bigfred Posted June 8, 2015 Posted June 8, 2015 well, we got back together after two months of no conctact (she initated) , the family took me in, but she was totally drinking and drinking pills. Well her parents came to me and told me that i was the problem of her drinking and i had to tell them the truth that she was taking pills and drinking behind my back and her parents, her daughter even did not want to stay with due to her being drunk all the time, she has been an alcoholic for a long time but she hides it very well, until her brothers caught her super wasted!!! Well to make a long story short, i told her parents everthing she was up to and she needed to go to rehab and she got really pissed and had huge argument with me, even though her parents knew what was going on, now we have not spoken for a week. And initiated no contact again for the 5th time!!! what now do i do !!!!!! she tried to contact me last week but it was work related and told her to tell someone from her office to reley the messages back and forth and that person has not called for any work related issues. Her parents are on my side and i have sent to them diffrent intervention and rehabs in our area so they can see i really care for here well being. Tney have been supported towards me for that. do i pick up the phone if treis to mak contact. Now what she will do is she will, be good for a week or two then start drinking again behind everyones back. should i just let it go !!!
Satu Posted June 8, 2015 Posted June 8, 2015 (edited) You are wasting your time with an unrecovered, frequently relapsing, substance abuser. Until she decides she wants to get clean, nothing good will happen. Until then, nothing good can happen. She is a chaos generator. All the information about rehab, counselling and everything else, are worth nothing until she reaches for them. Do nothing. Let her sink or swim as a consequence of her own actions, and choices. Don't get stuck in co-dependency. Don't be an enabler by trying to rescue her. So yes, let it go. *No direct contact in either direction. No sending or receiving of messages. No replies. Block any means she might use to contact you. *No indirect contact through third parties. *De-friend or delete from all social media. No monitoring of her on social media. *No 'little birds' feeding you news. *Tell people that you don't want to know anything about what she is doing or saying. Edited June 8, 2015 by Satu 3
Author bigfred Posted June 8, 2015 Author Posted June 8, 2015 You are wasting your time with an unrecovered, frequently relapsing, substance abuser. Until she decides she wants to get clean, nothing good will happen. Until then, nothing good can happen. She is a chaos generator. All the information about rehab, counselling and everything else, are worth nothing until she reaches for them. Do nothing. Let her sink or swim as a consequence of her own actions, and choices. Don't get stuck in co-dependency. Don't be an enabler by trying to rescue her. So yes, let it go. *No direct contact in either direction. No sending or receiving of messages. No replies. Block any means she might use to contact you. *No indirect contact through third parties. *De-friend or delete from all social media. No monitoring of her on social media. *No 'little birds' feeding you news. *Tell people that you don't want to know anything about what she is doing or saying. She is sending work emails on some stuff we worked on last week, i anserd her back in profesional matter and keep it work relateed if anyt time hse tries to reach out ill just cut her off and tell her that its gotta be work related 1
Satu Posted June 8, 2015 Posted June 8, 2015 Its all about boundaries and limits. Be polite and civil; you don't owe anything more than that.
wizer Posted June 8, 2015 Posted June 8, 2015 Well her parents came to me and told me that i was the problem of her drinking and i had to tell them the truth that she was taking pills and drinking behind my back Well you could still be the cause of her drinking if the on and off with you is stressing her out. Even if she does it "behind your back". I never understood that expression. "Behind my back". Wouldn't that mean she's doing it in front of you? Think about it.
mystikmind2005 Posted June 8, 2015 Posted June 8, 2015 If i was in your position, i would do some research on substance abuse and how to deal with that situation. You don't want to make an uneducated decision here, this is a high risk situation and you definately don't want to wind up with a situation where you end up carrying extreme burden on your mind for the rest of your life. 1
Recommended Posts