Surprised My Girlfriend

June 8, 2015

All you people who said he was wrong and should have done that. Pfft it wouldnt have made a difference shes checking out its irrelevant.

June 8, 2015

He didn't take the likelihood that she would be exhausted into account before he did that. He himself said he knows how it feels after a trip for him.

The flag to me is that he didn't just drive her home and leave. He stuck around even after seeing her face. She had to be pretty rude for him to go.

June 8, 2015

All you people who said he was wrong and should have done that. Pfft it wouldnt have made a difference shes checking out its irrelevant.

If she is checking out it might be because he is suffocating her. There isn't always a 3rd party, you know? People sometimes leave because they've had enough.

June 8, 2015

I just read that as they had plans, not that he was forbidden from surprising her.

The remark that he wasn't to surprise her came at the last second when he was already at baggage claim, and she was probably just getting off the plane... That's a bit late imo to hold against someone.

Also like FF said, it sounds like her being mad at being surprised (its implied he's done this in the past) is uncharacteristic of her usual self and the OP was surprised that she was upset about it.

"you're not going to surprise me at baggage claim, are you?"

That implies a weary expectation that he's going to do something she doesn't appreciate, ergo this behavior is familiar and not highly regarded. Somehow I doubt that was news to him. But what kind of guy does that sh*t anyway? Someone who doesn't get it, and/or someone who prioritizes their own 'fun' over the person they're 'funning' for. Which also may explain her general attitude of disdain for the OP.

June 8, 2015

There will be billions of girls who will appreciate a guy like OP.

either that or turn into an ******* and she will want you.

Girls dig their own holes pfft

June 8, 2015

Part of the problem here too may be that he did something intended to be nice for her, but it was really about what HE wanted to do for her, not something she would have wanted or liked.

Men do this sometimes. They do what they THINK she will like, not what he knows she would like. Not only that, he may simply be finding out for the first time that she doesn't like surprises. If they aren't communicating very well anyway, he may already have had a heads up about this kind of thing in the past and overlooked or forgotten about it.

It also didn't make sense for him to drive to the airport when she had a car there anyway. And, when he realized she wasn't thrilled with being surprised and she did tlel him that then, he added insult to injury basically by continuing on to her house. It would have made more sense for him to go home and then visit her the next day as planned. This surprise wasn't really about surprising her as much as it was about his missing her and doing what he wanted to do.

I do think she should have handled it better though. She should have said something like "I really appreciate you're being here and I missed you, but I'm very tired and want to go home and re-group. I'd love to have you come by tomorrow as planned". She was probably really tired and just not thinking straight at the moment.

Voice of reason....

June 8, 2015

Girls dig their own holes pfft

What does this even mean?

June 8, 2015

There will be billions of girls who will appreciate a guy like OP.

either that or turn into an ******* and she will want you.
Girls dig their own holes pfft

Actually you'll find that you are talking about the same thing here: a man controlling a woman. Different methods, same result.

June 8, 2015

If this is true theb why wont people answer the hypothetical question i posted on here about if it was my birthday?

June 8, 2015

^ Bc you're obvs just grinding an ax. That doesn't bode well for objectivity on your part, so #lack of interest for getting into it.

June 8, 2015

If this is true theb why wont people answer the hypothetical question i posted on here about if it was my birthday?

If your birthday is coming up, and you don't want to make a big deal of it then you say to your girlfriend "I don't want a party or anything like that, just you and me going out to dinner, ok?". At which point she gives you an affirmative answer and it's "case closed" and when birthday comes you and her go out and have a nice dinner.

Now, if birthday comes and you walk in the door and 30 of your closest friends and relatives jump out at you and sing "Happy Birthday" because your girlfriend disregarded your request, you do your best to roll with the occasion and then at the first available opportunity, either later that night or the very next day, you sit down with her and say "Thank you for the time and effort in throwing me a surprise party, but.. and I mean this only with the best of intentions and with the hopes that our relationship continues to thrive for years to come.. "what part of "I don't want a birthday party" don't you get?

That will lead to dialogue at which point there needs to be some back and forth that ends with her understanding that when you say something- you actually mean it and you expect to be taken seriously otherwise there are huge problems even though she had the best of intentions.

She may agree and understand, at which point you are on the way to greater understanding and a relationship of depth and cooperation, or she'll throw a hissy fit and run away in tears saying how ungrateful you are. In which case I suggest you plan your exit strategy because this is just a sign of things to come. She wants what SHE wants, what you want is a secondary issue of little importance.

June 8, 2015

Now, if birthday comes and you walk in the door and 30 of your closest friends and relatives jump out at you and sing "Happy Birthday" because your girlfriend disregarded your request, you do your best to roll with the occasion and then at the first available opportunity, either later that night or the very next day, you sit down with her and say "Thank you for the time and effort in throwing me a surprise party, but.. and I mean this only with the best of intentions and with the hopes that our relationship continues to thrive for years to come.. "what part of "I don't want a birthday party" don't you get?

Hopefully with a little less sarcasm

June 8, 2015

Hopefully with a little less sarcasm

I know Emilia but I really like the expression "What part of XX don't you understand" and I don't often get a chance to use it in real life.

June 8, 2015

Part of the problem here too may be that he did something intended to be nice for her, but it was really about what HE wanted to do for her, not something she would have wanted or liked.

Men do this sometimes. They do what they THINK she will like, not what he knows she would like. Not only that, he may simply be finding out for the first time that she doesn't like surprises. If they aren't communicating very well anyway, he may already have had a heads up about this kind of thing in the past and overlooked or forgotten about it.

It also didn't make sense for him to drive to the airport when she had a car there anyway. And, when he realized she wasn't thrilled with being surprised and she did tlel him that then, he added insult to injury basically by continuing on to her house. It would have made more sense for him to go home and then visit her the next day as planned. This surprise wasn't really about surprising her as much as it was about his missing her and doing what he wanted to do.

I do think she should have handled it better though. She should have said something like "I really appreciate you're being here and I missed you, but I'm very tired and want to go home and re-group. I'd love to have you come by tomorrow as planned". She was probably really tired and just not thinking straight at the moment.

I agree, I think it was a bit much going back home with her when she was probably REALLY tired. But even if she was tired she could have just saved face for 10-15 minutes instead of being downright cold...

I think it was OK for him to still show up even if she had her car there. Although he would have been better off by walking her to her car, helping her with her luggage and giving her a kiss goodnight.

Although I don't think he could have done anything right, I think she would just find something else wrong that he did. Pretty sure she's prepping to breakup.

I honestly think they're just 2 passive aggressive people who are ready to explode lol. Being passive aggressive isn't characteristic of a real Man, it's something that a Boy does. For the OP's sake he should grow a spine and learn to be assertive.

That is what I said...and I was shot down for it by the now-deleted hydra!

Obviously I agree!

Guys will do things for Women that we THINK they might like all the time... We're not mind readers of course. Just like anyone else who does something nice for someone, we like to feel appreciated for trying. The OP wasn't appreciated whatsoever, he was met with open hostility... Lol. Most likely she's just checking out, also its clear they cant communicate... So meh.

Edited June 8, 2015 by barcode88

June 8, 2015

Fred it's a slow day at work for me here.. lots of cancellations and no shows- go figure, and even with the departure of the colorful troll and the nonreturning Op, this thread is interesting on so many levels so I went back to look for that post of yours. I quote it below.

example-

its my birthday coming up. i tell my girl friend i don't want anything. she then plans a nice birthday surprise/gift etc.

then i get mad at her and act cold to her. according to katie she deserved it haha cos she didnt listen to me hmmmm

Please refer to the bolded part of your post.

If your girlfriend does something you don't want, what is your initial response?

That's right. You "get mad" and "act cold to her".

Fred, this will never, ever get you anywhere. You may get some self satisfaction from the passive aggressive controlling thing that goes along with the elementary school level "silent treatment", but try to think more long term. When you don't have communication in a relationship, what do you have?

Nothing.

Next time you have a girlfriend, and the next time she does something that upsets you rather than "getting mad and acting cold" try sitting down with her and explaining what you have a problem with and why.

Edited June 8, 2015 by wizer

June 8, 2015

That was the point i was trying to make. The OPs gf didnt do that.

Btw i dont get mad and act cold. I would still appreciate what she did then sit down after and talk with her.

June 8, 2015

I think she feels smothered and like you give her no say in when you see her. That's how I'd feel. She specifically asked you not to be there and then asked to make sure you weren't -- and you went against her wishes and showed up anyway. Are you nuts? Don't you think that maybe she's got jet lag and would like to get a good night's sleep and have a shower and dress up a little before seeing a man once she gets home? It's not like you didn't have plans, so why did you have to get all needy and jump the plans. You must know her well enough by now to know she'd rather plan than have someone just show up on her. You're acting like it's for her, but I think it was for you. Sorry. I don't mean to be harsh, but she asked you twice not to. So it wasn't for her and you know it.

Yeah this. I too hate it when someone switches up the plans without clueing me in. That's not a surprise - that's an ambush.

June 8, 2015

I'm honestly surprised how many Women here think the guy did something so terrible... Yes she DID say not to surprise her, but she did it at the very last minute (literally) it was like she was just using it as an excuse to be mad at him -- he was already there! (and she probably knew)

We don't know how terrible (or not) it is without really knowing their relationship.

It's possible he is a nice guy and she is NOT a nice girl.

It's possible that there is a pattern in their relationship of him doing what he wants at the expense of what she wants.

It's possible that she was just REALLY tired and was looking forward to not having human interaction, and her tiredness and his hurt turned into an unnecessary argument.

Every person is different and every relationship is different. An interaction isn't cut and dry - it's colored by all past interactions.

June 8, 2015

That was the point i was trying to make. The OPs gf didnt do that.

Btw i dont get mad and act cold. I would still appreciate what she did then sit down after and talk with her.

The first time it happens, yes. The 30th time it happens, you tend to get mad and cold.

We don't know their history, other than that they did already have plans to meet the next day, and that the gf had said before that she doesn't like surprises.

June 8, 2015

I feel bad for the OP...I agree that he needs to stand up for himself (i.e. not saying everything was fine when asked). I say this because I see some of the stuff he did/does in what I used to do. I hope he posts an update...

June 8, 2015

That implies a weary expectation that he's going to do something she doesn't appreciate, ergo this behavior is familiar and not highly regarded. Somehow I doubt that was news to him. But what kind of guy does that sh*t anyway? Someone who doesn't get it, and/or someone who prioritizes their own 'fun' over the person they're 'funning' for. Which also may explain her general attitude of disdain for the OP.

From her comment it does sound like a trend. But doesn't that make it seem like she usually enjoys surprises? If not, she would have told him years ago and he never would have kept doing it repeatedly. I think the fact that he was so shocked by her reaction shows that it isn't how she'd usually respond.

There is something else going on to make her have such a huge issue on this particular surprise. My guess is that she wanted time to prepare for dumping him. Seeing him sooner than expected rattled her, and now she is purposely trying to flip the script.

June 8, 2015

From her comment it does sound like a trend. But doesn't that make it seem like she usually enjoys surprises? If not, she would have told him years ago and he never would have kept doing it repeatedly. I think the fact that he was so shocked by her reaction shows that it isn't how she'd usually respond.

He'd keep doing it repeatedly if he's that guy, like has been said over and over here. (The guy who has it his way most of the time regardless of how it's received, for whatever reason.) Also this: "She said she doesn't like to be surprised, and that I lied to her telling her I wasn't at the baggage claim via text." I have a hard time believing this was the first time he's ever been told she doesn't like surprises.

Otherwise you need to actually check into a woman's head once in a while to see how we think FF. Loves surprises, hates that he surprised her makes no sense. Hates surprises, hates that he surprised her does make sense.

There is something else going on to make her have such a huge issue on this particular surprise. My guess is that she wanted time to prepare for dumping him. Seeing him sooner than expected rattled her, and now she is purposely trying to flip the script.

Was she also Oswald's secret partner? Jeez, stop with the crazy theories already. All we know is that some chick got irritated when a guy picked her up at the airport when he wasn't supposed to.

June 8, 2015

Was she also Oswald's secret partner? Jeez, stop with the crazy theories already. All we know is that some chick got irritated when a guy picked her up at the airport when he wasn't supposed to.

You might be on to something. If Op ever returns let's ask him if she was in Dallas that weekend.

June 8, 2015

He'd keep doing it repeatedly if he's that guy, like has been said over and over here. (The guy who has it his way most of the time regardless of how it's received, for whatever reason.) Also this: "She said she doesn't like to be surprised, and that I lied to her telling her I wasn't at the baggage claim via text." I have a hard time believing this was the first time he's ever been told she doesn't like surprises.

Otherwise you need to actually check into a woman's head once in a while to see how we think FF. Loves surprises, hates that he surprised her makes no sense. Hates surprises, hates that he surprised her does make sense.

Was she also Oswald's secret partner? Jeez, stop with the crazy theories already. All we know is that some chick got irritated when a guy picked her up at the airport when he wasn't supposed to.

Well yeah he lied to her, but I thought it sounded playful. Honestly for what he did, if he was with the right girl she probably would have told all her friends that night how she has the best boyfriend

We don't know if the OP has a bad habit of this, but I'd say after 3 years in a relationship these kind of surprises aren't uncalled for once in a while. Like FF said OP seemed surprised that she seemed upset, so either he didn't know, or she USED TO like surprises.

She might still like surprises but just not from him anymore because she's not into him any longer.

June 8, 2015

She might still like surprises but just not from him anymore because she's not into him any longer.

That's a fair statement.

I bet if he showed up by surprise at the airport 2 years into the relationship he'd have to pry her off of his body so he could reclaim her baggage.

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