Shining One Posted June 7, 2015 Posted June 7, 2015 This word gets thrown around a lot, so I'd like to get some thoughts on it. I don't expect any sort of consensus, since everyone is different, but it will be interesting to see what people think. Someone is cheap if they: A. Don't spend money at all and just hoard it. B. Spend money, but not on their partners / potential partners. C. Spend money only in roughly equal portions as their partner spends on them. D. Other (please elaborate).
Arieswoman Posted June 7, 2015 Posted June 7, 2015 This is a difficult question Shining One, as it's a matter of personal opinion. In UK there are some restaurants that serve meals at a cheaper price between 5 and 6.30. If a guy took me on date then I would think he was being careful and thrifty. Other people might say he was being "cheap":). 1
acrosstheuniverse Posted June 7, 2015 Posted June 7, 2015 I don't really think it's anything to do with how much a guy spends on a date, for me, at all. If the focus is on the cost of the meal not the quality of the date then something is very wrong. For me cheap is when someone stands at a register when they're buying coffee for the two of you and pays for theirs separately, leaving you to buy your own. I am happy to go dutch on a date but it's nice to make the gesture of buying your date a drink. So I buy us two drinks, he buys us two drinks. Dutch overall, but it looks SO mean and tight if a guy pays for his own coffee while you're right behind him, just like if I were in the queue first I'd get both of the drinks. I have rejected a second date before because a guy was too cheap to buy me a coffee. 2
PrettyEmily77 Posted June 7, 2015 Posted June 7, 2015 I don't really keep tabs on how my guy handles his finances but I think someone's attitude with money is just the reflection of their attitude in life in general. I like a guy to be generous with his time, generous of his spirit, generous with his feelings, etc. Lucky for me he is all these things because I couldn't stay with someone who finds it hard to give or share any of these things with me. I guess I'd be concerned if being 'cheap' with money would transfer into being 'cheap' with everything else. 3
salparadise Posted June 7, 2015 Posted June 7, 2015 Someone is cheap if they: B. Spend money, but not on their partners / potential partners. C. Spend money only in roughly equal portions as their partner spends on them. Just to clarify, what we're really talking about here is MEN are cheap if... correct? 1
Author Shining One Posted June 7, 2015 Author Posted June 7, 2015 Just to clarify, what we're really talking about here is MEN are cheap if... correct?I was deliberately gender neutral in my original post. I don't see why men and women would have different conditions under which they are labeled cheap.
preraph Posted June 7, 2015 Posted June 7, 2015 To me, what makes someone cheap is when they're always angling to get someone else to pay for things. Like if it's just two friends who go Dutch, one of them is always not offering to help pay, say, for the appetizer, but still eats the appetizer as if she was. A guy is cheap if he doesn't pay for the first date, for sure, or if he expects his date, who makes less than him, to pay half when she can't afford it and he's the one asking her out. But that's just incompatibility, to me. Not the right match. A friend of mine's husband was cheap. They lived 20 miles outside of town where they worked, but he wouldn't help pay for any of her car expenses even though she was taking him to work and back. When she'd ask, he'd say it was her choice to have a car and if she didn't have one, he'd just ride his bike those 20 miles. So one day, she divorced him and let him do just that. He quickly found a new girl to sponge off of and moved to town.
elaine567 Posted June 7, 2015 Posted June 7, 2015 As well as meaning stingy and meanThere is also:- 1. cheap - tastelessly showy; "a flash car"; "a flashy ring"; "garish colors"; "a gaudy costume"; "loud sport shirts"; "a meretricious yet stylish book"; "tawdry ornaments"flash, flashy, garish, gaudy, gimcrack, tawdry, trashy, brassy, loud, meretricious, tacky, tatty tasteless - lacking aesthetic or social taste 2.cheap - of very poor quality; flimsybum, cheesy, chintzy, crummy, punk, sleazy, tinny inferior - of low or inferior quality 3. a cheap woman A female who cares neither who nor what she has sex with. (I guess due to the fact a cheap prostitute will go with anyone as her desirability factor is low) 1
loveweary11 Posted June 7, 2015 Posted June 7, 2015 Seems there is a fine line between "good with money" and "cheap." Good with money: Doesn't clothes shop much Minimalist lifestyle Eats at home mostly Doesn't worry about impressing people with a fancy car Buys things only when necessary Generally holds onto money. Cheap: Makes other people pay Watches money on a date Leaves very small tips Essentially, it seems "cheap" is less about one's self and more about how you treat othetrs, financially. For the record, I love women that are good with money. Not wasting money allows you to build wealth and attaiun freedom from working at a job. 2
jen1447 Posted June 7, 2015 Posted June 7, 2015 This word gets thrown around a lot, so I'd like to get some thoughts on it. I don't expect any sort of consensus, since everyone is different, but it will be interesting to see what people think. Someone is cheap if they: A. Don't spend money at all and just hoard it. B. Spend money, but not on their partners / potential partners. C. Spend money only in roughly equal portions as their partner spends on them. D. Other (please elaborate). I don't really know how to define it without a lot of silly caveats, but I know it when I see it, and it's one of the most singularly vajay-tightening traits in existence. Just as an off-hand example, I went on a date with a guy once quite a long time ago who was considerate enough to pay for dinner at a nice restaurant, but he scrutinized the bill to make sure all our food was accurately represented and there were no overcharges and then calculated the precise 18% tip or whatever down to the penny, all while I sat there watching him in silence. There was no puss-puss for dessert that night ....or ever. I actually felt some pity for him.
Author Shining One Posted June 7, 2015 Author Posted June 7, 2015 A friend of mine's husband was cheap. They lived 20 miles outside of town where they worked, but he wouldn't help pay for any of her car expenses even though she was taking him to work and back. When she'd ask, he'd say it was her choice to have a car and if she didn't have one, he'd just ride his bike those 20 miles. So one day, she divorced him and let him do just that. He quickly found a new girl to sponge off of and moved to town.By this reasoning, if Partner A does 90% of the driving in a relationship and Partner B does not contribute towards the car expenses, would Partner B considered cheap?
TaraMaiden2 Posted June 7, 2015 Posted June 7, 2015 Just to clarify, what we're really talking about here is MEN are cheap if... correct? 'Cheap' is also a definition of a specific look...isn't it? I remember the wonderful Dolly Parton coming out on stage, huge bouffant wig, false eyelashes, a white 'Elvis' type suit studded with rhinestones and shoes that would have crippled most women, but she wore with expert ease.... (You'll have to imagine her trademark drawl....) "Hi everyone! Hi!! How do y'all like mah new look?!" (Raptuous applause and deafening cheering) as the noise subsides, she declares - "It takes a whole lotta dollars to look this cheap!" (massive laughter....) IN the UK we have the classic 'Essex' look, both for guys and gals... here's one.... and another, typifying behaviour... And let's not forget the lads.... (it's good that these images don't smell, because you'd pass out at the excessive use of perfume/cologne...) 1
Author Shining One Posted June 7, 2015 Author Posted June 7, 2015 I don't really know how to define it without a lot of silly caveatsIf silly caveats are what define it, then they're not so silly in my opinion. Your example is perfect. It reminds me of having dinner with an ex-girlfriend and her sisters/friends. Picture me, one other guy, and 8+ women. After the bill arrives, most of the table whips out their iPhones and start calculating. After two experiences like that, I started making sure I carried cash so I could just drop it and call it a night while they calculated who puts how much on which card.
alphamale Posted June 7, 2015 Posted June 7, 2015 someone who is cheap will never reach for the check when dining out. 2
Gloria25 Posted June 7, 2015 Posted June 7, 2015 By this reasoning, if Partner A does 90% of the driving in a relationship and Partner B does not contribute towards the car expenses, would Partner B considered cheap? Well, what does Partner B do for Partner A besides contributing towards the car expenses? Does Partner B cook for Partner A? Does Partner B pay for the dinner/show?
Author Shining One Posted June 7, 2015 Author Posted June 7, 2015 Well, what does Partner B do for Partner A besides contributing towards the car expenses? Does Partner B cook for Partner A? Does Partner B pay for the dinner/show?For the sake of this question, let's consider all else equal. 50% split with the cooking and dinners/shows.
preraph Posted June 7, 2015 Posted June 7, 2015 By this reasoning, if Partner A does 90% of the driving in a relationship and Partner B does not contribute towards the car expenses, would Partner B considered cheap? Yes, if it's a spouse or SO and they're relying on using the car for transportation regularly because they don't have their own. I'm not sure you understood my post. He didn't have a car at all. But he used hers all the time, not just her driving him to work but she let him use it, and he would never contribute anything toward the maintenance of it, not insurance, not gas, not mechanical. She should have let him just ride that 20 miles in those hills to work, in retrospect, but she was having trouble comprehending he was really that cheap. There was no public transport. This was in Texas out in the country with the city 20 miles away. Not having a car is not optional there. Him saying he would ride his bike was just his way of weasling out of helping her pay for it. As soon as she called his bluff and left, he moved to town. And yes, it had been his idea to move to the country, too. But he wasn't about to ride 20 miles in those hills and had to make an abrupt move when she left with the car.
Author Shining One Posted June 7, 2015 Author Posted June 7, 2015 Yes, if it's a spouse or SO and they're relying on using the car for transportation regularly because they don't have their own. I'm not sure you understood my post.I understood your post and I agree with you. It just gave me an idea for a hypothetical question. 1
preraph Posted June 7, 2015 Posted June 7, 2015 For the sake of this question, let's consider all else equal. 50% split with the cooking and dinners/shows. Once you're married or as good as married, instead of wrangling about every expenditure, you keep your own accounts, while also making a joint one and decide how much each person puts in according to what they make usually and then also what all comes out of that fund. I would think entertainment would come out of that fund and no one would have to barter about it. You want to avoid as much confrontation about money as possible by making a comprehensive plan you both agreed on to begin with to handle most everyday things. For example, on the joint account, maybe entertainment for you as a couple comes out of that but if one takes their friends out, that comes out of their separate accounts.
GravityMan Posted June 7, 2015 Posted June 7, 2015 Being cheap vs. not cheap has little, if anything, to do with how much the person spends, or who pays. A date can cost less than $5 or even be free, and not feel cheap. Instead, it all boils down to attitude (especially towards others...his date, the waitress, etc.) and the person's thought process. If the person seems to be looking at the bill with a magnifying glass, instead of simply keeping his date good company...then he is cheap. I mean, in that case why did he even bother choosing that venue in the first place? May as well have just done some sort of free date. If he or she doesn't make ANY sort of gesture to offer to pay or worse...bluntly asks his/her date to pay, then he is cheap...and also arguably even rude. Having the aforementioned attitudes towards money also very likely negatively affects some other aspects of his life, including some of his beliefs and morals. Perhaps the guy lacks spontaneity. Or maybe he's the type that doesn't give his loved ones a gift or at least a call or something on their birthdays. Cheap people are usually selfish, and selfishness is often poisonous to building a possible relationship with someone. There's a big difference between being cheap and being frugal. One can be frugal while still being generous and considerate. Also, dates are supposed to be FUN. It's a lot easier to have fun and just enjoy the moment if the person would just relax and live a little. Generally speaking, it's the date planner's responsibility to ensure that he/she has enough money to cover the cost of the date...but beyond that, who cares if the meal costs $31.20 vs $27.78, and who gives a sh*t if the gratuity percentage is "off" by a few bucks. People who think too hard about this stuff aren't just cheapskates...they're also probably going to be boring and uptight. They are often "mountain out of a molehill" or "blow petty stuff out of proportion" type people. Stop thinking so hard about such trivial matters...and just pay the bill+tip - or at least offer to pay and then move on. If an expense-related screwball is unexpectedly thrown your way then just deal with it like a mature person and then move on. 4
preraph Posted June 7, 2015 Posted June 7, 2015 I agree being frugal and being cheap are two different things. But you can also take frugality to excess, for instance, spending all afternoon searching for coupons when you'd have more money using that time to, say, work at a job. You can always make more money than you can save. So it's not worth it to spend a lot of time saving money. Better to spend it working and making money. Also, there's pennywise/pound foolish. That would be like buying things with coupons you'd never buy otherwise or buying name brands so you can use a coupon when it would still be cheaper to buy generic and no time wasted either. I've known women who get real caught up in clothes shopping for sales items, but they are buying way more clothes than anyone needs but feel like they're saving money. Another example which is fairly common. I have to watch myself on this one: Driving all over town to find a sale item and save $10.
No Limit Posted June 7, 2015 Posted June 7, 2015 I agree it depends on the attitude. What I often see is people waiting ages for even a single cent/penny, carefully studying the bill for 10 minutes in the parking lot, and not wanting to risk even a single euro in something fun (once went to a zoo with a friend and they had built a new attraction; a water ride with documentary scenes on the walls - for just 1€! And still I had to insist for a few minutes until she agreed because she didn't want to be alone - she also thanked me for pushing her to it afterwards)... sorry, now I don't consider this cheap but it would be a dealbreaker. I don't need gifts or extras or free meals, but boy oh boy when we're going out just be open to invest a little in good times instead of going into the city broke only to complain how bored you are. Perhaps it's also a mentality thing. Where I'm from money is used for pleasure in life, not hoarding it until you're in your final decade of life. (If you even make it this far!)
candie13 Posted June 7, 2015 Posted June 7, 2015 What makes a person cheap is the inability to indulge himself with simple pleasures. Just as they are unable to indulge themselves, they will not indulge you with simple pleasures. Not on his time. Not on his money. Cheap is also controlling. Cheap people don't really love themselves - not enough to pay their own money for themselves. I genuinely doubt they can truly love other people. Cheap is not smart with money. Cheap is not looking for the better investment. Cheap is simply taking the lowest cost option, irrelevant of what it is that they are buying and of its importance - to both themselves - or you. Cheap is a way of being. Cheap is never about money. It's like cancer, deeply spread in every cell of that being... incurable. 5
alphamale Posted June 7, 2015 Posted June 7, 2015 Cheap is never about money. It's like cancer, deeply spread in every cell of that being... incurable. I hear that sister 1
MissBee Posted June 7, 2015 Posted June 7, 2015 Cheap is about a miserly attitude and stinginess, there is often selfishness attached to it as well. It's often too where you don't care about quality and you just care about hoarding pennies so always go for the cheapest of the cheap. It's never just about money. 1
Recommended Posts