bada bing Posted June 8, 2015 Posted June 8, 2015 So we both stopped talking to each other about 1 month ago…I have missed her, but also felt good about myself too…and I have been out meeting new people. I was able to be strong and reflect on things and stayed out of sight during NC. Now, last week she called on Wed, but I could not answer, as I was in all day work meetings and replied promptly that "I was in all day work meetings, but I wanted to talk and was glad she called"…basically being open to talking. I then called her back on Thursday, but got no answer and left a brief message. I'm not going to chase, so I decided to wait for her to reply. Today, (4-5 days later) she finally responds, but by texts: "We haven't been able to talk", "hope your doing well".."I've been reluctant to call, because of our last conversations" (referring to a month ago when I questioned her about something--which is another post on the dating link), Then she says "Not sure if you still want to talk, but for sure, I don't want conflict in my life, so let me know your thoughts, and maybe we can have a moment to talk" So why text?, why not just answer or return my calls? why wait 5 days to respond to my call after she called me first? I feel like this is a game or too complicated…communication is easy right? She also never says, "I have been thinking about things", or "miss you" or that she wants to talk…She always asks if "I want to talk"? I cannot understand her…Part of me doesn't even want to respond as, if she wants to talk, just answer my calls, return them or reply quicker than 5 days …why so complicated
Chi townD Posted June 8, 2015 Posted June 8, 2015 Dude, she has guilt. She even states that she doesn't want conflict in her life. You can take that a couple of ways. One, she doesn't want to talk to you if YOU'RE going to cause a conflict. Or two, by you disappearing on her caused her to feel guilty on how things ended and it's causing conflict in her life and looking towards you to ease her guilt and end this internal conflict that she's having. Basically, if it takes her five days to respond to a simple text from you, then keep moving forward and put her in your rearview mirror. If she has guilt, then she can hold onto that guilt and learn from it. 2
DexterLS Posted June 8, 2015 Posted June 8, 2015 I would just stick to NC and ignore anything that will hinder me from moving on. What do you want to happen here? You want to get back together?
Author bada bing Posted June 8, 2015 Author Posted June 8, 2015 Dude, she has guilt. She even states that she doesn't want conflict in her life. You can take that a couple of ways. One, she doesn't want to talk to you if YOU'RE going to cause a conflict. Or two, by you disappearing on her caused her to feel guilty on how things ended and it's causing conflict in her life and looking towards you to ease her guilt and end this internal conflict that she's having. I was confused too…I think its the first, that "talking to me may bring conflict", which is sort of taking a shot at me to be honest…that annoys me a little. Don't think there is "guilt", as no one really dumped anyone here, we just both stopped talking. I just don't like games and waiting 5 days to respond to me is a game on her part…She's the one who breaks NC, she has done 3 times in a month…but when I attempt to return communication she never answers her phone.
Simon Phoenix Posted June 8, 2015 Posted June 8, 2015 You shouldn't have responded. And she didn't break No Contact, you did. No Contact is an individual thing, not a team thing. She can't break your No Contact, only you can. Stop breaking it.
Tarot777 Posted June 8, 2015 Posted June 8, 2015 Games I think. My ex did this, waited a week to reply to me, then when he did reply it was along the lines of " I don't want conflict" Then why text me at all? I was pissed at him, I was going to cause conflict and he knew it, it was his little power trip, reaching out, but putting it on me that I was the one who was going to make trouble. Haha, I gotta leave this site again, I don't even want to talk about him. Don't text her back xoxo
pidgeon1010 Posted June 8, 2015 Posted June 8, 2015 Don't think there is "guilt", as no one really dumped anyone here, we just both stopped talking. Did you two see each other or talk on the phone and then never reached out to the other person after that? I find this to be very weird @ "we both stop talking." Even when emailing or text messaging, someone sends the last message that goes unaswered. Also what was the catalyst for this "silent treatment" on both ends? Two people who are in a committed relationship don't just stop talking to each other. From your post, it seems she is more detached from whatever you two shared and is only trying to allay some guilt.
kasop Posted June 8, 2015 Posted June 8, 2015 My ex did this after one month of me implicating nc. We got in an ugly fight right away and it brought alot of the pain back. DONT break nc.
Author bada bing Posted June 8, 2015 Author Posted June 8, 2015 Don't think there is "guilt", as no one really dumped anyone here, we just both stopped talking. Did you two see each other or talk on the phone and then never reached out to the other person after that? I find this to be very weird @ "we both stop talking." Even when emailing or text messaging, someone sends the last message that goes unaswered. Also what was the catalyst for this "silent treatment" on both ends? Two people who are in a committed relationship don't just stop talking to each other. From your post, it seems she is more detached from whatever you two shared and is only trying to allay some guilt. Yes, it was a bit weird to be honest…We has a small fight over the phone one night and then after she texted a few sporadic times and I just replied but did not initiate any more and we just stopped talking, which is never good. I think it became a stalemate, we are both a little stubborn…When she has reached out, its been cold and I've said we should talk, but she's been vague…But yet she continues to reach out sporadically. We spoke once on the phone a few minutes 2 weeks ago and I only got the one word answers from her mostly. I think she is still angry at me but won't admit it. Why not just answer the phone when I return your call? why complicate things so much. Part of me wants to say that, look if you want to make this work too, just talk, stop with the games…but then I play into her hands of being conflict again. Part of me wants to do nothing and just ignore it too..
Chi townD Posted June 8, 2015 Posted June 8, 2015 I was confused too…I think its the first, that "talking to me may bring conflict", which is sort of taking a shot at me to be honest…that annoys me a little. Well, if that's how she addresses a conversation with you. Then, relieve her of that burden and don't talk to her. God forbid that you screw up her "zen" lifestyle with your negative presence. Just ignore her and move on. 3
wizer Posted June 8, 2015 Posted June 8, 2015 Don't think there is "guilt", as no one really dumped anyone here, we just both stopped talking. At first, when I read this thread I thought "well if she wants to talk then she wants to reconcile, and that's good!". Then I read your backstory. She's been doing the slow fade, she's been disappearing on weekends, she's been suggesting you "go with your gut feeling", she admits to spending "too much time hanging out with this other guy". She's moving on, but her attempts to contact you are her way of keeping you on the hook as some sort of safety net. 3
kasop Posted June 8, 2015 Posted June 8, 2015 My ex did this after one month of me implicating nc. We got in an ugly fight right away and it brought alot of the pain back. DONT break nc.
Author bada bing Posted June 8, 2015 Author Posted June 8, 2015 At first, when I read this thread I thought "well if she wants to talk then she wants to reconcile, and that's good!". Then I read your backstory. She's been doing the slow fade, she's been disappearing on weekends, she's been suggesting you "go with your gut feeling", she admits to spending "too much time hanging out with this other guy". She's moving on, but her attempts to contact you are her way of keeping you on the hook as some sort of safety net. Firstly, thanks Wizer for reading the other posts on this drama, it does provide more insight. Yes, I have thought that she is keeping me on the hook as a possible back up if needed. Hence why she seems interested in talking, yet she doesn't make herself easily available to do so. Her actions do not match her words here really….and thats what you need to look at.
pidgeon1010 Posted June 8, 2015 Posted June 8, 2015 (edited) Yes, it was a bit weird to be honest…We has a small fight over the phone one night and then after she texted a few sporadic times and I just replied but did not initiate any more and we just stopped talking, which is never good. I think it became a stalemate, we are both a little stubborn…When she has reached out, its been cold and I've said we should talk, but she's been vague…But yet she continues to reach out sporadically. We spoke once on the phone a few minutes 2 weeks ago and I only got the one word answers from her mostly. I think she is still angry at me but won't admit it. Why not just answer the phone when I return your call? why complicate things so much. Part of me wants to say that, look if you want to make this work too, just talk, stop with the games…but then I play into her hands of being conflict again. Part of me wants to do nothing and just ignore it too.. Sounds like she likes to play games/enjoys drama. Everytime she resurfaces, sends a message and you respond, she knows she has you on the hook. She is not looking to make anything work. She is only making sure you don't move on and pine after her. She doesn't want "conflict" is her way of saying she doesn't want anyone to hold her accountable for her deplorable actions in the last several months (which you weren't willing to tolerate). Ignore her permanently. Your silence will speak volumes. Edited June 8, 2015 by pidgeon1010 2
mystikmind2005 Posted June 8, 2015 Posted June 8, 2015 If it was me, i would tell her I'm open for something casual but don't trust her for something more. (if she agreed, then i would have an opportunity to be secretly testing her) 2
Author bada bing Posted June 9, 2015 Author Posted June 9, 2015 If it was me, i would tell her I'm open for something casual but don't trust her for something more. (if she agreed, then i would have an opportunity to be secretly testing her) Interesting…Your not the first person that has said that. That may be an option too…I just need to reset my expectations and make it casual…turn the tables basically. Interesting thought…thanks for your input
Cephalopod Posted June 9, 2015 Posted June 9, 2015 Get with your cell provider and block her number. Issue solved.
minime13 Posted June 9, 2015 Posted June 9, 2015 After reading your back story, I think it would be best to formally end things, either by calling or text (honestly, even though you said you were in a relationship for 10 months, you hardly ever visited each other, so I am not sure if the both of you were ever on the same page to begin with) and block her from all conversation methods (cell, social media, etc.,). It doesn't sound like she ever thought you guys were in a relationship, and she certainly didn't take it as seriously as you. The whole thing is kinda weird, really, because who just stops talking as an end to a 10 month relationship?
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