rie39 Posted June 7, 2015 Posted June 7, 2015 Hi, I'd been getting calls and texts for about 2 weeks from a guy I haven't met - just found him on a dating site and he asked for my number and I'd been receiving calls from him since then. He always was friendly and initiating calls, but his texts were always sparse, his questions were always mundane (e.g. "how are you", "how was uni today", "what are you doing this weekend"). He never asked to meet me. He hasn't texted or called me in 4 days. I'm wondering if I should try contacting him or not. I'm wondering if he possibly is doing this to me on purpose, wondering how I feel about him, and is expecting me to text him? Or maybe he's just lost interest. What do you guys think?
KatZee Posted June 7, 2015 Posted June 7, 2015 Leave it alone. Two weeks calling you daily and he doesn't ask you out on a date? Guy has minimal interest, at best. Probably looking to keep a few spinning plates in the background for when his main girls are busy. Who talks to someone on the phone for two weeks with no intent on meeting them? Also, the conversations were mundane? He's talking to you like an old friend, not like someone who's trying to get to know you. I've had tons of guys from OLD act like this. Always calling me, texting me, but never making plans. I've confronted all of them and one of two things happens: 1. They ghost out 2. They admit that they are just doing it for fun and not for anything serious 5
Art_Critic Posted June 7, 2015 Posted June 7, 2015 2 weeks of calls and texts and the conversation never lead to going out... either he isn't good at conversation or he was bored and using OLD as a filler.. If he wasn't good in conversation then you could swing the topic into meeting up as well.. As far as him.. if you do anything you call him.. but no texting.. more lack of conversation 1
Perrier Posted June 7, 2015 Posted June 7, 2015 If your pride can handle it, call him. If you'd rather keep your dignity, leave it. I went on a first date with a guy two months ago. He talked of maybe meeting up again, and nothing happened. I figured he wanted company for a cocktail bar and nothing more. Have I contacted him? No, I deleted his details. Point is, you were satisfying a need at that time. Guy's lack of communication is your answer. Tbh I'd expect him to flake off after talking for two weeks with no meet in sight. 1
misspond Posted June 7, 2015 Posted June 7, 2015 Leave it alone. I've had tons of guys from OLD act like this. Always calling me, texting me, but never making plans. I've confronted all of them and one of two things happens: 1. They ghost out 2. They admit that they are just doing it for fun and not for anything serious ^ This is something I've experienced too. Although I don't always confront them; if I like their profile I'll chat for a bit but basically, if I'm not approached for a coffee meet in the first couple of days (at the most) then I'll be the one that fades away. I'm particularly wary of people who start the text-lationship stuff before we've even met. 3
fred123 Posted June 7, 2015 Posted June 7, 2015 Its interesting to see from a girls point of view but as a guy iv had girls "change their minds" or say " we were only ever talking as ffiends" So why cant the same girls who use that as excuses on guys they dont like understand that it can happen to them too? 1
d0nnivain Posted June 7, 2015 Posted June 7, 2015 2 weeks of calls and texts and the conversation never lead to going out... either he isn't good at conversation or he was bored and using OLD as a filler.. This was my take on it too which leads me to recommend you leave it alone & do nothing. Take the lack of calls as a sign he's no longer interested. If you really like him -- which is does not sound like you do -- in the interest of closure you could reach out. The only other possibility is that if during those 2 weeks he always called you and you never called him, this is him sitting back waiting to see if you do reach out because he's looking for some confirmation of interest on your part. 1
katiegrl Posted June 7, 2015 Posted June 7, 2015 (edited) Its interesting to see from a girls point of view but as a guy iv had girls "change their minds" or say " we were only ever talking as ffiends" **So why cant the same girls who use that as excuses on guys they dont like understand that it can happen to them too?** Because the *same* girls who get blown off by guys DON'T do it to them, that's why. That is why they don't understand the behavior. It is baffling to them because they would never treat someone that way. Yes I realize guys get the same treatment, but the girls who blow them off mostly likely have guys chasing them up ying yang and are self centered to boot. They are a different breed of girl from the girls like the OP who would never dream of treating a guy that way. Edited June 7, 2015 by katiegrl 1
Author rie39 Posted June 7, 2015 Author Posted June 7, 2015 Who talks to someone on the phone for two weeks with no intent on meeting them? Also, the conversations were mundane? He's talking to you like an old friend, not like someone who's trying to get to know you. I know, this whole time I've been confused and asking myself the same question. Why would someone bother talking if they don't plan on anything to happen? Sheesh. It's not only odd to me, but also a waste of my time and energy because I was hoping for something to happen!
Author rie39 Posted June 7, 2015 Author Posted June 7, 2015 If you really like him -- which is does not sound like you do -- in the interest of closure you could reach out. The only other possibility is that if during those 2 weeks he always called you and you never called him, this is him sitting back waiting to see if you do reach out because he's looking for some confirmation of interest on your part. I did start to like him actually. If he really IS sitting back and waiting for me to initiate something, how am I supposed to know that?! It's hard to tell whether they have lost interest or are seeing if the other person starts initiating conversation. I never initiated calls, it was always him, so I do wonder if he in fact wants me to do it first for once.
Author rie39 Posted June 7, 2015 Author Posted June 7, 2015 I'm worried that if he is waiting to see if I show any interest (by initiating contact through his silence) and I don't, that he'll think I'm not interested when I actually am. :/
misspond Posted June 7, 2015 Posted June 7, 2015 Why not just shoot him a text and suggest meeting for coffee. One way or the other you'll find out 1
katiegrl Posted June 7, 2015 Posted June 7, 2015 (edited) I'm worried that if he is waiting to see if I show any interest (by initiating contact through his silence) and I don't, that he'll think I'm not interested when I actually am. :/ Even if that IS the case.....which I highly doubt based on how mundane and non-engaging his texts were from the get go ......do you really want to get involved with a guy who is so insecure that he resorts to head games like pulling back....in an attempt to find out if you like him? I wouldn't....no thank you! I want a secure confident guy who is not *afraid* to ask a girl he likes out on a date!! Sheesh! Not to mention, there is no reason for him to think you are not interested. Men KNOW they are the initiators ....and that it's up to them to ask a girl out....at least the FIRST date! And YOU are not the one who has pulled back. Most men do not expect the girl to ask them out first, lest they think she is not interested. It would be kind of crazy to believe that IMO. He has lost interest (if he ever was interested)... just leave it alone..do not start chasing him....bad move . Edited June 7, 2015 by katiegrl 1
d0nnivain Posted June 7, 2015 Posted June 7, 2015 I'm worried that if he is waiting to see if I show any interest (by initiating contact through his silence) and I don't, that he'll think I'm not interested when I actually am. :/ If he's sitting back & you don't initiate for once, he absolutely will think you don't care. Since you haven't initiated at all, you need to reach out. If you can't or won't call or text him, this relationship is already over. 2
Emilia Posted June 7, 2015 Posted June 7, 2015 If he's sitting back & you don't initiate for once, he absolutely will think you don't care. Since you haven't initiated at all, you need to reach out. If you can't or won't call or text him, this relationship is already over. It takes two to build a connection. 1
katiegrl Posted June 7, 2015 Posted June 7, 2015 (edited) Yeah sure go ahead and text him....ask him out! As long as you are emotionaly prepared to either having your text ignored, or receiving yet another mundane, non-engaging, cold indifferent response... or having him tell you he is busy or whatever....go for it! But if a guy I started chatting with on line, who had never expressed interest in meeting me after two weeks, proceeded to ignore me for four days...I would presume he is not interested and move on. It is not like you had built any sort of connection before he disappeared either...in fact his texts were cold and indifferent. Just curious, but why are you so focused on this? Isn't this type of thing par for the course in OLD? People come and go, text for awhile, realize there is nothing there and drop off, Just let it go. That is what I would do anyway. If you start chasing now, it sends the wrong message. JMO....but good luck whatever you decide. Edited June 7, 2015 by katiegrl 1
fred123 Posted June 7, 2015 Posted June 7, 2015 But he calls! As a guy i call a girl i like cos i want to hear her voice. Do you girls not know that when i call or a guy calls that they are interested?! 1
katiegrl Posted June 7, 2015 Posted June 7, 2015 But he calls! As a guy i call a girl i like cos i want to hear her voice. Do you girls not know that when i call or a guy calls that they are interested?! Okay good point! rie, when he called and asked what you were up to for the weekend, how did you respond? Did you ever initiate any calls yourself? After rethinking this....I have changed my opinion. If you never initiated any calls yourself, go ahead and call him. Let him know you'd like to meet him...for a quick coffee or whatevs. You have nothing to lose... and fred has a point. Who knows what this guy is thinking. So yeah...call. Good luck and let us know what happens! 1
fitnessfan365 Posted June 7, 2015 Posted June 7, 2015 There probably guys who are married looking for emotional intimacy or other guys that are just bored and want to pass the time. However, I'm guessing there are also guys that are unsure of themselves and want a woman to bring up plans. So that's why he keeps reaching out. But in cases like these, it's an ass backward way of thinking. It's supposed to be a woman that puts herself in a guy's orbit so he'll take the hint and keep making dates..LOL 2
Author rie39 Posted June 8, 2015 Author Posted June 8, 2015 D0nnivain and Emilia: so you two don't agree with the others who say that I should just leave it because he's already showing he's not interested? You think I should actually contact him?
Author rie39 Posted June 8, 2015 Author Posted June 8, 2015 Okay good point! rie, when he called and asked what you were up to for the weekend, how did you respond? Did you ever initiate any calls yourself? After rethinking this....I have changed my opinion. If you never initiated any calls yourself, go ahead and call him. Let him know you'd like to meet him...for a quick coffee or whatevs. You have nothing to lose... and fred has a point. Who knows what this guy is thinking. So yeah...call. Good luck and let us know what happens! I never initiated any calls, he was always saying "I'll call you tomorrow" or "I'll call you again soon" at the end of our calls. When he asked what I'm doing this weekend I just either said I had no plans yet (trying to leave it open) or a few things here and there like I'm going out for lunch with friends, going out tomorrow night...then I'd ask him what he's doing.
katiegrl Posted June 8, 2015 Posted June 8, 2015 D0nnivain and Emilia: so you two don't agree with the others who say that I should just leave it because he's already showing he's not interested? You think I should actually contact him? rie, please read my recent post. I changed my mind and I now also think it would not hurt to reach out and give him a call. Or at least a text.... If he does not respond at least you will know for sure he is not interested... instead of wondering about it. 1
Author rie39 Posted June 8, 2015 Author Posted June 8, 2015 Ok so I've come to a decision, that I should get in touch with him. If he doesn't reply or dorsnt have anything nice to say then I'll know he isn't interested. If he does then it could mean he was waiting to see if I was interested. At least this will help for me answers, whether he's interested or not. 1
johan Posted June 8, 2015 Posted June 8, 2015 Maybe he decided to back off, thinking he'd like to see if you're willing to show some interest. Or maybe he isn't interested anymore. If you want to contact him, do it, so at least you aren't playing games. But be ready for a not-so-positive outcome. If he's interested, any form of contact will do. If he isn't, it won't matter. 1
Author rie39 Posted June 8, 2015 Author Posted June 8, 2015 Ok guys... I texted him and he replied. He said "hey (name) what's up :)". [sorry id rather not share my real name on this forum]. I was kind of hoping that if he didn't reply, id know he's not interested. Now that he's replied, I don't know what to do. Why did he not text/call me in 4 days then he replied all friendly?
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