daisy_098 Posted June 7, 2015 Posted June 7, 2015 so since my last (happy) thread I posted a few weeks ago on here; http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/530706-update-my-one-month-break-up everything basically started going down hill, but once again, last week. I was told he desperately wanted me back when we took our three weeks of no contact and that he was nothing without me and missed me so much. He moved into an apartment with a buddy this weekend, and on Wednesday when we last hung out he told me he still felt lost and confused and felt we were right back to where we ended and feels forced to keep me happy. He assures he has no one else in his life, and I believe him because he's really not a player or cheater but the sweetest person Side note; since he's back to contacting me HE would text me everyday HE would say I love you HE would say he missed me HE would say I was his all HE would say I was his only HE would call me HE would initiate the text ever since hes had stressed build at work, and with the whole moving out from his parents house for the first time he chooses to push me away once again and confuse me even MORE that I honestly don't know what I can/cannot say. He assures he's bipolar or something because he has his good/bad days with his buddies and family too and same goes to me too. His family do have a history of depression/anxiety and he also believes he has it. but why push ME away? So today, I hit my breaking point these 2 days hes been moving out his text have been very short and distant actually since Wednesday they've been that way since our talk..yet he still calls me "princess" and say "i love you" don't you think if were starting "fresh" all that should go?- he's said it himself but yet still does it??!! I sent him a final text today and said I've had enough with the games and confusion because it was honestly keeping me unhappy inside as well as going crazy worrying about "us" and I can't continue my life miserable. I deserved better and should also value myself overall. yes, that may have sounded "dramatic" but at this point I feel like he feels he can have his cake and eat it too and that's not the case, I Fell in love with the guy I started dating not the guy that he is today. Maybe it is a emotional disorder but I can't continue if he doesn't try to seek help( which he says he sometimes feels he doesn't need it) I've blocked his number as well as deleted all my social media pages. I know I'll have my moments but he won't change and I have to keep in mind that he WONT change. do you guys think I made the best decision?
ravfour4 Posted June 8, 2015 Posted June 8, 2015 Definitely. I encountered the same situation and even though I knew I should have cut her off and said I won't take this **** anymore, I put up with it, up until the point that I found out she went back to the guy she left me for after our 4 year relationship.
DexterLS Posted June 8, 2015 Posted June 8, 2015 Yes, you did the right thing. Please read this guide and initiate No Contact as soon as possible. You also have to realise that this process is going to take some time. Don't be discouraged when you have bad days. Be strong and you will be fine. All the best.
mystikmind2005 Posted June 8, 2015 Posted June 8, 2015 Where do all these women come from that give guys so many chances??? I really want to know? And why can't i find one? All i have to do is sneeze the wrong way and women break up with me!! lol
Downtown Posted June 8, 2015 Posted June 8, 2015 He assures he's bipolar or something because he has his good/bad days with his buddies and family too and same goes to me too. His family do have a history of depression/anxiety and he also believes he has it. Daisy, if your exBF is emotionally unstable, the most common causes are a hormone problem or drug abuse. If those can be ruled out, the two remaining common causes are BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder) and bipolar disorder. Significantly, even if your exBF is correct about having bipolar, BPD may also be a contributing factor to his mood swings. I say this because 36% of bipolar-1 sufferers (and 25% of bipolar-2 sufferers) also have co-occurring BPD. This distinction between the two disorders is important because, whereas bipolar usually can be treated quite successfully by swallowing a pill, BPD is a thought disorder that cannot be treated with medication. Instead, it typically requires years of therapy and it is rare for a BPDer to have sufficient self awareness and ego strength to remain in therapy long enough to make a difference. Hence, if you are ever tempted to take your exBF back, I would suggest you learn how to spot the BPD warning signs so you can see if most sound very familiar. An easy place to start is my description of the differences I've seen between typical BPD and Bipolar behaviors at 12 BPD/Bipolar Differences, which is based on my experiences with a bipolar-1 sufferer (my foster son) and a BPDer (my exW). If that description sounds very familiar, I would be glad to discuss it with you. but why push ME away? If your exBF actually does have strong BPD traits, a recurring cycle of push-you-away and pull-you-back is what you should expect. BPDer relationships are notorious for the push-pull that results in numerous breakups and passionate reconciliations. The reason, with BPDers, is that they have a great fear of engulfment which is triggered by intimacy. Although they crave intimacy like nearly everyone else, they cannot tolerate it for very long due to their fragile self image. Moreover, as you back off to avoid triggering that engulfment fear, you unavoidably will draw closer to triggering the BPDer's great fear of abandonment. Sadly, because these two fears lie at opposite ends of the very same spectrum, you will always find yourself triggering one fear or the other. That is, there is no Goldilocks position in the middle where you can safely be "not too close" and "not too far away." 1
Author daisy_098 Posted June 8, 2015 Author Posted June 8, 2015 Where do all these women come from that give guys so many chances??? I really want to know? And why can't i find one? All i have to do is sneeze the wrong way and women break up with me!! lol Lol! I don't tolerate the cheating or lying .. He's the sweetest person ever that wouldn't even hurt a bug. He's emotionally unstable which is not fair for me to be clinging me on when my love gets deeper for Him everyday but he's confused himself
Author daisy_098 Posted June 8, 2015 Author Posted June 8, 2015 Daisy, if your exBF is emotionally unstable, the most common causes are a hormone problem or drug abuse. If those can be ruled out, the two remaining common causes are BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder) and bipolar disorder. Significantly, even if your exBF is correct about having bipolar, BPD may also be a contributing factor to his mood swings. I say this because 36% of bipolar-1 sufferers (and 25% of bipolar-2 sufferers) also have co-occurring BPD. This distinction between the two disorders is important because, whereas bipolar usually can be treated quite successfully by swallowing a pill, BPD is a thought disorder that cannot be treated with medication. Instead, it typically requires years of therapy and it is rare for a BPDer to have sufficient self awareness and ego strength to remain in therapy long enough to make a difference. Hence, if you are ever tempted to take your exBF back, I would suggest you learn how to spot the BPD warning signs so you can see if most sound very familiar. An easy place to start is my description of the differences I've seen between typical BPD and Bipolar behaviors at 12 BPD/Bipolar Differences, which is based on my experiences with a bipolar-1 sufferer (my foster son) and a BPDer (my exW). If that description sounds very familiar, I would be glad to discuss it with you. If your exBF actually does have strong BPD traits, a recurring cycle of push-you-away and pull-you-back is what you should expect. BPDer relationships are notorious for the push-pull that results in numerous breakups and passionate reconciliations. The reason, with BPDers, is that they have a great fear of engulfment which is triggered by intimacy. Although they crave intimacy like nearly everyone else, they cannot tolerate it for very long due to their fragile self image. Moreover, as you back off to avoid triggering that engulfment fear, you unavoidably will draw closer to triggering the BPDer's great fear of abandonment. Sadly, because these two fears lie at opposite ends of the very same spectrum, you will always find yourself triggering one fear or the other. That is, there is no Goldilocks position in the middle where you can safely be "not too close" and "not too far away." Reading this makes me feel even more hurt the fact I'm making his situation even worse now. I really do feel for him and I wish I could help but he needs to seek help on his own and with his families I've tried to help but he pushes me even more . I can't continue to be thrown around so many times causing me to be emotional and miserable inside that I want to find my peace again. It's like days I have hopes well be okay again and then other days its shattered with what he wants that particular day. I did wish him nothing but the best but I can't do the push and pull thing. I want him better and with me actually "moving on" I hope he will seek the help he needs. Thank you for the information on bipolar disorder and BPD. He has said he's not Happy with himself at all.. He's miserable, is unstable, feels confused and lost. He's scared of commitment (which I am too) which the serious we got in the relationship I assume it added more pressure to him. I just do hope he will Be okay
Author daisy_098 Posted June 8, 2015 Author Posted June 8, 2015 Yes, you did the right thing. Please read this guide and initiate No Contact as soon as possible. You also have to realise that this process is going to take some time. Don't be discouraged when you have bad days. Be strong and you will be fine. All the best. Thank you for the guide! I've read it millions of Times and I never get tired of reading it because it does heal some wounds. I know I'll have my moments but as strong as I'm being right now I hope I'm as strong during those moments too
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