Meeshell Posted June 7, 2015 Posted June 7, 2015 My ex boyfriend broke up with me roughly 1 /2 months ago. We did previously break up about a year ago, but worked out our differences and gave it a go. This time around, it worked out very well, except he began the same patterns as he did before. Blaming me for everything, never being home, etc; He moved out of my house about 5 months ago. He believed we were better off dating and living apart. I wasn't happy with the decision, but since then, I've understood and respected his decision. I went through hell when he broke up with me. Always hurts worse the second time around. When he came back into my life about 2 weeks after moving out, he slowly started coming around more. Yet he would make promises that he would do this or that and never really did it. He would always blame me because of my behavior. And yes, I may very well agree that I still held resentment that I gave my all and he continued his patterns in our relationship. He would stay the night with me, come over for dinner. This was all slow progress. He would ask to take showers at my place because the place he was staying was very dirty and he hated it. He was slowly leaving his clothes at my place again, including some belongings. He would always make excuses when he didn't come over. Or, he wouldn't let me know what was going on at all. He just left me hanging when we had plans. He officially broke it off with me in April, that was it. He didn't want anything to do with me. In fact, he hated me. We got into a big argument that night he broke it off. After having to deal with cops, his friends giving me dirty looks and basically feeling alienated in my own town I live, we exchanged some very hurtful words to each other. I've asked him to pick up his mail multiple times. I sent his mother the first set of mail that he wouldn't grab. I told him I was leaving it on the table on the patio and I wouldn't be home so that he wouldn't have to see me. I told him I could send it to his mom if that works better. He replied with "No I want to say hi." He never showed. Per usual. I've been asking him over the course of this week and last week to pick up his stuff. Nothing. Yesterday morning I had had enough. I've literally done everything for this guy and have bent over backwards to do anything and everything for him. I won't get into that, because it will be a novel. Last week he told me "I have nothing. No home. I'm sorry my life is a mess. I'm not responsible." He chose to leave me and live in a small bedroom in a clubhouse. That wasn't my fault. Yesterday, I basically told him that I'm closing the door forever. His mail is being sent back. That I don't want him back in my life and he needs to leave me alone. He replied with "I'm not ignoring you. I'm just busy. I'm sorry. Can I call you in a bit?" A few seconds after that message, he friended me on Facebook. I was blocked for months, even with us being together. My heart sank and I started crying because I knew that this was bound to be more hurt than good, but I accepted it anyway. I asked him why he wanted to talk to me. He claimed I was crazy, bad mouthed me to his friends, etc; I'm just his past. Why? He told me "Why must you make things more than what they are?" *shrug* I don't know? I don't understand any of this. He apologized for everything he did to me, said he forgives me and doesn't hate me. I told him, "I'm a terrible person, remember? That's what you called me." To which he replied, "No you're not." And that was that. I have no idea what this means. I don't know if I'm reading too much into it. I"m entirely confused. TL;DR - My ex broke up with me, we exchanged hateful words, he ignored me, now has apologized, forgave me, and is now adding me on Facebook.
DexterLS Posted June 7, 2015 Posted June 7, 2015 What do you want to happen in this case? Do you want to give him a second chance? What if he starts showing the same patterns as he did when he broke up with you twice? Can you trust him again? Your ex is as confused as you are. You should both take some time apart and reflect on what you want. 1
Author Meeshell Posted June 7, 2015 Author Posted June 7, 2015 I'm not entirely sure what I want. I do know that I would 'hope' he could see that his actions and behavior are an issue and that he needs to work on them, yet I know all too well that I've given him plenty of chances to change that and he hasn't. So I think the answer is simple. He won't change. It seems as if he's trying to sneak into my life. Slowly but surely. Or, maybe I'm trying to convince myself that's what is going on here. I know he's a FB friend, but I switched all my privacy settings to where it blocks every single thing I post from him.
DexterLS Posted June 7, 2015 Posted June 7, 2015 I'm not entirely sure what I want. I do know that I would 'hope' he could see that his actions and behavior are an issue and that he needs to work on them, yet I know all too well that I've given him plenty of chances to change that and he hasn't. So I think the answer is simple. He won't change. It seems as if he's trying to sneak into my life. Slowly but surely. Or, maybe I'm trying to convince myself that's what is going on here. I know he's a FB friend, but I switched all my privacy settings to where it blocks every single thing I post from him. He is definitely not going to change his behaviour now. As long as you keep taking him back after his every episode, nothing will change and you have to realise that. You need to tell him you're done with this and go No Contact as soon as possible. I know it's easier said than done, but trust me, you're in for a lot of heartache if you take him back again now. 2
JewelD Posted June 7, 2015 Posted June 7, 2015 block him. He's sneaking back in because you left the door cracked. Me and my ex were fb friends for about a day before I blocked him and all of his friends. 1. It doesn't matter if he can see what you're doing or not, he knows you want to be friends because you accepted the request. 2. He might not be able to see what you're doing, but you can see what he's doing, leaving yourself vulnerable to whatever manipulative tactics he wants to employ. Trust, he knows you're looking at his page. 3. You're not giving him a reason to change by communicating with him. You're giving him a reason not to. I know it's difficult, I looked at my ex's page all the time, but think about it from your own POV. If you couldn't see your ex's fb page, you might be going a little crazy wondering what he's doing. If you could see he was doing nothing, you wouldn't care. So drive him crazy and block him. He'll want to know why, he'll be confused, and he might think a little more about what he did to you. 1
Author Meeshell Posted June 7, 2015 Author Posted June 7, 2015 block him. He's sneaking back in because you left the door cracked. Me and my ex were fb friends for about a day before I blocked him and all of his friends. 1. It doesn't matter if he can see what you're doing or not, he knows you want to be friends because you accepted the request. 2. He might not be able to see what you're doing, but you can see what he's doing, leaving yourself vulnerable to whatever manipulative tactics he wants to employ. Trust, he knows you're looking at his page. 3. You're not giving him a reason to change by communicating with him. You're giving him a reason not to. I know it's difficult, I looked at my ex's page all the time, but think about it from your own POV. If you couldn't see your ex's fb page, you might be going a little crazy wondering what he's doing. If you could see he was doing nothing, you wouldn't care. So drive him crazy and block him. He'll want to know why, he'll be confused, and he might think a little more about what he did to you. Seeing what he's doing is literally driving my anxiety through the roof. All he's posting is his fishing trips, how happy he is, yada yada yada. Like, this guy will never change and it's so obvious. He's 38 years old and the guy can't even get his life together. Why I even care whether or not he comes back is beyond me. It's also taking everything I have not to say something on his photos or anything like that. Doing that would just fuel the fire and validate his claims and lies that he's told about me. I'm not going to put myself out there like that.. But my God. I haven't been back on Facebook since this morning. I'm honestly just going to deactivate my Facebook, to be honest. I don't want the drama.
JewelD Posted June 7, 2015 Posted June 7, 2015 Seeing what he's doing is literally driving my anxiety through the roof. All he's posting is his fishing trips, how happy he is, yada yada yada. Like, this guy will never change and it's so obvious. He's 38 years old and the guy can't even get his life together. Why I even care whether or not he comes back is beyond me. It's also taking everything I have not to say something on his photos or anything like that. Doing that would just fuel the fire and validate his claims and lies that he's told about me. I'm not going to put myself out there like that.. But my God. I haven't been back on Facebook since this morning. I'm honestly just going to deactivate my Facebook, to be honest. I don't want the drama. Don't believe the hype. Facebook is really just a place for people to put on a front. For all you know, he might be depressed in private or really upset, but he'd never put it on fb, so don't let those photos make you believe he's necessarily happy. You care because he meant something to you at one point. When you truly care for someone, it doesn't matter what they do, you're still going to have those feelings at least for a little while. What's important is how you act on those feelings. Deactivation is a great idea. But if you ever want to just reconnect with other friends on fb, make sure you delete him. The temptation to look is strong! I know, I had a moment an hour ago. Even though I blocked him, I have a fake page I used to use to snoop on people. But I stopped myself. You won't see anything on his page that will ever make you happy or satisfied. The less you look, the less you'll care. 1
mightycpa Posted June 8, 2015 Posted June 8, 2015 I'm not entirely sure what I want.Then I'll be happy to explain to you what it is that you want. First, you want him to be different. Ain't going to happen. OK, well, I ran out of stuff. But that's it in a nutshell. You want him to be different than he is, and he will never be that. Block, ignore and move on. Find a couple of candidates who are naturally closer to what you have in mind, and enjoy them. 1
Author Meeshell Posted June 8, 2015 Author Posted June 8, 2015 Then I'll be happy to explain to you what it is that you want. First, you want him to be different. Ain't going to happen. OK, well, I ran out of stuff. But that's it in a nutshell. You want him to be different than he is, and he will never be that. Block, ignore and move on. Find a couple of candidates who are naturally closer to what you have in mind, and enjoy them. Everyone has the potential to be different for the better. But it's those who aren't willing to do it are not worth the time. So I understand.
Author Meeshell Posted June 8, 2015 Author Posted June 8, 2015 Don't believe the hype. Facebook is really just a place for people to put on a front. For all you know, he might be depressed in private or really upset, but he'd never put it on fb, so don't let those photos make you believe he's necessarily happy. You care because he meant something to you at one point. When you truly care for someone, it doesn't matter what they do, you're still going to have those feelings at least for a little while. What's important is how you act on those feelings. Deactivation is a great idea. But if you ever want to just reconnect with other friends on fb, make sure you delete him. The temptation to look is strong! I know, I had a moment an hour ago. Even though I blocked him, I have a fake page I used to use to snoop on people. But I stopped myself. You won't see anything on his page that will ever make you happy or satisfied. The less you look, the less you'll care. Absolutely true. He texted me the other day saying he wasn't happy at all. That all he does is work and sleep. But then posts all over his FB about what he's doing and his happiness. Meh..
ZiggyZoo Posted June 8, 2015 Posted June 8, 2015 Block him on FB, or delete your profile, like you mentioned. My take on this is that he's basically figuring out what the bare minimum he has to contribute is to be able to still come over, shower, sorta be together, etc. If I were you, I'd bundle up the rest of his stuff, drop it off with his mom, and never look back. He sounds like he's been nothing but trouble, and will continue to be so if you let him back.
Author Meeshell Posted June 8, 2015 Author Posted June 8, 2015 Block him on FB, or delete your profile, like you mentioned. My take on this is that he's basically figuring out what the bare minimum he has to contribute is to be able to still come over, shower, sorta be together, etc. If I were you, I'd bundle up the rest of his stuff, drop it off with his mom, and never look back. He sounds like he's been nothing but trouble, and will continue to be so if you let him back. He hasn't come over in 1 1/2 months. All of that was prior to him breaking up with me.
ZiggyZoo Posted June 8, 2015 Posted June 8, 2015 Ah, gotcha. Well, I'd still box up his stuff and move it on out!
Author Meeshell Posted June 8, 2015 Author Posted June 8, 2015 Ah, gotcha. Well, I'd still box up his stuff and move it on out! I should have been more specific. lol. 2 weeks ago he got all of his stuff out of my garage unit that I was paying for and he still has yet to pay for me for. 1 1/2 months ago he broke up with me. 5 months ago he moved out. After he moved out and we were still together, he took some of his things, but started bringing things back slowly. I told him to get his stuff out when we got into a big fight and he broke up with me. I packed up all of his stuff 2 weeks ago and left it on my porch. He wouldn't come grab it. I put it in my garage unit and he finally picked it up. He threatened to call the cops on me if I removed his belongings from my garage unit that I paid for, yet wouldn't pay me a dime or remove anything. And now we are where we are. His stuff isn't at my house anymore. He's just adding me on FB, saying he wants to come say hi, wants to call me and has forgiven me. Who knows.
mightycpa Posted June 8, 2015 Posted June 8, 2015 I should have been more specific. lol. 2 weeks ago he got all of his stuff out of my garage unit that I was paying for and he still has yet to pay for me for. 1 1/2 months ago he broke up with me. 5 months ago he moved out. After he moved out and we were still together, he took some of his things, but started bringing things back slowly. I told him to get his stuff out when we got into a big fight and he broke up with me. I packed up all of his stuff 2 weeks ago and left it on my porch. He wouldn't come grab it. I put it in my garage unit and he finally picked it up. He threatened to call the cops on me if I removed his belongings from my garage unit that I paid for, yet wouldn't pay me a dime or remove anything. And now we are where we are. His stuff isn't at my house anymore. He's just adding me on FB, saying he wants to come say hi, wants to call me and has forgiven me. Who knows.ah! OK, I know. He's experiencing some kind of dating slowdown, and is thinking how nice it would be to get in your pants again once or twice. It's pretty much physical, I wouldn't think too much about it. Reject that request and keep moving forward.
Author Meeshell Posted June 8, 2015 Author Posted June 8, 2015 ah! OK, I know. He's experiencing some kind of dating slowdown, and is thinking how nice it would be to get in your pants again once or twice. It's pretty much physical, I wouldn't think too much about it. Reject that request and keep moving forward. I'm not taking that reply seriously at all.
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