OLD Photo trickery / heavyset women

June 8, 2015

I just want to go on record saying that men are also guilty of misrepresenting themselves!

I've been on dates with men that looked NOTHING like their pics on OLD.

It goes both ways my friend.

June 8, 2015

I've been lurking this thread for the past few days. As far as some of the comments from the ladies, I think I can see where they are coming from. I understand that many a woman often feels picked apart and judged by men, especially for things that she feels are none of their business. And that women HATE this. So a call for women to disclose more about themselves so men they don't even know can evaluate, is going to get some heat.

But don't women do something similar themselves? I mean, how would a woman react if to meeting a guy from Match who says he is 6' but really turns out to be only 5'7". Or if a guy masks his age by posting old photos and having recent ones with him wearing a baseball cap and loose clothes (so you can't see his gray or that he let himself go). What if a guy misrepresents his employment in a big way (but doesn't quite outright lie)? What if a guy has a social anxiety that reveals itself only when you meet up with him for the first time? If this makes you not interested, I think that is totally fair on your part. So, how/why is it different if a guy does likewise?

Meanwhile, there are plenty of well-intentioned guys on Match who can't get dates period. They write nice email after nice email but they don't get a single response. Why are these guys being written off? It probably isn't due to the type of person they are deep inside...

So, as much as I have gotten on dudes for whining on here, I find myself rolling my eyes at the "men are so shallow while women care about the person deep inside" that I feel is the tone of the posts from some of the women on this thread. That's not true either. No gender has the moral high ground.

I'm not saying women can't be and aren't shallow too. Let me try and articulate why "no fat chicks" posts rub me the wrong way (and FF's OP wasn't even that bad as far as these types of posts go).

It's an online phenomenon, but I read a LOT about how a woman's value is almost entirely dependent upon her age and her hotness. Whereas men have many facets to offer, as they are seen as multi-dimensional human beings with lots of good qualities, even if they were not genetically blessed. I see men posting about how they need "porn star" bodies or they can't get hard, or they won't date a girl over a certain # weight or pant size. It's just frustrating to be reduced to only our bodies. And other men will basically tell women that their BFs or husbands would drop her for someone hotter in a heartbeat, and that because they don't it just means they are "settling" for her.

Not saying ALL men do it. But there is enough of a vocal minority online that it gets tiresome.

June 8, 2015

Not to get completely off-topic, but I heartily disagree. Walking up to someone in "real life" is just as much about looks as sending someone a message online. I'd say the only way to meet someone in a "non-shallow" way is to get to know someone over weeks and months and let attraction build. OLD does take away this organic element, that's true. But let's say you work from home, or have had the same coworkers for years, or all your friends are married, etc. Your pool of organic choices is very small. OLD just widens your pool. Yes, I'm sure there are attention grabbers on OLD, just like (shockingly) real life. But there are also folks who are very earnestly seeking good matches.

This whole post is perfectly stated.

I find it quite amusing that so many folks WHO'VE NEVER used OLD are so negative about the medium. Really? Come on..

OLD is the best thing to happen to the dating world, ever. As Los stated, many older people in their 30's and 40's don't have that many opportunities to meet people organically. Most peoples places of employment also frown on co-mingling due to all the lawsuits that have developed as well.

Not to be mean, but OLD dating may not work for everyone. Yes, some people are not attractive and have less than ideal figures/bodies. They will probably struggle with it as it is a very IMAGE/looks driven medium. But I still say the vast majority of people on the site should be able to get dates if they are staying in the same league as their own.

June 8, 2015

I'm not saying women can't be and aren't shallow too. Let me try and articulate why "no fat chicks" posts rub me the wrong way (and FF's OP wasn't even that bad as far as these types of posts go).

It's an online phenomenon, but I read a LOT about how a woman's value is almost entirely dependent upon her age and her hotness. Whereas men have many facets to offer, as they are seen as multi-dimensional human beings with lots of good qualities, even if they were not genetically blessed. I see men posting about how they need "porn star" bodies or they can't get hard, or they won't date a girl over a certain # weight or pant size. It's just frustrating to be reduced to only our bodies. And other men will basically tell women that their BFs or husbands would drop her for someone hotter in a heartbeat, and that because they don't it just means they are "settling" for her.

Not saying ALL men do it. But there is enough of a vocal minority online that it gets tiresome.

I can respect this. Also, I've said many times in the past that I am glad that I am not a woman. It must suck to never know for sure if a guy wants you for who you are as a person, or to simply get in your pants.

Now I am not going to pretend I don't have visual standards. But what really gets me going is mental stimulation. So if I genuinely like her company and she creates sexual tension with her personality, that is what makes her ultimately hot to me. Plus, looks have nothing to do with sexual persona in bed.

Unfortunately with OLD though, looks become more of a focus initially because you're flying in blind. Unlike IRL where you can see what a woman truly looks like in a matter of seconds.

June 8, 2015

I can respect this. Also, I've said many times in the past that I am glad that I am not a woman. It must suck to never know for sure if a guy wants you for who you are as a person, or to simply get in your pants.

Ah, I almost forgot the men online claiming that if a hot guy seems to like and sleep with an average woman, he is just slumming for sex and will dump her the second a hottie appears. Whereas if an average man scores a babe, she obviously loves him for who he really is!

Now I am not going to pretend I don't have visual standards. But what really gets me going is mental stimulation. So if I genuinely like her company and she creates sexual tension with her personality, that is what makes her ultimately hot to me. Plus, looks have nothing to do with sexual persona in bed.

Unfortunately with OLD though, looks become more of a focus initially because you're flying in blind. Unlike IRL where you can see what a woman truly looks like in a matter of seconds.

I agree, it's so hard to determine chemistry online! And thank you for saying the bolded above, because if I went solely by what I read online, I'd think it impossible for a less than perfect woman to do that, as those types love to tell us that it is always only ever down to cold measurements and ages, and that our personalities don't matter.

June 8, 2015

I'm not saying women can't be and aren't shallow too. Let me try and articulate why "no fat chicks" posts rub me the wrong way (and FF's OP wasn't even that bad as far as these types of posts go).

It's an online phenomenon, but I read a LOT about how a woman's value is almost entirely dependent upon her age and her hotness. Whereas men have many facets to offer, as they are seen as multi-dimensional human beings with lots of good qualities, even if they were not genetically blessed. I see men posting about how they need "porn star" bodies or they can't get hard, or they won't date a girl over a certain # weight or pant size. It's just frustrating to be reduced to only our bodies. And other men will basically tell women that their BFs or husbands would drop her for someone hotter in a heartbeat, and that because they don't it just means they are "settling" for her.

Not saying ALL men do it. But there is enough of a vocal minority online that it gets tiresome.

Look at society. Men are socialized right now via porn culture. Of course they think they need porn bodies. That's what they grew up looking at. Another reason I've decided pornography is mental-prison and have removed it from my life completely. It's not a moral issue, it's not wrong...it's just damaging to the brain.

And what is online dating? Well, it's just interactive porn. Think about it. You browse a bunch of women you'd like to see naked. You click on their link, and you judge them in a purely visual manor. They say when you 'reboot' from porn you should avoid Facebook and other triggers that remind you of browsing porn.

Also, men that are worth dating know that beauty is not an asset worth an investment. Everyone is attracted to different things...but eventually every body cracks. Men and women. Attraction is essential, but in my experience you always see the person you fell in love with (within reason).

To play complete neutrality...also consider that bodies often (but not always) represent lifestyle and interests. I am in shape because I plan every meal I eat, work out twice a day, and enjoy moving around. The second I see someone out of shape, it makes me think we are not aligned with our lifestyles...and that is not attractive to me. Of course, most out of shape guys also want a fit woman. That's just plain hypocrisy.

June 8, 2015

Look at society. Men are socialized right now via porn culture. Of course they think they need porn bodies. That's what they grew up looking at. Another reason I've decided pornography is mental-prison and have removed it from my life completely. It's not a moral issue, it's not wrong...it's just damaging to the brain.

And what is online dating? Well, it's just interactive porn. Think about it. You browse a bunch of women you'd like to see naked. You click on their link, and you judge them in a purely visual manor. They say when you 'reboot' from porn you should avoid Facebook and other triggers that remind you of browsing porn.

Also, men that are worth dating know that beauty is not an asset worth an investment. Everyone is attracted to different things...but eventually every body cracks. Men and women. Attraction is essential, but in my experience you always see the person you fell in love with (within reason).

To play complete neutrality...also consider that bodies often (but not always) represent lifestyle and interests. I am in shape because I plan every meal I eat, work out twice a day, and enjoy moving around. The second I see someone out of shape, it makes me think we are not aligned with our lifestyles...and that is not attractive to me. Of course, most out of shape guys also want a fit woman. That's just plain hypocrisy.

Well, I do agree with your last paragraph. Male gym rats/bodybuilders might have nice physiques, but as I'm more of a nerd who is somewhat health conscious but not stringent about it, I don't date them because I figure our lifestyles would clash.

But I certainly don't expect men I date to have all these muscles! Nor do I tell men that their ONLY worth comes from those muscles.

As far as your first points about socialization, I do agree and I too limit my media exposure. I find my mental health much better for it! I also stopped OLDing, for now.

June 8, 2015

Well, I do agree with your last paragraph. Male gym rats/bodybuilders might have nice physiques, but as I'm more of a nerd who is somewhat health conscious but not stringent about it, I don't date them because I figure our lifestyles would clash.

But I certainly don't expect men I date to have all these muscles! Nor do I tell men that their ONLY worth comes from those muscles.

As far as your first points about socialization, I do agree and I too limit my media exposure. I find my mental health much better for it! I also stopped OLDing, for now.

Hey, nerds can be health conscious as well. I'm a big data/software security programmer by functional trade! But yes, I get what you're saying. I don't know why any girl dates a guy with a lot of muscles. It looks gross to me (even as a straight guy) but I guess that's why everyone has preferences.

If you could be so kind, what was your experience with OLD and why you had to take a break from it? I'm just curious. You seem to be passionate about this subject.

June 8, 2015

And what is online dating? Well, it's just interactive porn. Think about it. You browse a bunch of women you'd like to see naked. You click on their link, and you judge them in a purely visual manor. They say when you 'reboot' from porn you should avoid Facebook and other triggers that remind you of browsing porn.

I get where you're coming from!!! But still I think you are projecting alot of your own experiences with porn, I am sure for alot of men this is not the mindset of online dating. And also that it is for quite a few aswell!

June 8, 2015

Hahahaha.. The old drive by tactic.

For the most part, I try to keep a good sense of humor about it. It just gets frustrating after it happens to you for the 20th consecutive time.

I would do as someone mentioned in the beginning of the thread. Make first meetings very short (and cheap). Meet at the local coffee house for a cup of coffee, just to see if there is a connection. If there isn't, you can just move on, and you haven't wasted much time. Also, make plans for a meetup right away. Don't spend a lot of time texting/calling and getting your hopes up about someone.

And for goodness sake, be nice. All these comments about calling her out, standing her up...there's no reason to just be a jerk. Spend a few minutes talking to her. You never know - even if she isn't a romantic match, she may have a career that makes her a good person to have in your network. She may make a good friend - a friend who has a hot sister (this happened with a guy I met and had no connection with - he became my friend and dated my sister for quite a while.) There is just no reason to be mean.

If there is no connection, that's what you say. "You are really nice, but I didn't feel that romantic connection." You don't have to add "because you are fat."

June 8, 2015

Well, I do agree with your last paragraph. Male gym rats/bodybuilders might have nice physiques, but as I'm more of a nerd who is somewhat health conscious but not stringent about it, I don't date them because I figure our lifestyles would clash.

But I certainly don't expect men I date to have all these muscles! Nor do I tell men that their ONLY worth comes from those muscles.

As far as your first points about socialization, I do agree and I too limit my media exposure. I find my mental health much better for it! I also stopped OLDing, for now.

It's funny because I actually prefer a woman like you that's a bit nerdy and kind of a dork. There's nothing hotter than intelligence and the ability to use banter to create tension. Plus, when the glasses and conservative clothes come off and the freak in the sheets emerges, I am in on the secret no one else is.

But since I am a personal trainer, women like you have a tendency to assume I am a gym rat/meat head. That's why I always love proving that stereotype wrong. This is what cracks me up though. The women I've dated who stressed they could care less about looks, wind up being the most superficial, Take my last GF for example. Stressed she wouldn't normally date "a guy like me" but that she liked my intelligence. Said repeatedly she's never chosen a guy based on looks, etc.. Yet as soon as sex started happening. she wouldn't shut up about my body or how hot I was. I think all women want to be physically attracted to the guy they're with. It's just that they try to hide it up front because they don't want it to be overly sexual.

June 8, 2015

I would do as someone mentioned in the beginning of the thread. Make first meetings very short (and cheap). Meet at the local coffee house for a cup of coffee, just to see if there is a connection. If there isn't, you can just move on, and you haven't wasted much time. Also, make plans for a meetup right away. Don't spend a lot of time texting/calling and getting your hopes up about someone.

And for goodness sake, be nice. All these comments about calling her out, standing her up...there's no reason to just be a jerk. Spend a few minutes talking to her.

No kidding. The thought that a person would have their friend check out a blind date so they could stand that person up if they were fat or bald or old or whatever is just ... smh... you signed up to meet people so just meet them, if they are not appealing to you because they are fat or you think they are dishonest about fat or whatever, the only part that is really your business is that you're just not feeling it and move on. But please don't be horrible about it.

June 8, 2015

This is what cracks me up though. The women I've dated who stressed they could care less about looks, wind up being the most superficial, Take my last GF for example. Stressed she wouldn't normally date "a guy like me" but that she liked my intelligence. Said repeatedly she's never chosen a guy based on looks, etc.. Yet as soon as sex started happening. she wouldn't shut up about my body or how hot I was.

Hey ff getting all into your partner's looks and hotness is NOT being "superficial." That doesn't show that she actually chose you for your amazing looks. She probably liked you and then got into what you look like. That is normal.

June 8, 2015

Look at society. Men are socialized right now via porn culture. Of course they think they need porn bodies. That's what they grew up looking at. Another reason I've decided pornography is mental-prison and have removed it from my life completely. It's not a moral issue, it's not wrong...it's just damaging to the brain.

And what is online dating? Well, it's just interactive porn. Think about it. You browse a bunch of women you'd like to see naked. You click on their link, and you judge them in a purely visual manor. They say when you 'reboot' from porn you should avoid Facebook and other triggers that remind you of browsing porn.

WTF dude for reals? This is the craziest generalization I've heard. Where'd you get this, feminist reddit for women?

June 8, 2015

OK, but if a woman posted photos that made her look a bit frumpy and fat and she showed up for the date looking svelte and fit, how many men would drive away in their car, because she "lied".

Hmmm.. maybe I should try that approach...

June 8, 2015

No kidding. The thought that a person would have their friend check out a blind date so they could stand that person up if they were fat or bald or old or whatever is just ... smh... you signed up to meet people so just meet them, if they are not appealing to you because they are fat or you think they are dishonest about fat or whatever, the only part that is really your business is that you're just not feeling it and move on. But please don't be horrible about it.

The hiding in the car thing to surveil your date ahead of time sounds similarly shallow, with a dash of creeper thrown in for good measure. A strong or bold person should make it a point to show up first regardless, just to spare your date the potential discomfort of sitting around alone waiting for you. (If the setting is a place where you could feel potentially uncomfortable alone.)

June 8, 2015

I think all women want to be physically attracted to the guy they're with. It's just that they try to hide it up front because they don't want it to be overly sexual.

That's oversimplified, imo.

Very sexual women may still not be primarily aroused by appearance.

June 8, 2015

Last guy I dated on OLD was an overweight guy who was an inch shorter than me. His profile stated he was 6' and was average weight. His photo was from his chest up. It was his only photo. He had on sunglasses.

What he failed to mention was that he had horrible eating habits, didn't get any exercise--just sat on his behind watching netflix--was an alcoholic who went on frequent binges that required him drying out at the hospital then spending a week in the psyche ward. Would never have known all of that about him had I walked out of the diner when I saw him walking up when I initially met him for coffee. I was willing to work with everything but the alcohol issue... on that I drew the line. I think once I told him that I would support him but not enable him, he decided to back out.

My profile states exactly what I look like--a cross between Nigella Lawson and Pam Grier, not a size 2, flat bellied super model... I have curves and know how to use them and I'm not going to slink away in shame for what I have and take very good care of. I have recent, full bodied pictures of myself along with various facial shots because I'm not always around a mirror with my cell phone. Thankfully, men in my age range for the most part are willing to overlook that. I'm willing to overlook a lot, but I won't overlook someone who clearly doesn't take care of their health. I don't expect for a man my age to have the body of a 20 yr old. I hide anyone under the age of 52 and do not respond to messages from younger men because they're not checking for me and I know that.

June 8, 2015

That's oversimplified, imo.

Very sexual women may still not be primarily aroused by appearance.

The thread is pertaining to women on dating sites. Yes they are very visual and shallow.

June 8, 2015

The thread is pertaining to women on dating sites. Yes they are very visual and shallow.

I know for a fact that there are women on dating sites who are looking for a great guy to have a relationship with and who aren't any more shallow than a person who isn't on a dating site, I swear to God!

June 8, 2015

The thread is pertaining to women on dating sites. Yes they are very visual and shallow.

That could be a limitation of the medium. OLD doesn't offer much else to go on beyond looks, even if a person isn't primarily interested in looks. It's a visual catalog.

But mostly I was addressing the idea that women who say they aren't into looks are trying to appear less sexual. Not the case by a long shot!

June 8, 2015

The thread is pertaining to women on dating sites. Yes they are very visual and shallow.

I'll be honest and say that most men don't get me hot n heavy, but that doesn't mean I can't have a relationship with them. If I was only open to men who I initially found extremely physically attractive, i'd have a very small pool to choose from.

June 8, 2015

I'll be honest and say that most men don't get me hot n heavy, but that doesn't mean I can't have a relationship with them. If I was only open to men who I initially found extremely physically attractive, i'd have a very small pool to choose from.

Don't do that, he'll end up on here making one of those threads titled "lack of sex and frustration" or something like that. Lol

June 8, 2015

WTF dude for reals? This is the craziest generalization I've heard. Where'd you get this, feminist reddit for women?

Actually I've done a lot of research into the science of how pornography changes the way the brain triggers the reward center. If you'd like to discuss the actual point I'm more than willing, but you didn't give me a lot to comment on. I will reiterate I have nothing against porn or the people that watch it. Just know that it changes the brain function of a majority of the population. Especially people that have done it since youth.

I mean...Sociology is in fact the generalization of a population. So yes, you are correct that I did generalize. I can't really go person by person now can I?

June 8, 2015

Look at society. Men are socialized right now via porn culture. Of course they think they need porn bodies. That's what they grew up looking at. Another reason I've decided pornography is mental-prison and have removed it from my life completely. It's not a moral issue, it's not wrong...it's just damaging to the brain.

And what is online dating? Well, it's just interactive porn. Think about it. You browse a bunch of women you'd like to see naked. You click on their link, and you judge them in a purely visual manor. They say when you 'reboot' from porn you should avoid Facebook and other triggers that remind you of browsing porn.

Okay I'll respond more thoroughly.

Men are socialized via porn culture and they think they need porn bodies.

I don't know man, there's school, work, family, friends and hobbies. When you say socialized via, I imagine they have no social life and watch porn all day. Almost everybody watches porn, if men thought they needed porn bods then how are all these women who don't fit the criteria finding BFs?

Then you say it carries over to OLD and FB? All this is damaging to the brain? All this is reading like one of crazy feminist blogs.

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