Gaeta Posted June 8, 2015 Posted June 8, 2015 Let me run a quick one by you guys. You know how I give too many chances at the beginning so I think I am about to be too flexible. I had a first meeting with this man yesterday at noon. We met in a park, it was nice, he asked to see me again and I said I would like that. We both had plans for dinner in our respective family so he asked me to text him when I am done and if it's not too late maybe we can do something afterwards. I did, I texted him after my dinner but did not hear back from him. This morning he sent me an apology and said his phone died. Ok, no problem. Then we exchanged a few words back and forth and my last text to him was: Are you free later today? (noon today). I asked this during a conversation with no delay, we're exchanging back and forth, but he disappeared right after that question with no warning. I did not hear back from him all day and just got a text at 11 pm. His text goes: I am sorry I didn't see your text I spent the day with a friend she helped me practice for my up coming job interview. Let me know if you have any free time this week as I am off all week and have lot of time to meet. Is it just me or that's weak? He didn't check his phone from noon to 11 pm? My gut feeling is telling me to not even reply to him. 1
wizer Posted June 8, 2015 Posted June 8, 2015 Wait for him to get back to you. Do not contact him first. Yes I know he sent the last message. Let him send another. 1
Author Gaeta Posted June 8, 2015 Author Posted June 8, 2015 Wait for him to get back to you. Do not contact him first. Yes I know he sent the last message. Let him send another. Read again he contacted me at 11 pm
Country_Girl Posted June 8, 2015 Posted June 8, 2015 Let me run a quick one by you guys. You know how I give too many chances at the beginning so I think I am about to be too flexible. I had a first meeting with this man yesterday at noon. We met in a park, it was nice, he asked to see me again and I said I would like that. We both had plans for dinner in our respective family so he asked me to text him when I am done and if it's not too late maybe we can do something afterwards. I did, I texted him after my dinner but did not hear back from him. This morning he sent me an apology and said his phone died. Ok, no problem. Then we exchanged a few words back and forth and my last text to him was: Are you free later today? (noon today). I asked this during a conversation with no delay, we're exchanging back and forth, but he disappeared right after that question with no warning. I did not hear back from him all day and just got a text at 11 pm. His text goes: I am sorry I didn't see your text I spent the day with a friend she helped me practice for my up coming job interview. Let me know if you have any free time this week as I am off all week and have lot of time to meet. Is it just me or that's weak? He didn't check his phone from noon to 11 pm? My gut feeling is telling me to not even reply to him. Your instinct is right, let this one go... Nobody checks their phone at 11pm unless they are working the night shift. Don't reply, wait for him to make suitable arrangements. Date others in the mean time. 2
jen1447 Posted June 8, 2015 Posted June 8, 2015 He's very likely at least misrepresenting Gaeta. Unfortunately there are people like that out there - they vanish, then reappear with a plausible explanation, then vanish again with another plausible explanation, etc. Eventually you figure out that's just their 'thing' for whatever reason, but you can save yourself the turmoil by giving people a two-and-out rule on that. He's had his two. I'd text back just so as not to play by his standards but either tell him buh-bye or just be noncommital. 3
PogoStick Posted June 8, 2015 Posted June 8, 2015 I think you should take to the advice given so often on here, "stop texting and start calling". If a delay in texting is enough to foil a relationship then I expect you to remain single for a very long time.
wizer Posted June 8, 2015 Posted June 8, 2015 Read again he contacted me at 11 pm Yes I know he sent the last message. Let him send another. 1
Author Gaeta Posted June 8, 2015 Author Posted June 8, 2015 I think you should take to the advice given so often on here, "stop texting and start calling". If a delay in texting is enough to foil a relationship then I expect you to remain single for a very long time. It does not apply in this situation here. If I had sent a text out of the blue and I don't get a come back yes, I can understand maybe my text was not seen but this was in the middle of a conversation with no delay, a good back for forth and he disappears right after my question.
Fleur de cactus Posted June 8, 2015 Posted June 8, 2015 He has someone else or others people he is spending time with and does not want other to find out that he is contacting you. He is playing you. I got that once too , someone who would tell me that he lost his phone for 2 days, and found it 1:AM??? or he forgot it in the car all night, and one time he forgot our plan and txt me after 3 days saying the the battery was dead!!! I learned later that he was with his girlfriend!!!! Warning signs!! 3
ThisisIt606 Posted June 8, 2015 Posted June 8, 2015 seems strange how his phone dies/he doesn't respond/just sees it HOURS later when you try to make definitive plans to hang out. Sounds like when push comes to shove he can't handle it for whatever reason. You've told him when you were free and he's flaked. If you want to text again say something like " would like to get together, what days work best for you?" so he has to offer some information... if he can't handle that either, then don't bother with this guy anymore.
Author Gaeta Posted June 8, 2015 Author Posted June 8, 2015 seems strange how his phone dies/he doesn't respond/just sees it HOURS later when you try to make definitive plans to hang out. Sounds like when push comes to shove he can't handle it for whatever reason. You've told him when you were free and he's flaked. If you want to text again say something like " would like to get together, what days work best for you?" so he has to offer some information... if he can't handle that either, then don't bother with this guy anymore. You know what! that's a good point! I didn't see it that way. He did flake both times I was mentioning free time. Saturday when he told me to let him know when my dinner is done he even added to contact him even if it's late because he won't sleep till he hears from me. I contact him and - nothing.
katiegrl Posted June 8, 2015 Posted June 8, 2015 (edited) So what if he didn't check his phone till 11:00. Maybe he had another date! And so what if he did? You just met him for pete's sake. The point is he *did* respond back and appears to be quite interested in getting together with you. He had a life before you came along and should be allowed to live that life (including dating others, helping friends, etc).... without worrying about promptly and quickly responding to a text message from a chick he just met once...briefly...so as to not trigger insecurities or paranoia or whatever it is you are feeling. I think you need to lower your expectations here. If it were me, I would follow his lead. He waited a bit to respond to your text, then you wait a bit to respond to his. If you like him, are attracted to him, wait a bit and respond to his text and plan another date. If you find, after you start dating him, he is unreliable, breaks dates or seems shady, then dump him then. But not now, I don't see that he did anything wrong or bad. I think you are allowing all your negative experiences to color your perceptions of men. Edited June 8, 2015 by katiegrl
Author Gaeta Posted June 8, 2015 Author Posted June 8, 2015 So what if he didn't check his phone till 11:00. Maybe he had another date! And so what if he did? You just met him for him for pete's sake. The point is he *did* respond back and appears to be quite interested in getting together with you. He had a life before you came along and should be allowed to live that life (including dating others, helping friends, etc).... without worrying about prompltly and quickly responding to a text message from a chick he just met once...briefly...so as not to trigger insecurities or paranoia or whatever it is you are feeling. I think you need to lower your expectations here. If it were me, I would follow his lead. He waited a bit to respond to your text, then you wait a bit to respond to his. If you like him, are attracted to him, wait a bit and respond to his text and plan another date. If you find, after you start dating him, he is unreliable, break dates or seems shady, then dump him then. But not now, I don't see that he did anything wrong or bad. I think yiey are allowing all your negative experiences to color your perceptions of men. It's not like that Katie. I did not send him a text. Him and I were in the middle of a text conversation and he dropped out with no warning. THAT alone is weak but in his case he dropped out of the convo just after I asked if he is free later. This man is suppose to be super interested in me. He was walking on clouds when we met he was so happy I was exactly like my pictures. He was SO happy when we met at noon Saturday that he absolutely wanted to see me again that SAME night!! YEP he liked me that much BUT then he drops off a conversation with no warning and comes back 11 hours later?
Author Gaeta Posted June 8, 2015 Author Posted June 8, 2015 It's not like that Katie. I did not send him a text. Him and I were in the middle of a text conversation and he dropped out with no warning. THAT alone is weak but in his case he dropped out of the convo just after I asked if he is free later. This man is suppose to be super interested in me. He was walking on clouds when we met he was so happy I was exactly like my pictures. He was SO happy when we met at noon Saturday that he absolutely wanted to see me again that SAME night!! YEP he liked me that much BUT then he drops off a conversation with no warning and comes back 11 hours later? And forgot to add. When we left the park he kept texting me he really really wished he could see me again that night and to not forget to let him know when I get back. Hours later he was sending me smiles with : I really want to see you tonight. But when I text I am back I get nothing. And the following day he drops out of a convo and gets back 11 hours later? I think he was looking to hook up Saturday after my dinner. 2
katiegrl Posted June 8, 2015 Posted June 8, 2015 It's not like that Katie. I did not send him a text. Him and I were in the middle of a text conversation and he dropped out with no warning. THAT alone is weak but in his case he dropped out of the convo just after I asked if he is free later. This man is suppose to be super interested in me. He was walking on clouds when we met he was so happy I was exactly like my pictures. He was SO happy when we met at noon Saturday that he absolutely wanted to see me again that SAME night!! YEP he liked me that much BUT then he drops off a conversation with no warning and comes back 11 hours later? Okay well I did not know that (about him being SUPER excited, walking on clouds, etc)....IMO THAT alone is a red flag! Not that you're not awesome... but his over-zealousness tells me he responds more to fantasy than reality..because the truth of the matter is he does not know you from Adam. Avoid men who go overboard about you upon first meet Gaeta, they will disappear on you as fast as they came on! That combined with suddenly dropping off after you suggest meeting later...which HE expressed an interest in doing...well all this is a huge red flag and if it were me, I would not respond back at all and just let it go.
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted June 8, 2015 Posted June 8, 2015 He sounds flakey, don't pursue further. Let him show interest by himself. 1
Author Gaeta Posted June 8, 2015 Author Posted June 8, 2015 Also, when we met at the park at some point he told me to take my phone and call him. I did and he showed me the picture popping up on his phone when I call. He took one of my profile pictures and set it up in his phone. I wasn't too sure how to feel about that.
Gary S Posted June 8, 2015 Posted June 8, 2015 It sounds a little fishy.... however, he did say he was free all this week. It is weak though... why is he not calling you and coming up with a date plan? 1
lgspot Posted June 8, 2015 Posted June 8, 2015 Let me run a quick one by you guys. You know how I give too many chances at the beginning so I think I am about to be too flexible. I had a first meeting with this man yesterday at noon. We met in a park, it was nice, he asked to see me again and I said I would like that. We both had plans for dinner in our respective family so he asked me to text him when I am done and if it's not too late maybe we can do something afterwards. I did, I texted him after my dinner but did not hear back from him. This morning he sent me an apology and said his phone died. Ok, no problem. Then we exchanged a few words back and forth and my last text to him was: Are you free later today? (noon today). I asked this during a conversation with no delay, we're exchanging back and forth, but he disappeared right after that question with no warning. I did not hear back from him all day and just got a text at 11 pm. His text goes: I am sorry I didn't see your text I spent the day with a friend she helped me practice for my up coming job interview. Let me know if you have any free time this week as I am off all week and have lot of time to meet. Is it just me or that's weak? He didn't check his phone from noon to 11 pm? My gut feeling is telling me to not even reply to him. Take it as a warning. He's shown you who he is early. It won't get better. Battery died... Didn't check phone.... Yep----weak. Delaying excuses in what is basically the same conversation does not bode well. These are the actions of a very selfish person. Don't settle for guys like this. You deserve much better. 1
Author Gaeta Posted June 8, 2015 Author Posted June 8, 2015 It is weak though... why is he not calling you and coming up with a date plan? Because once again I date beneath me.
abby_tx Posted June 8, 2015 Posted June 8, 2015 Red flag. If he replies after it's too late to go on that date then he doesn't have to come up with a reason why he can't see you. Gets him off the hook. He may still want to see you, but I don't think it's worth going out with him again. 1
Popsicle Posted June 8, 2015 Posted June 8, 2015 Well, I wanted to say that it's not a big deal, but, I mean, if we're honest, things like this never get better. They unfortunately only get worse over time. So if this is not your idea of how things are supposed to be in the beginning, then abort now and save yourself the headache. 1
MissBee Posted June 8, 2015 Posted June 8, 2015 Because once again I date beneath me. Well stop. Listen to your gut. If you feel it's fishy, it probably is. I don't believe his phone died or his other excuse. But for peace of mind you could possibly give him one last chance to come through and if he again doesn't, move on. 2
Arieswoman Posted June 8, 2015 Posted June 8, 2015 Hi Gaeta, I understand your frustration because I have been there myself. Here is a list of excuses I have been given for guys not calling when they said they would. 1. I left your 'phone number in my car and it caught fire. 2. I had to lay a carpet (and you couldn't let me know?) 3. I had to go into work and when I got out it was too late to call you (like they don't have 'phones at work?) 4. I asked my brother/sister/friend to let you know I couldn't come (why not do it yourself idiot-brain ?) This is really old hat. Remember a girl who went out on a date with a guy she thought was great. They had a great time and the next day she got a huge bunch of flowers from him thanking her and saying what a lovely time he'd had. She never heard from him again. Maybe his 'phone died, maybe it didn't, but it doesn't seem to me like he's that bothered. Sorry. x
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