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ForHer

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ForHer Member

ForHer

Posted
Posted (edited)

I met a guy about two months ago

We met and it took off fast. 3 hour car drive talking

A date. 4 sleepovers then sex. He made a comment how he wanted to see me more. And just warned me he's going to start getting busy. After the first two weeks a friend of mine accidentally called him my boyfriend. That lead to a talk of its moving to fast HES not ready for a relationship and I said I'm looking for that but two weeks is too soon.

Another 2 weeks past... We spend usually every other weekend together (I have a daughter and her father plays a active roll in her life)

And about two nights a week.

But one day after I been kinda busy and side tracked due to is lack of texting me he asked him I was talking to anyone. I said no and he asked if I'm lying...I said I'm not but he can't have his cake and eat it too. He don't want a relationship and I don't want casually sex. he corrected me saying he wasn't ready for one it it didn't mean it wasn't leading into that.

He explained how he's so busy at work he don't have the time to put a relationship as his focus.

 

Now questions

I feel like I'm way more invested in the relationship and I want it to stop

I feel like he knows he has the power.

Even though he txt me everyday I'm still the one to suggest him coming over during the week (he works late and has roommates)

 

I guess I just feel like maybe he's pulling away? Or maybe I'm a bootycall even tho I know he does like me?

I just feel like I went from being someone he was really excited to get with to someone who he knows wants a relationship or more with him.

 

He's a bit younger than me 22 and I'm 24 I almost even wondered if he thinks a relationship involves helping with my daughter

(She has a father...amazing one and Daddy role is already filled)

 

Or maybe I'm asking to much for two months of knowing each other?

I've just always really believed in you can't have your cake and eat it too and I believe that's what he's doing.

 

I guess I feel kinda stringed along at this point and want advice on how to feel more at ease with the situation and take some power back.

Edited by ForHer
Lois_Griffin Established Member

Lois_Griffin

Posted
Posted

Being that he's only 22, I doubt he's looking to take on ANYONE'S kid in any type of role at all, so he's probably not seeing you as long-term girlfriend material.

 

I've heard a lot of guys claim that they don't see single mothers as someone they want to get serious with, but they have no problem having sex with them.

 

Sounds as though he's one of those guys.

 

How to get your power back? Stop having sex with him and watch how quickly he bails.

  • Like 3
Gaeta Established Member

Gaeta

Posted
Posted
That lead to a talk of its moving to fast HES not ready for a relationship
That is universal code for we are friends with benefits.

 

If you are looking for a relationship he will be wasting your time.

 

If you want a good man in your life, someone stable that will be a good male figure in your child's life than aim at men a little older than you.

  • Like 2
  • Author
ForHer Member

ForHer

Posted
  • Author
Posted
Being that he's only 22, I doubt he's looking to take on ANYONE'S kid in any type of role at all, so he's probably not seeing you as long-term girlfriend material.

 

I've heard a lot of guys claim that they don't see single mothers as someone they want to get serious with, but they have no problem having sex with them.

 

Sounds as though he's one of those guys.

 

How to get your power back? Stop having sex with him and watch how quickly he bails.

 

I have wondered. Sadly he's going to have a tough time finding anyone our general age without at least one child.

katiegrl Established Member

katiegrl

Posted
Posted (edited)
I met a guy about two months ago

We met and it took off fast. 3 hour car drive talking

A date. 4 sleepovers then sex. He made a comment how he wanted to see me more. And just warned me he's going to start getting busy. After the first two weeks a friend of mine accidentally called him my boyfriend. That lead to a talk of its moving to fast HES not ready for a relationship and I said I'm looking for that but two weeks is too soon.

Another 2 weeks past... We spend usually every other weekend together (I have a daughter and her father plays a active roll in her life)

And about two nights a week.

But one day after I been kinda busy and side tracked due to is lack of texting me he asked him I was talking to anyone. I said no and he asked if I'm lying...I said I'm not but he can't have his cake and eat it too. He don't want a relationship and I don't want casually sex. he corrected me saying he wasn't ready for one it it didn't mean it wasn't leading into that.

He explained how he's so busy at work he don't have the time to put a relationship as his focus.

 

Now questions

I feel like I'm way more invested in the relationship and I want it to stop

I feel like he knows he has the power.

Even though he txt me everyday I'm still the one to suggest him coming over during the week (he works late and has roommates)

 

I guess I just feel like maybe he's pulling away? Or maybe I'm a bootycall even tho I know he does like me?

I just feel like I went from being someone he was really excited to get with to someone who he knows wants a relationship or more with him.

 

He's a bit younger than me 22 and I'm 24 I almost even wondered if he thinks a relationship involves helping with my daughter

(She has a father...amazing one and Daddy role is already filled)

 

Or maybe I'm asking to much for two months of knowing each other?

I've just always really believed in you can't have your cake and eat it too and I believe that's what he's doing.

 

I guess I feel kinda stringed along at this point and want advice on how to feel more at ease with the situation and take some power back.

 

When a guy comes on strong like he did....and then immediately after sex, he *warns* you he is going to be very busy and that he is not ready or wanting a relationship.....that is a huge red flag and you should pull back....if not just walk away for good.

 

But you chose to hang around, and now you are wondering what the hell is going on.

 

What is going on is he wanted sex, came on strong until that happened, and now that he's *got you* (so to speak)...he feels he can treat you like yesterday's newspaper....wanting to see you when he's dry .....and you'll be there anxiously waiting with bated breath.

 

Don't be that girl...you deserve better and I think you know that too.

 

Tell him this situation isn't working for ya, wish him well and move on.

 

You will be saving yourself ALOT of grief, frustration and confusion in the long run.

Edited by katiegrl
  • Like 3
mandymor Member

mandymor

Posted
Posted

Relationships and dating shouldn't be about power trips for either person. You're obviously into this guy so I wouldn't start playing games like withholding sex unless you want him to leave. He's young and probably not thinking long term, most guys that age aren't.

 

If you want it to be more of a relationship type thing, on the nights you see each other plan to do something instead of him just coming over and hanging out. Do the dating thing, that's how you get more control over the situation. If he doesn't want to do anything, then you will at least know you're in the booty call zone.

  • Like 1
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ForHer Member

ForHer

Posted
  • Author
Posted

Thank you for both your replies and advice.

 

And the only thing that holds me back is if you'd take all the nights we've spent together I'd say we've only had sex maybe half or a little over half the nights.

 

And he didn't have that conversation until he was called my boyfriend two weeks into knowing each other.

 

And recently has said he's not talking to anyone else and hopes I'm not. After a "little" awkward conversation of me saying how we always text me late at night he said this is why he was worried about entering something right now in his life because his first priority is work (he then sent me a picture of his clock in and outs showing him getting off at 10 at night)

 

I guess Things just kinda shifted. I want to stop feeling like I'm the one waiting around on him.

katiegrl Established Member

katiegrl

Posted
Posted
Thank you for both your replies and advice.

 

And the only thing that holds me back is if you'd take all the nights we've spent together I'd say we've only had sex maybe half or a little over half the nights.

 

And he didn't have that conversation until he was called my boyfriend two weeks into knowing each other.

 

And recently has said he's not talking to anyone else and hopes I'm not. After a "little" awkward conversation of me saying how we always text me late at night he said this is why he was worried about entering something right now in his life because his first priority is work (he then sent me a picture of his clock in and outs showing him getting off at 10 at night)

 

I guess Things just kinda shifted. I want to stop feeling like I'm the one waiting around on him.

 

Sorry didn't you say in your first post that right after you had sex, he *warned* you he would be very busy?

 

So before sex, he is NOT busy, but right after sex, suddenly he is?

 

Think about that....just sayin.

 

If it were me, I would walk, I know I deserve better, but I am not the one dating him, you are...so of course it's your call.

 

I hope it works out for ya....good luck. :)

Redhead14 Established Member

Redhead14

Posted
Posted
I met a guy about two months ago

We met and it took off fast. 3 hour car drive talking

A date. 4 sleepovers then sex. He made a comment how he wanted to see me more. And just warned me he's going to start getting busy. After the first two weeks a friend of mine accidentally called him my boyfriend. That lead to a talk of its moving to fast HES not ready for a relationship and I said I'm looking for that but two weeks is too soon.

Another 2 weeks past... We spend usually every other weekend together (I have a daughter and her father plays a active roll in her life)

And about two nights a week.

But one day after I been kinda busy and side tracked due to is lack of texting me he asked him I was talking to anyone. I said no and he asked if I'm lying...I said I'm not but he can't have his cake and eat it too. He don't want a relationship and I don't want casually sex. he corrected me saying he wasn't ready for one it it didn't mean it wasn't leading into that.

He explained how he's so busy at work he don't have the time to put a relationship as his focus.

 

Now questions

I feel like I'm way more invested in the relationship and I want it to stop

I feel like he knows he has the power.

Even though he txt me everyday I'm still the one to suggest him coming over during the week (he works late and has roommates)

 

I guess I just feel like maybe he's pulling away? Or maybe I'm a bootycall even tho I know he does like me?

I just feel like I went from being someone he was really excited to get with to someone who he knows wants a relationship or more with him.

 

He's a bit younger than me 22 and I'm 24 I almost even wondered if he thinks a relationship involves helping with my daughter

(She has a father...amazing one and Daddy role is already filled)

 

Or maybe I'm asking to much for two months of knowing each other?

I've just always really believed in you can't have your cake and eat it too and I believe that's what he's doing.

 

I guess I feel kinda stringed along at this point and want advice on how to feel more at ease with the situation and take some power back.

 

Here's the thing, even if he's not sure he wants a relationship with you yet and he really shouldn't be, you two are being intimate and the subject of exclusivity should be addressed at least. Being exclusive isn't necessarily boyfriend and girlfriend, it's just the period for evaluating that possibility and focusing on that one person for a little while. The fact is, that early in a new dating scenario and being intimate, you are always in a little bit of a limbo situation and kinda FWB no matter what.

 

I'd open a casual conversation about being exclusive at least. If he can't do that at least, I'd move on.

  • Like 2
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ForHer Member

ForHer

Posted
  • Author
Posted
Here's the thing, even if he's not sure he wants a relationship with you yet and he really shouldn't be, you two are being intimate and the subject of exclusivity should be addressed at least. Being exclusive isn't necessarily boyfriend and girlfriend, it's just the period for evaluating that possibility and focusing on that one person for a little while. The fact is, that early in a new dating scenario and being intimate, you are always in a little bit of a limbo situation and kinda FWB no matter what.

 

I'd open a casual conversation about being exclusive at least. If he can't do that at least, I'd move on.

 

This has been my favorite reply so far. Yes we have had the conversation that it's just me and him. He wants to talk to no one else and I the same. So I'm curious how long I should let this limbo continue until I do need to move on

katiegrl Established Member

katiegrl

Posted
Posted
This has been my favorite reply so far. Yes we have had the conversation that it's just me and him. He wants to talk to no one else and I the same. So I'm curious how long I should let this limbo continue until I do need to move on

 

I will defer to Redhead on this ...as personally I refuse to remain in "limbo" waiting for any man to make up his mind about me ....or whether or not he desires to be in a relationship with me.

 

IMO a man and women should be on the same page with respect to what they want....otherwise there is an imbalance and the person wanting more is going to end up feeling resentful and hurt. Not good or healthy.

 

No woman should have to remain in limbo waiting for the man she has been dating/having sex to make up his mind about her.

 

But I am a pretty tough cookie and I refuse to tolerate BS.

 

I am also a woman who has never had a boyfriend who broke up with her, and who has been in three long term relationships, including my current if 5+ years.

 

My motto is CHOOSE WISELY, know your worth, value and respect yourself, and you will have men wanting to have a relationship with you....without having to wait around in limbo waiting for them to make up their minds.

 

Good luck....

  • Like 1
Gaeta Established Member

Gaeta

Posted
Posted (edited)
This has been my favorite reply so far. Yes we have had the conversation that it's just me and him. He wants to talk to no one else and I the same. So I'm curious how long I should let this limbo continue until I do need to move on

 

 

Be careful to not listen only to the parts of his speech that pleases you. You have to look at the whole picture.

 

He is super busy, even if he wanted to see other women he doesn't have the time so telling you he's only talking to you is not asking of him a super effort. He also said he is not ready for a relationship so you are not going to get a relationship. Even if he comes by every second weekend, it's not a relationship. It's a fwb and when you allow a fwb situation it's really really hard to go from fwb to relationship.

 

Also, a man that says he's too busy for a relationship BUT has time for fwb....meh! really? He can show up each other weekend, he can stay over, he can take you out, he can touch base wth you on regular basis, isn't that what relationships are about anyway?

Edited by Gaeta
  • Like 1
katiegrl Established Member

katiegrl

Posted
Posted (edited)
Be careful to not listen only to the parts of his speech that pleases you. You have to look at the whole picture.

 

He is super busy, even if he wanted to see other women he doesn't have the time so telling you he's only talking to you is not asking of him a super effort. He also said he is not ready for a relationship so you are not going to get a relationship. Even if he comes by every second weekend, it's not a relationship. It's a fwb and when you allow a fwb situation it's really really hard to go from fwb to relationship.

 

Also, a man that says he's too busy for a relationship BUT has time for fwb....meh! really? He can show up each other weekend, he can stay over, he can take you out, he can touch base wth you on regular basis, isn't that what relationships are about anyway?

 

^^This except for I am not so sure how "busy" he actually is. Personally, I think it's BS. Apparently he was not that "busy" when he first met you and his goal was sex. ...he had plenty of time for you then.

 

Suddenly after sex, he *warns* you he is going to *start* being busy? What is that? And sending you a photo of his clock...as if to prove that he was at work until 10? Come on now who does this? Oh I forgot, he's 22.

 

Choose wisely! He is not a wise choice IMO.

Edited by katiegrl
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