soulforge Posted June 7, 2015 Posted June 7, 2015 (edited) some of you will already know, that i broke it off with my girlfriend of 4 months! we had a little petty argument & she dropped all communication with me, so after a week of not getting anywhere with her, i officially ended it.. even tho i really did not want to end it.. i felt i had no choice! i have been in no contact for a month now & some of her past behavior has been playing on my mind a lot.. i can't seem to make sense of it.. sometimes i feel like maybe i am looking too much into it.. then sometimes it does not feel right to me 01. Within the first week of dating, she started calling me small or tiny.. i am 5ft7 so not very tall, but i work out quite a bit & have big arms, and chest etc.. her calling me small used to really bother me, as it made me feel insecure about myself & i felt like i was not man enough for her.. men can be very touchy when a woman calls him small or tiny eventually i gave her a taste of her own medicine & she stopped calling me small, but it didn't last long. 02. She used to tell me, that the nicer i treat her the better the sex will be.. i told her i don't give into bribes 03.She told me that i should be grateful, because she gives me oral sex.. some girlfriends don't do this for there guy.. huh why even say this? 04.Then once she said that she is not going to give me much sex anymore, as i am getting it too easily off her, and she refused me sex once or twice! 05. In the early part of the relationship, she told me that i should be the boss in the bedroom & she will be the boss in the relationship.. she said it in a jokey manner (but i kinda felt like she meant it) 06. We went out for a day trip in the countryside, we decided to park up & go for some food at a cafe.. when we got near the cafe, i realized that i had left my wallet in the car.. i told her we will need to walk back to the car, its only a 5 minute walk.. she started to call me a DUMMY.. she called me a DUMMY 3 times.. i let go of her hand, and told her not to talk to me like that again.. she kind of apologized, but it did not feel like a sincere apology 07. I have a shoulder injury at the moment, that i have been struggling with.. it has really effected my training routine in the gym.. and left me feeling quite low and in pain.. one day i messaged her on whatsapp & i asked her to if she will massage my shoulder when she comes over next.. she started laughing & told me that "i have got no chance" this kind of upset me to be honest.. she was dropping hints of marriage & being together long term, yet she won't even do that for me lol.. so i messaged her back & told her, its ok.. i will pay for some physiotherapy.. she then started back tracking & said she will do it for me.. i said its ok don't worry about it, i will get myself sorted by physiotherapy 08. i used to cook for this girl every single weekend, including making breakfast for her.. used to make sure she was looked after in my house.. one day in the kitchen i was cooking food, i was tired from work & i asked her if she will do the dishes for me.. but she refused.. she claimed she is a guest in my house & she should not have to do anything like that.. i said fair enough, i will do it myself after i have cooked.. then out of guilt she decided to wash a few bits for me 09.She used to complain quite a lot too, about the heating , or other things too.. i had to tell her once or twice, that she needs to tone the complaints down, as it is starting to annoy me! here is the stupid thing.. even tho there was lots of crap like this going on, we still did have some really fun times together & i still miss her real bad.. i even imagine being back with her again.. but i also worry about, what i would be getting myself into long term, if i ever got back together with her Edited June 7, 2015 by soulforge
JewelD Posted June 7, 2015 Posted June 7, 2015 She doesn't sound like the best partner by your descriptions. But you have to consider your options. Does the good outweigh the bad? Are you willing to deal with her negative traits in exchange for the positive ones? If so, pursue it. If not, best to just leave it alone. Most people don't change, but when they do, it takes longer than a month.
AIJ Posted June 7, 2015 Posted June 7, 2015 You'll continue going over all the details of your relationship over and over again for another few weeks/months, however some of the things you listed seem a little bit pathetic to me. Like the whole shoulder massage thing.. it's not that much of a big deal. #1 - stop being a little bitch, who cares if she calls you small or tiny, it's just teasing. Laugh it off. #2 - okay great, don't understand why this is relevant at all? #3 - again, irrelevant. #4 - and again.. #5 - oh, and again.. #6 - more teasing. Sounds very childish. #7 - the laughing.. sounds to me like she was teasing. #8 - she was right. She's a guest. Why should she clean up after you? #9 - I'm sure you had your fair share of complaints too. If I'm completely honest, you sound like a needy insecure little bitch. May sound harsh, but that's just my opinion on the way you've portrayed yourself on here. You really need to lighten up, stop taking everything so seriously. Sorry for the 'tough love' as some will call it, but I just felt it needed to be said. Give it another few months and you'll be over it. 4
aloneinaz Posted June 7, 2015 Posted June 7, 2015 I think the core issue here is your self esteem. A person healthy self esteem and confidence would of told her to F-off very early in that relationship and never thought of her again. The fact that you'd even consider talking to or taking her back again kind of reinforces this, yes? We've all done this, myself included. But, we all learned that our self value is much more important than putting up with a-holes and moved onto someone else that wasn't a douche bag. Just my opinion but, you'd be better off focusing on finding someone new who will appreciate what you bring to a relationship, than rehashing someone who didn't.
Lizrd3000 Posted June 7, 2015 Posted June 7, 2015 (edited) You'll continue going over all the details of your relationship over and over again for another few weeks/months, however some of the things you listed seem a little bit pathetic to me. Like the whole shoulder massage thing.. it's not that much of a big deal. #1 - stop being a little bitch, who cares if she calls you small or tiny, it's just teasing. Laugh it off. #2 - okay great, don't understand why this is relevant at all? #3 - again, irrelevant. #4 - and again.. #5 - oh, and again.. #6 - more teasing. Sounds very childish. #7 - the laughing.. sounds to me like she was teasing. #8 - she was right. She's a guest. Why should she clean up after you? #9 - I'm sure you had your fair share of complaints too. If I'm completely honest, you sound like a needy insecure little bitch. May sound harsh, but that's just my opinion on the way you've portrayed yourself on here. You really need to lighten up, stop taking everything so seriously. Sorry for the 'tough love' as some will call it, but I just felt it needed to be said. Give it another few months and you'll be over it. Agreed. Why the hell do you get sensitive over her calling you a ''DUMMY''. FREAKING ''DUMMY''. To me, you seem to like victimizing yourself, which isn't a very manly trait. You're not a victim here really, you're just complaining alot. My ex rarely massaged me, when I was in really bad pain too. Never did I think ''oh she doesn't want to massage me, I thought we were gonna get married... Guess not''. That's just bitchy. You say she complains a whole bunch. Well guess what, you do too. It's just easier to point fingers at someone else, instead of addressing yourself first! I think the core issue here is your self esteem. A person healthy self esteem and confidence would of told her to F-off very early in that relationship and never thought of her again. The fact that you'd even consider talking to or taking her back again kind of reinforces this, yes? We've all done this, myself included. But, we all learned that our self value is much more important than putting up with a-holes and moved onto someone else that wasn't a douche bag. Just my opinion but, you'd be better off focusing on finding someone new who will appreciate what you bring to a relationship, than rehashing someone who didn't. I don't understand why you're agreeing with op? She doesn't sound more of an a-hole than mr. OP here. Hell, they could've been the same person with the whining! Edited June 7, 2015 by Lizrd3000
Author soulforge Posted June 7, 2015 Author Posted June 7, 2015 I think the core issue here is your self esteem. A person healthy self esteem and confidence would of told her to F-off very early in that relationship and never thought of her again. The fact that you'd even consider talking to or taking her back again kind of reinforces this, yes? We've all done this, myself included. But, we all learned that our self value is much more important than putting up with a-holes and moved onto someone else that wasn't a douche bag. Just my opinion but, you'd be better off focusing on finding someone new who will appreciate what you bring to a relationship, than rehashing someone who didn't. [/ i understand some people saying don't take ceratin matters seriously.. but in the past i have done exactly that.. i just laughed things off, and i even let my previous ex get away with calling me names etc and that relationship became an abusive relationship, as i never stood up for myself.. i let her get away with disrespect.. i let her get away with rudeness.. but this rudeness & disrespect was always presented in a away, as it was just a joke or a laugh.. and if did not like it, then i was just a miserbale so and so, who could not take a joke! calling me a dummy 3 times in a public place? i should just laugh that off & just take on the chin? what if she calls me worse next time.. laugh that off too? just take it on the chin?
Phoe Posted June 7, 2015 Posted June 7, 2015 IMO, no, this is not "normal" female behavior, but honestly I think you both had moments where you were being ridiculous. 2
elaine567 Posted June 7, 2015 Posted June 7, 2015 Not again, surely? You two did not get on, you had an argument, she took it badly, you decided to go NC over it for some reason, and she basically dumped you after 6 days of not hearing from you, but you eventually pulled the plug on the relationship, when you did not get the interest from her you wanted after that. Please forget her, for your own good, I very much doubt she will return. Sorry!
Author soulforge Posted June 7, 2015 Author Posted June 7, 2015 i understand some people saying don't take ceratin matters seriously.. but in the past i have done exactly that.. i just laughed things off, and i even let my previous ex get away with calling me names etc and that relationship became an abusive relationship, as i never stood up for myself.. i let her get away with disrespect.. i let her get away with rudeness.. but this rudeness & disrespect was always presented in a away, as it was just a joke or a laugh.. and if did not like it, then i was just a miserbale so and so, who could not take a joke! calling me a dummy in an angry tone 3 times in a public place? i should just laugh that off & just take on the chin? what if she calls me worse next time.. laugh that off too? just take it on the chin? 1
ravfour4 Posted June 7, 2015 Posted June 7, 2015 #1 - That's a bitch move to do on her part. Calling a guy small is the equivalent of calling a girl fat. You should have called her fat back #2 - Seems reasonable, be nice and she'll bang you more. #3 - Seems reasonable, not all girls do it. My gf stopped after a few years, it sucked (ha). #4 - Doesn't seem like a huge deal, people don't want to have sex all the time and if she can tell you'll do anything for it, why not use it as a bargaining chip. #5 - Shoulda told her you're gonna be the boss in both, but as long as she was driving the relationship in the right direction - who cares. #6 - Doesn't seem like a big deal. My gf's would always get mad if I forgot stuff, just like I'd be a bit annoyed if they did as well. #7 - Seems like she was baiting you with just like she did sex. "No way I'm giving you a massage unless you're nice and/or give me one", then when you said the pain was real, she offered to give you one. Doesn't seem like a huge deal. #8 - Annoying on her part and combined with all the little things above, it just showed that she wasn't super into you, or as into you as you were to her. #9 - People complain all the time, some more than others. OP, none of these seem like a big deal at all. It's a bunch of small things that together show that she wasn't so into you - if you won't massage your bf, bait him for sex, won't ever clean even though he cooks for you all the time, jokingly call him small etc. then she just wasn't that into you. You were putting more into the relationship than she was. At the same time, each of those things on their own are not a big deal at all and could happen in an otherwise happy relationship. 1
AIJ Posted June 7, 2015 Posted June 7, 2015 i understand some people saying don't take ceratin matters seriously.. but in the past i have done exactly that.. i just laughed things off, and i even let my previous ex get away with calling me names etc and that relationship became an abusive relationship, as i never stood up for myself.. i let her get away with disrespect.. i let her get away with rudeness.. but this rudeness & disrespect was always presented in a away, as it was just a joke or a laugh.. and if did not like it, then i was just a miserbale so and so, who could not take a joke! calling me a dummy in an angry tone 3 times in a public place? i should just laugh that off & just take on the chin? what if she calls me worse next time.. laugh that off too? just take it on the chin? I get the whole boundaries thing but you need to be able to differentiate between someone teasing you, which it sounds as though she was doing, and someone genuinely being spiteful towards you. Calling you 'a dummy' is hardly spiteful, just sounds like she was joking around. If she'd called you a useless, worthless piece of ****, then yes, I'd understand you getting angry. Regardless, she's gone, the relationship wasn't healthy and you're both better off without one another whether or not it feels that way right now.
Author soulforge Posted June 7, 2015 Author Posted June 7, 2015 I get the whole boundaries thing but you need to be able to differentiate between someone teasing you, which it sounds as though she was doing, and someone genuinely being spiteful towards you. Calling you 'a dummy' is hardly spiteful, just sounds like she was joking around. If she'd called you a useless, worthless piece of ****, then yes, I'd understand you getting angry. Regardless, she's gone, the relationship wasn't healthy and you're both better off without one another whether or not it feels that way right now. she was not joking.. she said it angrily to me, and we was out in the public.. if it was just a joke, believe me i would not give two craps about it.. i,m not the first guy who ever left his wallet in the car! its good to have a joke in a relationship, but a person also has gut instinct too & can tell when something does not feel right.. she tells me, that i,m getting sex too freely off her, then she starts refusing me sex? i did not kick off about it or complain.. but something does kick in your instinct and tell you there maybe some manipulation going on here.. i agree this relationship was not healthy.. but it was also quite confusing too..
mystikmind2005 Posted June 7, 2015 Posted June 7, 2015 I think it is good that you are trying to understand what went wrong - but it is useless to obsess over how she went wrong, what you need to be asking yourself is how YOU went wrong - that is how we learn from our mistakes. 2
AIJ Posted June 7, 2015 Posted June 7, 2015 she was not joking.. she said it angrily to me, and we was out in the public.. if it was just a joke, believe me i would not give two craps about it.. i,m not the first guy who ever left his wallet in the car! its good to have a joke in a relationship, but a person also has gut instinct too & can tell when something does not feel right.. she tells me, that i,m getting sex too freely off her, then she starts refusing me sex? i did not kick off about it or complain.. but something does kick in your instinct and tell you there maybe some manipulation going on here.. i agree this relationship was not healthy.. but it was also quite confusing too.. As has already been explained, she just wasn't all that in to you. If a girl wants to have sex with you, she will. 1
NoLeafClover Posted June 8, 2015 Posted June 8, 2015 You sound very insecure. Was her vj made out of gold or something..who cares she called you small or playing hard to get. She is immature but you shouldnt have to think so much on her comments. If you truly feel like she was being ugly and not just immature then you did good to cut her out. Frankly if a girl said stuff like that to me its another reason for me to show her otherwise in bed. Brush it off and move on. Tbh I never had a girl behave like this even when joking so it could just be she doesnt know any better.
coryreply Posted June 8, 2015 Posted June 8, 2015 I think it is good that you are trying to understand what went wrong - but it is useless to obsess over how she went wrong, what you need to be asking yourself is how YOU went wrong - that is how we learn from our mistakes. ^^ This is right on point, bro!
Noideanow Posted June 8, 2015 Posted June 8, 2015 Dump her, she is so full if crap and no selfesteem (to use a word that people seem to understand here) I think you are the person still intact of you two, take care of yourself and dont let one person tell you any of those things you mentioned. i also dont think shes in love with you, otherwise she wouldnt treat you like you described:( watch out for the comments in here that doesnt have your best interest at heart:sick: At last, there are real woman out there, able to be attracted to and fall in love with a man, but you have to look carefully since they are not the norm, at least on this side of the globe.
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