imtrying211 Posted June 7, 2015 Posted June 7, 2015 Almost 2 months post breakup and I've come a long way in this terrible process. A few days ago I hit my lowest point, which is when I finally gave up hope of him ever coming back. I feel like I needed to hit that point so that the only way for me to go from there is up. I've accepted that the relationship is over, but what I'm struggling to wrap my head around is the fact that he went back to his ex just a couple of weeks after he left me. I know I shouldn't compare myself to her, but how can I not? Obviously he sees something in her that he didn't see in me, she offers him something that I can't. And she's a horrible person! She treated him like crap, was jealous, abusive, always fighting, yet he chose her. They had a toxic relationship, and yes I know that sometimes people become addicted to that kind of lifestyle, but that doesn't help in easing my mind and heart. We were together for a little over a year, lived together, worked together, and had what seemed like a perfect relationship. Was I really just a rebound that entire time? Was our relationship one big lie? How can someone fake happiness and love so well? All of the things he said, how happy he was with me, how much he loved me, how he thought I was "the one", was any of it true? This is what's playing over and over in my head. He left me for HER, he chose HER over me. I can't stop thinking about it. Never in a million years did I think he'd go back to her. The thought never crossed my mind. Then when I found out he did, it crushed me beyond belief. It made me feel like crap, still does. What a huge slap in the face to know that after all the time we spent together, all the love I gave him, she still had his heart. I feel like maybe he never did love me, that he only used me so he wouldn't be alone, used me until he could make it back to her. God does that hurt!!
DexterLS Posted June 7, 2015 Posted June 7, 2015 You might have just been in a rebound relationship and I know it must not have felt this way with all the things he said and did. Listen, do not try to understand why he went back to his EX. You don't want that kind of unstable person in your life. The only thing you need to think about right now is YOU. I know it's hurting. I know it's hard to let go but that's the only thing you need to do at this point. Please read this guide and initiate NC if you haven't already done so.
aloneinaz Posted June 7, 2015 Posted June 7, 2015 At this point, you can guess or speculate until you make yourself sick. At the end of the day, he's gone and you've accepted it. It shouldn't matter that he went back to an ex or not. What if he just left you w/out going to an ex? Would that hurt any less? The key here is that he ended the relationship cause he didn't think it was working for him. I may have shared this with you before. Many people get "addicted" to a crazy, abusive partner. They get a "high" from it, especially when it's an emotional roller coaster relationship. When their crazy ex is nice to them, it's like a first hit of cocaine. I think my last ex had Borderline Personality Disorder. Look that up and see what that rollercoaster to hell is all about. She was intoxicating when she was on her best behavior. I let her get away w/murder cause the sex was over the top, the passion of her "love" was very intense and she said all the right things (very complimentary about me). She was very affectionate (when being nice), etc.. I do think I was addicted to her but finally broke away after she ended it and had the balls to tell her no when she came back 5.5 months later to reconcile. My old therapist told me that she hates when clients come in w/an addiction to their ex. She said it's a very hard habit to break and feels it's even harder than quitting cigarettes. It's a vicious cycle that only ends when both get to the point of HATING each other. My GF had the same thing happen to her w/her last BF. His ex was everything you're describing. The ex GF hit him, called the police on him, did all sort of horrific things. He dated my ex for 1.4 years, they got in a mild fight, she didn't hear from him for two weeks and then heard he went back to her and MARRIED her less than 3 weeks after they broke up! Talk about a punch to the gut. Clearly, he was seeing his crazy ex behind her back. Why did he go back? Who knows. Clearly he missed her. So, don't feel like your the only one this has happened to. I read threads about this happening all the time on this site. It's so common.
dyna85 Posted June 7, 2015 Posted June 7, 2015 Pretty sure it was definitely real if you were together for over a year. I don't know the details of your breakup and whether you broke up because of the ex or he just happened to go back to the ex after the breakup between you two. However, I can imagine how hurtful that is to know that he essentially 'chose' his abusive/uncaring ex over a healthy relationship with you. However, this sh.t happens for a reason. Maybe he has unresolved childhood trauma he is seeking to resolve through his relationship with her. If their relationship is as toxic as you mention, then no sense in envying that. You are who you are and deserve someone on par with the type of person you are. Someone who can reciprocate your love and care. You don't need his validation. I know that doesn't ease the hurt, however, and it will likely take a while before you can view this from more of an objective standpoint. If it helps though, the fact that the relationship was real to you is what's important. If he didn't value it the way you did, that's his issue and why you deserve better.
FistOfTheNorthStar Posted June 7, 2015 Posted June 7, 2015 I've been in the same predicament for awhile now. She left me for someone who could control her. From what I remember her love with genuine and so comfortable, but then she left me for a guy who she told me she belonged to him from one time she was having a debate whether to stay with me or go to him. She never cried for me. Not once and I don't know whether I should be happy because I never made her cry or if I should feel crushed because when she chose me the first time she told me she cried for him but when we broke up not one tear, no sorrow on her face. 2 weeks later she's with this other guy. What I mean to say with this is, we can't tell you yes or no, my friend. They know whether what they felt was true. None the less even if it was, it just wasn't enough for them to leave us. I asked her was this all real or a lie? And she told me it was real. But she let it all go. So now I have to heal myself. Which I will pass on to you. Heal yourself. Be good to yourself. Take care of yourself. That's who matters most. -F
Recommended Posts