rnd_user1 Posted June 7, 2015 Posted June 7, 2015 Where I work, most people are ok, nice and overall it's a pleasant atmosphere there. However, nobody is actually my friend, I don't hang with anybody after work or go out at night. And I know some of them do. So the first question would be how to get into that group, how to get invited to go out with them. But even more important, there is one guy who is really cool and we hang out a lot at work, joke around and stuff like that. And I think he would make a really good friend and I would like to sometime go out with him after work, hit the clubs and stuff like that. I don't mean in a homosexual way, just to go out with a friend, hit on girls, maybe get drunk sometimes and fun stuff like that. Now, how to achieve that? If I just ask "do you wanna go to a club tonight", I don't want him to think that I'm hitting on him. Or do I maybe ask do you have a gf, and if he says no, do I ask "do you wanna go hit on some girls tonight"? You see what I mean, so any suggestion would be good. btw, we are both 26-27
Art_Critic Posted June 7, 2015 Posted June 7, 2015 "hey.. I'm going to xyz club this Saturday.. would you like to come along and check out the women"
d0nnivain Posted June 7, 2015 Posted June 7, 2015 I'd probably start by trying to eat lunch with him. You may be able to foster that by starting a sports conversation. Talk about the Triple Crown on Monday. Ask if he's watching the Stanley Cup. Then lunch. Then maybe a happy hour. Then what Art_Critic said. 1
newmoon Posted June 7, 2015 Posted June 7, 2015 i'd start by just doing some lunches, breaks, coffee breaks together. "hey dude, want to catch lunch this week with me at XYZ." you don't just ask someone who isn't a current friend to join you outside of work, that would be weird. you have to get to know them a little inside of work, exchange numbers, talk a little, and see if you share interests. he might not even drink, he could be very religious and not enjoy clubs and etc., he could go to the gym each night after work and hate dancing, you just don't know. you have to put in effort beforehand with people - before you invite them to places.
preraph Posted June 7, 2015 Posted June 7, 2015 Yep, start with a lunch invitation or a happy hour invitation.
pink_sugar Posted June 8, 2015 Posted June 8, 2015 Honestly, I think it's better to make friends outside of work. I have made many friends in the past at work, but we always end up losing touch once I've left those jobs and we didn't have work as a common interest. I have one good friend whom I met at work 5 years ago whom I am still really close to, but most of them were really just good acquaintances. We talked a lot at work, but never really hung out. Right now I work in a really cliquey office and I only really connect with one person, but she has 4 kids, so a lot of her outside time is spent with her family. I have focused on making friends outside of work, because really those are the ones you will share other common interests besides work. 2
applej4 Posted June 9, 2015 Posted June 9, 2015 I agree with Pink Sugar. But to take it a step further, getting close with co-workers can backfire. Things get repeated/twisted, and friendships often impact the job/work and often create resentment. Being friendly is fine, but you don’t have to be “friends” with anyone at work. It’s a risk, one which often is not worth taking. 1
newmoon Posted June 9, 2015 Posted June 9, 2015 I agree with Pink Sugar. But to take it a step further, getting close with co-workers can backfire. Things get repeated/twisted, and friendships often impact the job/work and often create resentment. Being friendly is fine, but you don’t have to be “friends” with anyone at work. It’s a risk, one which often is not worth taking. the OP is male... not to get too off-track, but -perhaps - men fare better with workplace friendships than women? i assume pink sugar and yourself are women. women can be pretty bad to one another when a friendship at work goes bad, and perhaps men experience that to a lesser extent? 1
applej4 Posted June 9, 2015 Posted June 9, 2015 Yes, I'm aware the OP is male. Doesn't matter. What I said applies to BOTH men and women. I once worked with two men who became close friends. Resulted in problems.....favoritism.....breach of confidentiality....various other problems. 1
Bobbi7 Posted June 11, 2015 Posted June 11, 2015 It can backfired, like others said it can cause resentment, envy, etc, etc. I was close friends with this co-worker, and she was always chosen to do these projects, and she would never tell me anything of what she was doing, which I didn't think was a big deal. Plus, she always bitched about her job and how she hated it and guess what? She won "employee" of the month, some award where employees have a positive attitude. I'm like wth? Either she was fake about "hating" her job and personally loved it and loved doing a good job or all the managers favored her. Not gonna lie, it caused resentment. 1
pink_sugar Posted June 11, 2015 Posted June 11, 2015 (edited) I agree with Pink Sugar. But to take it a step further, getting close with co-workers can backfire. Things get repeated/twisted, and friendships often impact the job/work and often create resentment. Being friendly is fine, but you don’t have to be “friends” with anyone at work. It’s a risk, one which often is not worth taking. This. If you do make a friend at work, be very choosy about who you're spending your time with. As applej4 said, it can backfire pretty easily in the event you have a fall out or maybe they are a gossip. If they are on your Facebook, also be careful about anything you post. PS newmoon, gender doesn't always matter. You should still be careful about those you divulge personal info to at work. Sure men aren't as catty as women, but I have seen falling outs between men too. If you want a friend to head to the bars with to check out women, I wouldn't see a coworker as an option. Just a bad idea. Edited June 11, 2015 by pink_sugar
Lokin4AReason Posted June 11, 2015 Posted June 11, 2015 get a cookie cake and put it on the table ( with a name of course =0) )
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