Author rie39 Posted June 8, 2015 Author Posted June 8, 2015 To be exact, I texted him saying "hey mr fallen off the face of the earth :)". He replied "hey [name] what's up :)" then another text saying "yeah I'm in my own world sometimes"...
Bobbi7 Posted June 8, 2015 Posted June 8, 2015 Well, since you texted him and say that you are still interested and he replied..ask him if he wants to meet up this week. If he gives you bull**** answer, then forget about him. But this could go both ways, either he has minimal interest and decides to just meet up for the heck of it and you never hear from him again. This is just from my experience. 1
katiegrl Posted June 8, 2015 Posted June 8, 2015 To be exact, I texted him saying "hey mr fallen off the face of the earth :)". He replied "hey [name] what's up :)" then another text saying "yeah I'm in my own world sometimes"... That's discouraging...ugh. Sounds like he is either looking for a texting buddy ....or he wants you to be the aggressor ...so if you are okay with that (being the aggressor), keep it going, ask him if he wants to meet and when he is available. I have no desire to be the aggressor so if it were me, I would let this one go. 1
johan Posted June 8, 2015 Posted June 8, 2015 To be exact, I texted him saying "hey mr fallen off the face of the earth :)". He replied "hey [name] what's up :)" then another text saying "yeah I'm in my own world sometimes"... That was the extent of the conversation? I'd say you put the ball in his court, and he let it drop. Now you know. Dating takes a lot of courage. 1
katiegrl Posted June 8, 2015 Posted June 8, 2015 That was the extent of the conversation? I'd say you put the ball in his court, and he let it drop. Now you know. Dating takes a lot of courage. Great point. The way he responded, he might as well not responded at all...with how cold, non-expressive and non-engaging as he was. Let it go....sorry. 1
Gary S Posted June 8, 2015 Posted June 8, 2015 You've been letting this guy play with you for two weeks? He's either married or a nincompoop. If they don't set up a meet with you on the very first call, cut contact and talk to the next guy. 2
Author rie39 Posted June 8, 2015 Author Posted June 8, 2015 He's always been like that though. Quite non expressive. It's hard to tell if he is being nice and his usual boring self or showing disinterest
Author rie39 Posted June 8, 2015 Author Posted June 8, 2015 You've been letting this guy play with you for two weeks? He's either married or a nincompoop. If they don't set up a meet with you on the very first call, cut contact and talk to the next guy. Haha, we're both very young - he's 23. I doubt he's married.
katiegrl Posted June 8, 2015 Posted June 8, 2015 (edited) He's always been like that though. Quite non expressive. It's hard to tell if he is being nice and his usual boring self or showing disinterest Go with he is disinterested....and let it go. You will be doing yourself and your heart a huge favor. I asked you this before but why are so focused on this? I mean what's the attraction? Gary is right..he sounds like a ninkompoop! A cold, elusive disinterested flakey nincompoop. What do you see in him? Do you not believe you deserve...or you could get a man better than this? At least a man who is clearly interested in meeting you? Edited June 8, 2015 by katiegrl 2
Author rie39 Posted June 8, 2015 Author Posted June 8, 2015 Go with he is disinterested....and let it go. You will be doing yourself and your heart a huge favor. I asked you this before but why are so focused on this? I mean what's the attraction? Gary is right..he sounds like a ninkompoop! A cold, elusive disinterested flakey nincompoop. What do you see in him? Do you not believe you deserve...or you could get better than this? Haha! Well he is attractive and he sounds so friendly on the phone. I thought he was a good guy at the start and that I deserved that. That was before I realised he isn't making many moves though.
Gary S Posted June 8, 2015 Posted June 8, 2015 Reality check - You don't really know how old he is, or if the pictures realy are of himself. You have no idea who you are talking to, you've never met him. Part of smart dating is efficiency. Dating is the search for a needle in the haystack. 3
Author rie39 Posted June 8, 2015 Author Posted June 8, 2015 Ok everyone... I sent him a text asking him to be honest, I said that I felt that with his rare rexting/calling and bland conversations that he isn't interested in me. He replied saying to be honest he thought I wasn't interested which is why he stopped the texting and calling. And he's sorry for the bland conversations. And that work has been full on lately.. er so what do I take from that?
fred123 Posted June 8, 2015 Posted June 8, 2015 As a guy who has done this before and is actually doing it now iv called a girl i met online a few times to show that i like her and ask her questions about herself. She even said that she likes that i ask questions and getting to know her. But when things didnt work out and she said she didnt like me more than a friend i asked her why she always picked up the phone and talked to me she replied "i was just being polite". And that hurt me a lot and i realised that i shouldnt call a girl anymore. Let them call me to show their interest. So i get what this guy is saying! 1
Toodaloo Posted June 8, 2015 Posted June 8, 2015 I actually met a guy after turning round and saying the magic words "Are you ever going to ask me out?" Turns out he thought I wasn't interested but he wanted to keep talking to me because he was! Great guy. Had a couple of great dates with him. Am still in touch with him and we enjoy each others random calls. Sadly when we did go out it became apparent that there was not a long term future for us for the simple reason that he can't live in the country and I can't live in a town... So we stopped. But he is a fantastic chap. Just meet the guy. 1
katiegrl Posted June 8, 2015 Posted June 8, 2015 Ok everyone... I sent him a text asking him to be honest, I said that I felt that with his rare rexting/calling and bland conversations that he isn't interested in me. He replied saying to be honest he thought I wasn't interested which is why he stopped the texting and calling. And he's sorry for the bland conversations. And that work has been full on lately.. er so what do I take from that? You should have also mentioned him not expressing interest in meeting you *combined* with all the other things you mentioned caused you to think he wasn't interested. You left out the most important reason! In any event, it has become quite clear he has no intention of asking you out. If you want to meet him, you will have to ask him. And if you do end up dating him, you will most likely be the one leading the relationship ....so if you are cool with that, go for it! I would not, no matter how attractive and friendly on the phone he was. But you're the one who wants to date him...so do what you feel is best for you. 1
d0nnivain Posted June 8, 2015 Posted June 8, 2015 Ok everyone... I sent him a text asking him to be honest, I said that I felt that with his rare rexting/calling and bland conversations that he isn't interested in me. He replied saying to be honest he thought I wasn't interested which is why he stopped the texting and calling. And he's sorry for the bland conversations. And that work has been full on lately.. er so what do I take from that? Good for you for reaching out. It was as I suspected -- he thought you weren't interested because you never initiated so he was backing off. Where you go from here since fortune favors the brave is you ask him when you two are going to get together? N.B. If you do that consider yourself to be the one asking him on the date & be prepared to pay for the whole date. He may offer, then it's up to you to decide how you want to handle things. All I'm saying is don't show up broke. 1
Author rie39 Posted June 8, 2015 Author Posted June 8, 2015 So quite a few of you are suggesting I ask to meet up with him. I'm hung up on something he wrote after the series of texts I shared earlier. I would like your help in understanding what I should do CONSIDERING this that he texted me: "I have a lot of stuff going on at home and I understand the conversations were bland and we're not really going anywhere. But that's because I barely know you and I did ask more questions past the point of how was your weekend etc" I'm not really happy with the idea of him thinking that we were having bland conversations because we barely knew each other, shouldn't he have tried to get to know me better? I told him he can talk to me about his problems at home if he'd like, and he just said it's a long story and goodnight. No further conversation, it's like the usual again. I thought after reaching out to him and sharing how I feel, he'd be more inclined to be open and engaging because he now KNOWS I don't like the bland conversations. But no it seems he's just going to keep being like before? Ahh
fred123 Posted June 8, 2015 Posted June 8, 2015 I'm sorry but he doesn't sound interested. you should see what I'm like when I'm interested. i ask a lot of questions about the girl, i really want to get to know her as a person, not trying to get into her pants which sow girls respect 1
d0nnivain Posted June 8, 2015 Posted June 8, 2015 His response was defensive. He felt like he was trying & now he's upset because he feels like you did not appreciate his efforts. You seem to be putting a lot of pressure on him -- why isn't he talking more, why isn't he contacting you more but you aren't giving him acknowledgement that his advances are welcome. Take the bull by the horns or walk away but stop telling him to step up to the plate when you won't. At this point he may have lost interest because you weren't being clear or fair to him 1
Author rie39 Posted June 8, 2015 Author Posted June 8, 2015 His response was defensive. He felt like he was trying & now he's upset because he feels like you did not appreciate his efforts. You seem to be putting a lot of pressure on him -- why isn't he talking more, why isn't he contacting you more but you aren't giving him acknowledgement that his advances are welcome. Take the bull by the horns or walk away but stop telling him to step up to the plate when you won't. At this point he may have lost interest because you weren't being clear or fair to him I don't know if I agree with you or not. On one hand after reading what you wrote I feel like "oh god you're right, have I stuffed this up? I should've initiated things more". But on the other hand, I feel too burnt out here, knowing that I have to "step up to the plate" to keep him interested, if he really liked me isn't it plain and simple that he'd asked me out already, he'd not ask bland questions? How is it my fault here? He never let things progress into any more than a casual chat,, is that really due to me?
d0nnivain Posted June 8, 2015 Posted June 8, 2015 It's not so much a blame / fault thing although I think you both contributed to the demise by failing to nurture the budding relationship. That said since neither of you were all in maybe there wasn't much to it to begin with. All I am saying is that if you like a guy, when he shows interests you have to encourage him & show interest back. 1
Lansing Posted June 8, 2015 Posted June 8, 2015 If someone told me my conversation was "bland" I would probably take offence and I might even walk away. The thing is, bland conversation is two sided. I might have missed it but what were you doing to spice things up? I have met girls before and it felt like I was pulling teeth when trying to talk to them... And, it wasn' that they weren't interested in me, they were just dull/lacked energy. 1
Author rie39 Posted June 9, 2015 Author Posted June 9, 2015 Oh ok, now I feel like I've stuffed it up. Probably put him off by saying "bland" and by not showing more interest. But I feel he kinda stuffed it up too. If he had been more obvious with his interest I would have reciprocated it better. I honestly couldn't see it. I thought he just wanted a friendly chat every now and then and nothing more and I wasn't happy about that.
Author rie39 Posted June 9, 2015 Author Posted June 9, 2015 I don't understand why he thought I didn't show enough interest. I feel he didn't give me enough sign that he was interested in me, for me to show him interest back. He would ask boring questions and call/text rarely.
katiegrl Posted June 9, 2015 Posted June 9, 2015 Oh ok, now I feel like I've stuffed it up. Probably put him off by saying "bland" and by not showing more interest. But I feel he kinda stuffed it up too. If he had been more obvious with his interest I would have reciprocated it better. I honestly couldn't see it. I thought he just wanted a friendly chat every now and then and nothing more and I wasn't happy about that. You don't like he communicates? You think his texts are bland? Not putting forth enough effort? Well then you walk away. Hell, you haven't even met the guy, there is WAY too much drama here over a guy you have never even met. No offense, but it's kind of ridiculous.. You are almost bordering on obsessive here....just move on and forget about it. He is ONE guy....there WILL be others. 1
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