Toodaloo Posted June 9, 2015 Posted June 9, 2015 Sorry MC but I really don't think that this one is for you. I don't think he has much drive or motivation at all. Leave it and move on. Delete, block do all of that and carry on honey. There are some absolute crackers out there... Come on sweatpea pick yourself up and go grab yourself a hunk! Stop wasting your time on silly men who can't really be bothered about you. You deserve much much more and while you are fretting over them you are missing out on the good ones!!!
SycamoreCircle Posted June 9, 2015 Posted June 9, 2015 Clarification: Riding a bike, getting high, and working out are all directions the same way earning 200K is a direction. It's just not a direction you agree with, pony. OP, everyone has brought up great points. Those for and against this. I think you should look at the larger picture, though. The first, online date should have two necessary factors. -It should be entirely non-committal. No extravagance. No dinners, no long-distance commutes, no large blocks of time, no large bills, no grand ideas. Coffee, tea, conversation. That's it. -It should be arranged like two assassins who are trying to kill the same person. In/Out. Don't stick around. Don't get in each other's way. Respect the method of your fellow assassin. You both get one shot at it. It sounds like the two of you figured out the first tenet. Or did you? Him agreeing to meet at a place that was on the opposite side of town, when his commute is typically hinged on weather, was a misjudgment on his part. Regarding the second tenet, he sounds like a totally sloppy assassin. People like this don't have good dates. Two hours before meeting, realizing the rain was going to be an obstacle, he should have sucked up his misjudgment and paid for a cab, or come up with another possibility. He's not interested enough. Or he's lazy. Let this one go.
joseb Posted June 9, 2015 Posted June 9, 2015 -It should be arranged like two assassins who are trying to kill the same person. In/Out. I love this analogy!!! He's not interested enough. Or he's lazy. Exactly right.
ZA Dater Posted June 9, 2015 Posted June 9, 2015 I don't have a car (actually I can't even drive due to some health issues) but if I was truly interested in someone I would figure out a way to get to wherever the date was supposed to take place. If he's not willing to put in the extra effort, I'd wonder if he was actually interested in me. Totally agree with this, all the dates I have I made an effort to never reschedule and for the most part I scheduled them at places which were convenient to my date.
Lois_Griffin Posted June 9, 2015 Posted June 9, 2015 LOL. Does this guy call his boss after he sees the weather report to let him know what days he's NOT coming into work?
Author mortensorchid Posted June 11, 2015 Author Posted June 11, 2015 Also a good point, Lois Griffin. It's now been 24 hours since we texted last, I doubt I will hear from him again now. He sent the last text yesterday, I have not reached out. Now I will wait ... If I have not heard from him again I will just forget him.
johndoe2 Posted June 11, 2015 Posted June 11, 2015 I was supposed to go out on an Internet date with someone tonight. Long story short, we met on Instagram (yes, one can do that as I found out). We had arranged to meet tonight. A few hours ago, I get a text from him saying that he has to take a rain check tonight. I texted back I hoped everything was ok with him. He said yes, but as there is a 70% chance of rain tonight and all he has is a bike for transportation he had to cancel. How is Thursday? I was a bit confused. I texted back "Are you saying you won't have a car again until Thursday or do you not have a car at all?" He texted back "I don't have a car at all." A 30 year old man with no car. I have met a few men without cars recently. They all had DUIs and had their licenses revoked or suspended. They got around by taking public transportation or constantly getting rides from others. I know NOTHING about this guy, but he seems like a genuine person based on the interactions we have had. What do others think? I don't have a car and I am in my mid 20s. There's nothing wrong with not having a car. If you can get by with a bike or public transportation, why not? It's cheaper and better for the environment. If not having a car is itself an issue for you, you are shallow, and that's all there is to it. Other people have mentioned him getting high or something and I didn't read the whole thread, so assuming you mentioned that he gets high, that sounds more of a concern (though plenty of people with cars get high too). Personally, I can see why a guy would be apprehensive about riding his bike somewhere in the rain; it is quite unpleasant to show up to a date soaking wet. I would just take the bus in that case. Is this a city with a decent public transport ion system? If so, less forgivable. Is he gainfully employed? If a guy has a decent job but no car, I can't see why it'd be an issue at all. If he's unemployed and has no car, then it would be; but then even if he has a car and he's unemployed, it's just as much of an issue. I still don't understand what the car or lack of a car is supposed to mean in all this.
jay1983 Posted June 11, 2015 Posted June 11, 2015 Also a good point, Lois Griffin. It's now been 24 hours since we texted last, I doubt I will hear from him again now. He sent the last text yesterday, I have not reached out. Now I will wait ... If I have not heard from him again I will just forget him. He tried to reschedule, sent you a text asking to see Thursday and didn't hear back from you. The ball is in your court.
Author mortensorchid Posted June 11, 2015 Author Posted June 11, 2015 Now he just sent a text asking if we are on for Thursday. I guess I should go. But am won't hold my breath.
Lansing Posted June 11, 2015 Posted June 11, 2015 Now he just sent a text asking if we are on for Thursday. I guess I should go. But am won't hold my breath. Your response to him saying that he doesn't have a car was "Sorry you don't have a car at all." ... and you expected him to respond back to you on that? Just go on your date and see where things go. Maybe you will understand better why he doesn't have a car. I agree he should have made more of an effort to see you (i.e. taxi, bus, whatever) but I don't know what the options are for alternative transit in your city. Try not to fixate on the car thing too much. I agree it was more in your hands to respond back as he didn't offer an alternative day and it doesn't sound like you said 100% sure yes. 1
anika99 Posted June 11, 2015 Posted June 11, 2015 Now he just sent a text asking if we are on for Thursday. I guess I should go. But am won't hold my breath. Give him a chance. I agree with the others stating that it was poor behavior on his part to cancel just 2 hours before the date but giving him the benefit of the doubt, perhaps he didn't really want to cancel. Maybe he was hoping that if he told you he couldn't ride his bike all the way over to your end that you would suggest an alternative. Like meeting him somewhere in the middle or somewhere closer to where he lives. If that's the case then it was still kind of lame of him not to just come out and say so but maybe he's just not that assertive or he really didn't want to impose on you by deciding to change the plans. He possibly figured he would let you be the one to suggest it so as not to put you out. As for his not having a car at all, well there could be any number of reasons for that. Some bad and some not so bad. You will just have to let him tell you his reason. 2
Renton Posted June 11, 2015 Posted June 11, 2015 Don't people who ride bikes have waterproof jackets and leggings? I know i do. Bright yellow hi-vis ones too Some hair-gel and deodorant to take with you, get on your bike and problem solved.
Author mortensorchid Posted June 11, 2015 Author Posted June 11, 2015 I got a text from him that he has to cancel AGAIN on me. What a loser. I'm done with him. 1
JADIE Posted June 11, 2015 Posted June 11, 2015 I was a bit confused. I texted back "Are you saying you won't have a car again until Thursday or do you not have a car at all?" He texted back "I don't have a car at all." A 30 year old man with no car. I have met a few men without cars recently. They all had DUIs and had their licenses revoked or suspended. They got around by taking public transportation or constantly getting rides from others. I know NOTHING about this guy, but he seems like a genuine person based on the interactions we have had. What do others think? Are you dating my son?? LOL. 30, DUI a few years ago that he's taken care of as far as fines etc, but for whatever reason, has not gotten his license back or bought a car. It's a mystery to me, but I guess he's comfortable paying me rent and riding his bike to work instead of getting his life back on track the way others do. I suppose when he decides he wants a relationship and a real life bad enough, he'll get the license and a vehicle and move on. ... Just thought it was funny that you found someone that sounded like my own kin!!
BikerAccnt Posted June 11, 2015 Posted June 11, 2015 I got a text from him that he has to cancel AGAIN on me. What a loser. I'm done with him. Yeah, I'd be done with him. Cancelling on two dates before you've even met him is bad karma for him. Besides, if you live where your Avatar says you do..there is no easy way to get around consistently with out a car. I know, I live in the same area. You can't really get by in NE ohio without a car. Not easily.
preraph Posted June 11, 2015 Posted June 11, 2015 If you live in a city where most people have cars, then I think your instincts are right. I've never seen a good reason for a guy in a town that relies on cars to not have one. The only guys I know here in Dallas who didn't drive one was DUIs also. And then I knew another guy in another town who was too cheap to help pay for the car his wife got so they could get to work and back 20 miles away. But if the city has really good public transport, then of course not having a car isn't anything to judge about.
katiegrl Posted June 12, 2015 Posted June 12, 2015 It depends on where you live and the abundance (or lack thereof) of public transportation. But car or no car, "rain" is a lame excuse for canceling. Does he call in to work every time it rains? Refuse to leave the house? If he really wanted to see you, he could get a taxi, ask you to pick him up, ask you to meet him close to his home - something. It's a good clue as to who he is - he doesn't want to make the effort. Your relationship would be years of you complaining that he just won't make the effort (to make you happy in bed, to get up at night when the baby cries, to show you he loves you...) Next. Or how about renting a car? Nothing fancy...a cheap rental might cost, what $20.00...depending on where you live?
katiegrl Posted June 12, 2015 Posted June 12, 2015 (edited) TO answer your question: We had arranged via text to meet at this hipster bar on the west side (where I live). It went like this ... About 2 weeks ago he gave me his number, I sent him a text saying it was me. He texted back he said he was sorry for the slow reply, he was busy. He said he might be around this week, would I like to hang out and get a drink? He said Friday and Sunday would be good for him. I said Sunday will work, I asked where he lived. I live on the west side, he's on the east side. He said he didn't know much of things on the west side as he doesn't know much of the geography there (something typical in my city but that's another story). We agreed to the hipster bar. On Sunday morning he texted me if we are still on to hang out, I said yes I will see him at 7pm. Then about 2 hours before we were to meet he texted me saying he was sorry but he had just checked the weather report and he would have to take a rain check because there was a 70% chance of rain and he only has a bike for transportation. I said ok. He said "It doesn't look like I can do much not for a few days at least, I am free for Thursday." He said drinks and/or food would be on him. I then texted back "do you not have a car at all or will you not have a car until THursday?" He said he doesn't have a car at all. Then today I texted to him "Sorry you don't have a car at all." Nothing from him. He liked a few photos that I added to Instagram today, but nothing other than that. This is not making me feel great to hear this. East side to west side? Sorry, but he could take a damn cab....sheesh. Lame Edited June 12, 2015 by katiegrl
Author mortensorchid Posted June 12, 2015 Author Posted June 12, 2015 And just to fill in on exactly what happened ... At about 1:30 this afternoon he sends a text "are we on this evening at 7pm?" An hour later I texted back saying "Yes, will meet you there at 7pm tonight." Then at about 5 pm he texts back "Change of plans. My coworker at the coffee shop (the place where he works)'s grandfather died and she doesn't have anyone to cover closing shift tonight because the manager won't let her. I cannot believe I am rain checking again but I'm sorry. I'll let you know what days I am free next." Do I believe that? I don't know, but I don't really care either. I have not responded. He's not worth my time anymore. 2
katiegrl Posted June 12, 2015 Posted June 12, 2015 And just to fill in on exactly what happened ... At about 1:30 this afternoon he sends a text "are we on this evening at 7pm?" An hour later I texted back saying "Yes, will meet you there at 7pm tonight." Then at about 5 pm he texts back "Change of plans. My coworker at the coffee shop (the place where he works)'s grandfather died and she doesn't have anyone to cover closing shift tonight because the manager won't let her. I cannot believe I am rain checking again but I'm sorry. I'll let you know what days I am free next." Do I believe that? I don't know, but I don't really care either. ***I have not responded. He's not worth my time anymore***. Good call mortensorchid....and then to assume you would even *want* to reschedule....arrogant. Either don't respond or tell him sorry no longer interested...good luck in your search. Then block him.
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