Toodaloo Posted June 8, 2015 Posted June 8, 2015 Read again he contacted me at 11 pm Let him chase you. From here on in even if it slightly inconvenient you blow him off and suggest another time. I really don't think you should bother with this one.
Author Gaeta Posted June 8, 2015 Author Posted June 8, 2015 Damn it, he called at 8h30 this morning and he was sweet as can be.
katiegrl Posted June 8, 2015 Posted June 8, 2015 Damn it, he called at 8h30 this morning and he was sweet as can be. Don't be taken in by that. Any man who behaves in ways he needs to apologize for .... BEFORE the second date is probably not a wise choice. His early morning call today? He knows what he's doing. Don't fall for it.
toscaroscura Posted June 8, 2015 Posted June 8, 2015 Do you know how often in my adult life my phone just "died"? Like, once. Maybe twice, I can't remember. That's how rare it is. And it was because I literally could not plug it in (maybe I was at Army training or something). So yeah. When people tell me their "phone died", I think one of two things. One, they're BSing me. Two, they are too flaky/irresponsible to keep their dang phone charged. I plug mine in every night; why can't they do that? It's a turn-off when people behave like forgetful teenagers. The other thing is, I think that female friend who helped him was another date/romantic interest. Notice how specific and detailed his excuse was, and how he's careful to assign platonic meaning to the date. Not that you guys are exclusive, but it's disrespectful for him to blow you off for her. If you're going to multi-date, there are ways to do it without making people feel blown off and like Plan B. His early morning call today? He knows what he's doing. Don't fall for it. Oh AND! 8am calls. 11pm calls. WTF? No, just no. These are not respectful times.
Lois_Griffin Posted June 8, 2015 Posted June 8, 2015 Also, when we met at the park at some point he told me to take my phone and call him. I did and he showed me the picture popping up on his phone when I call. He took one of my profile pictures and set it up in his phone. I wasn't too sure how to feel about that. I had a freak make one of my profile pictures the desktop wallpaper on his computer. After having met him once. Lordy.
Lois_Griffin Posted June 8, 2015 Posted June 8, 2015 Damn it, he called at 8h30 this morning and he was sweet as can be. Methinks lover boy is hiding something. He's suddenly completely unavailable when it comes time to meet up with you in the evening, but all systems are GO at 8:30 in the morning. Seems odd. I'd dump his ass so fast I'd have to FedEx his shadow to him the next day. 2
Redhead14 Posted June 8, 2015 Posted June 8, 2015 Let me run a quick one by you guys. You know how I give too many chances at the beginning so I think I am about to be too flexible. I had a first meeting with this man yesterday at noon. We met in a park, it was nice, he asked to see me again and I said I would like that. We both had plans for dinner in our respective family so he asked me to text him when I am done and if it's not too late maybe we can do something afterwards. I did, I texted him after my dinner but did not hear back from him. This morning he sent me an apology and said his phone died. Ok, no problem. Then we exchanged a few words back and forth and my last text to him was: Are you free later today? (noon today). I asked this during a conversation with no delay, we're exchanging back and forth, but he disappeared right after that question with no warning. I did not hear back from him all day and just got a text at 11 pm. His text goes: I am sorry I didn't see your text I spent the day with a friend she helped me practice for my up coming job interview. Let me know if you have any free time this week as I am off all week and have lot of time to meet. Is it just me or that's weak? He didn't check his phone from noon to 11 pm? My gut feeling is telling me to not even reply to him. This guy is trying to set up last minute "meet ups". Don't bother. Unless a man calls you, sets up a proper, planned ahead date with specifics, he's not treating you or your time with respect. Don't respond. 1
elaine567 Posted June 8, 2015 Posted June 8, 2015 How old is he? Some older guys and guys that do not use their phone for work or who are not really interested in phones, social media and the internet will just let the battery die. It all depends on how he views his phone, not everyone is obsessed with their phone.
katiegrl Posted June 8, 2015 Posted June 8, 2015 This guy is trying to set up last minute "meet ups". Don't bother. Unless a man calls you, sets up a proper, planned ahead date with specifics, he's not treating you or your time with respect. Don't respond. +1...and you know when Redhead thinks you should let it go...he MUST be bad news! RH is one of the most understanding and forgiving posters on this board! So don't be taken in by the flattery Gaeta. Move on, you will be doing yourself and your heart a huge favor. 1
organizedchaos Posted June 8, 2015 Posted June 8, 2015 Damn it, he called at 8h30 this morning and he was sweet as can be. Who calls someone they had one date with at 8:30am? I don't even call my gf at that time.
Author Gaeta Posted June 8, 2015 Author Posted June 8, 2015 How old is he? Some older guys and guys that do not use their phone for work or who are not really interested in phones, social media and the internet will just let the battery die. It all depends on how he views his phone, not everyone is obsessed with their phone. He's 40 years old. He told me he was at a friend watching hockey and his battery died.
Author Gaeta Posted June 8, 2015 Author Posted June 8, 2015 Who calls someone they had one date with at 8:30am? I don't even call my gf at that time. He texted me first and asked if he could call me. It's a week day, he knows I am up at 6h.
CarrieT Posted June 8, 2015 Posted June 8, 2015 Oh, jeez.... Stop living via texting and timetables. Gaeta, remember back to when we dated someone based on their personality, intelligence, and connection? And PHONE CALLS? You are putting so many minuscule stipulations on a potential mate with these finite rules of when you text vs. when they text. Seriously? Put.The.Phone.Down. And take a deep breath... You are acting like an 18-year old who is in a panic when their girlfriend doesn't respond to a text within 30 seconds and starts micro-analyzing the entire situation. It needs to stop; you are better than this.
Author Gaeta Posted June 8, 2015 Author Posted June 8, 2015 Oh, jeez.... Stop living via texting and timetables. Gaeta, remember back to when we dated someone based on their personality, intelligence, and connection? And PHONE CALLS? You are putting so many minuscule stipulations on a potential mate with these finite rules of when you text vs. when they text. Seriously? Put.The.Phone.Down. And take a deep breath... You are acting like an 18-year old who is in a panic when their girlfriend doesn't respond to a text within 30 seconds and starts micro-analyzing the entire situation. It needs to stop; you are better than this. No hon, I don't. I've never dated before text. I married my first boyfriend that I met at 17. I started dating at 45, that's 4 years ago. I just get played a lot and want to nip it early.
Toodaloo Posted June 8, 2015 Posted June 8, 2015 you are better than this. Just highlighting that bit. First off Gaeta stop analysing all this. Second make the buggar do the work. You do get played and its is time for that to stop. So lets stop it. Did he talk about seeing you again in the call this morning? Did he make plans and secure them?
Author Gaeta Posted June 8, 2015 Author Posted June 8, 2015 Just highlighting that bit. First off Gaeta stop analysing all this. Second make the buggar do the work. You do get played and its is time for that to stop. So lets stop it. Did he talk about seeing you again in the call this morning? Did he make plans and secure them? No, just last night in his late text he asked me to let him know my free time this week to get together, is that good?
Redhead14 Posted June 8, 2015 Posted June 8, 2015 No, just last night in his late text he asked me to let him know my free time this week to get together, is that good? He's already pushed the envelope as far as I'm concerned. If he's serious, he should call you with a specific day, time and place for a few days in advance, not text you to tell him when you're free. If you really want to try a date with him (and give him the benefit of the doubt that maybe he's just clueless about how to date), call him and tell him you are free on X day and X time. And that you will need confirmation the day before by X time so that you can make other plans if necessary. You're busy, you don't have time for sketchiness. IF he says he's not available the day you suggest and doesn't offer another specific date, then you tell him thank you for the interest, but you are no longer interested. Otherwise you'll just be jerking yourself around more. Make sure it's a public place and you have your own transportation. I'll bet he will try to get you to come to his house pretty quickly.
losangelena Posted June 8, 2015 Posted June 8, 2015 Gaeta, what would your advice be if someone else had come on here asking this question?
katiegrl Posted June 8, 2015 Posted June 8, 2015 Gaeta, your initial gut feeling when you started this thread was that he was not a wise choice....for ALL the reasons you stated. And you were right! Now suddenly he calls at 8:30, acts sweet....and now you are actually considering this? What happened to your initial gut feeling??? Are you really that easily swayed cause of a little sweetness (charm?)? Come on you are pushing 50 for pete's sake...get a grip! I would expect this from your daughter with little experience... not a 49 year old woman! Come on now...
lgspot Posted June 8, 2015 Posted June 8, 2015 No, just last night in his late text he asked me to let him know my free time this week to get together, is that good? My opinion as a guy. This dude is too shady. You can do much better.
Author Gaeta Posted June 8, 2015 Author Posted June 8, 2015 Come on you are pushing 50 for pete's sake...get a grip! You say that often, can you stop please. No woman of 49 wants to be reminded she is turning a big 50 soon. I am very sensitive about turning 50, let me enjoy my last 5 months at 49. 2
Redhead14 Posted June 8, 2015 Posted June 8, 2015 You say that often, can you stop please. No woman of 49 wants to be reminded she is turning a big 50 soon. I am very sensitive about turning 50, let me enjoy my last 5 months at 49. Gaeta, I am sorry that you have this mindset about turning 50. At age 50, you should be feeling smarter, more independent and secure with yourself. Embrace your 50"s with confidence and be the woman that has come through 50 years of "living" and have even more to offer than you did before TAke good care of yourself. Treat yourself well and accept nothing else from anyone.
MissBee Posted June 8, 2015 Posted June 8, 2015 (edited) How old is he? Some older guys and guys that do not use their phone for work or who are not really interested in phones, social media and the internet will just let the battery die. It all depends on how he views his phone, not everyone is obsessed with their phone. I don't think it's how you view your phone, but how you view your date as well. I think even if a man normally doesn't care much about his phone, if he has messaged a woman and is expecting a reply and is into her and knows she is expecting his reply, he'll be thinking about messaging her and responding to her and setting up their date. He won't go the entire day and not contact her after she's contacted him then say oops, phone died. Even if you're not "phone obsessed" if you sent someone a message that requires a response, the natural thing is you are anticipating their response, esp if it is time sensitive like "Let me know if you're free tonight after your dinner plans." You know they will need to respond back and they will need to do so on your phone, so even if you normally don't care, for that specific reason you will be checking your phone to see if they've responded. You wouldn't send someone a message saying they should contact you if free after plans tonight then say sorry, phone died lol...I mean even saying it sounds crazy. You'd realize your phone was dead as you'd be checking for their response if you care to hang out and even if by some miracle it died and could not be charged (he was at his buddy's place watching hockey, and in this day and age mostly everyone has a phone so if you are at someone else's home and not just out and about, they will likely have a charger too for their phone that can charge yours), I feel you'd be more apologetic about it than "Sorry phone died." But let's say you went that far...I feel you wouldn't let it happen a second time, which he did. Edited June 8, 2015 by MissBee 2
GemmaUK Posted June 8, 2015 Posted June 8, 2015 I feel saddened that Gaeta is feeling she has to defend herself for simply asking questions. I know exactly what it's like myself to not have really dated and then been in a long relationship from a pretty young age. Things have changed massively since back then. Just massively! I'm not much of a texter, Gaeta is a little bit more of a texter than me and then you get extremes like my last ex who would not leave me alone via text. If Gaeta were a man and I was dating her I could most certainly cope with the contact level she needs though. It sounds perfectly acceptable to me. Sorry for talking 'about' you there. Even me being not much of a texter though I would be thinking this guy is hard work, having said that I would have done the same as you and seen how things went for a little while. In this case though I think your initial instinct was right and he is a flake for whatever reason. I would let this one go right now. If you like him and he really is interested he will be back and he will step things up. At that point 'listen' to how you really feel inside (not ignoring anything that has gone on up until now) and whether it's worth your valuable time. The hard work should not be all yours. If it becomes that way then silence is a good option and you haven't lost anything. 2
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