an integral part of how they get close to someone.

For people with a blase attitude about sex or who poo-poo the idea that it is vital, they are usually the ones saying there's nothing to get out of it, it's no big deal, you should just get over it and be able to do without it blah blah blah.

Neither of these are wrong. But if you are person B, you'd better not trap person A into a sexless relationship.

June 10, 2015

No one was talking about making love. We were talking about sex.

And I completely disagree. Sex with a loved one is wonderful. But so is just sex. Too bad you have missed out on so much. I'm sorry.

Why are you sorry? For some, making love can be the most wonderful thing in the world because of the emotional connection they feel to the person they love, and they need that. not everyone does, but some do.

For them, it is an act of deep connection, and to not have that connection can be make the act meaningless, flat, hollow and can actually make them feel worse instead of better.

To each their own.

June 10, 2015

I'm not sure its so much gender as it is attitude about sex and its importance/lack of importance in general. Most people I know who have a high need for physical intimacy and deem sex as important will say pretty much everything enigma said about learning about people when you have sex, etc. Because sex is an integral part of how they get close to someone.

For people with a blase attitude about sex or who poo-poo the idea that it is vital, they are usually the ones saying there's nothing to get out of it, it's no big deal, you should just get over it and be able to do without it blah blah blah.

Neither of these are wrong. But if you are person B, you'd better not trap person A into a sexless relationship.

at least ten characters....

Edited June 10, 2015 by truncated

June 10, 2015

Why are you sorry? For some, making love can be the most wonderful thing in the world because of the emotional connection they feel to the person they love, and they need that. not everyone does, but some do.

For them, it is an act of deep connection, and to not have that connection can be make the act meaningless, flat, hollow and can actually make them feel worse instead of better.

To each their own.

The idea of sex with someone I don't know, who doesn't care about me as a person and vice versa, just makes me sad and empty. I would feel like...some tube sock substitute.

June 10, 2015

Aww... Looks to me as if all you damn sex maniacs have scared the OP away

June 10, 2015

I don't find anything sad about consensual adults engaging in whatever activity they so please. I certainly will not judge for it. I'm in favor of everyone respecting safety (protection and discussions and frequent STI screenings) but I don't think a person who does not engage in casual sex is morally superior to someone who does, any more than I think someone who does not knit is morally superior to someone who does.

Casual sex is not my bag, but the engaging of it is not a statement on humanity of any sort- sad or otherwise. (If anything, I'm happy to see patriarchal and religious structures dismantled.) I somehow doubt that most of those who enjoy doing so are desperate for connection or feel empty for it, or they wouldn't continue.

In relationships, sex is desperately important to me. I'm certainly not going to be quick to dismiss it under any terms. It's pretty amazing.

Edited June 10, 2015 by MoreAmore

June 10, 2015

I somehow doubt that most of those who enjoy doing so are desperate for connection or feel empty for it, or they wouldn't continue.

Well said. It's certainly fulfilling for me, and I don't think I'm particularly shallow or empty. Life is very good.

Aww... Looks to me as if all you damn sex maniacs have scared the OP away

No ....Bopz does not scare easily.

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