NYCgirl88 Posted June 7, 2015 Posted June 7, 2015 Like I'm stuck in this on-going relationship cycle with my ex. I don't know what's wrong with me and why I can't get out of it. I know that people on here have given me advice and I appreciate it, but I don't know why I can't follow-through. I'm so miserable doing the same thing over and over. This is the third time we've broken up in 5 years and every time it's the same - we start hanging out again and then start hooking up and then a few months later we're back together. I know I'm doing it to myself at this point, I can't even blame him because I initiate it as much as he does. It's just compulsive and I don't know how to stop going back to him and feeling like I have no control makes me feel even worse about it. If he contacts me, I feel guilty not responding. And then if I don't hear from him for a while, I feel weird that I haven't heard from him and I reach out. I just want to move on and I want him to move on too, and I know the right things that I have to do, but it's so difficult to put it into action . I know if I just cut contact and was done for good I'd be so happy and so proud of myself, but why haven't I ever been able to do it?
FistOfTheNorthStar Posted June 7, 2015 Posted June 7, 2015 It is a matter of self discipline, know that once you have cut contact it should stay as so. Now don't rock yourself over if you are tempted to look at things, it's natural for us to do so. It's the matter of NOT doing it that matters. You keep saying I can't I can't then what you don't have enough self worth to do so? If you know what's right and you know it's an endless cycle then do what is best for you which is to STOP it. You don't need someone who will be constantly using you and leading you on until they can drop you again. You deserve the best. Always remember that. No Contact is so brutal at times but once you know what's wrong for you then you can keep up. I hope all is well. -F
DexterLS Posted June 7, 2015 Posted June 7, 2015 Like I'm stuck in this on-going relationship cycle with my ex. I don't know what's wrong with me and why I can't get out of it. I know that people on here have given me advice and I appreciate it, but I don't know why I can't follow-through. I'm so miserable doing the same thing over and over. This is the third time we've broken up in 5 years and every time it's the same - we start hanging out again and then start hooking up and then a few months later we're back together. I know I'm doing it to myself at this point, I can't even blame him because I initiate it as much as he does. It's just compulsive and I don't know how to stop going back to him and feeling like I have no control makes me feel even worse about it. If he contacts me, I feel guilty not responding. And then if I don't hear from him for a while, I feel weird that I haven't heard from him and I reach out. I just want to move on and I want him to move on too, and I know the right things that I have to do, but it's so difficult to put it into action . I know if I just cut contact and was done for good I'd be so happy and so proud of myself, but why haven't I ever been able to do it? You still have unresolved feelings for him. You should realise that this toxic relationship is not good for you, or him. If you know, in your heart, that moving on is the best thing to do, please stick by your decision and do it. It will help you and him. The only way you can do this is initiate No Contact and stick by it.
ravfour4 Posted June 7, 2015 Posted June 7, 2015 You, like I, are likely afraid of being alone. You'd rather put yourself in a destructive situation to get temporary relief and to be able to re-live the fantasy of being together forever with this person. It's easier than dealing with the pain on your own, recognizing that you'll need to start from scratch with someone new....after you find that someone new. It's scary. The self-destructive cycle feels better in the short-term, but as you've recognized, it's not helping you progress long term. We must deal with the short term pain for long-term happiness. 1
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