misserable Posted June 8, 2015 Posted June 8, 2015 I have been trying to find a place where I could vent in a way, just pour my pain out and get an opinion. As me and my so to say GF broke up. And I dont really know what I have done wrong. We met in a weird way and I wont write about good things, because there is no point to it. For myself I can say I am not person that will judge someone by past, I am honest and I will rather speak my mind than hold it back and make it bother me forever, sometimes it might be good sometimes it might be bad, but it rather be open about my feelings and thoughts. So I met this girl and it went pretty well off, we were just chatting as that is what i was looking for at time. After short period of time we got very emotionally intimate, she poured all the **** she had in her past out. And let me tell you 99.99% of men would just run as fast as they could from that but i didnt judge and wanted to get to know her on my own. I will not share majority of the things she has told me as its not right. She is 33 and has 4 kids with 3 different fathers and cant have any more, tons of finacial **** and other problems and even though it did make me think about it, I accepted it. I am 28 and above average looks, no kids, never married, no debts, nothing to worry about and I never had problems getting dates but what attracts me more than just looks is mind. We were amazing together for 3 months or so, and i started having feelings for her that i never had before for anyone. Even her kids loved me, started calling me "daddy" on occasions, her son wrote oral in school on how i am his best friend and as silly as this sounds for everyone as it is "after just 3 months" it made me feel amazing. From the point where she started sharing her thoughts and problems with me she started being very very very insecure about everything, she was freaking out if i havent responded to a messages (and i did respond every time i had a chance to get my phone), about me running away because of all the crap, me being disgusted by her scars and boddy (for god sake, i am sane person, i know how biology works and what bearing 4 kids does to girls body) and i was always the one who was calming her down and reassuring as much as i could. Problems started around a month ago, and i know that i might sound clingy, possessive and what not. She ignores me for the 1st time for 2 days and makes excuse she had no service (which is one big lie, i dont remember when was the last time i had no service and i go to remote places fishing/hiking or a regular basis). We talk that day and next day she ignores me for the 2nd time, this went on for a week. I was messaging her on daily basis, few times, asking what is wrong, does she want me out of her life and if that is the case she should tell me. So a week passes and i write to her that i am out of energy and i have nothing to hold on and that i am done. She responds, calls me and we talk she tells me "that i am the only good thing in her life and with all the **** and baggage she has she does not want to drag me down with her", and my response was that its not her decision and i will stay through good and bad and give my best to help her fix whatever there is. We texted for 2 days, and she ignores me for the 3rd time. This is where I started getting depressed and having **** thoughts (in past 3 years my sister and mother passed away), so i got drunk, and i havent done so in 8years, and this pushed me to have thoughts of all the things from this 3 years, how i am no good and i started having suicidal thoughts while i was as drunk as someone can be before passing out. I start texting her, saying how this all is getting me into terrible state of mind and how i have this thoughts and this and that and she just straight up ignores me. Somehow i get through that night. Next day her son calls me and talks to me, tells me all the kind stuff, how he misses me, how he wants me to be there this and that and this got me mad. I message her "you have everyone treat you like **** and then you just do that to me in return, how did i deserve that" this is what hit her nerve and she just gives me crap how im rubbing it in her face, how im like everyone else this and that and ignores me again. I have tried to talk to her friend, made myself look like an idiot just to get to her. In mean time i find out she made a profile on POF, i hear name "jon" from her son. It made me furious and I message her that im sick of lies, leading on and tricks. She tries to get out of it and i give her a benefit of a doubt. **** between us continued for another week or so. I kept messaging, and asking that we talk about this crap and get over it and move forward and forget this and that i will not walk away as everyone else did. So a week ago she gives in and starts putting effort, we talk for the 1st time in like 3 weeks, it made me calm and happy. Next day she calls me on the way to work, we talk shortly and text during the day. 3rd day we text whole day, talk about things and at the evening she tells me she has a coffe arranged and that she will call me when she gets home and wants to hear me. So I sit and wait, watching movies, just relaxing, 5-6h passes and no message, no nothing, so I go on fb and i see she was changing her profile pic and posting stuff in past 2h and i freak out. I message her how can she act like this with me, how im opening my soul to her and she just does this to me. I tried calling and calling, probably 5-6x then she tells me that i only get mad at her and that if i call one more time she will block me, and as i was mad, sad, depressed, confused, and what not i did call, and she did block me. Next day i take my other phone and call her to see what the **** is on, she starts yelling at me and telling me not to ever call her again. I have talked to one person about this situation, someone i can really feel safe with, she told me things. One of her comments was "woman like that should treat you like a king and not make you her dormat, there is very few man that will accept things about her that you did". Did i make myself look clingy and needy? Most likely yes. But what else did go wrong?
mystikmind2005 Posted June 8, 2015 Posted June 8, 2015 i was very badly bullied in high school (point of suicide type of thing). So i ended up pretty messed up for a long time. I did not actually start dating until i was like 27 years old! I did not know **** about women or dating, but i did manage to score a date, she had a 5 year old son and similar dramas like your woman. Well i had no idea what was going on, she would put words in my mouth and motives in my mind and my head is literally spinning trying to work out where the hell it all materialized from?? And she hit me with the 'i love you' after only a couple of weeks. I thought i gave a very romantic and wise reply, i said "you cannot put a saddle on a foal before it has had a chance to grow up or you will crush it". Then she sent me a text saying she 'cannot do this anymore'. Well, that really did piss me off so i left it at that. Reading your story reminded me of her.
coryreply Posted June 8, 2015 Posted June 8, 2015 I'm sorry you're going through this right now. It is so painful to pour your heart and energies into a relationship and then things not work out as you had hoped. Often people with heavy amounts of baggage bring their insecurities with them into their present. They tend to sabotage their own happiness. It's not enough just to acknowledge mistakes made in the past. You must also be willing to deal with the root issues that led to those poor decisions so that you move forward in a healthy, more productive way. From what you shared, it sounds like your gf may fall into that category. If you truly loved she and her family and she pulled away for no apparent reason, it could be because she is letting her insecurities sabotage her present happiness. It could be other things as well. It's possible you came on too strong and scared her. I do think it's a little concerning that her kids were calling you "daddy" after three months. While it made you feel really good, I think it's sad. Those kids are searching for love as hard as their mother seems to be. 2
Author misserable Posted June 8, 2015 Author Posted June 8, 2015 (edited) Often people with heavy amounts of baggage bring their insecurities with them into their present. They tend to sabotage their own happiness. It's not enough just to acknowledge mistakes made in the past. You must also be willing to deal with the root issues that led to those poor decisions so that you move forward in a healthy, more productive way. I know of her baggage and other insecurities, and i have calmed her down on a numerous occasions when she was feeling insecured or scared, when she felt bad about her body or even when she was telling me about her past and the comment was "oh well, now you will run away". I have accepted 4 kids, not being able to have one of my own, her being in financial sh*thole, and all the other crap and trust me there was so much behind her and i did not judge i wanted to be there no matter what and help her fill the hole others dig for her. How many will do that? You said i could'v come up too strong and scared her away, but she was the one who had some things said very very early into our relationship that should'v not been said un till later on, i havent freaked out. She introduces me to her kids and they fall for me and then pushes me out for no reason, where is logic in that. But oh well, i guess you learn a new lesson every day.. Edited June 8, 2015 by misserable
mystikmind2005 Posted June 8, 2015 Posted June 8, 2015 "she was the one who had some things said very very early into our relationship that should'v not been said un till later on" Bingo!
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