Philosopher Posted June 7, 2015 Posted June 7, 2015 Over the past eight months I have been using online dating fairly frequently and on average I have been on one first date per month. However during that time I have been on exactly zero second dates. In all but one of the first dates I have been on, I have had little or no desire to meet up with them again. While most of the girls I meet are nice enough, I generally find that on these dates either that we have little in common, there is no physical attraction or a combination of the two. The only girl whom I did genuinely want to meet up with again over the last eight months unfortunately did not seem interested. In most cases even before the date I suspect that it will not lead anywhere, however I persist in meeting them once a date has been set up in the hope my initial thoughts are proven wrong. The annoying thing is that many of the girls I have felt more keen on meeting beforehand have ended up flaking on me before the initial meeting. Over this time I have tried both Match.com and OKCupid and I have got the same result from both, i.e. dates that seem to go nowhere. I have tried answering different questions on OKCupid in an attempt to get better matches, however so far that has not worked. How on Online Dating do you go about getting better matches? Is there something I am doing wrong, or is it just a numbers game in which I should expect most dates not to lead to anything?
misspond Posted June 7, 2015 Posted June 7, 2015 ........or is it just a numbers game in which I should expect most dates not to lead to anything? It's a way to meet new people. Most of those meetings lead to people you don't want to meet again. But, because you never can tell who you're going to like, it's an option. Don't fret about it and good luck. 1
aloneinaz Posted June 7, 2015 Posted June 7, 2015 Sounds like you're not filtering very well nor qualifying who to meet in person or not. Example, a girl I was interested in would have to pass the emailing stage, texting stage and then the phone call. What do I mean? They needed to be fun, witty, normal, etc.., during the email and texting. Then, I HAD to talk to them on the phone before meeting in person. You'd be surprised how many people I disqualified on the phone. I didn't feel a connection or they were uptight or other personality traits that I didn't care for. After implementing this qualifying, I found the quality of my face to face dates much higher. Oh, also, spread a wider net. One date a month? I typically had 3 a week. I found you had to get in front of a lot of candidates to find a mutual match. 2
impatiently_patient Posted June 8, 2015 Posted June 8, 2015 (edited) Over this time I have tried both Match.com and OKCupid and I have got the same result from both, i.e. dates that seem to go nowhere. I have tried answering different questions on OKCupid in an attempt to get better matches, however so far that has not worked. How on Online Dating do you go about getting better matches? Is there something I am doing wrong, or is it just a numbers game in which I should expect most dates not to lead to anything? I hear you, Philosopher. At the end of the day, I think what you're getting at is the crux of it. Somehow, your profile has to get in front of the right types of women. Here's the lengths one guy went to get to that point: How a Math Genius Hacked OkCupid to Find True Love | WIRED Obviously, he found what questions got answered, and how they were answered, mattered. The rest was running scripts that visited every single female profile in his area that fit his target demographic. I just got back onto OK Cupid this weekend, and it's the same issue here, a year later: The women visiting my profile are either religious, single mothers, on the square/conservative end of the spectrum, from out of state... and usually some combination of those non-compatibility points. The compatibility percentages are so low, like 20% - 50%. Oh, also, spread a wider net. One date a month? I typically had 3 a week. I found you had to get in front of a lot of candidates to find a mutual match. I'd kill for one in-person a month. Three a week seems insane. Would love any tips on how that works exactly. Edited June 8, 2015 by impatiently_patient
Toddsqui Posted June 8, 2015 Posted June 8, 2015 I recently listened to Samy Kamkar, the infamous hacker who brought MySpace to its knees in the 1990s, talk about online dating and what he had used. Actually, the advice was surprisingly unremarkable for a person of this type of notoriety, but still something I imagine could be easily overlooked. Some online dating websites have special memberships that include access to algorithms that allow you to measure your success rate. Not sure how serious you are about finding a compatible other, but if this is something that really matters, perhaps you want to invest in a membership on one of these dating platforms and begin to measure how each of your photos are impacting prospective others, how your writing is also impacting other people, and any other variables that you can possibly control for and measure. Sure, at a glance, it sounds over-the-top to many. Most people won't do this--life should be easier--but then again, most people would also be quick to complain that they can't seem to find anyone special. Dating is serious business, and a numbers game at that. If you want to increase your odds of finding someone that matters, then increase your odds of getting your profile out there and measure your ROI. Get comfortable--as I and many others have--viewing your selfies and assessing which selfie is the best of all (measure measure measure). The other option is to get one of those dating consultants to have a one-on-one session and discuss good copy for your dating profile. I've heard great things about this service: The Heartographer Hang in there! And remember, you gotta be in it to win it. -T Trust me, I'm a criminologist.
JuneJulySeptember Posted June 8, 2015 Posted June 8, 2015 Over the past eight months I have been using online dating fairly frequently and on average I have been on one first date per month. However during that time I have been on exactly zero second dates. In all but one of the first dates I have been on, I have had little or no desire to meet up with them again. While most of the girls I meet are nice enough, I generally find that on these dates either that we have little in common, there is no physical attraction or a combination of the two. The only girl whom I did genuinely want to meet up with again over the last eight months unfortunately did not seem interested. In most cases even before the date I suspect that it will not lead anywhere, however I persist in meeting them once a date has been set up in the hope my initial thoughts are proven wrong. The annoying thing is that many of the girls I have felt more keen on meeting beforehand have ended up flaking on me before the initial meeting. Over this time I have tried both Match.com and OKCupid and I have got the same result from both, i.e. dates that seem to go nowhere. I have tried answering different questions on OKCupid in an attempt to get better matches, however so far that has not worked. How on Online Dating do you go about getting better matches? Is there something I am doing wrong, or is it just a numbers game in which I should expect most dates not to lead to anything? The only question I really have is that if you had no physical attraction to them when you met, did you have physical attraction to them when you saw their photos? Because if you didn't you should never have contacted them. As for myself, I would strongly consider dating a woman I didn't think was all that good looking if we had a strong match compatibility wise. That hasn't even come CLOSE to happening. I think the problem with dating is that looks mean so much to people that they screen out all the people they would match with compatibility wise. In terms of you getting blown off by the one you liked, it's kind of the case that people want better than they can get. So, you'll find that who you want doesn't want you. My suggestion (as always) is to take yourself out of that competition. But, to each his own.
d0nnivain Posted June 8, 2015 Posted June 8, 2015 OLD isn't for everyone. Granted I did it a long time ago & only for 90 days but I didn't care for it at all. I talked to about 7 men. I went on 3 dates & none of them were with guys I would have gone out with had I met them IRL 1st. All were good "on paper" but in person had nothing to offer. Use OLD as one tool & do other things to find dates.
Author Philosopher Posted June 8, 2015 Author Posted June 8, 2015 Sounds like you're not filtering very well nor qualifying who to meet in person or not. Example, a girl I was interested in would have to pass the emailing stage, texting stage and then the phone call. What do I mean? They needed to be fun, witty, normal, etc.., during the email and texting. Then, I HAD to talk to them on the phone before meeting in person. You'd be surprised how many people I disqualified on the phone. I didn't feel a connection or they were uptight or other personality traits that I didn't care for. After implementing this qualifying, I found the quality of my face to face dates much higher. Oh, also, spread a wider net. One date a month? I typically had 3 a week. I found you had to get in front of a lot of candidates to find a mutual match. I do generally find the dates where I spoken to them on phone first do generally go better. However normally if I try calling them it goes to voicemail or they mention that they would prefer to communicate over Whatapps. I get the impression that many girls do not like talking over the phone.
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